Ben Swalla
@Swallamerican
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chop wood and carry water. Whose gonna carry the boats and the logs?
Titletown, USA
Joined August 2012
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Pinned Tweet
Don't take for granted your friends & fam who'd show up for you anytime anyplace and give you the shirt off their back
#oldschoolloyal
💪🇺🇸👍
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4 years ago today I retook the ACT at Valley High School as a 24 year old for getting last in my fantasy football league.
I am a lot of things, but a coward (or a man who is not true to his word) is not one of them
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Prayers for all the fathers out there recovering from the outfit their daughter wore this weekend
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Someone decided to pull a funny prank on me this April fools. I’ve got a lot of people inquiring with me about purchasing alpaca llamas. I can’t find any ads on Craigslist so I think I’m screwed. 3 voicemails and 27 texts in the last 20 minutes
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shame on
@DMRegister
...and people wonder why newspapers are dying. Looking up posts kids made when they were 16 and using it as blackmail is not journalism.
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I see a lot of people are mad online about college kids in large groups across the country. I am not condoning their behavior. I will say though I think it gets filed in the “ things you should’ve known were 100% going to happen” file
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There was an adult grown man sitting in the Iowa state student section today decked out in Hawkeye gear actively rooting for Kansas. Can you imagine being that big of a douche? Me either
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My mom surprised me and had this Cy Luge at my wedding. Is this not the most glorious thing you’ve ever seen in your life?
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There is just 0% chance this guy actually went to the University of Iowa
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Had to call in the homies
@BuschBeer
and
@IowaStateU
for my engagement photos. Absolutely love to see it !!!
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Ill be ordering carryout A LOT during this quarantine. Is it because I am fat and lazy? NO you swine its because I support local businesses and am trying to help out during this difficult time
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You guys ever get drunk and make drunkenly make purchases and laugh about it the next day? I did that yesterday except for with a house. I was surprised to find my offer was accepted this morning
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It’s the 2 year anniversary of the time I got last in my fantasy football league and had to retake the ACT at Valley High School.
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I’d like to start a petition. Instead of Turkey on Thanksgiving and Ham on Christmas/Easter, let’s just do Prime Rib for all holidays,with a side of bacon and ribs. Don’t @ me
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Campbell is sick. In a world full of D1 coaches who are scumbags, How can you not want to play for that guy
Matt Campbell fighting back tears with Brian Peavy and Kyle Kempt.
@CycloneFB
@weareiowa5news
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you can hit a falling receiver w your shoulder and get ejected but your quarterback can get choke slammed by his facemask and its only a 15 yd penalty. tight.
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Rams-Chiefs game- “aw heck ya man this is the best game ever!” Oklahoma-West Virginia game- “ the big 12 cant even play defense this is sad” signed- anyone who is a fan of a big 10 or SEC school
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FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THERE ARE THIRSTY IOWANS OUT THERE.
Actually though I do feel sorry for you. I realize you're only 6 so ill cut you a break.I remember my first busch light, I was 5. Once you turn 9 maybe you'll be able to roll with the big dogs. Keep your head up, squirt
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Does this look like the face of 2 guys who missed their 7 am flight out of Nashville?
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Tenley Kathryn made her way into the world on 12/17 at 8:50 pm. Mom
@emilyswalla
doing well! My heart is stolen already
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If you stay in Vegas for more than 3 days, you are an absolute certified psychopath
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Today is a sad day for all my friends,family and myself. I have officially made my commitment for getting last in my fantasy football league
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The most wonderful time of the year. The Iowa State wrestling tournament is here! The 🐐🐐🐐and crown jewel of Iowa sporting events
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Did Iowa state win these games? No. No they did not. Brutal
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Ppl forget dat today is the 25th anniversary of 1 of my greatest victories ever.Out hustled/gritted
@lukeswalla
out of the womb
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I know the whole “ when you know, you know”
schpeel but I can’t be the only one who thinks it’s weird when people get engaged when they’ve dated for less than a year
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B-Bops is the best fast food burger in Iowa and its not up for debate. Also crucial you get cheese dipping sauce for fries. Don’t @ me
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The sun still being present after 6 pm is a real morale booster for me
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Say what you want about the Des Moines airport (hole in the wall, no good food options, etc.) but to be able to check a bag and get through security in 5 minutes is so so clutch
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Sometimes if you wanna be a champ, you gotta do champ shit. Camping out on the bus/trailer for prime territory for the fam/friends . Let’s ride!!!!
#rolldamnclones
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Good for you buddy
Father of multiple victims tries to attack Larry Nassar in court:
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It would a be a real shame if Baylor’s heaters on the sideline weren’t approved by the big 12/ didn’t work . A real shame.
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If you’re a person taking to social media today and playing the blame game on a democrat/republican or taking this opportunity to dunk on Biden/Trump while 10s of thousands of lives are at stake then shame on you. You’re also doing what Putin wants.
#PrayForUkraine
#ukraine
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Sometimes the stars align. I have a wedding in Oklahoma this weekend about an hr away from Stillwater. Fiancé says I can show up a little late.Secured a ticket today. Les goo!!!!
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I c ant even describe how much Kirk giving a Dan Gable reference pumps me up
"When I shoot, I score. When you shoot, I score."
Another week, another 🔥🔥🔥 pregame speech from
@KirkCousins8
.
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Just a friendly reminder this was Derrick Henrys Sr year stats. Most absurd thing ive ever seen
Derrick Henry's senior year high school stats are literal insanity
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People forget dat today is the 26th anniversary of one of my greatest victories ever. I defeated
@luke_wouldgo
out of the womb by 17 minutes, in dominating fashion.
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Where can one obtain this sweater
As if I wasn't already excited about the UNI/ISU dual, Dresser kicked it up a notch and said this in today's presser:
"We're hunting Panthers hard. Schwab, I'm coming for you."
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I've beer bonged 2 Mad Dog 20/20s in the same night, you think I'm scared of Corona Virus?
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How you going to let that happen at NCAAs with the clock on Lewallen vs Heil. Embarrassing for the sport
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To my friends and family in Ames and Northwest IA.... please do your civic duty and vote and get Steve King out of there today. That is all
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In life Ive frequently worn singlets, daisy dukes,overalls, & shaved USA into my chest. If u think I'm scared to wear a romper,u r mistaken
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Me last Thursday: Cant wait for this weekend. Going to stay in, file my taxes, save money and be productive this weekend
Narrator: Ben did not hold true to his promises. In fact, he was back on his bullshit. He bought shots for he and his 12 closest new friends 5 x Saturday.
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Nobody ever told you part of being an adult was having to remember 847 passwords at a time
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“ He has risen”
So what do my parents do? They iced me in my Easter basket . Unreal
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When you go to an Iowa bar/restaurant and you ask for Busch light and they ask you if you want draft, can or bottle
#godscountry
@BuschBeer
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Big 10:
Absolutely: Iowa City,IA-->Happy Valley PA
Lincoln, NE--> Newark, NJ
Happy Valley, PA -->Lincoln, NE
NO WAY: Ames, IA --> Iowa City, IA
Cedar Falls, IA --> Iowa City, IA
Seems responsible. Checks out for sure
Breaking: The Big Ten decided that a conference-only season for all fall sports, including football is the most likely outcome, a source with knowledge of the discussions told
@CFBHeather
and
@Mark_Schlabach
.
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Asking this for a friend; at what age do you stop wanting to absolutely rage come Friday? Literally never fails. Ok dat friend is me
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If you're favorite kind of pizza is cheese pizza,I know enough about your personality to make some serious judgements. And it ain't good bud
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@MurphyKeith
Keith any idea when the state will release how much taxpayer money has been spent on these investigations?
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My mistake, it turns out I’m trying to get rid of my llamas bc I’m getting an alpaca and the alpaca is aggressive towards them.interesting spin
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As much as I root for the Clones, I respect the hell out of Kirk and I’ve always thought he’s a good guy in a world full of snakes.
... and now back to your regular scheduled program
Ferentz crying in the corner as Outback MVP Nick Easley praises him.
You don't get this stuff when you're not here.
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The weight cutting nightmares really never go away. I just woke up in a sweat w a nightmare that I was missing weight. I’m 27 and haven’t competed in nearly 6 years. Oh and I’m also 50 over.
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BREAKING: 133 just got a whole lot more interesting than it already was. RJ Hallman just got a 6th year of eligibility. Expect him to be immediate AA and possible title threat
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After years of putting my little cars in precarious situations and experiencing verbal abuse from fellow outdoorsman ,I am happy to announce I have finally bought a truck.
(I really am fulfilling the stereotype that a lot of people who haven’t talked to me may have about me)
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Idk if I’ve ever seen a company get absolutely destroyed like the Des Moines register is right now
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Extremely excited to announce that the RV has arrived safely in San Antonio
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When and if Dany goes full mad Dany and burns innocent people in Kings landing today, I won’t even care. Remember how they cheered when my boy Ned Stark was beheaded
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BREAKING: reports coming out of San Francisco Aaron Rodgers will not start today. He’s still working on choking down that beer he started last June at the Bucks game
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Wellp I lost to Donovan in Fantasy baseball,rough times for me.check video below.guessing drastic changes to my twitter in the near future
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You gotta have little guys like
@J_AgnitschSEP
around to hold the fish to make them look bigger
#slob
#tugisthedrug
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I fully support
#USWNT
for their actions yesterday. People getting mad about the US womens soccer team dropping a 13 bomb on Thailand are so mentally weak & clearly never competed at a high level. Don't want them to celebrate goals? then don't let them score. Not rocket science
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Remember when Hawkeye fans tried saying Wadley was better than Montgomery? That was funny.
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I’m the guy who likes to waive at every person who passes by in a car or walks by. Sometimes ppl waive back sometimes I feel like an idiot lol
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It would take an Iowa State grad and Ames Iowa boy to make Nebraska relevant at basketball. Thank you for coming to my ted talk
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B-Bops > whataburger or in-n-out. I will die on this hill. and fight every west coast/southern person i have to.
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If setting my computer screen-saver at work to a picture of Shania Twain is wrong, then I don't wanna be right
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If you graduated high school from 2009-2012 and weren’t jamming to Mac Miller.... honestly what were you doing???
#RIP
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Doesn't matter how the IAHSAA divides up 2a districts, there is always one district in NE Iowa way way tougher than all the others.
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Got to go to Target today and scan stuff for our registry. Honestly an electric factory. She saw me register for a bean bag chair and Reese’s cups. gonna be pissrd when she finds out I registered for 10 cases of mt dew,10 bottles of crown apple and 6 different nerf guns tho
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Check out this awesome ISU sign my fiancé
@remily_ann
got me for Christmas! Will be perfect in my man cave. All of the liquor (and beers) , deer heads, fish pictures, wrestling and Iowa State memorabilia
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Lets be honest, this was the lock of the century
THE BATTLE FOR IOWARLANDO IS OVER
Congratulations Team
#ISUBUSCH
. You totally crushed it!
We’ll see you in Ames later this year for a tailgate you won’t forget! Cheers! You earned it!
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One of the greatest trips of my life to Boston, MA for the Inaugural fantasy football draft. My buddy
@Brian_day15
paid the piper for getting last (4th year in a row) , by raising money in a tomato outfit playing the recorder downtown in Boston
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Heading to Austin, TX today for my bachelor party. Thinking about having 1 maybe 2 adult beverages
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My youngest brother just got done w finals week. I win best big brother
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Bro Jim Carrey is killing me😂
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Can we get a background check
@DMRegister
? I heard this dog sniffed some other dogs butts at dog parties.
We have declassified a picture of the wonderful dog (name not declassified) that did such a GREAT JOB in capturing and killing the Leader of ISIS, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi!
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If you think just because I am 2 years out of college that I am scared to show up to Tip Top at 530 am, you are sorely mistaken
#diehard
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Really can't wait for the community college grads&other small school grads but "diehard hawk" fans to start coming at me this week :)
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Another update on this: it was my girlfriend who made a Facebook post and blocked it from me. She had all her random fb friends text me and mess w me. I looked on every craigslist page within 250 miles to try to find an ad and have it taken down 😂🤔🤔
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CIML wrestling tourney has 10/14 top ranked wrestlers in 3a, the
#1
,2&3 ranked teams in 3a & all 3 top 50 in the country
#centralIowatough
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Big time! Love night fishing. 45 inch x 31 girth flathead couldn't resist the green sunny
#rednloodedamerican
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