During the weekends on the corner of Hawken Ave and President Fouche Drive in Boskruin, Randburg (Jo’Burg) there this creative lady who sells her handmade teddies for only R100 each. Please RT to support!
Absolute pandemonium here at the Shebeen after the
#JacobZuma
ruling.
Mzwandile Manyi is running around screaming. Carl Niehaus has locked himself in the bathroom, crying hysterically.
Ace Magashule is smoking an asbestos cigarette. Nobody can get hold of Atul.
List of Presidents of South Africa (1994 - )
1. Nelson Mandela (1994-1999)
2. Thabo Mbeki (1999-2008)
3. Kgalema Motlanthe (2008-2009)
4. Jacob Zuma (2009-2013)
4.2) Atul Gupta (2013-2018)
5. Cyril Ramaphosa (2018- )
It’s absolute chaos here today.
Fikile Mbalula has been crying the whole night.
Paul Mashatile and Gwede Mantashe drank three cases of whiskey.
Nomvula Mokonyane took off her weave and threw it at an ANC poster.
Cyril slept on the couch and wiped his tears with $100 bill.
Dear Carl Niehaus, Kim Heller, Andile Mngxitama, Jimmy Manyi and all the Gupta bastards - you and your minions threatened this account for ages.
You threatened us with jail. You threatened us with death. You threatened us with horrid things.
FOK OFF! We are FREE!
#ZumaResigns
Reporter: Will Zuma resign?
ANC NEC: There is no doubt that strategic conversations about the transition are underway.
Reporter: Will you recall him?
ANC NEC: Orlando Pirates and Kaizer Chiefs are not enemies but brothers.
Reporter: What
ANC NEC: Muvhango is on at 13:30
Due to recent budgetary cutbacks and financial constraints, it is with deep regret that we have to put our beloved Carl Niehaus on auction.
If anyone is willing to take him in, we are accepting ANY offers. He comes with a great deal of baggage. Please RT!
BLF have just walked in. The entire membership of the party is here. Andile Mngxitama, two supporters, his mom, a used condom tied to a stick and a piece of Baleka Mbete’s weave.
They tell us their membership has tripled.
We had a lovely end of year function here at the Shebeen.
Bathabile has passed out and is in the liquor cabinet.
Carl has been trying to find his Christmas gift (we didn’t get him one).
Atul made a solid gold Christmas cake.
Busisiwe burnt some documents to make the braai.
Dear Fikile Mbalula,
Criminals are running the country. Your bosses have looted from our children’s future. You are a symptom of the cancer that has brought this nation to its knees.
You are an insipid, pathetic, arrogant narcissist.
Your day will come.
Carl Niehaus is hanging around here like a really bad smell. Keeps buying booze off credit. We asked him to pay, but he assured us his mother’s brother’s uncle’s Aunty is about to die and leave him money to pay for the bill.
Awkward. Nkosazana, please come fetch this doos.
Atul Gupta has been found, here at the Shebeen. Underneath a few tables, rocking back and forth, wiping away his tears with R200 notes.
We tried to offer him warm milk and a plate of curry but he is insisting on finding his favourite toy, uBaba.
Heartbreaking.
Lynne Brown has arrived. She seems quite tearful and sad. Mumbled something about her not lying that much. Made her a cocktail. She phoned Brian Molefe but he’s not answering. Sad!
Jacob Zuma asking not to go to jail or for the state to pay his legal fees, is very similar to a situation where a lion eats a Zebra and then asks for forgiveness from the Zebra’s herd while chewing on what is left of its face.
Ace Magashule is stoking the braai flames, Bathabile is mixing a few cocktails, Carl Niehaus is making koeksisters, Jacob is setting the table and Atul is cooking a delicious curry. Happy
#HeritageDay
from us to YOU, South Africa 🇿🇦
Jimmy Manyi has just burst in, started blaming everyone from Ace to Zwane and downed ten beers in a row. We haven’t been this full since the reshuffle!
#Multichoice
South African's can't even mourn a person these days without it becoming a complete shit show between races, religions, political supporters and people picking fights.
Whatever your thoughts, remember, we have ONE life, ONE South Africa and ONE heart - show some compassion.
Apologies for being quiet lately, we’ve had some crazy nights here at the Shebeen. Been throwing Jacob a going away party for almost a month now and Cyril keeps peeping over the fence tapping his watch.
“I was actually on my way home from Cuba. I was covered in rubber gloves and wearing seven face masks. After this, I accidentally tripped and found myself outside a house in Johannesburg. Luckily it belongs to my friend. I only ate one chip. Maybe two”- Stella Ndabeni-Abrahams
Dear Nomvula,
If you’re unsure of what water is, it is in fact the substance you mix your whiskey with.
Now explain to the people of
#Giyani
where their water went, along with over R3 billion.
We were cleaning out the trash and we found Carl Niehaus. He’s looking for a new home, is anyone interested?
Relatively well trained, has a knack for lying. Might steal/sell your Grandmother. Answers to the name ‘Doos’. Good with children and ANN7 journalists.
You see, I now know what I didn’t know in accordance to what we never really knew to start with. I am unsure of what I knew but I know very well that I know nothing.
#EskomInquiry
Atul is currently rocking back and forth, crying hysterically. Rajesh is wiping away his tears with R200 notes. Ajay is desperately phoning everyone from Abrahams to Zwane.
Looks like this is the the beginning of the end!
Dear
@DStv
- we will be cancelling our subscriptions en masse unless you tell us why you paid so much for
#ANN7
We don’t watch your kak repeats so it will be a blessing in disguise.
Merry Christmas from everybody at the Shebeen!
Atul is making biryani, Rajesh is busy at work with stuffing a golden goose, Bathabile is pouring drinks and Carl is filling up Christmas crackers with I.O.U. slips and pocketing the presents.
Let’s all be nice to each other, even if it is just for the long weekend. Crack open a beer with an ANC comrade, give the keys to your tractor to an EFF supporter, pour a glass of crisp dry white wine for a DA member - let’s have a
#GoodFriday
.
Be blessed! 🙏🏻
It’s empty with the exception of Carl Niehaus who has taken up residency in our basement. All we hear is crying. He even ripped his NDZ poster off the wall.
Dear President Zuma and MK,
We get it. Maths can be tough, especially when you’re ordering at our bar.
Last night, you ordered three beers, two tequilas and a plate of chips.
Your total for the night is R9 533 632.
With a tip? Listen properly: You owe us
R 17 632 521
Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom
Mbeki: Long Walk to Early Retirement
Motlanthe: Short Walk to the Union Buildings
Zuma: Long Walk to Jail
Ramaphosa: Long Walk to Green Point
BREAKING NEWS: Carl Niehaus has left his hiding place in our basement after hearing that NDZ will become President.
He has started dancing again.
Please, somebody help us and bring a dart gun.
#AceMagashule
- “I met with Zuma but I did not intend on meeting with Zuma as a meeting is not necessarily a meeting to meet individuals but rather a meeting intended to meet with him in a capacity that we had already met”
This account is dedicated to making fun of politics and politicians. Don’t catch feelings if we make fun of your party or leader.
Everybody should be able to laugh at one another. Stop being so serious. Have a beer/cup of tea/glass of Oros and laugh.