Ben Fordham Live Parody
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Sky News host Peta Credlin has revealed new US ambassador Kevin Rudd “has links” to the Australian Labor Party.
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Former Sky News aspirant George Pell says heaven is “somewhat more firey” than he had expected.
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Sky News host Paul Murray says if the date of Australia Day “is changed”, he'll leave Australia for good, and then “you'll all be sorry”.
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Incoming ambassador to the US and former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has found himself in hot water after stunning revelations emerged he receives a salary for his work. It is not yet known if anyone else has ever received a salary for duties they perform.
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#BREAKING
: A cleaner who was born and raised in the Andrews Government's state of Victoria has missed a spot while cleaning a window, an explosive investigation by The Australian has revealed.
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#BREAKING
: A Prahran cafe owner has revealed the price of Colombia-sourced high-altitude coffee beans has risen “at least twice” since Andrews Government contractors removed a level crossing in nearby Sunbury.
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Breaking: NSW premier Dominic Perrottet says NSW “is not planning” to invade Poland “at this stage”.
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It seems I owe someone a grovelling apology.
I blamed Albo for the purchase of two brand new Boeing 737 jets.
Turns out Scomo bought them.
On reflection, I now consider this to be a wise and appropriate purchase.
Therefore, I apologise to Scomo for not giving him due credit.
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Breaking: Sky News can reveal it was actually Katy Gallagher who holidayed in Hawaii during the Black Summer bushfires, not Scott Morrison as some had claimed.
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Qantas has announced it will halve the number of functioning engines on all flights moving forward following a successful trial of the cost-cutting exercise earlier today.
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Katy Gallagher is refusing to step down after a caller told Ben Fordham she failed to return a DVD on time just weeks before Blockbuster Video went under.
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An emotional tradie has appeared alongside Peter Dutton and Jacinta Price in Alice Springs, fighting back tears and pleading for Anthony Albanese to ban meddling ABC reporters from the town amid a wave of alarming fact checking.
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Ben Fordham has revealed the “unbelievable” moment he asked Anthony Albanese what the time was, and the prime minister had to look at his watch.
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It's been revealed at 500 metres tall, the new statue of Victorian premier Daniel Andrews will become the tallest man-made structure in the Southern Hemisphere when it's completed in 2026.
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Sky News host Chris Kenny says climate activist Greta Thunberg is a “climate fraud” and if she “really cared” about global warming, she'd stop burning Andrew Tate alive.
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*** EXCLUSIVE ***
It's an ugly attack on a sacred Christian date.
I asked the Prime Minister's office why April Fools Day was held on Easter Monday this year.
They won't give me a straight answer.
But I'll keep digging.
Watch this space.
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Sky News host Peta Credlin has slammed Anthony Albanese for “failing to enshrine” Rupert Murdoch's voice in the constitution, despite him being over 65,000 years old.
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A barista involved in the preparation of an assortment of caffeinated beverages for employees linked to Daniel Andrews via their place of employment, which is Victoria, has failed to pay a parking fine on time, reports Rachel Baxendale.
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Sky News host Peta Credlin says she was “shocked but not surprised” when she discovered playing John Farnham's You're the Voice backwards revealed an additional 26 verses outlining an evil plot by Indigenous union thugs to remove the hinges from “every door in Australia”.
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George Pell has angrily demanded to “speak to the manager”, insisting there's been “a mistake” after arriving in Hell earlier today. Sky News Parody understands the current wait time to speak to the manager is “eternity”.
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Daniel Andrews has refused to apologise for a network-wide system failure which brought all Sydney trains to a standstill during peak hour yesterday evening, bringing the harbour city to a grinding halt and impacting dozens of cafe owners.
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Sky News host Bronwyn Bishop has called for Prime Minister Anthony Albanese to step down over his “stomach-churning” embrace of “ghastly satanic influences” such as rock music, immigrants and the gays.
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*** EXCLUSIVE ***
Confirmed. More woke nonsense from woolies.
I've just learned Woolworths will be closed tomorrow.
On ANZAC Day.
They're boycotting the most important day of the year.
What has happened to this country?
And where's the prime minister?
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*** EXCLUSIVE ***
I've just gotten off the phone with the Pope.
He's cross after learning woolies isn't selling holy water in any of its stores. This latest woke ban on Easter.
His Holiness has pledged to shop at Aldi in another woke disaster for Woolworths.
Listen live.
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Sky News host Peta Credlin is on the ground investigating Alice Springs and says “the first thing” she noticed on arrival is “how red the soil is” and says she “would not be surprised” if Labor “put something in the soil” to sow “the word of Lenin”.
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Sky News host Bronwyn Bishop has scolded Anthony Albanese over his private helicopter ride, saying the prime minister is “beyond disgraced” for failing to “bill taxpayers” for the ride.
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Pre-eminent social commentator and astute observer Dane Swan has called on Woolworths to “stop selling perverted hand condoms” after encountering dishwashing gloves in the cleaning products aisle.
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#BREAKING
: A barber understood to have cut and even styled Daniel Andrews' hair when the Victorian premier was a child has left his bins out for several hours since arriving home this afternoon.
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A spokesman for Qantas says the airline “has not lost” George Pell's body and that it is “just unaccounted for” at this stage. The airline encourages anyone who is missing items to call its customer service hotline.
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A new study by the IPA has found 112.5% of Australians want Anthony Albanese to reduce gravity after Christmas to combat holiday lunch weight gain, however, the Prime Minister has so far “arrogantly” ignored calls to act.
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Sky News host Andrew Bolt says Australia Day has been celebrated on January 26th “for millions of years”, and you “cannot simply deny” millions of years of tradition “just to appease” the militant woke soy militia.
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Sky News host Rita Panahi says she's “written to the FBI” demanding alarm clocks “be banned” after a new study found they're “turning Australians woke” at an “alarming rate”.
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Victorian opposition leader John Pesutto has called for Daniel Andrews to “resign today” following reports a lemon fell from its display at an inner-Melbourne Coles.
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Victorian opposition health spokeswoman Georgie Crozier has demanded premier Daniel Andrews “resign today” after temperatures soared to an “oppressive” 35 degrees in parts of Melbourne.
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Deputy Liberal leader Sussan Ley has warned Australia could “float away” because an Indigenous voice to parliament could “cancel gravity on a whim” if it wanted to.
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Breaking: A FOI request by Peta Credlin has revealed the Australian national anthem, Advance Australia Fair, is actually 107 pages long, if you count one page per word. Daniel Andrews is yet to resign over the explosive revelations.
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Clubs NSW says it has obtained “damning footage” of NSW opposition leader Chris Minns referring to potato scallops as “potato cakes” when he was “visibly intoxicated” at a party 17 years ago.
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Sky News host Peta Credlin says there are “growing calls” for a royal commission into the left following the “disturbing” Victorian election and if the left had any integrity, they'd do the right thing and abstain from voting in future elections until such an inquiry is complete.
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Rolf Harris has joined the chorus of Liberal Party figures falling over themselves to sing praises for George Pell, describing Pell as a “colourful character” and adding he and Pell “shared common interests”.
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Sky News host Peta Credlin says Daniel Andrews “must say sorry” for not being corrupt, because it has “made fools of” upstanding news outlets like Herald Sun and Sky News.
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*** EXCLUSIVE ***
It's just been confirmed. Woolies have stopped selling condoms in my size.
This personal attack comes just days after my biscuit tin exposé.
You know you're on the right track when they come after you.
I won't be deterred or intimidated.
Listen live.
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COMING IN 2023: Peta Credlin infiltrates the secretive soy industry and exposes the top secret plot by Labor and militant unions to use soy-based dairy alternatives laced with psychoactive substances to turn Australia vegan. Coming soon to Fetch, Foxtel and Sky News Australia.
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Breaking: Daniel Andrews is facing calls to resign immediately after explosive documents unearthed from a 2015 meeting between Andrews government road construction workers contained messy handwriting, one un-dotted i, and as many as two un-crossed t's.
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Breaking: Herald Sun has exclusively obtained “disturbing” images of a Qantas passenger jet littered with dozens of square holes.
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Former Liberal candidate Katherine Deves has urged revellers “not to look directly” at colourful fireworks displays tonight to “avoid turning gay”.
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Sydney's Taronga Zoo has gone into lockdown after Malcolm Roberts was spotted outside his enclosure this afternoon.
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Caulfield Grammar has warned students they could be forced to forgo traditional caviar-based hors d'oeuvres platters following polo matches if Daniel Andrews' plan to require private schools to pay payroll tax goes ahead.
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Daniel Andrews' future “uncertain” as damaging revelations emerge a street light in Bendigo was out of order last night, plunging an area of the entire town into darkness.
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Leading medical expert Dr Nick Coatsworth says it's “still possible” the pandemic could end in “the next few hours” and if it does, his critics will have “serious egg on their faces”.
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Sky News host Paul Murray says it's a “bloody outrage” a former politician and PM like Kevin Rudd has been appointed as ambassador to the US and the role should be “politically neutral”, like when Joe Hockey was appointed, and instead go to Tony Abbott.
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A new study by the IPA has found 7 out of 5 Australians agree News Corp should continue to pay no tax, continue to receive government handouts, and that it is in no way double dipping off the taxpayer for it to do so.
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Nationals Leader David Littleproud says the Voice to Parliament “won’t give Indigenous Australians a voice” and says “we must not listen” to the voices of Indigenous Australians who are calling for a Voice to Parliament because to do so would be to deny them of a voice.
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Following Sky News host Rita Panahi's public meltdown over what she claims to be “transphobic horses”, we are reassessing the future and purpose of this parody account.
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Daniel Andrews has been labelled a “selfish thug” and is facing calls by John Pesutto to resign following revelations Labor will run candidates at the 2026 election, robbing Victorian Liberals of the pathway to victory they began paving at the Warrandyte by-election.
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Apology: Our recent stories about Katy Gallagher contained inaccuracies. Sky News prides itself as Australia's most trusted news brand, but sometimes even we make mistakes. We sincerely apologise to Senator Gallagher for leaving out the bit where she created covid in a Wuhan lab.
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Sky News host James Morrow has warned voting yes to the Canberra-Ardern-Markle-Andrews voice may cause mens' penises to fall off.
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Sky News host Peta Credlin says she's “run out of patience with so-called fact checkers” after they labelled her story exposing how Harold Holt assassinated Kennedy with an inflatable hammer before fleeing Earth with the ultra-communist Klingon “misleading”.
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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Sussan Ley has warned the entire moon could “cease to be cheese in the blink of an eye” if an Indigenous voice to parliament “wills it to be so”.
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Breaking: Roshena Campbell says she's the real winner tonight because she no longer has to move to Aston.
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Sky News host Peta Credlin says she's convinced that if the Liberal Party goes just a bit more to the right, just another smidgen, they'll definitely come back from this.
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Breaking: Liberal Party sources say Scott Morrison has already filled Jim Molan's vacancy in the senate and in fact has filled it since 2020.
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Sky News contributor Prue MacSween says Anthony Albanese “has no heart” and if he actually cared about Christmas, he'd gift some of his surplus popularity to Peter Dutton who is unfairly “missing out”.
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Sky News Russian affairs expert Prue MacSween says Vladimir Putin is in “serious trouble” if the price of vodka increases.
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Breaking: An independent study by neutral think tank, The IPA, has found Anthony Albanese has “probably” kidnapped Santa, holding the spreader of joy hostage in a secret hate-bunker in what is “a bold escalation” of the militant left's violent war on Christmas cheer.
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For lease: House in Aston, never lived in, comes with free Herald Sun subscription.
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Chris Minns says it's “probably just an unlucky coincidence” after his tires were slashed and brake lines cut just moments after a falling grand piano narrowly missed him following his announcement of Labor's plans for major gambling reforms in NSW.
#auspol
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Sky News host Peta Credlin says the evidence is “damning” and it's “clear for all to see” the voice to parliament is the brainchild of none other than Daniel Andrews, who “planned the whole thing” to distract media from vaccine-induced magnetism.
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Former Liberal candidate Katherine Deves says rainbow coloured fairy lights are an “attack on our democracy”.
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A struggling pharmacy chain heir says if Labor's 60-day script changes go ahead, he'll have to dock his private yacht on weekends, leaving his patients worse off because he'll be less rested.
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When will the lies stop?
Albo promised us $250 off our power bills. But instead he's giving us $300 off.
A lie is a lie.
What's happened to Australia?
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Exclusive: A retired steps expert who once did the steps for Carl Williams' wedding says the steps Daniel Andrews slipped down on a March morning in 2021 “share similarities” with steps found at a number of strip clubs where criminal and underworld figures can “often be found”.
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Sky News host Andrew Bolt says he “won't recognise” any money which does not feature the monarch's head because it's “not regal tender”.
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An unsuspecting Qantas passenger has revealed her shock on opening her suitcase after landing in Bali only to find George Pell's body inside.
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Grainy footage could confirm existence of Liberal Party MPs in Melbourne.
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Victorian Liberals are calling for Daniel Andrews to “immediately resign” after a reality TV star who appeared on season 97 of Big Brother 15 years ago delivered a damning assessment of the Victorian premier in a Facebook group dedicated to preparing for the “woke apocalypse”.
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Liberal Party senator Sarah Henderson has publicly appealed to Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews to “bring back Hot & Spicy” to KFC and says removing it from stores around Australia was a “disgusting overreach” by the “power hungry” premier.
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A “mystery illness”, with symptoms including coughing, fever, loss of taste and pneumonia, has been blamed for the death of a prominent young anti-vaccine activist.
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CPAC has promised to increase its talent budget after its Dickie Knee tribute act went “off script” and called for a return to White Australia Policy.
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Sky News host Peta Credlin says there's a crisis of “alcohol and crime” in Alice Springs but it's “not the same” as when she was done for drink driving, because she “escaped punishment” after then Attorney-General George Brandis wrote her an exemplary character reference.
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Sky News host Andrew Bolt says it's “not fair that nobody listens” to anything he says anymore, but “everyone will be sorry” when he says “something profound” and nobody hears it.
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Victorian opposition health spokeswoman Georgie Crozier has called on Daniel Andrews to explain why Victorians are “still catching Covid” in 2023, despite Dr Nick Coatsworth saying the pandemic ended last year, and says Victorians “are again being insulted” by the premier.
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Respected columnist Steve Price says Daniel Andrews' threat to invade Canada if it didn't cancel the Olympics was “the last straw” and he's moving to Adelaide.
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Sky News host Andrew Bolt says he plans to “boycott money” after learning the new $5 note will not feature King Charles.
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Sky News host Rita Panahi says the date of Australia Day “must not change”, because if it does, she'll have to “find something new” to get predictably outraged about every January, which is otherwise “a slow month”.
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A former NSW premier has been found to have engaged in seriously corrupt conduct in a report released by the ICAC today.
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Dominic Perrottet has apologised in advance for attending his birthday later this year dressed as George Pell.
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Melbourne revellers say they're “furious and disappointed” with the city's “underwhelming” fireworks display which is due to begin in 15 minutes.
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One Nation senator Malcolm Roberts has announced he plans to resign from the senate so he can be a “full time monarch” to sea monkeys he acquired at Christmas.
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Tasmania's museum has announced it will begin preserving Liberal MPs alongside thylacine specimens in the hopes future cloning technologies will help to bring them back from extinction.
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*** EXCLUSIVE ***
What's an hour of your time worth?
Now multiply that by every single worker in Australia.
Anthony Albanese won't say why, but this Sunday you'll be forced to put your clock back one hour.
Nobody wants to talk.
But I'm going to get answers.
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Breaking: A self-accredited medical enthusiast trained by a Facebook group which specialises in using numerology to challenge the science behind vaccines says he's found evidence Pfizer has “gone to extraordinary lengths to cover up” its role in the extinction of the dinosaurs.
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Sky News contributor Bronwyn Bishop says it's a “weak country with weak borders” which allows a “frightful socialist” like Santa to “sully our skies” and says she will “commandeer a gunship” if Mr Albanese does not send in the Air Force to protect children from socialism.
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The Victorian Liberal Party's grandslam Warrandyte victory shows the party is on track to “scoop up all the seats” at the next election and form government, if Daniel Andrews decides not to run any candidates, Sky News electionologist Prue MacSween says.
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Sky News host Peta Credlin says if the Indigenous voice to parliament “gets up”, it's just a “matter of time” before the air raid sirens sound, as Mr Albanese's “armageddon space robots” break through the clouds to “vaporise and extinguish” Australian life as we know it.
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Victorian Liberals will block a move to ban nazi salutes in Victoria over fears it will interfere with their party room meeting conventions.
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Leading health expert Nick Coatsworth says 2023 will be the year “climate change stops” and is celebrating by taking up smoking.
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Daniel Andrews has failed to apologise after NSW premier Dominic Perrottet was forced to call health minister Brad Hazzard just to get a bloody ambulance in Sydney.
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Pfizer is in hot water after Telegram user 'Truth4Trump69' revealed “fresh evidence” linking the Covid-19 vaccine to the death of notable deity Jesus Christ, who “died suddenly” some 2,000 years ago. Christ joins a long list of victims who died suddenly, including Elvis Presley.
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