Nick
@SharlandNM
Followers
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Following
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Statuses
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Now I'll pull my arms out with my face
Yorkshire
Joined January 2012
Oedipus's dad watching from the afterlife:.
Okay I’ve never been Son’s biggest fan obviously but what the fuck is wrong with him.
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All the sadness about this announcement aside, it is incredibly funny that James Anderson will watch Stuart Broad retire and simply crack on with the second half of his career.
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Away Ashes wins: . Tim Bresnan - 1. David Warner, Usman Khawaja, Marnus Labuschagne, Steve Smith, Travis Head, Mitchell Marsh, Alex Carey, Mitchell Starc, Pat Cummins, Todd Murphy and Josh Hazlewood combined - 0.
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Same number of Test centuries.
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Zak Crawley on Friday:.
Nice weather outside. for a duck!.
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Drinking a Kingfisher for the first time:.
India how have they bottled this.
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There's something very Chris Woakes about everyone hugging Mark Wood and Woakes being sat on the bench with a beer.
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It's very important that people feel comfortable in their workplace, isn't it Michael?.
Good luck to both teams but I have to admit my life at Fox over the next 2 months will be a lot more comfortable if NZ Win … 😜😜.
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Series expectations have gone from a disgraceful 5-0 defeat to a respectable and honourable 5-0 defeat.
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Moeen, Wood and Woakes don't like golf? Perfect, perfect cricketers.
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They need to stop criticising Stuart Broad's batting average. 18 is perfect - right in the middle of the 15-20 fun zone of batting averages that includes Shane Warne, Tim Southee, Jason Gillespie, Pat Cummins, Mark Wood, Trent Boult, Adil Rashid. it's a terrific club.
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I've said this before, but Mark Butcher is a world-class cricket broadcaster. One of the very best in the business.
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If he didn't think that, after all the times he's played Test cricket for England, then he simply hasn't been paying attention.
When Anderson bowled an 8 over spell this morning, you suspect he didn't think he'd be in the field again later. .
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It would be such a Chris Woakes thing for him to take all ten wickets today and then for nobody to interview him or write about it because of Stuart Broad's retirement.
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Worth remembering that Liam Plunkett nearly ended his cricket career by offering his dad a kidney five years ago. He's one of the good ones. #ENGvIND.
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@ellegist There was a guy a little while ago who won 100k in a bet for staying in a dark room for a month with no electricity and meals at irregular times so he couldn't keep track of the days. Reckon I could give that a decent go.
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Tim Southee is the perfect example of my theory that 15-20 is the most fun batting average for a player to have. Stuart Broad, Shane Warne, Tim Southee, Jason Gillespie, Pat Cummins, Mark Wood, Adil Rashid. it's a terrific club.
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Michael Vaughan: I am named in the Azeem Rafiq report - but I totally deny any accusation of racism. (Free to read in the UK for the next two hours).
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Since it's now past midnight in Australia, we can now celebrate the fact that England have scored 0 ducks in Test cricket so far this year. #AdvantageEngland.
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England fans should be incredibly grateful for Jonny Bairstow and Jos Buttler - two dedicated, admirable, and freakishly talented cricketers who have contributed to so many wonderful memories. They have their ups and downs, but the level of criticism they get on here is pathetic.
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The only thing Chris Woakes and Mark Wood didn't pay for was their education.
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All I'm going to say is that Chris Woakes definitely pays his barber. With a tip. Gracefully declines the offer of a cup of tea while he waits because he doesn't want to create extra washing up.
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Literally forever, as far as I'm concerned.
How long can Ben Stokes keep living off his match winning ashes ton and the WC final before he starts having to produce the goods?.
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Michael Vaughan's continuing role with the BBC's cricket coverage is utterly corrosive to the sport. He has no redeeming qualities as a broadcaster or, as far as I can see, a person. His pint-sized Boycott act is past its sell-by date and the sooner he leaves TMS, the better.
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If New Zealand Cricket think it's morally acceptable to pick Scott Kuggeleijn, they should explain themselves publicly and take questions. The fact they won't do this makes it clear that they know how wrong it is.
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@underthenettle I'd make Antony and Cleopatra star in a true original cast production of Antony and Cleopatra.
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Deleted endless drafts about Shane Warne. The man defied words. I'll always remember when Sky got him to analyse kids' leg spin. He was so genuinely warm and enthusiastic sharing his wisdom with boys and girls who idolised him. He loved cricket so, so much. May he rest in peace.
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Australia struggling with their lines to Alex Hales, much like [redacted on legal advice] #AUSvENG.
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Suddenly remembered how Yorkshire players called Cheteshwar Pujara "Steve" after he said he wanted to be called Cheteshwar and I'm furious again. These aren't behind-the-scenes allegations. They tweeted about it and said it in interviews, and it was all a big joke to them.
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Zak Crawley *is* the long-standing problem at the top of the order.
England go into an eagerly anticipated summer of Test cricket hoping Ben Duckett and Zak Crawley have finally solved their long-standing problems at the top of the order👇👇👇.
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Current Australia lead: 61.Chris Woakes's Test batting average at Lord's: 61.2. (I am extremely petty and will never let this go.).
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Chris Woakes averages 35.25 with the bat in England and 22.63 with the ball. This is great for Josh Tongue and it may be in the long-term interests of the Test team, but I can't shake the feeling that England undervalue what Woakes has to offer.
A debutant among our team for the first Test of the summer! 🦁. #ENGvIRE.
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What Strauss has done for the bereaved is admirable and I am always deeply moved when he shares what his family has been through. The problem is that his Tory mindset is so ingrained that he'll say things like this because he believes so fundamentally in a 'right sort of person.'.
Andrew Strauss blaming the booing on ‘people who don’t normally come to Lords’…he’s talking about the tickets being £25 . 🤢🤢🤢.
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Only Joe Root and Dawid Malan have more runs than Chris Woakes this series. Fair to say he hasn't delivered with the ball, but surely they can't drop him when he's done a better job with the bat than five of England's top seven? #Ashes.
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I kind of want England to pick Jos Buttler for the next Test, simply to watch people melt down on here (and also because I really like Jos Buttler and think he's great).
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Rob Key when he watches 99.9% of cricket matches:.
NOOOO crawley isnt playing.
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It's like if Michael Vaughan walked into the Yorkshire dressing room, thought there were too many of a particular group of people, tried to do something about it, then it all went wrong.
In cricketing terms what’s happening to Twitter please ?.
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It's a shame that his team lost tonight, but it is fitting that Adam Lyth top-scored for the Northern Superchargers - he was largely unknown before he was plucked from obscurity to play in the 💯; it's given him the chance to shine on the big stage. Delighted for him. #TheHundred.
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You could almost believe that Stuart Broad timed the birth of his child to coincide with this tour and this pitch. Outstanding effort from the great man. #PAKvENG.
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A lot of new cricket fans will be unfamiliar with Michael Vaughan. I envy those people.
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Monty Panesar goes on a quiz show, announces that he's going to be one of the top five journalists in the country, and then remains silent for the rest of the show, answering precisely no questions. What a guy. #UniversityChallenge.
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Rewatching The Edge because of withdrawal symptoms. Just got to the bit where Jonathan Trott says what he'll miss the most about cricket. yeah. I miss him batting with them too.
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Rare sincere tweet: I genuinely want Zak Crawley to have a great Ashes. I wouldn't have picked him to start with and I wouldn't pick him now, but he's going to play all five Tests and nobody would be happier than me if he smashes 800 runs. They'll be gorgeous ones if he does.
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When all is said and done, I do prefer the abysmal batting performances where England make 325 to the abysmal batting performances where they make 120.
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Even if Jofra Archer never bowls another ball in international cricket, he's an England legend with a special place in history. I hope we'll see a lot more of him in all formats of course, but his legacy is already immense.
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There's an argument about whether it's the right thing to do, but both James Vince and Dawid Malan would score more runs at three than Ollie Pope if they were given his spot for the rest of the summer.
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Stuart Broad hasn't invited Michael Vaughan to his wedding. And people questioned his decision-making. .
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Will Smeed is going to be terrific for England for about 5 years before he packs it in to play all-year-round for the various iterations of the Mumbai Indians.
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Nick Fletcher: "There aren't any positive male role models left in society.". Society:
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One wicket, for 84 runs, at 4.66 an over.
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I spend most of my life wanting to watch Joe Root bat. Right now, the last thing I want to see is Joe Root batting.
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Awful behaviour from Rehan on debut. We're all trying our hardest to not overhype him, and he goes and gets a five-for? What are we supposed to do, NOT hail him as the saviour of English spin bowling?.
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The arguments between pro-BazBall twitter and anti-BazBall twitter are making it very difficult for those of us with clever, nuanced, correct opinions on BazBall to enjoy our timelines.
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Marnus Labuschagne feeding Steve Smith M&Ms through a gap in lift doors may not be the content you wanted today, but it is the content you need.
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If the way male cricketers treat women is about to become the subject of a widespread investigation (and it should), then the sport's rough patch has barely even started.
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Zak Crawley: fine to have reservations. I still do. But to tell the world you want to empty the bars like KP did, hear its scepticism and derision, and then go and pull out that innings, is an immense feat of self-belief and willpower. Whatever he goes on to do, that was special.
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I'm not sure that a lack of nostalgia is one of the greatest problems in English cricket tbh.
English cricket needs to recognise its legends - starting with a Sir Geoffrey Boycott Stand at Headingley | @NHoultCricket
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Chris Broad back at ICC HQ:
absolutely howling at chris broad getting bollocked for posting a simpsons meme, what a world.
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Eventually, cricket will have a widespread and long overdue reckoning on the way male cricketers treat women and girls - treating the individual cases in isolation is a mistake that overlooks how deeply-rooted misogyny is in cricket, and the scale of the change that's needed.
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Shane Warne's advice to bowlers is not to bowl in Liam Livingstone's arc. What a cricket brain that man has.
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Sadly, Test status is best confined to the 196 nations who have had a long-standing culture of putting the runs and wickets the right way around.
“Sadly, Test status is best confined to the eight nations who have had a long-standing culture of the format.”. The number of current Test teams should be slashed by a third, according to Ian Chappell.
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People talking about Tiger Woods' comeback like they've forgotten Haseeb Hameed already.
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I have mutuals who love the Hundred and mutuals who hate the Hundred, and that's fine. But if your favourite moment of the men's tournament wasn't Alex Hales getting hit in the privates twice in consecutive balls, we're not friends.
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I have never wanted anything as much as I want England to win the Ashes 5-0 this summer.
It’s exciting and it’s revolutionary and amazing to watch but… lads… come on…
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Oh, Stuart. Thank you for everything. Literally every single thing you ever did on a cricket pitch made the sport more exhilarating, funnier, and just better. There are too many moments to name. And Sky? Get him straight into the commentary box on a hundred-year contract.
🏴 Matches: 1️⃣6️⃣7️⃣.☝️ Wickets: 6️⃣0️⃣2️⃣ .🏏 Runs: 3️⃣6️⃣5️⃣4️⃣ . 🏆 4x Ashes wins.🌍 1x T20 World Cup. 🎖️ MBE for services to cricket. Thank you, Broady ❤️.
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If you and your wretched party actually cared about children having the chance to read great poetry, you wouldn't have shut 800 libraries since coming to power. I discovered Larkin, Owen, and so many other poets in a library that is now a fish and chip shop.
Larkin and Owen are two of our finest poets. Removing their work from the curriculum is cultural vandalism. Their work must be passed on to future generations - as it was to me. I will be speaking to the exam board to make this clear.
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Lance Armstrong, seven times:.
Thought that was a decent win. Still need to cut down on the dopey stuff.
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Since this picture was taken, Jos Buttler has scored 267 Test runs at an average of 89, and he's not finished yet. Whatever you think about Foakes or Bairstow, the mental strength Jos has shown to turn his form around so quickly is nothing short of incredible. #ENGvPAK.
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This seems like a pretty low bar. It's very easy to remember international cricket teams. Most of them are named after countries.
England ‘a team people will remember’ – Ben Stokes positive after Ashes setback
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*whispers quietly* the NHS should be funded by higher taxes and not by 99-year-olds doing sponsored walks. .
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And Stuart Broad played with *Jade Dernbach*, so you know this is serious.
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Happy birthday to the greatest photograph of all time. Also happy birthday to the second, third, and fourth greatest photographs of all time.
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Michael Vaughan has never mixed entertainment with his stupidity.
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Australian Test cricket deserves so much better than Australian Test cricket commentators. It's like getting a dog to guide you round an art gallery. #AUSvIND.
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Zak Crawley getting 91 and 3 in the first game of the season is *impeccable* for the Zak Crawley Discourse. Everyone needs to quickly decide which of those innings doesn't really matter.
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Dudes can literally just stand around naming things Stuart Broad has done and have the best time:.
Oh my Broad, he’s retiring!. @mroller98 and @Vitu_E try to process Stuart Broad’s announcement on a bumper edition of #PoliteEnquiries!
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*whispers quietly* Jedward don't actually care about progressive issues; it's an extremely obvious grift and just because you agree with the tweets doesn't make it any less of a grift.
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Ugh. Always feel weirdly protective of Jonny Bairstow, but especially so now. He always does the thankless spadework, never gets the respect he deserves, constantly has to justify himself. Desperately want him to smash everything and nail down his role for the next decade.
After a poor performance behind the stumps in the first Test, the English keeper is coming under fire. ASHES DAILY:
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Jason Roy's problem is that he plays simultaneously too many cricket matches and not enough cricket.
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Hear me out here - what if we all pretended that Marcus Trescothick was the England captain during the 2005 Ashes?.
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(Friendly reminder that England haven't won the men's Ashes without Ian Bell since 1987).
#OnThisDay | Ian Bell hit the first of his three centuries in the 2013 Ashes. He finished the series with 562 runs @ 62.44 👏
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"Stop going on about stuff that happened before you were born," says WG Grace cosplayer.
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Plenty of legitimate reasons to think Bairstow should focus on white-ball cricket, but if he does return to the Test side and you're hoping he fails in order to satisfy your preconceived notions about him, you aren't a fan of English Test cricket - you're just a fan of yourself.
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