Hysterical 😂

🏈 Staying at JJ Watt’s House… Like Checking into a Luxury Hotel… But with One Major Problem. I gotta give it up to JJ Watt. When Lana and I stayed at his place a few years ago, it was like checking into the Four Seasons. I’m talking monogrammed robes, top-notch service, probably a towel folded into a swan somewhere. But then… we go to grab something from the fridge. Egg whites. Protein powder. And Gatorade..Felt like I was staying with Rocky Balboa before the big fight. So I gotta ask—if YOU were hosting guests, what’s in your fridge? Are you stocked up like an NFL powerhouse or are you more of a midnight-snack, comfort-food kind of host? Drop your answers below! 👇

👮‍♂️ Did This Security Guard Come With the Couple?!? I’m on stage, doing my thing, and I look down… this security guard is basically ON this couple’s lap. I mean, are they on a date together? Did they carpool to the show? Are they splitting an appetizer after this?! I get security has a job to do, but they are practically closer to them than their own family. I was waiting for secruity to order drinks.

🚨 HISTORIC MOMENT ALERT! 🚨 When my father and I went to Italy for the first time together 13 years ago, he did something unthinkable… after 35 YEARS, the mustache was GONE. I was in shock. He looked like a different guy—like a witness protection version of my dad. Luckily, I caught it all on camera. Because let’s be honest, no one would have believed me otherwise. Now, here’s the real question: Facial hair or clean-shaven? Seems like EVERY guy has a beard these days—heck, I can name 20 comedians off the top of my head with one. So where do you stand? Beard? Mustache? Baby face? Drop your vote in the replies👇

Ohio - See you in Cleveland and Columbus this weekend! Tickets:

🎤 Yaamava’—What a Night! What an incredible show at Yaamava’ Casino over the weekend and let me tell you the crowd came READY and I even managed to avoid losing my shirt at the blackjack table. Huge thanks to everyone who came out—it’s always a blast performing here. Cleveland and Columbus here I come this weekend.

Order now for 2/14 delivery! Merch Store:

I’m over here thinking Pete’s locking himself in a room, grinding out pages like Hemingway… NOPE. He’s curled up on the floor, taking a hard nap. But in his mind? That’s ‘part of the writing process.’ Yeah, okay. 😂😂😴 #ProfessionalNapTaker #CallItWhatItIs #TheWritingStruggleIsReal

Listen… I love my dog, but the SECOND I see that back start to curl, I’m OUT. I don’t need to be a part of this process. Go do your business, come back when you’re civilized, and THEN we can talk. 😂🐶💩 #ICantHandleIt #WhyAreTheyLookingAtMe #ZeroShame

Never in a million years did I think I’d be the guy singing Happy Birthday to a dog… yet here I am, standing in my kitchen, serenading Luigi while he demolishes a puppy cupcake. First dog, first birthday—what’s next? Matching outfits?! Somebody stop me. Happy Birthday, Luigi! 🎉🐶🎂 #WhoAmI #LuigiTurnsOne #PuppyCupcakeConnoisseur

Nothing like hitting the clubs to work out some new material—something about the intimacy of a comedy club just makes it hit different! Huge thanks to The Improv for letting me stretch my legs (and my facial expressions) this past week. Oh, and heads up—San Jose, I’m coming for you this Saturday night! Some tickets just opened up, so if you wanna catch the show, now’s your chance. Let’s do this! #StandUp #WorkingItOut #ComedyClubVibes #SanJoseThisWeekend

Tonight’s the night—don’t miss the FINAL EPISODE of #Bookie Season 2! 🎲💰 A huge THANK YOU for all the love and positive feedback this season. It’s been an absolute blast, and I couldn’t have done it without our incredible cast and crew—you guys did a phenomenal job bringing this show to life.  As for Season 3… nothing’s official yet, but here’s hoping we get to keep the action going! 🤞🏼 Tune in tonight, and let’s close out Season 2 with a bang! #Bookie #SeasonFinale #FingersCrossedForSeason3

I thought Gen Z met through the Tinders and Bumbles not at a concert. We're back on road this week maybe you'll meet your future girlfriend at my show.

3 shows in California this week! Tickets available now at Thursday - Highland Friday - Lincoln Saturday - San Jose

Your kids are never too young tolerant about winning and losing. New episode of The Pete and Sebastian Show available now

Where are you going with a Peacock???

My grandfather used to be a fisherman. Wow how much the star has fallen.