Scott Morrison former PM of Australia (parody)
@ScottyFromMktg
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Thanks everyone, it has been an honour and a privilege - now it’s time for Parody Scott to say goodbye 👋🏼
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I was about to quit anyway
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When I bump into everyday Australians at the shops the one thing I always hear is “when are we going to buy more heavy artillery” and today that’s what we’ve done. $3.5 billion worth of new tanks.
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Saddened to hear of the death of George Pell. He touched many people in his lifetime.
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Had a few minutes free tonight so I whipped up some Chicken Sashimi for Jen and the girls
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Just ducked in to read the girls a bedtime story but they said Kevin Rudd had already read them one
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Look, I’ll level with you. The reason we keep voting against establishing an anti-corruption body is because we are corrupt.
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These scam calls are getting out of control - I’ve had 5 missed calls from Serbia already this morning
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Absolutely schooled some kids at soccer training this afternoon. Still got it.
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Managed to get through dinner with Rupert last night, performance reviews are always a bit daunting
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Surprised to see the headlines this morning about Trump attempting a coop - I built one for the girls months ago! Great minds think alike!
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Does anyone need anything from the chemist? Jenny is just popping out to get some RATs just like regular Australians do
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Did anyone get a nice photo of me and Grace?
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Until Jenny is directly affected by climate change I just don’t see any pressing need to do anything about it
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I was about to kick a dog this morning but then I recalled a conversation with Jenny when she told me it’s wrong to kick dogs
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Waiting on a call back from President Putin - I’ll be making it clear to him that Australia will not tolerate Russian aggression against Ukraine and reminding him that we have some very powerful submarines due to arrive in 2050
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I thought about making rapid antigen tests free but a guy from Chemist Warehouse head office said it was a bad idea
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If everyone just stopped buying rapid tests there would not be a shortage
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Woops. Just realised I’ve had my out of office on since December 2019.
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This morning I had the honour of explaining to a room full of women what women’s safety is all about
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Jenny and the girls have cracked it because I was in charge of ordering takeaway but I left it way too late to order and they were sold out of half the menu and then when the food arrived there wasn’t enough for everyone
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If you can’t find a RAT at your local pharmacy, head into Harvey Norman where you can also check out their huge range of TVs, computers and much more!
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I will comment on the Queensland floods when I am back at work tomorrow
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It’s not my job to concede
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Due to the growing cluster of Covid cases in Sydney, Jenny and I have decided to reschedule our planned holiday in early January and will instead be leaving later today.
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Got up early for a hit of tennis this morning - beat a 7 year old 6-0 6-0
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Thanks for all the messages and comments over the last couple of days.
Parody Scott is definitely finished, but watch this space.. having a think about what might come next
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Seeing too many news reports about food shortages at supermarkets, which is why I will be taking action today to cancel Mr Djokovic’s visa
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I have spoken to a number of women today and they have expressed to me a strong feeling of gratitude that they have not been shot
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Regarding the vaccine rollout.
Why would I apologise for something I didn’t do? Ridiculous.
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Bit going on in Victoria, going to lay low for a while
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Just sent a text to congratulate President Macron on his victory in the French election - he replied "nouveau tel, qui c'est?” can anyone translate?
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Very concerning to see footage of army personnel filming promotional videos from flood affected communities - they had clear instructions to wait until I got there
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As a gesture of solidarity to the people of Ukraine, anyone needing to flee will be fast-tracked through our asylum seeker program and will only spend 9 years in offshore detention rather than the usual 12
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YOU CAN’T SACK ME BECAUSE I QUIT
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I appreciate that for some people the cost of rapid Covid tests are prohibitive - which is why I am moving to allow people early access to their super so they can easily afford to get tested
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Thanks for all the great memes everyone. Jenny and I have had a great laugh at all the jobs you’ve given me. Nothing more Australian than taking the mickey out of ourselves and having a laugh at how close we came to becoming an autocratic dictatorship
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Might give the tennis a miss this year
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Just picked up the phone to check the weather.
12 missed calls from Gladys B.
She knows I’m on holiday. WTF Gladys! Blocked!
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Extremely concerning that a boat full of illegal immigrants from Sri Lanka has been intercepted in Australian waters today.
They were supposed to be here three days ago!
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Yesterday I told President Trump that Australia would always help its great mate the USA, and if they take military action against themselves we will be there to both attack and defend alongside them.
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Out of respect for their privacy there is no footage of me meeting with Lismore locals today but I promise you they were all very friendly and appreciative of my visit
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My relationship with Emmanuel Macron is fine - bumped into him yesterday and I said “well this is a bit AUKUS” and we both laughed
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When anyone comes to our house Jenny and I always greet them with a smile - even the staff. It’s not hard to pretend to like people.
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Jenny once told me I was a hopeless lover. I said “I won’t let you sledge the Australian people like that”
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We must learn to respect Omicron just like we have learned to respect women
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The Covid vaccine has arrived in Australia by boat and will now be arbitrarily held in mandatory detention for 7-8 years
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Jenny and I had a terrific game of Scrabble last night.
Jen was in front by a fair margin at the end but I used some carryover points from a game we played in 2014 and pipped her at the post.
#auspol
#ScottyFromMarketing
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Some days, women are just grumpy. Nothing to do with me.
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I would begrudgingly like to thank Kevin Rudd who has called Telstra on my behalf and negotiated a $30 discount on my phone plan
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I have sent a message to congratulate
@elonmusk
re his acquisition of Twitter. I also asked him to do something about all of the ridiculous accounts impersonating world leaders, starting with
@ScottMorrisonMP
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Just provided a reference for my good friend John Barilaro, who has applied to be Head of Neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore
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RATs have always been free. That has certainly been my experience anyway. Jenny looks after the shopping.
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Sad to wake up to the news of Madonna passing away overnight.
Material Girl is one of my all time favourite albums. RIP
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I have received countless DMs from Australians stuck overseas.
I’m not sure what they think I’m going to do for them, I mean I don’t fly the plane.
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We wouldn’t be in this situation if you people had just downloaded the covidsafe app like I told you
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I understand people are frustrated and angry with Minister Hunt.
What’s important now is that I lay low for a few days while he takes the heat
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As a gesture of solidarity to our great mate President Trump and First Lady Melania, Jenny and I also plan to test positive for Covid 19
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When it comes to Scott Morrison, what you see is what you get. Unless polling indicates that you want something else, in which case I can totally change
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Negotiated an incredible deal with Poland. We get a million doses of Pfizer and they get Tasmania.
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If you re-elect me, I’ll stop hitting you
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Great to catch up with my good mate President Biden today. We have this running joke where he pretends I’m one of the catering staff and asks me to get him a sandwich.
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A lot of people appear to be catching COVID in hospitals, so I have suggested to Minister Hunt that we close the hospitals. He is looking into it.
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To any Year 12 students disappointed with their results, just remember success in this country is not about what you know it’s about who you know
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Christian Porter will be holding a press conference to celebrate his victory at 11am today at Four Seasons Total Landscaping
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Given the serious criminal charges levelled at Brian Houston we will be offering him a safe seat at the next federal election
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Just sat down to watch the Olympics and found 280,000 Pfizer vaccines behind the couch cushion
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So I said to Christian, you can keep the money but you have to play in the reserves for a year or so
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I’ve told Jen I have no problem with her taking part in
#MarchForJustice
today, as long as she is back in time to pick up the girls from school and get dinner organised
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Happy Mother’s Day to all the hard working mums out there. Jenny loves her new iron and ironing board!
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Not happy with Jenny - apparently her girlfriends whatsapp group chat is full of photos of hot Albo today
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Just waiting for this Covid hoo-haa to die down then we can have an election
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What people fail to understand about the Future Emergency Fund is that the funds are specifically reserved for *future* emergencies, not current emergencies
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Anyway I changed the locks at Kirribilli yesterday
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I note that twitter have permanently deleted President Trump’s account.
I never liked the man. I always said he was a danger to democracy.
I always said that.
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Just put on some jeans I haven’t worn in a while and found 280,000 Pfizer vaccines in the pocket
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How good is switching on your “out of office”
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If we lose the election I am going to chase my dream and start a gospel rap group called the Hillsong Hoods
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Jenny just found some RATs via her mothers group whatsapp chat - it’s really not that hard
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Look, obviously, with hindsight, Greg should have met with Pfizer when they offered - but in his defence we were all really busy with all the culture war stuff last year
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I’m back on Twitter to clear the air
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Thinking about what I’d do if Hamish Blake insulted Jenny while hosting the Logies
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Although we fundamentally disagree on many issues, I do feel for Daniel Andrews.
I imagine it must be difficult being a leader in these difficult times.
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I’d just like to passive-aggressively remind everybody that it is called “Question Time” not “Answer Time”
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Keep forgetting to put vaccine on the shopping list
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I thought it went well anyway
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I think we can all agree there’s a right time and wrong time for investigating corruption
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Good luck NSW - remember, you are all in this together
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When I had Covid I didn’t even take any paracetamol. I heard Anthony Albanese was taking up to 6 panadols a day!
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Frankly it’s ridiculous to expect me to be made aware of every single sexual assault that happens in Parliament House
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Just saw the footage of the Finnish Prime Minister dancing and partying. She really should treat the role of PM with more respect.
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Yes the economy is tanking, the environment is cooked, wages are going backwards, inflation is out of control and there’s a bit of corruption here and there but did you hear about the trans kids??
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I never return my trolley to the trolley bay after I’ve taken my shopping to the car. And I have advice from the attorney general that this is completely legal so I will not be apologising
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Don’t blame me for these lockdowns - blame those selfish Australians who are not yet vaccinated. I got mine months ago!
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The upcoming election offers a clear choice between an Anthony Albanese government and 3 more years of bangers from this account
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Late start this morning, had a few drinks last night with a small group of close friends
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Brett Sutton flying to Canberra while Victorians were in lockdown doesn’t pass the pub test.
I know, because I asked people at the pub last night in London
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Historic day today with my government reaching an in principle agreement to make a plan to put a process in place to discuss aiming for Net Zero 2050
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