I just had a physical. The doctor said, "Don't eat anything fatty." I said, "Like bacon or burgers?" He said, "No fatty, don't eat anything."

Her: Do you prefer sir, master, or daddy? Me: Guv'nah!

"Still metal as fuck" I growl as I reach for my pill organizer🤘🏼

This is definitely what he was saying 🤘🏼

@MarieTemara hi

Little known Hollywood fact: Dave Chappelle is Bokeem Woodbine's evil twin. Now you know. #knowingishalfthebattle

RT @RealJamesWoods: Ability.

@andiipoops Yes

@MarieTemara Hi

RT @AmiriKing: Safety first. 🫡

RT @Buccaneers: 1 repost = 1 #ProBowlVote for @MikeEvans13_

I'm getting older, but I'm definitely not maturing

As a lifelong Buccaneers fan, watching them suck this bad regularly is almost nostalgic. If we're going to be terrible, I'd rather have the rookie quarterback in and learning in game situations, than a journeyman who hasn't done anything anywhere consistently. #GoBucs #PutTraskIn

Just when you think you know people... you find out they're greedy backbiting assholes who smile in your face, but have no aversion to lying about you to anyone who will listen. It's a fuckin shame, man.

Happy 248th birthday to your beloved Corps all of you crayon eating psychopaths out there 🖍️🎂

Thank you, Gen. George Washington, for ensuring that Americans never eat garbage like this at a sporting event, or ever!

@Buccaneers @MikeEvans13_ PAY MIKE EVANS DAMMIT!

PAY MIKE EVANS

When you ask your smart ass kid to make you a small bowl of cereal

Alright y'all, what kinda food do you expect to find on the menu?