Sad Major
@SadMaj0r
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just for fun | a bit of parody mixed with real life | views and opinions are my own
Joined December 2021
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When a Facebook posts starts of with “ I bet none of my friends will share this…”, rest assured, I won’t.
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If this tweet gets 1,000 likes,
@mikeshothoney
will supply me with a year supply of honey. Do your thing Twitter.!
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Any service member who earns an Olympic medal should be authorized to wear that medal in any uniform.
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BREAKING NEWS! Military landing in suburban neighbors in Larksper California. Massive military movements being reported in multiple states. Anyone have more info on this, please post below. My contact that sent this picture is local military and says it is NOT a drill.
BREAKING NEWS! Military landing in suburban neighbors in Larksper California. Massive military movements being reported in multiple states. Anyone have more info on this, please post below. My contact that sent this video is local military and says it is NOT a drill.
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For every like this tweet gets before Monday morning PT,
@EODHappyCaptain
has agreed to do that many push-ups.
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My wife is so much better looking than me that a grocery store cashier put the checkout divider in the middle of our groceries today.
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A young Staff Officer helping a Senior Military Officer log into a Microsoft Teams Meeting, circa 2022
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When I retire from the Army, I’m going to open a 24/7 diner and call it Sad Majors. The only thing I’m serving is biscuits with sausage gravy.
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🚨 BREAKING 🚨: Jeff from the DoD Cyber Awareness Course is now the CEO of Twitter.
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He’s looking for his cyber awareness certificate…
he appears to be sitting on his deck reading before surrendering?
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I’m sitting on my porch drinking coffee and this lady who had to be 70 + years old just slowly drove by in a Subaru and flipped me off for no reason lmao. Amazing.
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ATTENTION TWITTER:
If this tweet gets 1,000,000 RTs, I will receive a year supply of RIPITs. For the love of God, support a Sad Major!!!!!!!
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In solidarity of the unfair and unjust removal of our puppy from the Army email login page, I propose all Twitter users to change their Twitter background. Thank you.
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In honor of Veterans Day, I’d like to give a shout out to my older brother (right). We recently stumbled upon this basic training photo (circa ‘94) of him posted in a Facebook group. Shortly after this was taken, he deployed to Northern Africa as a water purification specialist.
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People who say all water taste the same hasn’t drank from a military water buffalo lmao
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My wife bought 12 cupcakes today for my son to bring to preschool tomorrow, for his friends birthday. I didn’t know that. Hoping 3 kids are absent tomorrow.
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One minute into conversation with an O7:
CG: Why do you keep standing like that?
Me: I’m standing at attention Sir.
CG: Why?
Me: because you’re a general, Sir.
CG: Well stop doing it. You’re making me nervous.
Me:
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Staff Officer/NCO tip: do NOT tell anyone you work with that you are good at Microsoft Excel.
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Good Morning Team,
You know the deal….
Running 5 miles. For every like this tweet gets before I finish will equal 1 push-up at the end.
Likes are highly encouraged. This Sad Major needs to be punished for that short suspense FRAGO that went out Friday. 😭
Ready. Set. Begin.
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Good morning Team,
You know the damn deal…
Running a hilly 5 miler. For every like this tweet gets before I finish will equal 1 air squat immediately after my run.
I’m a terrible person so likes are highly encouraged.
Existence is pain.
Ready. Set. Begin.
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In an Army where you can “be all you can be”, be the person who cancels meetings that could have been an email.
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Confession: when talking to officers who wear West Point rings, I always infer that they must be an OCS or ROTC graduate in conversation. Then when they tell me they graduated from West Point, I laugh and say, “Wow, they’ll let anyone in huh?”
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Me showing my O6 how to convert a Word doc to a PDF, circa 2023:
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Please ignore this tweet. I’m pretending to add a Colonels number in my phone. Have a great day Team.
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Happy Sunday, Teammates.
You know the damn deal….
Running 4 miles. For every like this tweet gets before I finish will equal 1 push-up at the end.
Existence is pain.
Ready. Set. Begin.
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Getting a Masters Degree Online is absolutely ridiculous. I am literally paying thousands of dollars to teach myself something.
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I can never make it through Saving Private Ryan without crying. Almost made it tonight, but the end gets me every time. God bless our Soldiers and their families.
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It’s official…I’m declining the meeting for tomorrow at 4:30PM.
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Are you thinking about having kids? -> I just found out my son hid almost an entire bag of croutons throughout our house, to say thank you to the Easter Bunny…
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*wife sleeping on my side of the bed*
Me: Um, what are you doing?
Wife: Sleeping on this side tonight. Apparently you can’t hear the kids crying at night from here.
Me:
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If you’re going to have a Microsoft Teams meeting at 12PM I’m eating my lunch on camera, unmuted.
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1/ Good morning Team,
After taking a three month hiatus on Twitter, I have decided to come back home. I truly missed you all, but needed the break. Unfortunately, I didn’t sign back in within the 30 days, so someone took the old handle but that’s ok.
Some updates & thoughts:
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I just stabilized the Las Vegas alien video and adjusted the background shadows. Check this out
#ufotwitter
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Good afternoon Team,
You know the deal….
Running 4 miles. For every like this tweet gets before I finish will equal 1 push-up at the end.
Likes and RTs are highly encouraged.
Ready. Set. Begin.
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Let’s normalize not having change of command ceremonies lol. Just sign paperwork between incoming and outgoing commander and bring the unit out for some food and ice cream.
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It’s been a while, but you know the deal…
Cycling 16.5 miles with 1,000ft of elevation gain (indoor trainer). The total amount of likes on this tweet when I finish is what I owe in sit-ups.
Let’s see if you can break Sad Major on this one… READY. SET. GO.
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Okay hear me out. A show similar to The Office, but about working on Military Staff. What should we call it?
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Went for a 7 mile run wearing two socks. Walked into my house only wearing one. If you know, you know.
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When you see a Soldier at a local food shop eating a cake by himself using his CAC card as a fork:
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I didn’t want a 9-5 job so I joined the Army. Now I work 24/7.
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It’s not Sunday unless you waste the entire day and start feeling sad around 6PM. 😭
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Good evening, Teammates. A quick reminder that we are about a week out from Veterans Day. At this point, you should have narrowed your selection of social media pictures to 1-3 photos and have a rough draft post written.
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Hey world, Twitter is behaving exactly like every DoD website that has ever been created. Welcome to hell!
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If you ever meet a Soldier who calls Freeze Pop flavors by the actual flavor instead of just the color they are 100% a MP.
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I just walked by the CSM and this what he texted me: “💈💇♂️”
What’s that mean?
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Became the laughing stock of my family this Christmas. So, apparently pickles come from cucumbers… how am I supposed to know that?
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BREAKING: Army Officers whose basic branch is INF and are actively serving on staff, will be authorized to wear blue ethernet cable on shoulder in replace of their blue cord. Updates to 670-1 are expected within the next 30 days.
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@Tazerface16
I tested my GSA Auction account by making a small bid on a broken down fire truck in Oregon that was infested with rats and bees. I am not smart.
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Band of Brothers was just released on Netflix. See you all Monday.
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A couple days ago I hit eight years alcohol free. If you’re struggling with the overwhelming idea of never being able to drink again, remember to concentrate on staying sober for that day. Both the past and future are illusions and don’t exist. I will not drink with you today.
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No one:
Me:
🌳 / 🚍 || \
/ || \ " I got a PT belt
/ || \ on. I’ll be good.”
🌴 / || 🏃🏻♂️ \
/ || \
🌳 / || \
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Veterans on Saturday showing their military IDs for discounts lmao:
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How soon until National Guard gets activated to help with Southwest Airlines cancellations?
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Me texting my boss: Sorry I’m running a bit late this morning. Traffic is brutal.
Also me: Hi yes good morning. Can I please get a Venti Cafe Mocha with 2 % milk foam and a pink cake pop if you got them.
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*walks into meeting late this morning*
Me: sorry, supply chain issue.
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So “Papa” in Stranger Things is Private Joker from Full Metal Jacket???
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Microsoft Teams chat was getting so crazy that I now respond to every incoming message with the following:
“An unexpected error has occurred. If the problem persists, restart Microsoft Teams (error code: E23423). ”
It’s been about 30 days and no one messages me now. Elysium!
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I dont know who needs to hear this, but it's ok to simply say "you’re worth it”, when someone says Thank you for your service.
I dont know who needs to hear this, but it's ok to simply say "thank you," when someone says Thank you for your service.
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3/ Lastly, I’d like to leave you all with a quote…
“It’s ok to cry, when there’s too much on your mind. The clouds rain too, when things get heavy."
- Sad Major 😭
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Before I agree to 2022, I would like to read the terms and conditions first.
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I wish there was a fillable PDF for all military correspondence. You choose what you need (i.e. MFR, Memo thru, etc.) and it instructs you what to to put in each section, so you don’t have to spend 10 hours making sure formatting is correct . AR 25-50 just doesn’t do it for me.
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Boss: we need to chat tomorrow.
Me: yea we absolutely do.
[Now we both ain’t sleep tonight Sir.
Enjoy.]
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Staff Officers using radio etiquette on a MS Teams Call like:
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I am going to be a little less active on here for a while. Got some things I need to do. In the mean time, be good and take care of each other.
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Getting my kids iPads for Christmas was a mistake. My 5 year old just FaceTimed me from his bed to ask me to come upstairs to plug in his night light.
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A senior NCO at the gym just pulled out his own boom box and is listening to it while running on a treadmill. What a power move!
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This is a Sad Major appreciation tweet.
If you see this you’re most likely a Sad Major and I love you. 💖
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I’m so sick of hearing “ We need to get this done. It’s a priority”.
…if EVERYTHING is a priority, NOTHING is a priority.
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Do I have time to get Starbucks?
|
________________
| |
Yes No
| |
Good F it. Still going.
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Colonel: Did you eat Taco Bell? I smell Taco Bell every time you talk.
Me: We’re in the middle of a Pandemic Sir. Please back up.
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Cashier at Commissary: Ugh, there is no price on these chicken thighs.
Me: oh, that means they are free.
Cashier: sounds good to me.
Me:
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I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again… I made a mistake three years ago testing
my GSA Auction Account by bidding on a deadlined fire truck to see if it worked. I’ve grown as a person and have learned. Stop tagging me in GSA Auction posts!
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Why wouldn’t I want $150,000 lmao?
You're offered $50,000 but if you accept it, the person you hate most in the entire world gets $100,000.Are you taking it? 🤭
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I find it weird that folks stream themselves online while playing video games. I don’t get the fascination. With that being said, I’m wondering if streaming myself during the work day creating PowerPoint Briefings, OPORDS, emails, etc. would allow some passive income to come in.
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My opinion: The National Guard and the Army Reserves is having an identity issue. Both market themselves as one weekend a month/two weeks a year, but we all know that’s false. Are they a strategic reserve, or operational? I would argue the NG is operational, but not adequately….
NEW: For the
@ArmyTimes
February cover, I went deep on the systemic issues facing the
@USArmyReserve
’s officer corps — overwork, failure to complete training and more. Their top general has a plan, but will it work?
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When you get a FRAGO at 1730 before a four day weekend for a Tuesday execution at 0900, but you sent your entire team home at 1500 to be with their families:
Insane picture of astronaut Bruce McCandless II, the first person to conduct an untethered free flight in space.
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If my Twitter gets deleted/suspended, you can find me on Microsoft Teams.
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Good morning Team,
Y’all still haven’t broken me off….but you know the deal.
Running a hilly 5 miler. For every like this tweet gets before I finish will equal 1 (3 count) flutter kick that I owe.
Likes are highly encouraged.
Ready. Set. Begin.
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It’s 0920 on Microsoft Teams. The Best Staff Officer Competition is about to get under way in PowerPoint. It kicks off with a Commander’s Update Brief. Follow along as I update you throughout the weekend.
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This year ends in five days and I can honestly say….WTF was that?
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What’s everyone being for Halloween tomorrow? I’m being a LTC.
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I just asked ChatGPT to write a poem about a Sad Army Major who has an addiction to brie cheese.
It’s me 😭:
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In-person CUB is canceled tomorrow morning. We will have a dial in call only, per the boss. Please send me your slides by 2200 tonight.
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Everyone is brave in their own way. I, for one, am not afraid of raw cookie dough.
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