@HoofTurf I've told him how to make proper tea. He's bloody delighted! He gave me half his lunch and he's getting his mum to cook us lunch for tomorrow 😋

See, fatties: You're out of fashion as quickly as you came in. Nivea will be dumping you next

Got to let myself into a graveyard today and it's still dark. Got to do it now as well 😐

RT @Artemisfornow: LABOUR - Just to cheer you all up. A reminder of when Britain’s Foreign Secretary- David Lammy stated in all seriousne…

RT @koshercockney: This is a jaw dropping moment. What. The. Actual. F*ck. I can’t even describe what j just heard from @yvonneridley on…

@HoofTurf Yes! 😄

I've pretty much stopped drinking but last night I found some co-codamol and washed them down with a fat glass of bourbon for the pain of the chemical burns on the roof of my mouth. Whilst very pleasant, probably not my best idea this year 😐

Good morning, ya cheeky buggers x

RT @bennyjohnson: I’m howling 🤣

RT @DeanoNEW: Don’t make them like this anymore thats for sure

I'm a little far from the shore, and I'm afraid of sinking

Yin Yang, positive negative. Tomorrow I have to do a job at a graveyard .😐... Then I have to go to a company called .., Beaver 🙂

Ladies, never be afraid to show a bloke your handbag crap

Fuck. Not done me planning

@NotSorrySami Fxxxing inflation x

@elonmusk I've just about lost my patience. If you want this platform to continue, you need to fly to Manchester at Easter. DM me for your flight details. I hope you like chips and bacon