Russell
@RussellFalcon
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Writer. Reporter. Receding hairline’d lover of horror movies 🏳️🌈 (He/Him)
Philadelphia, PA
Joined February 2011
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Pinned Tweet
Wasn't expecting to give
@itsthedare
's album a 5/5 but he gave me no choice. REVIEW:
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This how you walk on the sand so you don’t alert the worms
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Have you thanked the Lord today that Glee was cancelled before we had to hear Kurt Hummel sing Lizzo’s “Truth Hurts”?
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Me during a home invasion when the burglar tells me he hasn’t seen the trailer for A Star is Born
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A woman would never win an Oscar for delivering a similar performance as Joaquin in JOKER. Unlikable but complex female roles are never rewarded. Tell me one thing Phoenix does in JOKER that Rosamund Pike didn’t do in Gone Girl
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BRAVO's The Real Housewives of Nazi-Occupied Russian Territory Formerly Known as America
*twirls*
"If he's not Aryan, we're not marryin'!"
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May we all bring the energy of this absolute queen into the election year
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Person from Colorado: hi I’m from Colorado
My brain -
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Me: So who do you think killed Jonbenét
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I saw more people at the mall when MAC released the new Selena lipsticks
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White Republican women are Republicans first, white second and women maybe third
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Never forget the exact moment Nicole Kidman decided — at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party — she was DONE with Tom Cruise's bullshit
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Not true.
@britneyspears
was also 18.
BREAKING: Oliver Daemen, 18, becomes the youngest person ever to fly to space.
#BlueOrigin
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No offense but how does Dr. Dillamond write on the chalkboard
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Jack Schlossberg’s anti-restaurant tirade is the exact deranged himbo social cause JFK’s grandson should be doing. “My friends don’t like eating dinner. Most people in the world don’t spend their lives eating dinner.” Icon
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So many of Hollywood’s problems would be solved by simply making new and interesting $20-$40M thrillers for adults
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Not one single horror movie contains this level of tension-building
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The Marvel Cinematic Universe has never made a dramatic scene this compelling
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1) THEY DID THE MONSTER MASH
2) IT WAS A GRAVEYARD SMASH
3) IT CAUGHT IN A FLASH
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Never forget the time Nickelodeon allowed Michelle Trachtenberg to murder someone on film
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Real Housewives of Dallas is the greatest drama currently on television
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This is my aunt who didn’t believe in wearing masks. Today we buried her
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*Housewives twirl*
"I may die old and alone but at least I'm white!" *takes swig of wine and cries in the mirror*
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Guy Ritchie is proof you can be married to Madonna for 8 years and come out not knowing how to direct a musical performance
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Margot Robbie could give her all as Harley Quinn in Birds of Prey — just absolutely shred her body and emotions in devotion to the role — and she would not be nominated for an Oscar
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Kristen Stewart in Spencer should be a reference point for future actors portraying well-known people on how to embody without imitating
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*Housewife twirl*
"I didn't say what I'm saying right now! Wait, who said that?!"
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“Do you think Erika knew?” - me interviewing Olympian who just won Gold
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Are you:
• All out of faith
• Cold and shamed
• Lying naked on the floor
Do you find that:
• There's nothin' where it used to lie
• Conversation has run dry
• Nothing's fine
Talk to your doctor about IMBRUGLIA™️
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*national tragedy happens*
Mark Wahlberg showing up at the studio the next day with a complete screenplay starring him:
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@_TEB2_
I’m not defending the series but exactly zero things about it are different than any other true crime series. Genuinely curious why this single show seems to be the problem and not the genre as a whole
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Sex and the City 2:
Carrie: .......Aidan, what are you doing here at this exact market at this exact time in Abu Dhabi
Aidan, whose entire plotline in season 4 was that he didn’t want to leave the house: I’M HERE LOOKING FOR FURNITURE
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Marianne Williamson interviewing James Cameron about AVATAR is camp
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“OKAY, we are on our way to Camp Crystal Lake to meet Jason. Apparently he has been wearing the same worn jacket and pants for years, sits in stagnant water instead of showering and GET THIS, wears a mask so he doesn’t have to do any facial care.”
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In all of cinema history there will NEVER be a cast as iconic as
Robert Downey Jr as Iron Man
Chris Hemsworth as Thor
Chris Evans as Captain America
Scarlett Johansson as Black Panther
Mark Ruffalo as Hulk
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Gillian Flynn
👸🏻
|\👐🏻
/ \_
━━━━━┓ ＼＼
┓┓┓┓┓┃William Shakespeare
┓┓┓┓┓┃ ヽ🤡ノ
┓┓┓┓┓┃ /
┓┓┓┓┓┃ ノ)
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If the rural town of Woodsboro had been more supportive of Billy Loomis and Stu Macher’s burgeoning homosexual love, Scream would’ve never happened
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@mattxiv
I slapped a boy in front of his girlfriend for the same thing in high school. He never talked to or about me again.
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Greatest phone call scene? 📞
I'll start and it's easy:
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For those saying Saltburn isn’t a gay movie, just know its central premise — I either want to be him or be with him and if I can’t do those, I have to destroy him — is a singularly gay experience
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Michael Jackson almost burned alive on the set of a Pepsi commercial and today that became the second worst moment in Pepsi history
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What would your ‘thank u, next’ music video references be?
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One of the things I’ve never really connected with Gay Twitter about is how some gays use it as a way of replicating high school dynamics they were most likely excluded from in actual high school. Can’t relate! I was popular, so I don’t have to be bitch on here!
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“But you see: ONLY ONE of your guests drank the Panera Bread lemonade!”
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Me ranking the SCREAM killers to a complete stranger at a club at 2 am
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Uma Thurman gave EVERYTHING to her role as a DC character....where was HER Oscar nomination???
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The Oscars became trash when they completely ignored the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Hong Kong trip
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Gay culture is handing the mechanic your rose gold iPhone so he can talk to your dad
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Straight men who spit on the sidewalk:
⚫️ WHY?
⚫️ WHAT was different about that spit that you couldn’t swallow it, despite how you’re swallowing all your other spit?
⚫️ Why?
⚫️ WHO do you think you are that you think we want to see you spitting and/or to walk through it
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Teacher on first day of school: “Let’s all go around and say three interesting facts about ourselves”
Me:
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@KaitMarieox
You want to be a victim so bad! Happy birthday, sweaty. Wishing you a whole year of finding less humiliating ways of getting attention xoxo
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Me 4 weeks into isolation when I’m forced to cut my own hair
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Cate Blanchett is 100% the prestige actress who would be the most fun to hang out with
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Because I’m a journalist, I’ve created the most detailed rendering of Erika Jayne’s version of events surround Tom’s car crash over a cliff. The truth is out there somewhere
#RHOBH
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This is how Dorit walked into the shelter to return Lucy Lucy Apple Juice
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Lisa Rinna screaming “Dance like your fucking life depends on it” while Shannon Beador and Gizelle Bryant dance on the table beside her while Kyle Richards laughs and records it 🤯🤯🤯
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Kelly Dodd being introduced to another Housewife’s husband and then MINUTES later talking shit about him to his wife and claiming she had no idea who he was is a Real Housewives Hall of Fame moment
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Just a reminder that
@KenyaMoore
has been telling us Phaedra is a liar for at least five years
#RHOA
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Aside from the fact that long dinners at restaurants is my one true hobby and passion in life, I respect this king’s right to dine in
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The scariest scene in Halloween Kills is when Tom’s house was broken into and he confronted Michael Myers and then had to go have eye surgery. And then my son had to go over and help. And then my son, he rolled his car fives times on the way home
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I love Chris Hemsworth. I think he’s a really interesting actor.
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My favorite part of this has been a Tr*mpet defending these people by saying that I have a receding hairline LOL ANND?? 🐬
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I hate to admit I feel Dorinda’s absence this RHONY season. She was a level of chaos that’s missing
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@mvddm
Azealia Banks deciding to chime in on major female rap drama while shopping at Home Depot
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Me performing drunk as part of the cast of RENT:
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"Hi, i'm a rescued dog. I'm here to tell you about how you can save talented 90s female musicians..."
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The Brady Bunch Movie VHS was the highest grossing movie in my room my whole childhood
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Regret to inform Austin Butler is quickly skyrocketing to the top of the White Boys ™️ charts
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“This is crazy how all of this witchcraft is happening while Lauren's gone."
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You ever think about Sydney Lucas’ performance of “Ring of Keys” at the 2015 Tony Awards and start crying
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Me every time Bravo gives us an explosive RHOBH trailer and then a boring season
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I feel like this is supposed to feel sweeping and grand and wide open and yet it feels like they filmed it inside a Masonic lodge?
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FACT: every velociraptor in the Jurassic Park CU is gay
✔️ Travel/hunt in packs at night
✔️ Pathologically smarter than the other dinosaurs
✔️ Ruthless
✔️ Gay Voice screeches
✔️ Stunt queens
✔️ Are first seen on screen causing drama in a kitchen
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