When I was depressed & suicidal in 2017, my close male friends would come home to keep me company. They'd do my laundry, my dishes, wash my house and open the curtains for me. None even knew what depression was, but they knew I was down and needed help. Their love lifted me.
The best gift I got from this experience was the love of my friends. Some even came from far to bring me food. Many of those friendships were people I'd known for a number of years. I learned that communities are the oil that really sustains us. Love heals.
I would later get into therapy for the first time in my life. And I met terms like anxiety and PTSD. Finding a language for my pain was liberating. I'd gravely suffered for 15 years trying to understand myself. Finally, I had hope of having a life. Never looked back since.
“We cannot continue to be ruled like this; by sick people. By mad people. Liars and thieves and criminals. These are the people who are in power in Kenya.” -
@Juliuskamau21
#RutoMustGo
Me today. A man who's been loved and has dedicated his life to helping others heal from deep rooted traumas. Because I really want everyone to feel this peace that I'm feeling. We all deserve it. A story at a time. 🌻🌸🌼
I also work with sexually abused boys and men by holding therapy and healing circles for them. Please donate what you can so I may reach more men. Kindly share as well. Thank you! 🌸🌸
I dare all of you claiming to care about the boy child to raise 4 million in 2 days and donate to any boy centered organization of your choice the same way your raised for the lady that was cooking at 4am.
So many years ago, Wangari Maathai defied the odds standing up against Moi’s brutal government to preserve the environment, political freedoms & democracy. They sang “Moi Must Go!”. Some of us were young, some not yet born. This fire is generational!🔥🔥
#RejectFinanceBill2024
“Kenyatta was not MAU MAU. It was only the younger generation which had decided that because all other means failed, we must use violence.” - Bildad Kaggia
@GeorgeOburu01
People go to the gym and exercise and are still depressed. If you haven't processed your traumas there's so much you can do to be healthy if you're not conscious about what you're healing.
This is 1999. I was 11 years old. Reverend Timothy Njoya is brutally beaten by Kenyan riot police during demonstrations for a new constitution. We finally got it in 2010. 11 years after this protest. What is your pastor or priest doing?
#RejectFinanceBill2024
May we remember that community love, romantic love, platonic love, familial love can also act as revolution to tackle the dehumanizing essence of this treacherous economy. It is love that will keep us alive.
These are the burnt marks I’ve lived with on my left hand since I was 10 when my dad smeared kerosene & placed a matchstick flame as punishment for insinuating I’d stolen a Bill Cosby novel. He beat me to a pulp I had to lie so he could leave me alone coz I thought I would die.
One unsuspecting February evening in 2012, my father returned home with fury in his hands. Mother, obviously from a long day, had forgotten to send some 350/- (mark that amount) to our village home caretaker.
But this is the natural order. God created Adam and then created Eve. Then gave them dominion. That is not even a natural selection, that's the master's selection. If you try to alter this that's how we end up here, in violence.
If men being on top of everything would be as natural as they purport there wouldn’t be any need for violence to enforce that status. It would just happen with ease. But because this perceived role is a fallacy, they vandalize everyone they deem to be below them to maintain it.
Men, stock your girlfriend's pads at your house. Let it be in your budget. Make it comfortable for her to talk about her periods. It shouldn't be a lonely time.
Many men subconsciously look for partners like their mothers who stayed in abusive marriages. They wonder why women "react" to small small toxicity coz their mothers endured more.
I bet you’ve never seen this. Once upon a time Kenyan Muslims protested against Israeli occupation in Palestine. Trace a young
@bonifacemwangi
then a photojournalist caught up in the fracas. Again, as it is for
#RejectFinanceBill2024
, protests were peaceful until police arrived.
I think men give themselves unnecessary pressure to place themselves on this leading position in relationships. You don’t know everything and life is so much bigger than how you see it. Let go of this tone setting. Co-create a life with somebody and be open to surprises.
It is a man's job to set the tone in a relationship. A woman feeds off of his energy. This is why showing up for her and being consistent is so important. She can't feel safe with you if you're not leading properly.
I spoke to
@DannMwangi
of NTV about my rape ordeal at 20 years old. The comments are horrific. It’s the same thing I went through in 2019 when I came out. And most of the bullies are men. The same people who say men are not listened to but they don’t listen to others.
All deaths are painful. But if you have to die like Edwin Chiloba did, because of your identity, there is no word for it. It’s something beyond tears. If you think about somebody going out of their way to kill you because they hate how you present yourself. How sad must they be?
This was a photo we took in 2019. It symbolized that through the darkness we'll always be each other's light. We'll be looking out for one another. Face to face. Heart to heart. Black Boy Joy! 💪🏾🌺
I hear people say they turned out fine from their parents’ violence. I don’t know about you, but I’ve not been fine for so long. I’ve suffered anxiety, depression & cPTSD and survived two suicide attempts. I am not strong. I hate that it has taken so much energy to stay alive.
Cyberbullying is traumatizing. The people trolling me last week when NTV shared the story of my rape ordeal have since moved onto other “pressing things”. Their insults are still in my head, yet I’m lucky to have a support system. How much worse is it for those who are alone?
Children see your demons. If you are not a kind father who solves his exasperations non-violently, children remember. They know how it feels to be reduced. They understand unfairness when they see it. Don’t expect them to love you just because you are a provider, my friend.
To men reading this. Our friends, relatives & colleagues are raping children, girls & women. You can't say "not all men" to women's pain. Say "I'll call out rapists", "I'll ask for consent", "I'll hold space for rape victims", "I'll listen to women". Be pro-active, not defensive.
Domestic abuse and by extension child abuse, shuts down key parts of a child’s brain development that could potentially fuck them up for the rest of their lives. It doesn’t matter that you take your children to good schools and feed them at home.
For those who say homosexuality did not exist in African culture; please note the British colonial government outlawed same sex relations describing them as "unnatural acts". How can you ban something that does not exist? Queer people existed all over the world including Africa.
Normalise doing business with women on merit without asking for sexual favours. Normalise asking men to take minutes and serve their own tea during meetings.
Outside what's happening around the Bonnie/Alfred Mutua issue, it's the fact that we've accepted someone can bomb your property and it'll be counted as revenge for making some people uncomfortable. And you have people celebrating. This country lost its soul.
Mtu amesema kwa hiyo Space “Hata mimi sijaolewa juu the man supposed to marry me hajaandikwa kazi. Na pia mimi nateseka. How will we support ourselves?”
This is as real as it gets!!! 😃
#REJECTFINANCEB
İLL2024
@MukomaWaNgugi
’s revelation about the abuse his father Ngugi Wa Thiong’o meted upon his mom, shocked me. But I immediately identified with him, as this is the case of many countless children who live with the shame of opening up because nobody will believe them.
It’s a lie that “men are rational and women are emotional.” Everybody is emotional. This rationality we’re conditioned to cling to as men makes us deny our emotions, and this, as we evidently see the world over, causes violence. You’re a human being. You’re always emotional.
I stood by this bridge in 2004 contemplating suicide. I was 16. Had ran away from home (Nairobi) to go die somewhere nobody knew me. A hotel manager from Baobab Restaurant came to my rescue. Malindi remains very close to my heart. 💝
It doesn’t matter how old you are. 53. 70. 96. 12. Childhood trauma caused by an abusive parent, if not healed, stays forever. And today is always the right day to speak up. Today!
So, Mary Kwamboka, tell me which part you as a woman can be accountable when a man catcalls you, rapes you in your home, pinches your ass in the street, insults you for denying his sexual advances, rapes a 2 year old child, a 70 year old woman; what can you do to prevent it?
I'm requesting your assistance to take the sexually abused boys and men in the safe space I operate through therapy. So far I'm supporting 16 of them in Kenya, Uganda & Tanzania. As little or as much as you could contribute. Please RT. 💙🧔🏿
The Nyayo House torture chambers survivors say they will never forgive Moi while narrating their horrific ordeals in the ruthless dungeons. Kenyans have vehemently suffered in the hands of power hungry politicians who often go unpunished because of impunity.
One of the cruelest punishments my father would administer on me was to deny me food. Like I'd watch the rest of the family eat and I sleep hungry because of something he considered a mistake. I never want any child to go through anything like that.
We gaslight children into thinking their emotional needs are not important just because they have basic needs like food, shelter and clothing. We tell them as long as their physical needs are catered for nothing else matters. And this is how we break society.
Nearly every woman you know has been sexually assaulted at least once in her life but you wanna get philosophical about putting male perpetrators accountable. Wacha siasa yako buana. We have work to do and we men must all participate!
I find it so hilarious that being a heterosexual man in my society is not associated with mindfulness or kindness. Just because I store pads in my house for emergencies I’m considered a pick me or a nice guy. For being decent. With my money. Heh 😂😂
Normalise getting into a relationship if you're certain you want to connect to your partner with care. We have made relationships war zones instead of the safe spaces they ought to be. You're there for your wellbeing, not as an obligation. Treat your partner tenderly.
I wish you a gentle love. Partnered, platonic and self. That you meet people who honour your existence and treat you with the soft parts of themselves. The truest, most honest and rawest parts. I pray you accept nothing less. It'll mean you also be gentle with yourself.
I hope you recover the things that died within you due to years of trauma. I hope you get to love again from a pure place. I hope you reconnect with the child within you who was hurt by the people supposed to protect them. Really, I wish you peace.
You'd be surprised the number of people who look fine but they're hanging by a thread and they don't talk about it. Extend some empathy to someone in this moment.
The future will be female because women are working on themselves. They're seeking therapy, choosing healthier relationships, and are willing to collaborate, hence progressively becoming competent leaders in spheres of influences. Us men are still stuck on the man of the past.
I wanna be around more people who are no longer holding back. They want more life, more joy, more healing, more pleasure, more ecstasy; and they are willing to share more of themselves too. They no longer treat this earth as a waiting room but want to show up intensely.
You folk who are crying that men are abandoned by the people they take care of the most. In some instances it is true. But I also want you to acknowledge that there are so many fathers who were horrible to their wives and children while making huge strides on the world stage.
I encourage men; if you’re sure you don’t want (more) children, opting for a vasectomy is healthy for you and your partner. Contraceptives take a heavy toll on women’s bodies and it affects the quality of their lives.
Normalise doing business with women on merit without asking for sexual favours. Normalise asking men to take minutes and serve their own tea during meetings.
When people speak up about the abuse they underwent at the hands of their parents, especially if their parents are famous and pedestalised for spotless people, we shut them down. We tell them they are undressing our heroes in public and that’s wrong.
Normalise asking a potential partner if they feel healthy to get into a relationship and have a candid conversation about where you both are. Kuanza na infatuation inatumaliza.
Yes, men do get sexually assaulted and raped by women but what do you men tell those men when they come out? Aren't you the lot that mock and laugh at them? Aren't you the ones that insist such a thing cannot happen, therefore still silencing the survivors? You hypocrites!
We hate women so much in this country. 😩 We jump on anything that brings a woman down. Anything. Women are not only killed by men in AirBnBs. It’s happening in their homes the most. This isn’t about sex work if we are being honest. We hate women. Let’s face it.
I celebrate people who are working their asses off for healthier lifestyles. The ones working to stop drinking, getting off smoking, or risky sex, or impulsive shopping. Whatever it is. You are my heroes. The world around you might never understand how hard that shit is.
Self care also includes choosing relationships that humanise you: that make you feel safe, honoured and seen. Where your kindness, love, doubts, fears and insecurities are accommodated. Not used against you. Where you can disintegrate and you know someone or people will hold you.
Trauma did not make me strong. It gave me anxiety, post traumatic stress and depression. I lived with painful thoughts. Love & support are what made me strong. It's a miracle I even survived what I survived. I work to create a world where people in need of healing feel supported.
We forget that to them, this was their parent; not some author, not some world champion, not some idol, not some freedom fighter, but their parent. We do not have the same relationship they had with this person.
"Women don’t get raped because they were drinking or took drugs. Women do not get raped because they weren’t careful enough. Women get raped because someone raped them.”
― Jessica Valenti
As a 7 year old I was already used to bad beatings. I thought it was normal. I thought it’s what parents do. I was an anxious child whose self esteem was in the pits. I didn’t turn out fine. I wasn’t okay. I never understood why it had to take violence to nurture a person.
@kiptoo_enrique
I'm an introvert too. And I learned staying inside myself for too long alone was unhealthy too. So I started by being friends with a few people. One then two then three. Who I can relate with without feeling like I'm losing myself. And built up from there.
It wasn’t in an AirBnb. They weren’t strangers. We shall sing it everyday. This is not about sex. It’s about the deep hate for women and entitlement over their bodies on a systemic level that men have been conditioned. Majority don’t even see it because they’ve embodied it.
It's true. A lot of men still want to marry updated versions of their suffering mothers. A woman who labours for them. Yes, we repeat what we see, but guys, be a better man and show up as a partner not a master.
Your abusive parent may never understand the harm they caused you. They may never be sorry for it. At some point you'll have to find ways to mourn the parent you never had, so that the resentment doesn't hinder you from living.
Being a teacher, I meet so many of his former students who revere him and praise him with shiny accolades. When I write about his violence, they hardly believe I am talking about their once favourite teacher.
I grew up angry that adults supposed to love and protect me as a child witnessed violence against my body and didn’t stop it. Not just in my home. It was happening to other children in my neighborhood and later I discovered all over the world. Children are vehemently abused!
We don't recognise betrayal in relationships as a traumatic experience. The way your brain literally goes into shock and you lose bits of yourself in the mayhem of both confusion and self-protection. For any kind of close/intimate relationship, coz of the level of vulnerability.
We know the language of violence by blood and body. “Shut Up!” “You’re a disgrace!” “This is shameful!” “That is your father!” And so on. When shall we learn the language of joy? “I hear you.” “I’m sorry you went through this, it should never have happened.”
I need y’all to understand you cannot shame someone who is grounded in themselves. Your idea of who they are or should be does not move their world. It is your shame, not theirs. And you need to carry it in your space, not shitting everywhere please. 😅😅
You can just see. There were barely any men contributing. I am always grateful to those who do. We end up having extensive conversations about the plight of young African boys who often lack healthy older males to look up to and confide in.
Forgive yourself for the many times you shrunk as a compromise so that love doesn't leave. Love that is meant for you is freeing. Love that is meant for you pays keen and curious attention to you. Love that is meant for you also keeps you accountable to your healing.