Quick heads up for my new followers, most of my tweets are extremely rude, I am here for a laugh, not for grief, I dont do PC, I use 'fuck' like punctuation, but if you got my back, I got yours ok? So buckle the fuck up buttercups, and enjoy the ride...
A police officer has been cold-bloodedly shot dead in Croydon.
Will America erupt in support?
Will Lewis Hamilton take the knee to them?
Will Ashley Banjo do a dance for them?
Will Alesha Dixon wear a gold necklace for them?
Will the Premier League hold a minute's silence?
Purchase limits place on shops in light of the Carona virus panic buying.
ASDA: 2 hand sanitisers and a 4 pack of toilet rolls
TESCO: 1 hand sanitiser , 500g of rice and 4 pack of toilet rolls
ALDI: a MIG welder, a pink sports bra, 2 trumpets, 1 spare wheel for a barrow..
For the record, the PPE thing is a massive red herring. The provision of PPE is the duty of the employer. In the NHS that is the local trust, not the fucking government. The
@BBC
are trying to destabilise a democratically elected government. Turn them off, do NOT legitimise them.
If you get a mortgage from a bank, you'll be paying it back for 30 years.
If you rob a bank, you'll be out in 10 years.
Follow me for further financial advice....
Only those who have served will understand.
When the hatch shuts over your head, the OOW says last man down and the Ship Controller says green board, you understand the meaning of adventure.
When the only thing between you and millions of gallons of seawater is a steel hull and
#scumedia
You didn't call us far right hooligans in WWII, Korea, The Cold War, Borneo, Malaya, Aden, NI, The Falklands, Bosnia, Kosovo, The Gulf, Iraq, Afghanistan...
So, why now?
#AllLivesMattter
Right you armchair warriors, this is an example of a suicide vest, you have 2 seconds to decide of it is real or not.....BOOM!! You, and those around you are dead!
Got it now??!!
I loved my job in Tesco as a general shop floor assistant. It was always good to chat to customers and to ensure they had a good shopping experience. But I lost my job last week and think it was a bit unfair.
A huge, fat, butt ugly woman was in the checkout queue accompanied by
To all those wankers whingeing about having to go back to work:
Thee next time you pop out for a pint of milk, or a loaf of bread, ask yourself this question:
How the fuck did my food get here?
Then, slap yourself really fucking hard, and continue slapping!
You're welcome..
@LadyDoctorSays
I have no idea who you are young lady, but as a professional Submariner, I recognise that you have done your research (unlike the Titan mob), and that you know your onions 👏👏👏
Morning Fuckers, you may have noticed that I have been MIA for a few days. Our lass has been in Preston Hospital for the last week, so I have been schlepping up n down the M6. Long story short, she is now completely cancer free! Get the Fuck in!
Far right hooliganism 👇👇
To understand a Military Veteran you must know:
* We left home as teenagers or in our early twenties for an unknown adventure.
* We loved our country enough to defend it and protect it with our own lives.
* We said goodbye to friends and family and
I am a proud Veteran.I gave up the best years of my life to keep this country free from Tyranny, I did NOT serve to allow civilians to be thrown in jail by secret courts, or former soldiers to be punished for doing their duty....
Meanwhile..... on a Royal Navy submarine thats already been underwater for 3 months, hoarding toilet rolls, and eating tinned food. Sleeping between two torpedoes with the lights on 24/7, working 18 hrs a day, no news, no sunlight, no contact with loved ones, just a regular day
So,
@BBC
are now trying to blame the government for lack of PPE blah, blah, in care homes. Now as far as I am aware, most care homes are in the private sector, therefore, under H&S legislation the onus for provision of PPE falls on the owners as part of their duty of care.
It's a funny old world;
A Yorkshireman allegedly calls a Pakistani man a name, media loses It's shit.
Yorkshire kids are raped and abused by Pakistani men, and the abused kids are told to "shut up for the sake of diversity"
It speaks volumes as to who the real racists are..
I asked my GP if there was anything better than over the counter hemorrhoids stuff as I was trying to avoid the time off work for surgery.
She suggested using teabags as a cold compress as the tea shrinks them and soothes some of the pain.
I decided to try it, but I only ever
48 yrs ago today, at the age of 15yrs, 5months, and 1week I joined the Royal Navy. They turned a boy into the lewd, crude, rude occasionally horrible bastard that I am today, and I ain't changing anytime soon....
The Mrs and I have both made a list of 5 people that we can sleep with if we ever get the chance. She's picked Johnny Depp, Hugh Jackman, Jeremy Renner, Tom Hardy and Brad Pitt. I've gone for her sister, cousin, best mate, our next door neighbour and the fit bird from the Co-op..
I am now officially safe from Corona virus because I have started wearing a pair of our lass's knickers as a face mask.....and fuck all gets into them...
@CllrAzharAli
Foxtrot Romeo Oscar with your faux apology. Your apology means nothing because your mask has slipped, and your true colours are exposed for all to see...
The shark involved in the attack in Cornish waters a few days ago has since been rescued by UK Border Force & is now reported as comfortable in a 4 star Travel Lodge with 4 meals a day, Universal Credit, & a job offer in the Labour Party
The swimmer has been charged with assault
Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson and bragged that despite his age of 72 years, he could still have sex three times per night.
Kylie Minogue, who was also a guest, looked intrigued and after the show said "Sean, if I'm not being too forward, I would love to have
118 people died today, but hey, that matters not one fucking jot when they have the architect of Brexit and his young family to fucking harass like bastard jackals.... fucking arsewipes...
We ordered a takeaway Chinese meal last night due to the lockdown.
A little Chinese driver comes up the path and I walked out to meet him.
He started shouting isolate isolate.
I said calm down, your not that late I only ordered an hour ago...
In work, we had a meeting about bullying. The organiser spoke about a young gay boy, being bullied because of his sexuality.
She spoke in length about his life, and the verbal abuse he suffers. She then asked a question, 'How do you think he takes it?'
Apparently, 'Up the
A bit of snow and everyone in uk phones in sick
A runny nose and everyone in uk phones in sick
A world pandemic and everyone in the UK fucks off up Snowden and into the park to play football....
Breaking News: The whole of Cornwall has been placed into tier 4 lockdown after hundreds of pirates returned home to Penzance to celebrate Christmas with their families.
Apparently the Arrrrr rate has increased dramatically....
Ffs, I can't fucking win!
Just gave our lass a bracelet, and I said "It was my Nan's, she wanted you to have it"
She said "Why has it got 'Do Not Resuscitate' on it?
OK folks, I have been doing a lot of thinking over the past few days, and I have decided that on the 21st December 2023, after fifty one and a half years of working for a living, forty eight and a half years of involvement in the Royal Navy's Submarine enterprise that it is time
So, let me get this straight, a bloke commits suicide cos of a daft telly show, and the world goes fucking mental. Veterans commit suicide on a daily basis, and no fucker bats an eyelid. Really??!! Fucking Really??!!
We hear alcohol may prevent the virus.
We hear direct sunlight might quickly kill the virus.
So, if you come across some old man standing in the front garden shit faced and naked, leave me alone. I’m conducting important medical research.....
Afternoon Fuckers, I have been awol for a day or so as I needed some time to get my head around the atrocities that were committed against women and children last weekend. What has appalled me most, is the usual cabal of nasty, horrible antisemitic lefty bastards who have sought
So, the crusties failed to stop the Grand National, BZ to Merseyside Police for showing the soy boy Met Police how to get the fucking job done👏
And here's a thought, if you allege to abhor animal cruelty, why aren't you protesting at every fucking Halal abattoir in the country?
So, the RAF has seen fit to remove a dogs name from a memorial. It will be interesting to see if the entertainment industry follows suit and removes the same word from so called music, movies etc....
I'll fucking wait...
@metpoliceuk
@ExploringAlway
What is unacceptable is having untrained people in uniform interfering with civilians singing a hymn, which is NOT bloody busking!
My boss just had a pop at me about me being sarcastic, he said "sarcasm doesn't get you anywhere"
I said "Well, it got me to the sarcasm world championship in Uruguay in 2019"
He said "Really?"
I said "No"..
I've just pulled up on the drive to see a thieving bastard run out of our back door & jump the fence.
Our lass must have put up a good fight though, she was naked, drenched in sweat & could hardly walk...
I went on Dragons Den the other night and showed them my Dads old shotgun.
Peter Jones said, "And what's your idea"?
I replied, "It's a simple concept Peter, just put the money in the fucking bag...
Lots of people saying that there is no point in voting anymore, I think the opposite. Use your vote to axe this rabid pack of vermin masquerading as servants of the people, and consign them to history....
@MartinDaubney
Manslaughter? Did the poor victims throw themselves on a knife that he just happened to be carrying multiple times? This beggars belief 😡😡😡😡😡😡
Copied from a Submariners group:
Ok, a lot of people seem bothered by some of us with dark, macabre humor regarding the loss of a billionaire's toy at 12,000 feet while engaging in a dark, macabre entertainment of viewing the site of another wreck caused by hubris.
Hubris,
@RishiSunak
@slim_douglas
How about getting the useless
@metpoliceuk
to do what they get paid for - to uphold the law without fear nor favour, and shame on them for arresting a man carrying OUR country's flag, whilst ignoring those lauding a declared terrorist organisation!