Happy Independence Day to all who celebrate! 🇬🇩

Greenland? Panama? Canada? Nope, the 51st state is gonna be... Gaza! Who's next in line for the Anschluss? Maybe Ukraine, maybe Taiwan, maybe we give Vietnam another try? It's anyone's guess! Donald says he'll be on the ground for the Gaza rebuild, which I think is a great idea.

For those unfamiliar, this is the guy responsible for murdering kids and cheering on all the chaos in the Levant. Somebody get @DrJillStein on the phone, because Donald just said he's ready to resettle Gaza. We're begging for another 9-11 at this point.

Remember a couple years ago when the mic died at an NHL game during the anthem and all those sweetheart Canucks sang our silly Star Spangled Banner? That was nice of them. They've always been nice. Also nice: Mexico.

RT @RedScare: Always tried to be following 138 accounts because it's punx. Now it's impossible due to @ElonMusk's Mass exodus. Sigh. In ot…

I'm watching this staged press conference on Fox and every time I try flipping to @CNN (3 tries) to see their coverage, it's just pharmaceutical commercials. Just 30 minutes of boner pills. It's almost like... they work in symphony? Tongue and groove.

I'm relieved to see @SeanDuffyWI in charge of the DC air disaster. Yes, the 4th string @FoxNews pundit you would occasionally see at 11pm on Sunday nights. But he's more than just a pretty face! His ACTUAL claim to fame is that he's from @MTV's Real World. We're in good hands!

Yesterday was #NationalCurmudgeonsDay (no, really, look it up) and I was gonna tweet about it, but I was so stressed and pressed and so busy dealing with y'all's bullshit that I never got to it. Hope you're happy.

Truth time: if this DC plane crash happened last month, @FoxNews would be blaming Dem policies, Sleepy Joe, etc. Worse yet, if that flight was from Chicago or L.A., you'd see MAGA ghouls cracking jokes on social media. Anyhow, back to deregulating the government tomorrow...

I'm helping @MakeWarMusic with shows, and here's a couple out in my 'hood. I suggested they call it "Drain Your Maine Vain" tour with an image of a deep-sea fisherman preening in front of a cheval mirror... they went in another direction. Tix and info ->

Sooo it's a hate crime for students to say, "Free Palestine" ... but the ADL(?!?) is making excuses for Elon doing an obvious nazzy salute? Okay.

@AdmrlSnackbar7 @RealJamesWoods Donald didn't attend the last inauguration. So by your own rationale, you're saying Donald was plotting against the USA in 2020? Wow. Sorry folks, it's not that deep. Donald doesn't give a squirt about you bumpkins and would rather be golfing.

For the many good homies working in healthcare...

I was just introduced to a guy who does magic/card tricks... and then I saw him buy a bag of drugs. I wonder if that's a cool combo, magicians and coke?

@RealJamesWoods Happy that you found an echo chamber of blue checks that pay to be seen. It's like your own participation trophy, James. And this is all in my algorithm... why? Because micropenis + victim complex = @X. Enjoy your trophy! 🏅

Big endorsement incoming: Best vendor in NYC is Hamdi at the SE corner of 42nd and 8th. The man knows ball, specifically Egyptian soccer (beyond Salah and Marmoush). 10/10 snacks too. I'm a regular. Take a pic with Hamdi and I will send you a record. 🗽 Let's go people.

If you're a music biz person in L.A., MusiCares has resources (money) waiting for you. I remember they did this during Covid and lotsa band buds got help. And it was easy. Do it.

@FERRAMCHIEF @fiago7 You're accusing him of having ancestors that committed a g-cide. And yet... you're Australian? 🤔

Here's a Q&A where I detail our upcoming NOFX release. I am not joking.

Worshipping politicians is dumb and we shouldn't ever do it. They work FOR US, after all. But I'll spare a thought for Jimmy Carter. The Peanut Farmer. After being rejected by the country, he chose to selflessly serve his community. That's admirable.