Rated K For Kids
@RatedKForKids
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Hai! I am a person....
Under Your Pillow!
Joined June 2011
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DRUNK
Bob visited his friend Joe's house and was amazed at
how well Joe treated his wife. He told her several
times how attractive she was, complimented her on
her culinary skills and showered her with hugs and
kisses.
"Gee," Bob remarked to his friend, "you
really make a big
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WHERE ARE LAWYERS ?
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St.
Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an
engineer — you're in the wrong place." So the
engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the
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Genie In The Lamp
A man was walking along a California beach and
stumbled upon an old lamp. He picked it up and
rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said
"OK. OK. You released me from the lamp, blah,
blah, blah. This is the 4th time this month and I'm
getting a little sick
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You've already beaten me 1 to 0
The old man was giving an inspirational talk to his
future son- in- law, who was a football player.
-If you score a goal in this match, I'll make immediate
arrangements for you and my daughter to get married.
-Uh...Uh,I"mafraidyou'llhavetomakethose
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I drew a penis with a glue stick on the whiteboard: My whole class once got detention because I drew a penis with a glue stick on the whiteboard and when the teacher went to wipe off the board all the fluff came off and stuck to the glue. I never got in trouble for it because my
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Getting Out of A Ticket
A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out
on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top
was down, the breeze was blowing through what
was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly
saw flashing
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CHANCE
One day, an old lady went to the Bank of Canada
with a large bag full of money. The old lady insisted
to speak to the president of the Bank in order to
open a savings account because, she said, she had a
lot of money.
After many discussions an employee took her along
to
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RAVISHING GIRL AND 3 MEN
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and
a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in
conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.
Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of
you will give me $1, I will show you my legs."
The men,
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I JUST HAD A DREAM ABOUT IT …
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After
she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed
that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's
day. What do
you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home
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DISCUSSING THE USE OF THE CAR
A young boy had just gotten his driving
permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if
they could discuss the use of the car. His father took
him to his study and said
to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your
grades up, study your
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Secret
A man was telling one of his friends the secret of his
contented married life.
“My wife makes all the small decisions,” he
explained. “and I make all the big ones, so we never
interfere in each other’s business and never get
annoyed with each other. We have no complains
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TENSE OF VERB
In the English grammar lesson, the teacher asked:
- What are the simple past tense and the simple fu¬ture
tense of \"MARRY\"?
A pupil answered:
- Teacher, \"LOVE\" and \"DIVORCE\".
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Driver’s license: So I was at the local DMV to get my driver’s license when my dad pissed off the lady at the counter. turns out she was the lady that had to do the actual road test with me. We get in the car and I thought I was doing pretty well, until she starts freaking out?
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HE COULD NOT RECALL THE JOKE
Recently a large seminar was held for ministers in
training. Among the guests were many well-known
motivational speakers. One such boldly approached
the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention,
said, "The best years of my life were spent in
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Life is too short to dwell on the past or worry about the future. Live in the present moment and make it count.
#CarpeDiem
#LiveInTheMoment
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You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ― Mae West
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WAKEUP CALL
One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6:00
a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, I awoke
before 6:00, but the phone did not ring until 6:30.
"Good morning," a young man said
sheepishly. "This is your wake-up call."
Annoyed, I let the hotel worker have it. "You
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@DANCER19542
I'm glad you feel that way! It's lovely to experience kindness and care, and your feelings are appreciated.
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The Forgetful Fish:Why did the fish blush? Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
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