Quantum Computing Memes for QMA-Complete Teens
@QuantumMemeing
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In an age of divisive rhetoric, we're here to shitpost. Forbes 85 under 85. Views are our own (and also probably that of the quantum computing community).
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Joined October 2018
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Pinned Tweet
okay homies, it's time to do a salary survey for quantum computing.
how much do you make, where are you based, and who do you work for?
at the end, I'll compile the results and post it on here!
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the most unrealistic part of Oppenheimer was how much sex everyone in the physics department was having (can testify against this from person experience)
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you want me to do physics? the thing that got Galileo arrested?
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"science is my passion" he says as a he rotates figure 5 by .001 degrees to align with the text
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if you are a person who thinks of mathematics this way, you will not make it past the gates of heaven
daily reminder:
all these "big scary maths symbols are actually simpler to understand in code" people need to read "A Programmer's introduction to Mathematics" by Jeremy Kun
The whole book is about that
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pov: the last thing you see before the german postdoc gives a counter example to your main theorem
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It's only a quantum computer if it comes from the quantum region of France, otherwise it's just a sparkling Turing Machine.
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At a quantum cs meetup:
> 7 different ethnicities
> 9 different nationalities
> collectively 17 language spoke
> no women
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People think that MIT students have it harder than Caltech students.
What they don't appreciate is that Caltech students have to date in LA. Imagine explaining to an aspiring singer that you work in quantum error correction and watching the light go out of their eyes.
Pain.
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me applying for PhD positions
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has anyone tried making a room-temperature quantum computer by simply lowering the temperature of the room to -273C?
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age 14: idolizing quantum scientists., they're soooo cool!!
age 27: I am actively bullying several leading quantum scientists on twitter
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solve linear algebra problems
question for men: what are your favourite things to do with other men?
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excessively citing this girl's papers so she notices me
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"it just seems unlikely to me that an unknown group which has never previously published superconducting research, would be the first to achieve this"
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quantum computers:
according to vs in reality
Michio Kaku
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deleted tinder and hinge to focus on the only dating app that matters (the arXiv)
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when you spend 5 years doing a quantum PhD and the technology is still 15 years away with limited use-cases
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Fig. 1.81: A meme [1].
[1] Quantum Computing Memes for QMA-Complete Teens, Language, Speech & Memes (2021).
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If you're not happy when you're single, you won't be happy dating someone.
Happiness comes from proving exponential speedups for quantum computers, not relationships.
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Dentist: open up
Me: I feel like the overhyping of quantum computing by some scientists and startups will end in a quantum winter, but unlike AI, the industry side is not developed enough to absorb an outflow of academics if funding dries up, and
Dentist: Just your mouth pls
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"quantum computing researcher" is a slur. please use "person suffering from delusions"
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When I was young, I was a terrible scientist. But after years of hard work, I am no longer young
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in physics they don't say "I love you", they say "wasn't this proven by some Soviet guy in the '60s?" and I think that's beautiful
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``unfilmable'' books that Netflix should try to adapt after Dune.
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the ripple effects of quantum computing have been underestimated
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"It’s a cutting edge Quantum Computing company that will revolutionise the space, has projected $10 billion in annual revenues, currently trading at a discount due to small technical challenges.”
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what if the people at IBM are right and the real quantum supremacy is the friends we made along the way?
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no one:
absolutely no one:
not a single soul:
21 yr old with no QC research background:
Navigating a quantum computing landscape can be tough! Here are my 7 tips for investors in 2022 and beyond! 🧵
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Never in my wildest dreams did I think I could have all this by age 28:
- thousands of citations
- a high paying job a quantum start up
- the respect of my colleagues
- important contributions to quantum information
And yep I was right, I don’t have any of that
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Fig. 1.75: A meme [1].
[1] Quantum Computing Memes for QMA-Complete Teens, Journal of Questionable Physics (2020).
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WHAAAAATTTTTTT?!!!????
just fell to the floor in walmart. begging the cryptography bros to verify this
"This gives a polynomial time quantum algorithm for solving LWE."
Is this real?
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Google, IBM, Rigetti product managers discussing recent results with their technical leads
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48 *logical* qubits on neutral atoms? where tf did this come from?
we're so back
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Fig. 1.80: A meme [1].
[1] Quantum Computing Memes for QMA-Complete Teens, Journal of Materials for Quantum Memology (2021).
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recent search history of quantum twitter
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Remember, the only thing between you and a million dollars is your morals.
Stop delaying, start that fraudulent quantum start-up today 💪
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qubits were invented by Hilbert to sell more Hilbert space
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[texting woman after second date] hey sorry for telling you about error correcting codes earlier
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error correction scientists after inventing noise
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reading code i wrote 4 weeks ago and slowly coming to the conclusion i should be given the death penalty
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Tip: if your superconducting qubit chip isn't working well (e.g. poor T1 times), simply take it out of the dilution fridge and blow on it to improve performance.
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i'm glad someone is around to correct John when necessary
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future wikipedia page of some quantum start-up founders
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if you try to do your job by trial and error you'll probably get fired. if you do trial and error 400 times a second it's called "machine learning" and you can earn 4 times your salary.
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the quantum info community anytime John Preskill posts a new paper
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this wojak generator is fantastic
but unfortuantely this officially means that AI is taking my job
just built a fully automated Wojak meme generator in Glif in 5 min:
Claude 3.5 block generates the meme as JSON
ComfyUI block uses a Wojak Lora to generate a fitting image
JSON extractor + Canvas Block ties it all together
input "AI entrepreneur" 💀
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the game nobody asked for: QIP Bingo
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Fig. 1.61: A meme [1].
[1] Quantum Computing Memes for QMA-Complete Teens, Quantum Memengineering (2019).
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coming to you with some fresh analysis
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physics twitter hierarchy of needs
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And is this "perfectly iid noise" in the room with us now?
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[prepping for date night] ok ok ok not gonna make this weird by bringing up quantum computing. Just normal, light conversation
[me on the date]
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paying off my student loans the old fashioned way by starting a fraudulent quantum start-up
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after turning 65, the average engineer must choose between getting really into WWII history, or really into their homegrown theory of gravity that they email to every physicist
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watching cryptocurrencies -- a technology with too much hype and few current use cases -- crash is tragic
blessed that I'm not working in a field like that!
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Jay Gambetta after Misha Lukin demonstrates 48 logical qubits the day after his big announcement
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feeling existential panic as someone asks me to screenshare and i don't know whether i closed my "how to multiply matrices" tab
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normalise wavefunctions
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AirBnB has no houses.
Uber has no cars.
Nobody has a useful quantum computer
This is the new economy.
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Any kids coming to my door tonight are getting a freshly printed copy of "Quantum supremacy using a programmable superconducting processor" as a treat. You're welcome.
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If you're 25-30, and your main circle isn't frequently discussing:
~ qubits, how do they work?
~ how hot Andrew Childs' work is right now
~ these memes
And is instead discussing:
~ Opening businesses
~ Committed relationships
~ Fitness
Then it's time to elevate your circle
If you're 25-30, and your main circle isn't frequently discussing:
~ Stocks
~ Real Estate
~ Opening businesses
~ Committed relationships
~ Fitness
And is instead discussing:
~ Getting high/drunk
~ 1 night stands
~ The "good ol'e days"
Then it's time to elevate your circle
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practising my "i'm a superconducter" pose so people will finally invest in me
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me normally: I love working with quantum to better understand the universe
me applying for jobs: my dream has always been to use quantum computing to maximise shareholder value
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In other news, British currency is now Turing complete.
Alan Turing revealed as the new face of the Bank of England's £50 note
The computer pioneer is celebrated for his code-cracking work that proved vital in World War Two
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i used quantum ML to complete the image
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people often ask me why I take multiple samples from my quantum outputs
the reason is simple: if each sample is only correct with probability 20%, then taking 5 or 6 samples ensure it is 100% or even 120% correct. this we way we avoid error
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"Sir, another paper claiming no quantum advantage has hit the arXiv"
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if Scott Aaronson sees his shadow this morning it means the quantum winter will arrive 6 weeks earlier
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Peppa has a fault tolerant quantum computer and now has your credit card details
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The year is 2025.
-IonQ stock has hit 10k
-Riverlane owns Microsoft
-optimisation is only done by VQE
-IBM can now read all your emails
-You go to jail if you mention “decoherence”
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mum, can you pick me up? they didn't ask any questions at the end of my talk
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"...now that google has achieved quantum supremacy there's going to be a full quantum computer in 5 years, probably sooner. So really you really need to move you bitcoin to a quantum-secure cryptocurrency before then."
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Fig. 1.54: A meme [1].
[1] Quantum Computing Memes for QMA-Complete Teens, Quantum Physics and Memology (2019).
Current quantum computing. Joke shamelessly stolen from Reddit.
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as a grad student, you should embrace exercise as a coping mechanism so that when your life is falling apart at least your body will look really good
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sci-fi is when you have a quantum computer, fantasy is when the quantum computer is only 15 years away.
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lmao finding more efficient algorithms is for nerds
just get a bigger computer bro
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If you ask me what the practical applications of my work are at the end of my talk, I will call the police.
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i am
⚪️single
⚪️in a relationship
🔘ignoring people who say quantum supremacy means current encryption methods are broken
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I’m happy to say that our team at IBM Quantum and research collaborators at UC Berkeley have demonstrated evidence of quantum computers’ utility in experiments evaluating quantum and classical methods for a series of increasingly challenging simulation problems.
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How to spend this 4th of July
FIREWORKS
• loud
• will scare your dog
PRINTING 600 COPIES OF JOHN PRESKILL'S NOTES AND DISTRIBUTING AROUND YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD
• quiet
• will not scare your dog
• educate
• make new friends
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> be me
> phd in quantum computing
> no proposed application of NISQ with commercial value
> fault tolerance 15 years away
why even live?
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so quantum computing with a superposition of spacetimes seems kinda cool
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Fig. 1.86: A meme [1].
[1] Quantum Computing Memes for QMA-Complete Teens, Journal of Geriatric Memeology (2021).
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Impressive progress
@IQIM_Caltech
on scaling up optical tweezer arrays.
"Here we experimentally realize an array of optical tweezers trapping over 6,100 neutral atoms in around 12,000 sites while simultaneously surpassing state-of-the-art performance for several key metrics
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Credit Suisse
SVB
Blockbuster
Enron
Theranos
All failed because they didn’t have a bold quantum-ready strategy
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> new phd students arrive
> learn new gen Z word
> hate it
> use it ironically to relate to them
> eventually start using it unironically
please keep me in your prayers
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if i ever manage to develop a quantum computer, i will immediately use Shor's algorithm to commit a huge amount of crime
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resorting to smoking weed around my qubits to make gate fidelities higher
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The Doctor: show me where it hurts
Me: [points to ratio of physical qubits to logical qubits]
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if I were an experimentalist I would simply love and cherish my noisy qubits instead of trying to correct them
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Fig. 1.42: A meme [1].
[1] Quantum Computing Memes for QMA-Complete Teens, American Quarterly Review of Memes (2018).
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*me on ellen*
ellen: so we heard you like quantum computing
me: haha yeah
*brings out fault tolerant quantum computer*
me: ellen you didn't
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it's never been more over
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new entanglement generation protocol just dropped
Sherri Tenpenny, one of the right's leading anti-vaccine "experts," claims that COVID vaccines are creating "quantum entanglement" between those who take them and "the Google credit scores and the dematrix and all of those things."
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babe, is everything ok? you've started your talk and you didn't even mention that in the 1982 Feynman said that "Nature is
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on my way to mine the depths of the appendix of some PRL paper to understand what the fuck is going on
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the arc of history is long, but bends towards quantum start-ups pivoting to machine learning
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