HIDILYN KLUM
@Punongbayan_
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HIV+ writer, editor, translator, and witch | ☣ 26 September 2019 | Undetectable = untransmittable | If you take my tweets seriously, that's a you problem.
KNL Heights
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Rape was already a thing back in the 1950s when women wore pleated, below-the-knee skirts. Rape was already a thing in the 1800s when women wore frocks and several layers of clothing underneath. Rape has nothing to do with fashion and everything to do with rapists.
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In a few minutes, 98 days na tayong quarantined. Pinakamahaba sa buong mundo. Patong-patong ang utang. Yung mga bansa sa Southeast Asia na mas mahirap pa sa atin, naka-recover na at bukas na ulit.
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Miss Mexico and Miss Puerto Rico: "Be yourself."
Miss South Africa: "Be a leader."
#MissUniverse2019
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"Hindi nga magkaka-virus yung tao pero mamamatay naman dahil hindi nakakakuha ng tamang dialysis, hindi nakapunta sa ospital..."
Coney Reyes, you raised a damn fine son.
QC, keep up naman.
Sotto appeals to national gov’t to allow tricycles to operate for medical emergencies in Pasig
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Kung ako si Julia, I'd quit showbiz right now and invest my money in a business. Probably a Mexican restaurant. "Julia Burrito" charot.
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Mas maganda pa yatang maging baka sa New Zealand kaysa maging tao rito.
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Skincare in the Philippines should really be more pakinis-oriented and less paputi-oriented.
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Fucking dishes don't even know how to wash themselves sINO SA TINGIN NIYONG MAGHUHUGAS SA INYO KAPAG NAMATAY AKO???
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Not-so-fun fact:
We were one of the top producers of ylang-ylang essential oil in the 19th Century. Kinuha sa atin ng mga French at itinanim sa Madagascar para i-cultivate para sa perfumery nila. Ngayon, Yves Saint Laurent ang nagmamay-ari ng patent para sa ylang-ylang. Imagine.
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What time is it?
JAIL TIME.
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Hay. Pasigueños, ano bang feeling na hindi trapo ang LGU niyo?
Mayor Vico Sotto allowed the limited operation of tricycles in Pasig City amid the suspension of public transport in Luzon so that those exempted from the enhanced community quarantine can commute to work. The mayor said that social distancing in the vehicle must be implemented.
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WARNING TO ALL SAMSUNG, VIVO, HUAWEI, AND OPPO USERS:
Please don't use your phones while charging kasi delikado at baka sumabog at sabihin ang mga masasamang... Mga words.
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Sana ma-reincarnate na lang ako bilang baka sa New Zealand.
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Hoy P10,000,000 yung pa-print niyan.
And this is what we can afford when we welcome them noh?
First impression is everything. Basic PR, Cayetano. Anuna.
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For me, Tagalog swear words are still the most venomous. Kapag sinasabi kong 'putangina', nilalasap ko ang bawat letra, ninanamnam ng dila ko, kinakagat ko bago ko idura.
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Any ABS-CBN employee who calls Cory Vidanes 'Covid' will be immediately fired charot.
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We do use 'mabuhay' in normal conversations.
"ᴬʸᵒᵏᵒ ⁿᵃⁿᵍ mabuhay!"
The word Mabuhay is in every Philippine guide book, all over airports and embedded in brand campaigns nationwide. Many foreigners see it as a greeting, but I've never actually heard a Filipino say it to another Filipino (outside of a prepared speech). Is there an everyday usage?
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"What do you do?"
"I get fucked for a living."
"Like a porn star?"
"No, like a Filipino citizen."
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Pinakaapektado ng COVID-19 yung mga nagtatrabaho sa mga industriyang nangangailangan ng social interaction, tulad ng service industry, hospitality industry, at why can't you hold me industry.
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PUTANGINA NAMALIK-MATA LANG BA AKO O TUMAGOS YUNG ISANG MAMA SA PADER DITO SA CORRIDOR SA PGH???
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DI BA WALA KANG NAIPANALONG KASO BILANG ABOGADO?
Duterte: I'm sure in the coming days, there will be arrests and complaints and a lot of lousy lawyers like Chel Diokno encouraging to violate the law.
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Tangina, pinirmahan ni Duterte yung Bayanihan keme extension hanggang 2021. Ibig sabihin inaasahan nilang tulala lang tayo hanggang next year.
Samantalang sa Taiwan, Thailand, at Korea, back to business at party-party na ulit. Bakit ganun? Umiinom din naman tayo ng milk tea.
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The Ka-DDS are now trying to attack Vico Sotto for supposedly disobeying directives re: public transpo.
Like President, like supporters.
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Steal a loaf of bread and you're a thief. Steal millions of Pesos and you're a politician or a tycoon.
According to the Manila Police District, the suspect, a resident of Balagtas in Bulacan, was caught by security officers with two cans of Spam luncheon meat worth P381.
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"Bakit ba kasi gabing gabi na, nasa bukid pa yung baka?"
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Mas masipag pa si Taylor Swift kaysa sa presidente natin.
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This is a big mood. Probably the only acceptable Dalagang Pilipina video.
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Sabi sa replies, "Walang Sinovac ang nabubuhay para sa sarili lamang" I hATE IT HERE.
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Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever looked for a hotel online? Did you notice that there are so many different prices out there for the exact same room? Well, Trivago does the work for you and instantly compares the prices of over 600,000 hotels from over 200 different websi
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Influencers love to pretend to be experts on everything---skincare kahit hindi derma, cooking kahit hindi nag-HRM o culinary arts, makeup kahit hindi nag-cosmetology, travel kahit hindi tourism grad---except politics. Don't give us that crap.
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How do we cancel Buknoy when she never even happened?
And besides, we already have Mimiyuuuh.
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Alam niyo, kaya sana nating mag-produce ng sariling bakuna. Kung utak lang, napakaraming matatalinong scientists sa Pilipinas. Ang kaso, sa militar at pulis napupunta ang pera imbis na sa research funding at latest lab facilities. Allergic ang gobyerno sa research.
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The sad thing is Bong Revilla does have a good chance of winning. Kapag nanalo nga siya, pagtatawanan niya tayong lahat kasi nanalo siya solely on the basis of his celebrity status and a budots ad, with no track record to speak of except a history of corruption.
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*Thesis.*
Statement of the Problem:
Me. I am the problem.
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Oh my God, kapag na-realize mong mas malaki pa ang foreign debt ng Du80-50 administration kaysa sa pinagsama-samang utang ni Marcos noong lahat ng terms niya.
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Paalala lang po na ang Aztec Clay ay hindi foundation. Hinuhugasan po ito.
#TVPatrol
Pang. Duterte, nagbantang ipakukulong ang mga maghahain ng impeachment complaint laban sa kaniya | ulat ni
@pia_gutierrez
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The 'G' in 'GCQ' means 'Good luck and don't fuck it up.'
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Us: "Mass testing."
Government: "Buksan ang malls!"
Us: "No, mass testing!"
DILG: "Pa-signature drive kaya tayo for federalism?
Us: "PUTANGINA MASS TESTING NGA."
Tito Sotto: "Hmmm. Instead of opening malls, why don't we open churches instead?"
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Magkaiba yung sinasabi re: aloe gel ng dalawang dermatologists na fina-follow ko. One says gels are generally drying, and the other says it's fine for oily skin types.
Siguro dapat next level na ng Twitter bardagulan. It's time for derma wars.
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REREGLAHIN AKO SA TENSION KAKAHINTAY KUNG SINO YUNG NATEGI RAW NA SENADOR. PARA AKONG PUMUSTA AT NANONOOD NG BASKETBOL NG KAMATAYAN.
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"Babe, roleplay tayo para maiba naman."
" Ang kinky naman hihi. Sige, babe."
"HAYOP KA!"
"MAS HAYOP KA! PINATAY MO ANG ANAK KO!"
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Babies with grown-up names are so fucking weird. No, I don't wanna fucking hold baby Nestor.
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Bobo amputa. Bakit, si Quezon ba ang may-ari ng Quezon City? Si Rizal ba ang may-ari ng Rizal Province? Si St Thomas Aquinas ba ang may-ari ng UST? Si Emma Watson ba ang may-ari ng Watsons Drug Store?
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Padre Damaso after being served the smallest chicken parts in Chapter 1 of Noli:
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December 24 - Christmas Eve
December 25 - Christmas Day
December 26-December 30 - The Great Macaroni Salad Eating Challenge Season 1.
December 31 - New Years Eve
January 1 - New Years Day
January 2 - February 1 - The Great Fruit Salad Eating Challenge All Stars.
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Puwede bang mag-away-away na lang tayo ulit tungkol sa okra at pinya sa pizza? Hindi yung may bigla na lang namamatay na vlogger.
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- First woman to be accepted into Harvard Medical School.
- Sold her house to found the Children's Medical Center, and lived on the second floor.
- Made an incubator out of bamboo.
- Worked as a pediatrician well into her 90s and lived up to 99.
Ur faves could never.
Today's Google doodle is about Fe del Mundo. Do Google her and find out what she did for the country.
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Sadboi na panget.
Duterte: Ngayon, alam ko na galit kayo. Magalit na lang kayo sa akin, kasi wala man talaga akong magawa.
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You're on the phone with your girlfriend.
She's upset.
She's going off about something that you said 'cause she doesn't get your humor like I do.
#ManilaEncounters
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Sobrang miss ko na yung friends ko pero baka next lifetime ko na sila mayakap at mabeso, kapag na-reincarnate na ako bilang baka sa New Zealand.
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STOP SHAMING SEX WORKERS. At least sila, nakikipag-sex para sa pera. Eh ikaw, pinuri lang nang konti, isinubo mo na yung buong tite.
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CASSIE HINDI KA MUNA PAPASOK SA ISKUL.
PERO TITA.
SINIRA NA NG MGA MILITAR ANG ISKUL. GINAWANG TAMBAKAN AT BARRACKS. TINAKOT YUNG PRINCIPAL AT MGA GURO. PINAGBINTANGANG NPA.
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Naghiwalay ang JaDine kasi mas malaki yung titi ni Nadine kaysa kay James.
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"Ma, salutatorian po ako!"
"Salutatorian lang? Kaka-computer mo 'yan, eh. Valedictorian ka sana."
"Ma, kahit Best in Attendance o Loyalty Award lang ang makuha ko, at least mas matalino pa rin ako kay Tito Sotto."
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"Hi, excuse me. Puwedeng magtanong? Saan po yung papuntang Winterfell?"
"Ah, so bale diretso lang tapos kumaliwa ka sa pangalawang kanto. May makikita kang stop light tapos kumanan ka sa may Petron."
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Ayaw na ayaw ko kapag nireregaluhan ako ng practical stuff (mugs and cups, towels, multi-tools, etc) noong bata ako pero sobrang naa-appreciate ko na ngayon. Hindi ko na kailangang bumili ng tuwalya.
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GHORL KALAT NA SA 114 COUNTRIES ANG COVID-19. KULANG NA LANG KUMANTA YUNG VIRUS NG MR WORLDWIDE NI PITBULL.
Health Secretary Francisco Duque says he does not totally agree with WHO describing the spread of
#COVID19
as a pandemic: It's just that he called it the way it is. his world view is probably, clearer from my world view. | via
@raphbosano
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Ito na ba yung final form nina Cara at Mia?
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May baon siyang inihaw na liempo, kamatis, at itlog na maalat.
Leaf Bags from Jean Paul Gaultier Spring 2010 Haute Couture
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"Sex or chocolates?"
"Mental and financial stability po, Tito Boy."
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Sa mga nagsasabing lahat naman ng bansa ay nabigla at hindi napigilan ang coronavirus, share ko lang na ang total number of cases sa Taiwan as of this typing ay 59 lang.
That's what happens when you have a competent government that channels your taxes where they are needed.
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GUSTO NIYONG IBABA SA 15 (AND EVEN DOWN TO 13) ANG AGE OF CRIMINAL RESPONSIBILITY PERO "MASYADONG MATANDA NA SI IMELDA PARA IKULONG" LIKE YOU SUDDENLY CARE ABOUT AGE???
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I can't believe there are people who defend Tito Sotto. I mean why would anybody defend a plagiarist, a sexist pig, a defender of rapists, an enemy of agrarian reform, an extortionist, and a world-class idiot, all rolled into one unfunny comedian-turned-politician? Can't relate.
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Not big on Kpop (kasi takot ako sa stans) pero ang galing pala talaga ng Red Velvet, ano?
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Ang Tangang Ina.
@CamilleElemia
LOOK: Ai-ai Delas Alas represents senatorial bet Bong Go in PDP-Laban’s Cainta rally. Joining her is Bong Go’s mascot.
#PHVote
| via
@CamilleElemia
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Straight line:
______________________________________
Dashed line:
___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
Saan hahatiin ang Sky Flakes:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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Yes, I practice BDSM.
B - Baka
D - Dapat
S - Sarili
M - Munang kasiyahan ang piliin.
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"Bugbog o dignidad"? Iba na talaga ang kabataan ngayon. Noong panahon namin, "Pera o Bayong" lang charot.
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💖💖💖💖💖💖
💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
💖💖 💖💖
💖💖 💖💖
💖💖 💖💖
💖💖 💖💖
💖💖 💖💖
💖💖💖💖💖💖
💖💖
💖💖
💖💖ara kang sphinx, ugali mo'y napaka-stinks.
💖💖
💖💖
💖💖
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Ipanalo na natin siya, guys!
Human rights lawyer Chel Diokno: Given all the factors, yes, I will be running in
#Halalan2022
.
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Work hard until Healthy Options becomes your Save More.
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To all my mutuals and followers, please don't tweet with the hashtag
#UbuhanSiDuterte
. It is never appropriate to say
#UbuhanSiDuterte
kahit na gusto niyo pang
#UbuhanSiDuterte
. Sana po hindi na natin ipa-trend ang
#UbuhanSiDuterte
.
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Parang mas nagustuhan ko pa rin talaga yung Infinity War, lalo na nung mawawala na si Peter Parker. Alalang alala ko pa yung linya niya:
"Mr Stark...
I don't feel any pressure right now."
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Bakit ganun pareho lang naman kami ni Taylor Swift na may 24 hours sa isang araw ah.
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Remember in high school, ang hilig-hilig nating mag-heart-to-heart talk at open forum? Tapos ngayon, nagpaplastikan na lang tayong lahat? That's maturity charot.
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Madalas, nakabarong sila o kaya may badge.
Rep. Yap: Ang mga terrorist hindi natin sila nakikita, nakasuot sila gaya tayong mga civilians.
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Pinuyat ni Duterte ang sambayanan to pull rank and to threaten a mayor who's doing so much better as his antithesis. But what's new? Ampaw is as ampaw does.
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36 Celsius? *Guffaws in Filipino.*
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May God Tier-God Tier pa kayong nalalaman pota sa bahay namin kakainin mo kung anong inihanda kundi 'wag ka na lang kumain pakaarteng mga batang 'to mga laki sa luho amputa dami-daming nagugutom sa mundo.
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