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@ParkerKirtley

Followers
627
Following
577
Media
2,610
Statuses
24,326

former collegiate athlete, domestic abuse survivor, @eagles stan, @phillies stan

Chicago, IL
Joined February 2014
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Pinned Tweet
im diamond in league of legends incase anyone is interested
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@kyedae
Kyedae
2 years
I never thought someone being good at video games was so hot until I started dating a gamer.
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@Tommy_A_C_ @hourly_shitpost 1st degree is premeditated intentional murder, 2nd is you meant to do harm or impulsively murdered and 3rd is unintentional and negligence. Kind of like manslaughter
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@recluse_tony @Maebe_A_Girl @KingsleyCortes They’ll never talk about this bc it doesn’t fit their gunsexual narrative
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@LiteNavarro @Tommy_A_C_ @hourly_shitpost I’m in school to be an attorney :)
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@EducateProtect1 @Snowden Fetterman is a working class guy who ran an amazing campaign, and Dr. Oz doesn’t even live in PA lmfao delete this
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@JomboyMedia Softest stare down I’ve ever seen they should’ve started kissing instead
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@ParkerKirtley
Pk
10 months
@macaiyla My sister in Christ you are a part of these people !
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@WomenPostingLs these are pinkie mice that are frozen and sold at pet stores. I literally feed my snake these theyre in the exact packaging
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@JoePostingg @mh818_ When Mitch McConnell finally dies from stroke related injuries on July 28th, 2023 at 12:34 PM
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@LolOverruled biggest shock of working in the legal field is when you realize judges aren’t demigods they’re just attorney’s that the partisan governor decided to let make decisions. This shit is all made up
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@TalkinBaseball_ I’m going to kill myself my fantasy team is so cooked
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@GiraffeNeckMarc @BengalYouTube Kyle Schwarber if he only played defense
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@uhmjaz When she tells me all their names, then turns them around so they don’t watch us have sex
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@TalkinBaseball_ Moderate pimp job. fuji might be racist
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@ParkerKirtley
Pk
11 months
@StoolBaseball we’re so fucking back baby
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@connrrrrrr @SportsCenter I had Daniel Jones break down the team (the speech in the locker room) and he said no practice on Tuesday. I said turn down the music and having Tuesday off is okay.
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@AdamSchefter Sir a third bulldog has hit Lincoln financial field
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@DarinBashaw @we_doneyet @Tim_Tweeted @darafaye “hey I think you shoplifted” “no I didn’t, here’s the receipt” “ok cool, have a good day” it should end right there
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A kid almost dying, students stabbing their mothers, shitty lunches that are almost un edible, LPS you're done lol
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@BookieKillerKid @ipatoedits @methodJakei @Cobratate Flexing another mans wealth is next level dick riding
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@TalkinBaseball_ “I only care about you hitting hard” legendary
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St. Louis is cancelled. Kansas City best city in Missouri confirmed now.
@ChipsAhoy
Chip
5 years
Today we're eating our cookies St. Louis style❗
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@PHLEaglesNation let howie cook
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@BulldogBeing @tiburon_0 Delete this bro LMFAO
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@ParkerKirtley
Pk
11 months
@thomasrp93 He held DPOY Bosa to 0 sacks 0 hits and 1 pressure in the NFCCG off a torn groin. Absolutely the 🐐
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@BrosConfessions they tax it you idiots, the tax money from the lottery goes towards schools
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What is with basic white girls obsession with the pool? Your tan won’t hide your horrible personality honey
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@rohat_kilinc @arshgoyal13 @teemuu9 Reddit moderators try not to be cringe children challenge
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@ParkerKirtley
Pk
11 months
@TalkinBaseball_ Knocking someone out should be an extra 10 points on fantasy
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@Marimota0917 @RepMTG This just in: twitter user discovers lobbyist donations. Wait until you find out how boebert went from a highschool dropout to a millionaire after only being in office for a few years.
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@ParkerKirtley
Pk
10 months
@PhillyBleedin @PHLEaglesNation this year is a 100% must win. No way lane, cox, BG and Kelce all run it back one more time. If we win then 3/4 are gone
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@26Reddot @AdamSchefter Players who didn’t declare for the draft but not eligible to go back to college, teams use a future pick to draft during the supplemental
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@_Yengcheng @Tommy_A_C_ @hourly_shitpost 1st is when you follow another player around and plan on killing. 2nd is when you want to get someone to 1hp and you accidentally kill them. 3rd is when you randomly shoot into the sky not planning on killing and you get a kill
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@snowbirdtbh Gay people, the most privileged people in todays society, literally couldn’t get married until like 10 years ago LMFAO
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PSA: It's getting hot and close to Summer so beware of all the snakes out there. Here's some examples of what to look out for:
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@topazlibrary @Guitaratmyage @tombombadelio @dogeofficialceo @elonmusk I literally muted Elon and now I see replies of him on my FYP this dude is so obsessed with the attention
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@macaiyla i work in a domestic law firm in kc lmk if u need a prenup referral @loltyler1
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Unfollowing people from high school that I don’t have to care about anymore>>>
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@JasonKander Thanks Dad
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When she tells you she misses you and she can’t wait for you to come home, but then ghosts you over break
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@BasiilLeaf @NotFluyid tweeting at 4am from a cemetery…
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When you can't take harsh criticism :/
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@OGApe12 @EuphoriTori there are 3 trans athletes in the state of Kansas and two of them are graduating, but yet there’s 10+ bills trying to regulate them and implement penis inspection days. Please seek immediate lobotomy
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@BleacherReport @BRWalkoff @MLB As a Phillies fan for the past two weeks these last three games are the worst baseball I’ve ever seen
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Date me because I'm lonely and I have Spotify premium and Apple Music and I'll let you use it
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@DaveThomasRules @EducateProtect1 @Snowden He served as Lt. governor and mayor of a city. What political qualifications does Dr oz have I’ll wait
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@macaiyla @hasanthehun Chinny you literally spew transphobic shit, my sister in christ you are the cancer
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Nope it’s fat guy fall y’all already had ur time move over
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@ParkerKirtley
Pk
10 months
@RedditCFB old man saw his oline and decides to hang up the towel already that’s crazy
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@Eagles Gardner Minshew
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If there's a tornado I'm getting in my car and leaving my ideal place of death is definitely not Liberty north high school
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@chillextremist her name is noodle
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@RyanR12895 @ndrew_lawrence gods not real buddy hope this helps
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OH GOD 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 http://t.co/d4FZoNnLWf
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@HeyImJonas @tarzaned If no players are connected to a game at any point it gets disappears and acts like nothing happened. Was put in for custom games I think
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Tomorrow is June, I honestly didn’t think I would make it past March as the last 5 months have been the worst time of my life, but here we are. Therapy is cool :)
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todays tea: ) ) ) ) ( ) ) _(___(____)____(___(__ \ / _ \ / | \ Tea is /____| \ Gross / \____________/
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A wolf on the hill is not as hungry as a wolf climbing the hill
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Fun fact: the people who did 9/11 came from Saudi Arabia which isn't affected by the ban 🤔🤔
@brandon_vaca11
brandon vaca
7 years
Here's a photo for all those people upset about the Muslim ban.
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@philly1228 @EducateProtect1 @Snowden who would the working class rather vote for, the big burly man who is pro-worker and was a mayor for a steel working town or a millionaire from new jersey please think before typing
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Mission failed we’ll get em next time
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@highIightheaven QB’s mic always on is so sick, the rock isn’t playing with this shit
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delete this
@GovParsonMO
Governor Mike Parson
5 years
It's time to make Missouri the most Pro-Life state in the country! Thanks to leaders in the House and Senate, we are one vote away from passing one of the strongest #ProLife bills in the country - standing for life, protecting women’s health, and advocating for the unborn.
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It's April 5th and we still don't have a line up for buzz beach ball.
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@Yassuo Pokemon scarlet and violet is TRASH. Feels like it was made in 1994 before San Andreas. terrible graphics, terrible pokemon, terrible everything. Devs should be ashamed. Uninstalled L game
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@BarstoolPhilly Bat spikes go so fucking hard idc
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Only coach price would mark me unverified the day after seniors last day 🤔🤦🏻‍♂️
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What age can I file a restraining order bc I have a couple of people I don't want to see less than 500 feet from me
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Girls with their autocapitalization off have a 100% chance of breaking your heart
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I graduated almost a year ago and haven’t had gates in 2 years but I still have his tweet notifications on bc I’m a real one
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So cute to see this. If you’re not blocked by the superintendent or the school district by senior year you have failed
@Aldo04810729
Aldo
5 years
Hey, @LIBERTYSCHOOLS 99% of lps students aren’t professional ice skaters so do us a favor and cancel school tomorrow
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@JCfromLV LMFAOOOO this is perfect
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@SaviorOfSanFran @_willcompton @AmericaShaman @BussinWTB yeah have the schizo guy who spent like 2 years in prison for trying to overturn an election I’m sure that’s a good idea
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@TySky22 @POTUS my favorite thing about pictures like this is when people buy the most expensive brand available and then complain why it costs so much lmfaoooooo
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You vs the guy she tells you not to worry about
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Rose found this number is his AP Psych textbook so I had to shoot my shot
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I missed you @LIBERTYSCHOOLS i cant wait to see what you fuck up this year and i can't wait to get asked for my ID 25651515 times
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Just because you go to church doesn't mean you're a good person, there are plenty of Christians who are full of nothing but hate
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" @AddiePaulson : I will date a baseball player" http://t.co/qz7j1rVdWp
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