One Fresh Pillow
@OneFreshPillow
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🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️ Created by a Licensed Massage Therapist and his smokin’ wife who definitely doesn’t run this twitter account. Sleep Right, Sleep Tight
Sleepville
Joined July 2016
I wish we had better news but we aren’t able to ship out pillows. We had a major setback and are working hard to get everything sorted. Thought it would have been resolved by now. 😭 There’s not enough wine for all of this.
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*clears throat*.*taps mic thrice*. Uhhhh, we fucking hate it.
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It's been a long day, but I have pillow news! To recap: National Guard sleeping on hard floors while defending our Capitol. Lots of you tagged us asking if we could help. We tweeted in search of a service member in DC, and had a hit within an hour. 1/8.
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Our country has a lot of problems, but I'll be damned if I'm going to see it brought to its knees by a bunch of LARPing assholes worshiping the worst president we will (hopefully) ever see. If sending this stuff helps this group fight the good fight, then it's all worth it. 8/8
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WE HAVE NEWS: Mr. Pillow (you know, my handsome husband) has finally quit his job to run this pillow co full time. We are a combo of nervous + super excited. 💙 Please retweet and tell us we made the right decision and help get us to 100,000 followers to celebrate! 💙. Xoxo 😘.
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I’ve been saying this since before anyone listened to me: @Kaepernick7 will be revered in history as a giant for advancing racial equality. He is an absolute hero, and his legacy will surpass his stint in the NFL and the NFL itself.
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Some of you let us know our idea is stupid. Hope you feel better now that you got that out. Others wanted to make sure we weren't sending pillows made by that "other" pillow guy. (Literally whyyyy would we do that?) 5/8.
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I truly never thought we'd see something like the attempted coup at our Capitol, and I am sick to death of living in these "unprecedented times." Donating these items felt like helping in a situation that we otherwise feel helpless in. It was a selfish thing to do on our part 7/8.
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There is not a single life I would trade on this earth for the ability to own a gun. I’ll never understand it.
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Today's mission: packaging. 100 Travel Pillows, 30 Standard Pillows, and 30 Sleep Masks are boxed up and ready to ship out tomorrow to a civilian address (way easier from a logistics perspective) and then taken by my contact to the airfield. 3/8.
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IMPORTANT NEWS: We’ve signed @thedpledge to show our commitment that we will never, EVER support politicians who pushed the big lie or threaten our democracy. Help spread the word: Follow us and help us call for ALL companies to join us in signing the pledge!.
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YOU GUYS. Thanks to you we have gained 23,000 new followers in the last week. We are now 8,700 followers away from hitting 75k. (Can you believe?) Please retweet and tell all the non-insurrectionists you know to follow our sedition-free, treason-free account! #PillowOfThePeople.
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The majority of those who have reached out asked how to help or donate to the cause. That is so sweet of all of you and so appreciated, but unnecessary. We committed to donate an amount we were comfortable with, so there's no need to help us by sending money 6/8.
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The fact that I, Adrianne Kautz, CO-OWNER OF ONE FRESH PILLOW, don't know when or how I will be able to get the vaccine. is totally understandable given that Biden has only been un-fucking the rollout for about 4 weeks now. Calm down, Meghan. #ForeverStanDrFauci.
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@JaredLPatterson @RepMaryGonzalez Jared, you’re telling me that you would force my 12 year old to give birth while also deeming her too immature to use Instagram? Is that what I’m hearing?.
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NEWS: Our shipment of products has made it to our contact at the National Guard! Items will be distributed on site tomorrow. My heart is very, very full 💙.
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Y'ALL. That OTHER pillow guy is back on Twitter. Don't let him catch us in followers! RT and follow us if you would rather buy pillows from a loving and liberal husband and wife team with a patented pillow that ROCKS😎
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Our contact is at an airfield outside of DC, and his group is aircraft pilots and maintainers in the Washington, D.C. National Guard. (That is all I am authorized to tell you.) He coordinated with his CO (commanding officer) to make sure our donation would be acceptable. 2/8.
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I love that we’re not having to release a statement about whether or not we support racist voter suppression laws, because Y’ALL ALREADY KNOW 😎.
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There are less than 100 people at the airfield, so my contact will take any remaining inventory to the DC Armory for the folks there (There are thousands currently at that location. Unfortunately, we couldn't supply every person with a sleep mask.) 4/8.
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A message from our little pillow company. We love you. 💙
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Who’s got a pillow company, two thumbs, and possession of her cell phone? MRS. PILLOOWWWWWW DOOOOOOO 😂😂😂
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I popped a bottle of champagne around 5:00 today to celebrate 9k followers. I'm polishing off the last glass (don't judge me) with almost double that. Cheers, new friends. To good sleep and a new President is just 25 hours. Thanks for being here 💙
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The pillows have landed. I REPEAT: The pillows have landed!!! #MakeAmericaSleepAgain @NationalGuard @DCNationalGuard
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BREAKING: I will be releasing a 30-min documentary called “The Evidence” where I read all of my best tweets to prove I am the funniest pillow account on Twitter.
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Um, guys? I think we just sold out of pillows? But some orders are still going through? It's all a lot right now, but I'll update you guys when I have more information, okay? Also, I love you 💙💙💙
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Am I vaxxed? YES.Am I relaxed? YES.Do I still roll into the store in a mask? YES! #vaxxedandrelaxed.
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Pillow Family, I have news: Pillow Daddy has tested positive for COVID. I am so thankful that we were both vaccinated back in March and have escaped it for this long. He had cold-like symptoms that prompted the test. Kiddo and I are negative so far.
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If you think we’re better than that OTHER pillow company, RT and give us a follow, would you? 💙💙💙.
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GET. RID. OF. THE. F*CKING. GUNS. When will enough be enough????.
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If we get 400,000 likes, I will run for Governor of Florida. YOUR MOVE, TWITTER
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I am SO ANGRY about the misinformation being spread about COVID. I didn't realize just how angry I was until I watched a local teacher die (via social media) over the past few weeks 1/9.
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A lot of you have bought our pillows tonight. Like, A LOT. Here's a little video to demonstrate what makes our pillow so special. (Besides not being all treasony and stuff.)
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Is it overkill if I sign every tweet with “sent by Twitter for iPhone that is currently in my hands and not in federal custody?”.
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I want to update everyone on why we sold out of pillows yesterday. We were actually working on getting another round of pillows started up a week ago. The amount we had in stock at the time should have lasted us for 3 months based on our past 90 days of sales trends. 1/6.
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Sitting at my in-law’s house with my sister, drinking and talking shit about Matt Gaetz. I love my family 😂.
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Friends, my absolute smoke show of a husband turns 50 today. The best things in my life are because of him, and fifty more years with him won’t be enough. Please join me in wishing THE Mr. Pillow a happy birthday 💙 #HappyBirthdayAaron #50andFINE
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Why is a pillow co tweeting about #GaetzGate?. 1. We live next door to his district, so this is a local issue for us. He’s been problematic from the jump. 2. I want you to know who you’re getting in bed with, literally. You’ll always know what our values are . 💙 Mrs. Pillow.
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BREAKING NEWS!! Trust me, you want to watch this.
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"No treason, no sedition, all Schitt’s Creek memes." Write it on my tombstone. Great read from @Dleib about the wild ride we've been on the past few weeks.
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For every time we tweet about #CancunCruz today, let’s also donate to the efforts to take care of the Texans he’s neglecting. I’ll add some options below.
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Step 1: Cozy nap time on the best pillow in the land.Step 2: DEFEND OUR CAPITAL LIKE A BOSS 😎 🇺🇸🦅
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Good morning, friends! Anything new or interesting going on in the world of pillows? 👀
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I need a shirt that says, “I’m gonna punch him out, I’m gonna go to jail, and I’m gonna be happy.”.
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I honestly don’t know how sober / non-medicated people are surviving at this point. Truly. Are you shoving crystals up your ass? How much are you spending on therapy? This shit is so bleak.
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If I owned a bar, I’d put a drink on my menu called “Trump Won”, and if you ordered it, I would just squirt ketchup in your face, then smack you.
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I would rather have my child live in a house full of LGBTQ+ people than full of Florida GOP officials.
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I got my first many/pedi in over a year. I'm sitting at a bar drinking a cocktail while I wait on my takeout. Your girl is #vaxxedandrelaxed you guys, and it feels so good!.
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AMANDA GORMAN, you guys. I will build her a tower of the freshest pillows in the land 😭.
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I don't know how to say "thank you" to everyone who has followed us a retweeted us and ordered from us since yesterday. Words will never be enough. From our little family to all of you, THANK YOU FOREVER 6/6
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You guys. YOU GUYS. It’s just getting sadder and sadder.
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Y’all, Twitter is wearing me the f*ck out. Can we just be in a super chill group text instead? You send me pics of your pets and every few days I either drunk text you some insanity or ask you to buy our pillows. Who’s in?.
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Ya girl has the ‘rona, fam. Started feeling bad late Tuesday, negative rapid on Wednesday, got my positive PCR back just now. I already feel better. More than ever, I am SO THANKFUL TO BE VACCINATED 💙.
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@yashar Dasia, let us know if you need patent $$$ We know how expensive that gets, and we’d be happy to help.
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Use the code KRAKEN on our site, and I will jump through the screen and punch you in the face.
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I know millionaires who bought a private plane with their PPP money, but by all means let’s bitch about $10k in student loan forgiveness.
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No orders today, guys. Let's just enjoy the moment.
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NEWS: We are thrilled to announce that we are now a corporate partner of @TrevorProject! This is the first of many corporate partnerships we hope to enter into that will support the causes we feel passionately about. 1/5.
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Publix is selling terror kits! Does Susan Collins know about this??
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Sharing this classic for all the new followers. Follow @blaireerskine (oh, who am I kidding? You already are.).
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Yes, I’m still in the same outfit. It has been a DAY. In the best possible way, though. Doing my best to get to all your DMs and emails. So many sweet offers to help us fill gaps during this surge in sales - we’re okay, I promise! Cheers to our last sleep before Biden!
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Melanie is not allowed to buy our pillows. Write it down.
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S/o to the kid sitting in front of me at the @FSUFootball game that just chanted “Let’s go Brandon” and thought I wouldn’t call him out on his bullshit. #ThanksBrandon
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Okay, everybody be cool. Don’t freak out. But maybe sit down? Just in case?. *whispers*. our container is at the fulfillment center.
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That feeling when you’re the owner of a pillow company who isn’t continuing to support an overthrow of our democracy.
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Y'all. Can you please let me hit 40k followers tomorrow? I've already had A LOT of wine, and I don't think I have it in me to pop a bottle of bubbly.
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Pillow family, we have a member going through some bad times. Please take a moment to hold her in your heart today.💙💙💙. (And of course, we've refunded her purchase and are trying to pull strings with the fulfillment center to overnight a pillow to her.)
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Are you looking for a pillow company that is ragingly liberal? We got you.
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80K freaking followers! In January, we didn’t even have 8k. So thankful our story has resonated with all of you. Being able to share this journey with you amazing people is such an honor 💙💙💙.
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@WhiteHouse Oooooooh, people gotta stop sleeping on the White House account! Coming through with the HEAT! 😂.
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I’m 44 years old. My daddy is 63 (on Friday.).Pillow Daddy is 53. His daddy is 74. We’ve lived in Florida for a combined 223 years. None of us have ever evacuated for a hurricane before. We’re all leaving Tallahassee tomorrow morning.
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I’m sorry if you followed us and thought it would be wall-to-wall pillow content 😂.
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I’m not saying we are officially America’s Pillows, but a family of bald eagles lives in our backyard. #SecretaryofSlumber #MakeAmericaSleepAgain
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Do I espouse the importance of sleeping with your spine neutrally aligned? Yes. Will I twist my body into a pretzel to keep from disturbing my sleeping cat? ALSO YES.
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It’s not politics for us. It’s politics as it relates to social support systems, civil rights, and human rights. It’s not red or blue: it’s basic humanity.
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Are we a brand, though? Or are we a wine drunk 40 year old woman shitposting while she drifts off to sleep?.
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Someone unfollowed us because of a tweet about student loan forgiveness. THAT was the bridge too far for you? Out of all the things I tweet? INCREDIBLE 😂.
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@TrishkaPauru @davidhogg111 Don't be sad. We're doing great! And pretty soon, David and William will be our brothers in arms that we commiserate with about the joys of pillow company ownership.
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Great news, everyone: Your order just got bumped up a slot! We have fired this person as a customer and canceled their order. #FAFO
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Our combined age is 89, and we still look younger than Stephen Miller
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I came her to cause trouble and sell pillows. And guess what? I’m all out of pillows 😎 (until May).
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