Kane Williamson
@NotNossy
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54,835
Following
979
Media
96
Statuses
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Professional ship steadier. Just doing it for the team. Not Kane (although he says I'm funny). PARODY ACCOUNT.
In the nets.
Joined September 2012
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Pinned Tweet
We stood in a field for 8 hours while someone counted our numbers but we had the same number so we had another go but we still had the same number so they opened the number book and picked an arbitrary number so we could stop standing in a field
Describe your *least* favorite sports moment, as boring as possible.
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You think y’all feel bad, I’ve got 650 hours of media interviews to do now
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Hi
@JimmyNeesh
@Martyguptill
and the rest of the
@BLACKCAPS
, this is an order from your (not)captain to look after yourselves and each other. Thanks for doing it for the team ❤️
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Sure England won the best ODI of all time but I think we’re looking good for the longest team hug of all time 😢
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How many caps could Kane’s cap cap if Kane’s cap could cap caps?
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I know I scored a ‘century’ today which is ‘good’ but actually Kyle Jamieson has a higher batting average than me so can you all please talk about him instead
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A bit surprised that Steve Smith took the risk of ball tampering when most of his players don’t have a high enough IQ to know which side of the ball to tamper with
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Please, if you see me limping slightly don't ask about it, I have RSI (Repetitive SuperOvers Injury) and you just make it worse when you ask
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Tim,
Please stop performing the Romeo & Juliet monologue at the balcony when you come back from drinks duty. Firstly, you are getting the lines wrong, and secondly, I need Trent to focus today.
Regards,
Kane W
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WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I mean... what a classic TDI (two day international) that was, well played everyone, really did it for the team
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I am super over super overs haha. More like superfluous overs, am I right haha? Haha I’m fine haha
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For Ross’ 100th test I might let him run me out, as a treat
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Apparently I have to ‘rest’ because I’m the ‘captain’ and I ‘play too much cricket’ so they’ve confiscated my passport...AS IF THAT’S STOPPED ME BEFORE! BRB SWIMMING TO SRI LANKA
New Zealand have won the series, but will they have 11 fit players for the third T20I on Friday? 🤔
#SLvNZ
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Watch the ball Trent for god’s sake we have a final to play
New Zealand looked happy and relaxed ahead of their clash against England in the
#CWC19
final.
Can the 2015 finalists go one step further this time around? 👀
#NZvENG
|
#BackTheBlackCaps
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If anyone would like to join me for a cup of tea I have put a couple of tea bags in a drink bottle and left it at square leg so it should be ready in about six minutes
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THANK YE CRICKET GODS FOR BLESSING US WITH THIS FORTUITOUS FALLING OF THE SACRED COIN, WE ARE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL AND HUMBLED BY YOUR KINDNESS
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Just got to the ground and Gup’s still sitting in the observation room, glaring out the window. I wondered why I didn’t see him at the hotel last night
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*me logging onto twitter bleary-eyed after several months* oh god please not praise, I don’t even bat four, what am I doing here
@JasonRoy20
@ImRo45
@imVkohli
In at four and as captain...
🌟KANE WILLIAMSON🌟
Since his ODI debut in 2010,
@NotNossy
has scored the fifth most runs in the format behind Virat Kohli, Rohit Sharma.
📽📱Watch him in action 👉
#bbccricket
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I do not condone violence but also I am not captain today so fuck em up Wags
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Neil just finished his over and asked me if he can bowl from the other end too. Classic Neil but I don't think that's technically allowed, buddy
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Just happy to realise I’m taller than him so at least I won one thing today
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Ok just gonna disassociate for approximately 20 minutes, don’t mind me
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Apparently Martin is in the nets, staring coldly at a single stump and launching ball after ball at it like he’s a faulty bowling machine
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All time favourite cricketer from each nation:
🇮🇳 Everyone
🇬🇧 Everyone
🇦🇺 Everyone
🇵🇰 Everyone
🇱🇰 Everyone
🇳🇿 Everyone (not me)
🇿🇦 Everyone
🇧🇩 Everyone
🇦🇬 Everyone
🇿🇼 Everyone
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Oh heck, darn and gosh. I am so sorry and this will not be happening again
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I have conducted extensive research and can conclude that watching Aussie centuries sucks from all three locations of field, hotel room, and sideline. This experiment is now complete and I look forward to watching no more Aussie centuries
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🎶 I need a spiiinner
I’m holding out for a spinner til the end of the niiiight
He’s gotta be fast and he’s gotta be strong
And his figures have got to be tight 🎶
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Hi team,
Trent has lost his lucky teddy bear. If anyone has seen it please let me or management know. Tim - if you’ve hidden it, stop being a dick. You know he won’t leave the changing sheds without it.
Thanks,
Kane W
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We can Capitalise, it’s not hard you just use the shift key
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Abandoning mission. Will never reach pitch. Trying to attract help by making fire using Dan's glasses.
#thankgodhewenttospecsavers
#MCGsobig
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Wow they really made me the palest emoji when Eoin Morgan, an Irishman, is right there. This is slander
#KaneWilliamson
#EoinMorgan
#ViratKohli
#DimuthKarunaratne
#AaronFinch
#JasonHolder
#MashrafeMortaza
#FafduPlessis
#SarfarazAhmed
#GulbadinNaib
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Trent is refusing to talk to me because I’ve made too many Trent Bridge puns this week
Build a Trent Bridge and get over it hun
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“Thanks Shaun, I actually have a nets session in 10 so if we could make this quick that would be much appreciated”
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NOT TO OVERREACT BUT I’VE JUST DONE A LITTLE HOP SKIP AND A JUMP
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Oh Henry, why did you review that, I thought we all agreed to play with extreme selflessness, you’re not really doing it for the team if....oh wait, carry on
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AS CAPTAIN OF THIS COUNTRY I DECREE TOMORROW A PUBLIC HOLIDAY SEE YOU AT THE PUB FIRST ROUND’S ON ME
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If this was a game of noughts and crosses I’d rate our chances
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Please, before you say mean things about my beard, can I just ask you to first look at this
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Ah, I see that I will be doing all the batting today. I do like doing batting but that’s a bit selfish so if someone else could also do some batting I would like that
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Was going to smash up the changing room but lost my nerve so I switched around some stuff in people's kit bags
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Excuse me there’s only one Incredibles character Ben Stokes looks like
Joe Root calls Ben Stokes his Mr. Incredible - he even reckons he looks like him! 🦸
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Thank you Colin and Martin for giving Ross and I an extra 5 minutes to make sure we’ve securely tied our shoelaces
#openingbatsmen
#doingitfortheteam
#forfiveminutesonly
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They say that I shouldn't play T20s. They say that men can't multitask.
BUT I AM NO MAN
I AM THE KANEDROID 2000 AND I AM PROGRAMMED TO PLAY CRICKET
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My shirt says 'WILLAMSON' tonight because there's no i in team. Apart from the first i because that's my name. I'm still working on it
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Day 2 of quest to inspect pitch: beginning to lose hope. Cannot even see stumps. Grass stretching to the horizon. Supplies running low.
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Hello, this is your captain speaking. It has come to my attention that some of you (Trent) have been glaring at me for the entire innings break (Trent) and I'd like to say to those people (Trent) that I can't help it that bowling's so easy for me
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I’m the trophy
Tag yourself in this pic. I’m Kane Williamson’s weird outsider pose trying to get close and be like the others but failing.
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I am trying to subtweet my bowlers is this the correct process
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TIMOTHY GRANT SOUTHEE do not stick a pin in the inflated flag balloons I REPEAT DO NOT STICK A PIN IN THE INFLATED FLAG BALLOONS
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I can’t believe it... 4 losses.... betrayed..... by my own father......
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“Colin? Big man?”
*grunt*
“You’re up next. See ball, hit ball, yeah?”
*cheerful grunt*
“Good boy, Colin!”
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One sec, just hopping in the time machine so I can go back and adjust the 750 interviews where I said Sachin is my favourite player
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‘New Zealand batsmen’s approach to opening the batting [DRAMATIC RECREATION]’
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hello yes I am Lane Billiamson number 8 bat for New Zealand cricket team. Please let me on field
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Looking forward to a hit around with the lads today 🙂 just a casual hit around 🙂 a nice catch up 🙂 no pressure 🙂
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Doubled the team score after only three balls, pretty good even for me
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Fun fact the corridor of uncertainty is also what you call that awkward path back to the changing sheds through all the posh people at lords
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Err in the same vein I have also watched us lose wickets from all the above locations so I’m done with that too thanks team. I have enough data now so please stop losing wickets
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7 overs in and I’ve already run out of bowling options. Tommy get those gloves off, you’re up
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I appreciate the commentators not talking about me for a while but did it have to be in the form of an extended 1999 World Cup retrospective
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Numbers are irrelevant to me so I’m gonna declare when I’m on 199 to annoy you all
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Sorry this was meant to be a group text but I don’t know how to delete tweets. Please ignore
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jUST DoING IT foR THe TEAM
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Hehe
Kane Williamson poised to topple Virat Kohli as No. 1 Test batsman
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I like to position myself in the field so I have the optimum ability to stare right at someone when they have to take a catch.
No pressure pal this is just the most important thing you’ll do this week and my entire happiness depends on it
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Have sent a message up to the commentary box to ask suzie bates if she could possibly please make her way to the dugout and pad up to go in at 9 thank you very much please big fan of your work
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Sants carries around all my cricket books while we’re on tour. Tim throws stuff at us and calls us nerds, but joke’s on him because he only has a reading age of 9
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Please...someone help us...the pitch has been stolen...an unprecedented crime in the game of cricket... we will not let this go unpunished... oh wait I’ve found it, sorry everyone
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*waves arm in direction of commentary box* there’s another game happening right now you old gits
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I don’t want a scan on my shoulder, leave me alone! Let me back on! Let me back on! Let me back on! NO DON’T LET TIM BE CAPTAIN, LET ME BACK ON! UNLOCK THIS AMBULANCE DOOR RIGHT NOW, HOW DARE YOU
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Trent, my buddy. My pal. Big fan of how you do that thing where you hit the stumps but can you...maybe.....do that when I'm captain
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Shoutout to Colin and Martin for listening when I asked the middle order not to let the team down this time
What I was definitely asking for was that the openers do that instead and they nailed it
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Timmy asked if he could open the batting. STAY IN YOUR LANE, MATE
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Note to self: if anyone drops a catch they can go and field in the puddle of vomit that Colin just deposited at mid-off
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Uhhhh this is embarrassing. I gotta go deflect some praise now bye
The ICC Spirit of Cricket Award 2018 goes to Kane Williamson, for continuing to be a shining role model of how our game should be played, his behaviour setting an outstanding example on and off the field 🙌
➡️
#SpiritofCricket
#ICCAwards
🏆
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My greatest achievement as captain has been introducing little rhymes to help the bowlers remember their plans e.g. GO FULLER TO MAHMUDULLAH
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Trying to locate the match referee to settle the rumour that rained out matches are decided by a round of Google Doodle snail cricket
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Honestly I pretty much passed the fitness test apart from the bit where the manager caught me throwing up in someone's kit bag
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Lads if I get out you don’t all need to do the same in solidarity
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