captain AT
@NotAsian_Tyler
Followers
816
Following
684
Media
3,970
Statuses
47,112
i shoot film and drive boats. no loss is permanent, because nothing is permanent, ever.
Joined May 2009
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@Nicmiccul
@manicsocratic
No nick. We just wanted it to be real. We wanted to believe in something.
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@chrissyteigen
What if you hit it with an immersion blender and some ricotta and topped it with toasted almonds
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Down 40lbs and going for another 20lbs thanks modern medicine
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For the future of the species, please do not reproduce. Also you could signal ships along the coast with that shiny ass forehead.
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When i was younger, i was dumb with credit cards. Through grad school, and then through 3 years of living in Boston on <$20k/year, i racked up debt.
I just got paid for summer work/consulting and paid the entire balance down. I could cry.
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Ok I’ll bite. What is willmons, who are the willmamis, and why are they all absolute rockets?
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If you gave me a sleeve of zyn wintergreen, a case of yellow redbull and one of these I’d find that sub
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@Thunder9501
@KylePlantEmoji
@plop_r
It’s a quote from Home Alone. Now a modern American colloquialism.
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So let me get this right, millennials are about to enter their 3rd economic downturn since 2007, and good coffee is the object of blame for why we’re all in debt
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For anyone looking for a wedding date, this is the energy i can bring
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@kyprogeneias
@onearm_wonderr
@bocxtop
@tapinpodcast
Can verify that the later Tasha voice actress is about as cream cheese as they come
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On July 14, 30 years ago, i was adopted to the US from South Korea and its been the best 30 years of my life
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In 1989 my parents bought their house for $90,000, which adjusted for inflation is $205k. It was just appraised at $430k. I don’t think the streaming services and lattes are what’s holding me back from buying a house.
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Ladies are y’all ok? My entire timeline is “i need dick or I’m going to die”
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The stages of Twitter attraction
1) Twitter is a dating app let’s do this
2) wow these girls are way hotter than i am
3) wow they are way funnier and more interesting than i am too
4) shoot your shot go for it
5) lol jk
6) toaster bath
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Yesterday we found out zoomers didn’t know what Lean was. Now we’re finding out they don’t know who the most successful comedy director of the last 30 years is. Or that the creators dad won an academy award. Yikes.
Wait I just found out that the actress that plays Lexie is a nepotism baby omg 😭 her mom is Leslie Mann and her dad is a movie director lol
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@littleidiotgirI
I just chuckled out loud and the ghost in my closet came to check on me (I’m not ok)
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You really thought i wasn’t going to celebrate my birthday without you mutts?
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I’m him
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@Max_Kapusta
@sweatpantspapi
No she is crushed he won’t be at Gillette and tries to pretend she was old enough to remember country fest
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Really really happy with how these turned out. Will be up on my website for sale soon, or DM me.
#shootmorefilm
#filmphotography
#FilmTwitter
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$1000 voucher to push my flight until tomorrow morning? I mean...maybe?
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Am i the only one who doesn’t make more than Caitlin Clark?
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@FeitsBarstool
I’m both incredibly entertained and also concerned for your general well-being. 33 going on 133.
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Sold my boat. Dude showed up with half the money in $20s. Do i go buy drugs with this now or what?
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Hey Twitter fam. When COVID is over, i know a house in the outer banks on the beach that sleeps 25 in beds. Just sayin.
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If you don’t like Everytime We Touch by Cascada, unfollow me right now. Song bangs.
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Tonight i sat a a dive bar, shot the shit with the regulars, played pull tabs, and forgot about life for awhile. This is exactly what I’ve been missing in my life.
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These little pillows of porky goodness are SWIMMING in the BEST hot chili oil and i couldn’t shovel them into my face fast enough
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I am not even remotely kidding when i say this is all i want in life
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Fuck with me
a year into quarantine wtf... qrt selfies from the beginning of quarantine last march, im tryna see something😭
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Yeah i realize I’ve been posting a lot of shirtless gym selfies. It’s the first time in awhile I’ve felt confident having my shirt off so suck my whole ass
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I’m watching my buddy’s house while he’s away. He has a huge saltwater fish tank. Anyways his moray eel is now dead.
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@earnestlysam
@MollyWalsh
Married an Olympian. After being married to OJs defense lawyer. Also Kim got dicked down by Ray J so yeah self made for sure.
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Vanessa Hudgins already won
Taking bets on which celebrity is going to get cancelled because of some sloppy unscripted shit they do on an Instagram live
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I will fight every single person trying to cancel Anthony Bourdain. This IS the hill i will die on. Fuck OFF.
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You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum that they raised me in
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Abstract:
A boy and a girl, from opposite sides of the country, connected through a micro-viral tweet, experience the highs and lows of life as they are thrust into a relationship. As it unfolds live on social media, we are left on the edge of our seat, living tweet to tweet.
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Someone tried to order a French 75 at this college bar earlier and the bartender just looked at her like “what do you think this is?”
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The last two girls i dated left me for the guy they ended up marrying. Also, two girls I’ve dated are now lesbians, and one is now a he
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I took a Twitter break cause my brain wasn’t doing too hot. I am now deducing that it wasn’t Twitter that was the issue, cause my brain didn’t get any better
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Someone was talking shit so i had to establish my squat dominance
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Top names rn are
Oceans/11
Pontoon Pantry
I need a catchy name for a boat business that sells soda, chips, paper towels, etc. Like a 7/11 on the water.
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Was browsing hinge and came across the girl I’ve had a huge crush on for forever. Everyone say good luck Tyler.
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You now must refer to me as Captain, as i have passed all my licensing exams
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@stoolsalesguy
@danabeers
Dana doesn’t pretend like he’s smarter than everyone. Dude stays in his lane and is the beer guy.
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For the love of god can we just all wear masks so i can go visit my parents for Christmas and not worry about inadvertently killing them
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I didn’t initially intend for this to end up as a wine glass but as the legendary Bob Ross says, happy little accidents
Stay tuned, might do a giveaway for this one
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Picked up this 13’ whaler for $300. Had some holes that needed to be filled with foam. Then i got curious what was under the hood. And that’s when it started getting messy. Foam was totally saturated. No bueno.
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If you think that crash was intentional, have i got a bridge to sell you
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