Nightling Bug 🗝️
@NightlingBug
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a smaller, softer moon award-winning ttrpg designer, writer, editor (Wickedness, Yazeba's Bed & Breakfast) she/her
Joined February 2014
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Pinned Tweet
People keep talking to me about "that trans thread" that I wrote, and at this point I never know which ill-conceived twitter manifesto they mean, so it's time for a THREAD OF THREADS to be my new pinned tweet: 🧵
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A reverse stardew valley game where you and 11 other young adults you've known for your whole life compete for the affections of a mysterious new farmer who never speaks & has somehow become unimaginably wealthy off of vegetables
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Unpopular opinion: The best thing young people can do early in their careers is quit their jobs to breathe life into their grandfather's old farm in a small town full of marriagable NPCs
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as we were watching this hypergraphic hypersexual cartoon I said aloud "true equality would be if she, too, had a graphic sex scene, but they can't do that without being transphobic" and I was *wrong*
Thinking about the trans witch from Twilight of the Gods.
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Transmasc: Please don't call pregnancy or menstruation women's issues, I'm not a woman
Transphobe: I'm SICK of my womanhood being ERASED for the likes of YOU! [she points PAST the transmasc person]
Transfemme: [looking up from her nintendo switch] Wait what
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literally every one of these these stardew-alikes suffer from putting all their body diversity on undateable characters... like why is mistria gonna make me look at 4 twinks and 5 skinny girls but these mindscramblingly hot older woman are off limits
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the john mulaney shit is why y'all HAVE to stop dubbing cishet men "queer icons" just because they don't know what to do with their arms
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Just saw a terf claim trans women "don't know what it's like to be the daughter when a son is wanted" and BABE I got NEWS
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Trans Women: Anti-trans employment discrimination is really tough
Chorus of Cis Women: Welcome to womanhood, you now make 80 cents to a man's dollar!
Trans Women: ... (*making 54 cents to a cis woman's 80*)
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Them: Why are so many trans women socialists?
Us: [scrubbing a toilet] No idea... Hey, unrelated question: Do you think I'm pretty enough that if I turn to sex work I'll still be able to afford my meds? I'm being singled out by my boss for some reason and no one is hiring me
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high femmes imply the existence of wood femmes and dark femmes
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The whole scare tactic of "they're chopping off 13 year old girls' breasts!!!" is especially fucked, because they're really talking about trans boys, and when cis boys grow breasts they start investigating medical solutions *immediately*
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So obviously I remembered that the princess of Oz was trans, but as a teenager I somehow missed that... she and Dorothy... uh...
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Fish don't notice water. It's all around them. Most fish have never left it.
And often, trans people in denial don't notice the gender dysphoria that suffuses their daily lives.
I'm just going to list some idiosyncrasies and discomforts that I didn't realize were dysphoria:
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Cis people: For trans awareness week I want you to really internalize the fact that you don't know what a trans person looks like and that you probably see at least one trans person every day that you leave your house for more than an hour
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she seemingly has no hormone access and yet in that sequence there's no "reveal" for her body, the camera just treats her more or less like the other women in the other scenes, which... I was not expecting and have not really seen before
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it's honestly hysterical that Marcille is mostly this asexual gremlin woman but the moment her girlfriend is around and the boys aren't looking, a switch flips in her brain and she starts doing elf thirst trap behaviors
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"I can never transition... I have a deep voice, a high hairline, a square jaw, shoulders wider than my hips, and I'm super tall"
Okay babe... google "Jessica Rabbit" and repeat everything you just said while looking at her
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Cis people just make up whatever they want about the transfeminine body and then repeat it back and forth amongst themselves like middle schoolers trying to impress each other
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(yes I am aware how sad it is that I'm so impressed by mere seconds of what should probably be a bare minimum of humanization in media)
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I've been kicked out of my own D&D campaign so that my players can, as their characters, design a dungeon for training their students, who are NPCs that I play.
It's over, everybody! We played D&D so hard that it turned inside out. You can all eat your dice, now, finally.
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Have you noticed Marisse is ALWAYS walking her dog past the blacksmith at noon, because that's when Farmer sometimes comes to buy increasingly effective tools? That HUSSY. I wish I'd thought of it first
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HEY IT SEEMS LIKE SOME OF YOU NEED some transmisogyny literacy, so here's a technique that gets used on queer twitter to isolate and brigade transfeminine people all the time, that depends on YOU not recognizing you're enabling it:
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no humans, and especially no children, should be forced to spend time in an environment where they're forbidden from going to pee or get water or eat a snack or even just get up and walk around for hours at a time
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I think that... when abled people think about chronic fatigue,
they assume that having to reduce your workload has the silver lining of freeing up time for recreation,
not understanding that, in a workaholic society, recreation is the first thing to go
and work is the last
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They gave me a wildflower today~ ♡
What do you mean you got one too — did they give EVERYONE a wildflower? ... Well who got theirs FIRST?!
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For me, the weirdest thing about being a trans woman in the 2020s is the sheer disconnect between
the nonstop, escalating, frothing hatred in media & online, stoked by corporations
and being treated like a regular lady by real people face-to-face
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It's so infuriating that the media gets to both misgender Aiden Hale as a "rare female mass killer" *AND* misidentify him as a trans fem whose status as mass killer proves trans women are men because women don't do that
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Transphobic Doctor: Well let's not change your body, that should be a last resort after we investigate all other treatments
Fatphobic Doctor: Have you tried changing your body? That's the first step, before we try any other treatments
Plot twist: They're the sAmE dOcToR! 👻
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the dungeon meshi fandom slooowly pivoting all the yuri people towards fat trans girls is such a gift
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"trans women have increased size, skeletal density, and lung capacity, which makes them more dangerous than cis women" UMMM ACTUALLY we're called DIRE WOMEN and we can be either cis or trans
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Hey, if you're here say something pedantic, exclusionary and prescriptivist about the difference between fem and femme, or lesbian ownership of "femme," or who can be lesbians, don't worry, a bunch of people already beat you to being wrong
(& I am now muting the thread)
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ATTENTION: Cis author John Boyne, who spun out into transphobia when criticized for his poorly-developed trans novel My Brother's Name Is Jessica, has accidentally put zelda recipes in his new historical fiction book
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I would prefer to be openly hated than to have y'all do this sneaky "trans women are women but you weren't socialized as the moral underdog" misgendering
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Occasions where you *must* dress up, like weddings and funerals and job interviews, are the worst. Even after all of the grooming and wardrobing, you feel self-conscious and awkward in formalwear. It makes you feel *fake,* like a lump of sludge pretending to be a fancy person.
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Clothes shopping for yourself is a hassle at best and a source of stress and anxiety at worst. When you do find clothes that fit and look okay, they don't make you *happy*. You don't feel more confident in them. You're just relieved you can go home.
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When you get ready to go, you just roll out of bed and throw on whatever. You don't really do any self-grooming, or care about what's on your body. You're a little proud of your lack of vanity, your deeper, non-appearance-level existence.
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Your clothes are chosen almost entirely for comfort. And for you, comfortable means loose and baggy. You can't stand wearing clothes (that others claim are flattering!) that are close-fitting in the wrong places, that draw your own attention to certain parts of your body.
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You have an underlying sense that you are "not like" most people. Your friends might get you, but you draw an instinctive and unconscious line between you and "normal" people. When you interact with a "normal" person, you're not sure what to say or how to act.
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Multiple times in recent history I've seen people criticize using first person narration in a book as "promoting a parasocial relationship" and... gang, this is a goobledygook take that proves you understand neither what parasocial relationships NOR literary devices are
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anyone claiming trans girls pass better if we're thin is simply DEAD WRONG. being fat is like a tgirl cheat code
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You only take steps to better your life when external forces *make* you. You'd rather withdraw and self-minimize and focus on escapist hobbies. You're just not motivated to attain nice things for yourself. (You tell yourself that this is a zen acceptance, a freedom from desires.)
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You struggle even to voice innocent physical compliments to others, like "Looking good!" You are hyper-aware that virtually anything could sound like unwanted sexual attention, coming from you. You feel like your attention is uniquely, universally unwelcome.
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When you interact with very masculine men, you're nervous. You don't really know how to carry on a conversation with them, or want to. You feel an expectation, from them, to be something you're not. You quietly judge them for being too "bro"-y, "basic."
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If you've donated to bail/protest funds, please also donate specifically to Black trans protesters... not only are they more likely to be singled out for police cruelty, but there've been multiple counts this week of Black trans women hospitalized *by their fellow protesters.*
Please share the updated flyer with our founder’s Venmo account. Some people have had issues with our CashApp.
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You often feel directionless in life. When asked about career goals in High School, you didn't really care about your answer. Even careers centered in your interests seemed kind of intolerable. You struggle to imagine a future for yourself where you are happy or fulfilled.
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Cis women who "introduce" trans women to feminism are mansplaining
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You find it hard to prioritize your own feelings. You're aware of emotions you *should* be feeling, but they're distant and fake-seeming. When someone else is upset, it's much more real and urgent. You believe this is just your stoic, protective nature.
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The understanding of
(a) what constitutes gender dysphoria
(b) how to recognize it
(c) how trans people know they're trans
(d) what transitioning entails
(e) what hormones can do
that you absorbed through cultural osmosis?
It's all wrong.
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the harley quinn cartoon falls prey to "edgy"-adult-animation annoyingness too often, but I WILL say
the Joker becoming a socialist mayor, enacting strong positive reforms, and it never breaking bad or turning into a scheme?
is the absolute funniest gag in all of superherodom
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You're awkward at social touch. You might crave touch, like most people, but you feel like you're almost entirely incapable of receiving it warmly. When giving a hug, something about your torso feels like it will be *offensive* to others. (Whatever it is, they don't notice.)
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Being vulnerable around strange men is terrifying. You're anxious when you use the public men's room. Changing in a gym locker room is unthinkable. You do not feel ownership of these spaces. You are very concerned about strange men observing you, or your body.
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You can't talk about sex, or attraction, or the bodies of people you're supposed to be attracted to. Even when your commentary is solicited, everything you could say feels unwanted and inappropriate, even if it'd be fine coming from someone else. You freeze up.
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Later, when you meet real queer people, or your friends come out of the closet, you start to idolize them. But you're also jealous. They're *free* and *real* in a way that seems impossible for straight people, like you. They have huge, *real person* worries and desires and lives.
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If transness were really "gender ideology," trans people would have one common belief about gender or one definition of transness. But instead we've got an endless wellspring of ideas about gender, because we're not an ideological in-group, we're a cultural out-group
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When an AFAB friend expresses disapproval, you're devastated. You scramble to get their approval back. You're worried you're coming across as a simpering "nice guy," all of whom you despise. You just value your AFAB friends' opinions more highly, for reasons you can't explain.
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@stsDrex
I truly saw my boyfriend watching some ultraviolent norse bullshit and went "I can skip this viewing experience" only to get sucked in 20 minutes later when he paused to tell me there was a tgirl witch
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if you *actually* want to depict "realistic trans fem bodies" with your art as activism, the fat tgirls are right there -- trans women are drawn fat almost exclusively as hate speech, are told not to transition until weight loss, and have the highest ED rates of any gender cohort
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Unfortunately, my brain has generated a furry episode of It's Always Sunny, entirely unbidden.
It starts with frank complaining about a mysterious animal that bit him, and everyone ignoring him to taunt Charlie for doodling his "rat self." Mac recognizes it as a fursona.
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I'm begging you all to retire the "I am looking respectfully" bit. Please have the confidence and self-respect to look me in the eyes and say "awooga awooga"
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Your inherent sense of different-ness from "normal" people makes you think that maybe you're supposed to be a creative. But the art you would want to make is about another gender, and you know that your authorship would be regarded as inauthentic (or, worse, fetishization).
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I looked around the internet, and I didn't see any resources for cis people on how to include and protect trans and nonbinary players in TTRPGs.
So I wrote one, and I'd appreciate it if you shared it in progressive RPG circles:
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No more 3D animated family adventures where daughters learn the importance of empathizing with their awful dads' centered feelings
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It's really something special that THE missing link between fairytale princesses and the modern archetype of *the fairy princess* was trans
And then you see the efforts every adaptation took to erase or detransition her, and wonder how the archetype became a toy for cis girls
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(My perspective is going to be that of a transfeminine person, but if you're transmasculine or some stripe of nonbinary, feel free to chime in with your own.)
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You're worried that you might be homophobic, even though you believe in gay rights, because "LGBT+ stuff" fills you with a deep discomfort. It all seems so flamboyant and overtly sexual. It makes you want to shrink down and disappear, before you die of secondhand embarrassment.
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I'm so tired of these "Cis woman mistaken for trans, harassed out of public bathroom!" articles
What if... people cared about dangers to trans people even if they DON'T affect cis women?
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The purpose of asserting that trans women "have male socialization" is always to erase our oppression as children and to justify our oppression as adults. There is no other reason.
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Being trans means being told over and over that the candidates who offered you nothing underperformed because they offered you too much
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If a lot of this hit home for you, it doesn't necessarily mean you're trans, but you should investigate the possibility.
And the awesome news is:
Coming out of the closet, transitioning, and talking to other trans people can help you heal from all of these feelings!
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1. They pick a victim. Any transfeminine person will do, but it works best with a trans woman of color, preferably one with whom they've had so few interactions that she barely knows who's attacking her: Bewildering and impossible to redress. This is stochastic harrassment.
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if you think trans women are more overtly sexual than other gender demographics I promise you that you're just holding us to a different standard than everyone else
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I'm begging TME people to understand that transmisogyny isn't something trans women start experiencing at transition, but — like vanilla misogyny — is a ubiquitous force that maliciously shapes our entire lives from infancy onwards
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One reason I keep returning to the Çatalhöyük statuettes is that other prehistoric art of fat women is often argued to be of *thin* figures who're pregnant or distorted by self-portrait, but she's just here with her double chin and belly apron being undeniably fat in prehistory
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There was no trans woman at wi spa, no "Down With Cis" bus, no minors rushed into surgery, no trans women winning olympic medals, all of the rapid onset "kids" were adults.
There is no "trans debate," there are no "legitimate concerns." All there's ever been is *liars*.
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Something I think about a lot is the tumblr exchange where someone reblogged a huge tiddies fallout mod with "DELETE MALE GAMERS" and the OP replied to say "I'm a girl!" and they argued "I mean the modmaker, *obviously*" and the OP replied with a selfie of her compiling the code
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gang I feel like if you've begun with the axioms "trans men are men" and "men are bad" but you've arrived at a place of cognitive dissonance because many trans men are obviously good, you should weaken the second axiom, not the first
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3. They QRT the problematic-looking take, framing it with language that *seems* judicious, but is actually coded in a way to take advantage of transmisogyny.
A TOTALLY RANDOM EXAMPLE: "I noticed I have mutuals who still are following and interacting with this person. Why?"
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For more clarity on the feelings of fake-ness described above, I highly recommend this article on depersonalization by Zinnia Jones, which helped me finally accept that, yes, transitioning might make my life less intensely difficult:
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2. They comb through her history looking for a problematic tweet. Usually this is EITHER something nuanced about intracommunity conflict that they can willfully misinterpret, OR a rude response to a previous wave of harassment that can be taken out of context.
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Seems innocuous, right? But let's look closer:
The QRT degenders the trans femme ("this person") to erase her position as an oppressed person and create artificial privilege. All transmisogynistic attacks absolutely depend on ascribing nonexistent privilege to the victim.
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nobody in the discourse seems to have mentioned this yet but the way cis men announce their bisexuality to trans women on dating apps and social media as part of their come-on is indirect but obvious misgendering
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Bisexual culture is being attracted to men but minimizing it and being attracted to women but overperforming it, because biphobia tells bi women they're "basically straight" and bi men they're "just gay"
(and chooses not to understand nonbinary bi people)
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Because this is intra-LGBT transmisogyny, it's wrapped in a blanket of social justice language.
As the pile-on continues, vague accusations of abuserhood fly freely. When talking about a transfeminine person, "abusive" can mean as little as "she seemed rude once."
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It's literally sexual harrassment.
It never gets called by its name, but it's sexual harrassment.
Incessantly sexualizing someone for every breath they take is sexual harrassment.
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The QRT also carries a note of disgust aimed not at the TWEET, but at the TRANSFEMININE PERSON. They don't comment on the bad take.
The QRT also communicates a disgust-by-proxy: "If you interact with this person, their uncleanness is contagious."
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Most cis people INCLUDING DOCTORS don't seem to understand that trans fems on HRT grow our own breasts
I'd bet less than 1% of cis people actually have any idea what our genitals are like, yet about 40% of them are ready to make declarations about them
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I've been in the "the cultural image of masculine strength is absolutely wrong because actual strong men are almost always fat" fight for SO MANY internet cycles, and it's such a relief to finally see other people acknowledging it
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@calcifurry
But you WILL marry one of us and we WILL move into your sprawling farmhouse filled wall to wall with pickling barrels
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❗️ This is not to say that transfeminine people are never abusers!!! ❗️
Only that we are deeply, deeply stigmatized. Virtually everyone is culturally programmed to view us with suspicion and disgust, even other trans people. It can shortcut past your critical thinking skills.
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The most key components of a transmisogynist attack are, I think:
-Erase the victim's gender expression & marginalization
-Attribute false privilege/power to the victim
-Paint the victim as deceptive, aggressive, or disgusting
-Paint the victim as overtly sexual/predatory
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Cis people desperately want to believe the sexes are ironclad, so when trans bodies prove that the tissues and organs that supposedly separate them are extremely analogous and can be partially reconfigured without surgery, they simply disbelieve it
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Doctor Describing Feminizing HRT: "Decreased libido is a common side effect, like how most women hate sex."
Transfemme Twitter: "i got this new shock collar and im just rolling around on the floor waiting for any of my 5 girlfriends to come test it out lol this is my main acct"
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5. By the time the victim realizes what is happening, she's already underneath the avalanche, and she knows she can't stop it.
Every. Single. Transfeminine. Person. Has seen this happen to others.
Nevertheless, she'll usually try to be reasonable and do damage control...
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... I think I'm done for today, but people are welcome to share more. My experiences are very specific, and transness is very diverse, so I'm sure a lot of folks felt different expressions of gender dysphoria and led very different lives while in denial.
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RECOGNIZING THE TECHNIQUE:
Any time someone QRTs a transfeminine person to voice disgust, be suspicious.
Even if she's unambiguously wrong, ask yourself: does her tweet merit ostracization, rampant misgendering, accusations of abuse? That's what the QRT will do to her.
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like we literally transition straight from doing the Elf Maiden Bathing With Her Hair Draped Strategically Over Her thing to a wet rat the moment she steps out to yell at the boys
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Cis women: Imagine if the thespian tradition of casting teen boys in female roles had continued on to today, and in every film about feminism, suffrage, girl power or the cost of misogyny, it was some gawky bieber type trying to caricature your struggle & winning awards for it
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All further engagement is a trap:
-Ask why this is happening, and she's a sealion.
-Point out that this is transmisogynistic attack, and she's "doing DARVO"
-React in an imperfect, traumatized way, and she ends up giving them more ammunition for harassment next time.
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4. Having encouraged their followers to spread the QRT, the attacker will often also DM it to the victim's followers directly. "Are you sure you want to be associated with this person?"
(The objective is to isolate her entirely, and especially to cut off her livelihood.)
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If they imply that *you're toxic too, if you don't block her,* recognize that that is NEVER not a hamfisted manipulation attempt. I've had people tell me they're "not comfortable following" me unless I unfollow someone-- in which case, bye, weirdo! What a bizarre ultimatum.
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