Hey Super Tuesday voters! If you’re confused by all the candidates dropping out of the race, don’t worry, you can still vote for Elizabeth Warren! 96% of the country has yet to vote - don’t let some media narrative make the choice for you.
I'm so relieved the President stayed in town to monitor the hurricane.. from a golf course. Disaster relief specialists will tell you that the 9th hole is really the best place to do it.
As the Manafort trial continues, Donny asks in a tweet whether "Alfonse Capone" or Manafort have been "treated worse." 1)Nobody tell him that he's creating his own association between his people & the mob. B) Nobody tell him that only a sociopath refers to Al Capone as "Alfonse."
Why is the fact that Elizabeth Warren has a plan for everything being framed like its a weird thing? Every candidates should have a plan for ALL these issues otherwise, what is their point?
#DemDebate
Elizabeth Warren offers a clear summary of how the last 20 years of war have been real shitty - they're constantly telling us we're "turning the corner" but instead we're going in circles. Wolf Blitzer laughed. Side note: We should all vote for her.
#DemDebate
I had a professor in college who thought the idea to put cameras on phones would flop hard … I wonder how that guy is doing now. He's probably got a lot of fax machines.
Jane Lynch bravely reminding us that billionaires and waitresses have the same political power. Which is why celebrated waiter Michael Bloomberg is able to finance his own campaign.
Hello everyone. Billionaires in wine caves have as much right to say who gets to be president as waitresses in diners and plumbers in my bathroom. Class warfare is ugly,
@ewarren
Thanks for listening everyone.
Yeah, why wouldn't Christine Ford be unsure about testifying? Everyone agrees that the best way to be interrogated about trauma is in front of TV cameras, 11 irritated GOP senators, and the guy WHO CAUSED THE TRAUMA.
Elizabeth Warren says "I don't have a beef with billionaires" though, to be honest, I would be okay if she did have a minor beef with billionaires. Maybe got into some rap battles with them or like, a really spirited thumb fight.
#DemDebate
Thanks
@calebsaysthings
for teaching us a new phrase on the pod - “crowdsourcing your anxiety” - which means firing off every anxious thought you have into a group chat. I will be incorporating this into my everyday speech.
Oh hey, I'm on the front page of the
@nytimes
with a little history lesson of Muslim in the United States... or rather, an animated version of me & the smarty pants
@islamoyankee
. You'll be surprised by how far back we go in this country!
Breaking News: Joe Biden is giving thoughtful answers at his town hall on wealth accumulation, income inequality and strengthening the entrepreneurial pipeline for black founders. I mean... I'm biased but this is GREAT.
#JoeBidenTownHall
#TownHalls
The kids that left classrooms in protest for better gun laws: You're ballers. Thank you for taking the lead. I hope you also get to make out beneath the bleachers during 5th period.
I infiltrate the
@waitwait
offices to fill in for
@petersagal
this week and the writers really helped me nail his vibe. Thank you
@lilliankking
and everyone at Wait Wait! And tune in to your local
@npr
for (spoiler!) a really fun show!
So gosh darn fun to record in person with
@waitwait
! I’m on this weekend’s episode, which we recorded at their new home, Chicago’s Studebaker Theatre. The old theatre was more “lecture hall” and this one is more “jazz hands” so get ready for increased theatrics!
One of the things that's good about
#Ramadan
is that it's a time to forgive. Fasting gets all the hype but forgiveness is the gooey center of it all. Get rid of your grudges and petty conflicts, your mean tweets and your annoyance, and forgive. It sounds cheesy but it's NICE.
The only people who "LIKE" their private health insurance have NEVER HAD TO USE IT. I have a supposedly "great" health insurance and its still ridiculous and time consuming and has me screaming into pillows because I dared to give birth.
#DemDebate
WAIT A SEC,
@MazJobrani
just complained that
@waitwait
only now followed him after 12 yrs of devoted comedy service. I felt bad because I thought they were ALREADY following me BUT turns out, they only followed me today too. Its follow-your-Iranian-panelists-day, I GUESS.
He's talking about standing for the national anthem because I guess its customary for presidents to talk about NFL customs started in the 90's during a state of the Uniom address.
#SOTU
I generally don't post photos of my kid, but she's Snow White, though her dad insisted we call her Snow Brown. Speaking of problematic fairy tales, we hit the Japanese royalty gossip hard this week on
#FakeTheNation
w/
@Gracelynch
&
@johnfugelsang
I got to tape
@waitwait
on
@BillKurtis1
’s Bday! With the wonderful
@shaneisland
&
@karencheee
. Life rules:1) always celebrate Bill Kurtis 2) listen to WaitWait for sideways news 3) retire sagging socks & 4) spoon out Cheeto dust at the end of a bag (only when no one is looking)
The idea of a moderate/centrist approach to climate change implies that we can negotiate with climate forces. As if Mr. Climate is like "you know, the humans are *trying* to reduce emissions so, I'll just warm by 1 degree instead of 3."
My villain origin story is that I was once up for a job against a few other candidates and the person who ended up with the job was none other than Meghan McCain.
My Syrian-American cab driver just told me about his voting plan for Tuesday. He also took out is pocket Constitution to show me the 14th Amendment. Best cab ride ever.
#NYC
#BirthrightCitizens
So what I'm understanding is that if you're an immigrant you're a default member of MS13 and you've probably killed a bunch of people already. Is that about right?
#SOTU
OhYes! The
@NotOkayFilm
is out! We premiered so hard last night, so that we could stream extra hard today on
@hulu
. Make it a movie night because director Quinn Shepard & star
@zoeydeutch
really nailed this one.I got to bask in their glory. Check it out!
"No one needs 100 rounds in a weapon.. what do you think the deer are wearing kevlar vests?" - Biden got in a solid joke in the middle of the really depressing gun section of the address. Well done, sire. Well done.
#PresidentialAddress
I think it’s possible to be scared about the violence, firebombing, and looting AND be mad as hell about the murder of George Floyd. Both of those things can be true.
This week’s
@waitwait
was a banger with guest Andre De Shields! And panelists
@MoRocca
,
@atpburke
and ME! Together we envision a glamorous brunch life for dinosaurs and the future of post-pandemic dating AND we tell a bunch of fun lies.
Biden making the distinction that we universally cover people's health during a national emergency but NOT during a regular personal medical emergency is... labored. We don't say "the fire department puts out a fire when enough people are at risk."
#DemDebate
I literally laugh out loud - and lovably rip apart - the vaunted
@jonlovett
monologue on this week's
#lovettorleaveit
. His live shows are the height of fun but, I gotta be honest, they fun-ed up this episode real hard. LISTEN!
It’s SO COOL how health insurance is tied to jobs! So like, if you lose your job you lose your health insurance too! Two for one! Isn’t that neat!? ISN'T IT???
A grave wrong has been remedied: THE
@KatrinaNation
has finally joined
#FakeTheNation
alongside THE
@JohnFugelsang
for a most amazing episode about SCOTUS, democratic socialism, and non-breeding womens
Tonight its gonna be all about the Korean peninsula, Cosby, a chaotic cabinet and some healthy ranting on
#LovettOrLeaveIt
w/ the hilarious
@larrywilmore
, the amazing
@GraceParra360
and me. Brought to you by the stupendous
@jonlovett
... podcast drops the next day.
This was one of the highlights of my...life? Yes, life! Here's the trailer for
#Gutsy
brought to you by
@HillaryClinton
&
@ChelseaClinton
and it will - CRAZILY - feature me. I really can't believe I got to hang out with these incredible women. Show comes to AppleTV+ on Sept 9!
This week on
#FakeTheNation
,
@OphiraE
&
@RandyRainbow
join me to discuss what to do with your own dead body & a question for the ages: should friends be honest or offer unconditional support? Listen now wherever you get your podcasts or at:
Hey primary voters! Don't forget to primary vote. I'm looking at you, Alabama, California, Iowa, Mississippi, Montana, New Jersey, New Mexico and South Dakota.
Yes!
@SenDuckworth
is calling Donny "Cadet Bone Spurs" - she's the only member of Congress that can say something like that with any authority, get away with it, and be pregnant, all at the same time. Its new heights in badassery!
I'm waiting for the emotional part where he talks about the tax deductions for those who own private jets. I can't even talk about it without tearing up.
#SOTU
You know, Ben Shapiro has a point about the sound being off when Donny RT’d that video. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve retweeted a white supremacist video because I accidentally had the sound off. So embarrassing.
As my mother always says, when the news is about your Russia love and about your lawyer recording conversations, distract everyone by attacking Iran. Its an old adage.
The
@ACLU
conference is reminding us that Washington DC has the same population as 7 states in the union and yet, not a state! Statehood for DC, because it’s REASONABLE.
I just donated to this fantastic organization
@smileandolive
- they help displaced Syrian families in Lebanon by raising funds to get technology for all of their wonderful students. On Oct 15, watch
@JimGaffigan
&
@maevehiggins
be funny for the cause!