Negin Farsad
@NeginFarsad
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Comedian/TED Fellow, Regular on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me. Host of #FakeTheNation . Maker of @MuslimsRComing & @3rdStBlackout . Actor on Adult Swim's #BirdGirl .
New York
Joined September 2008
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Hey Super Tuesday voters! If you’re confused by all the candidates dropping out of the race, don’t worry, you can still vote for Elizabeth Warren! 96% of the country has yet to vote - don’t let some media narrative make the choice for you.
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I'm so relieved the President stayed in town to monitor the hurricane.. from a golf course. Disaster relief specialists will tell you that the 9th hole is really the best place to do it.
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As the Manafort trial continues, Donny asks in a tweet whether "Alfonse Capone" or Manafort have been "treated worse." 1)Nobody tell him that he's creating his own association between his people & the mob. B) Nobody tell him that only a sociopath refers to Al Capone as "Alfonse."
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Some might call this a press conference, others might call it a national embarrassment.
#TrumpPressConference
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HAHA
@NeginFarsad
Changing the channel from Biden to Trump is like switching from Dom Perignon to kerosene. 🤮
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Why is the fact that Elizabeth Warren has a plan for everything being framed like its a weird thing? Every candidates should have a plan for ALL these issues otherwise, what is their point?
#DemDebate
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Elizabeth Warren offers a clear summary of how the last 20 years of war have been real shitty - they're constantly telling us we're "turning the corner" but instead we're going in circles. Wolf Blitzer laughed. Side note: We should all vote for her.
#DemDebate
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I had a professor in college who thought the idea to put cameras on phones would flop hard … I wonder how that guy is doing now. He's probably got a lot of fax machines.
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Jane Lynch bravely reminding us that billionaires and waitresses have the same political power. Which is why celebrated waiter Michael Bloomberg is able to finance his own campaign.
Hello everyone. Billionaires in wine caves have as much right to say who gets to be president as waitresses in diners and plumbers in my bathroom. Class warfare is ugly,
@ewarren
Thanks for listening everyone.
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Yeah, why wouldn't Christine Ford be unsure about testifying? Everyone agrees that the best way to be interrogated about trauma is in front of TV cameras, 11 irritated GOP senators, and the guy WHO CAUSED THE TRAUMA.
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I’m the guest host on Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me this wk in for
@petersagal
who was out micro-dosing shrooms at a grammar convention. The wonderful
@petergrosz
,
@joshgondelman
&
@amydicken
held down the fort alongside coolest ever hockey star
@PKSubban1
. THIS WAS FUN.
@waitwait
@NPR
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Iran film The Salesman wins Best Foreign film Yo, you can travel ban a country but you can't make their movies suck.
#Oscars
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Elizabeth Warren says "I don't have a beef with billionaires" though, to be honest, I would be okay if she did have a minor beef with billionaires. Maybe got into some rap battles with them or like, a really spirited thumb fight.
#DemDebate
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"if you're tired of arguing with strangers on the internet, try talking with one of them in real life." - Obama, the realest moment
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I'm so excited to be joining
@waitwait
@NPR
live in Chicago at the Harris Theater TONIGHT at 7:30pm Central as a panelist with
@petersagal
and
@BillKurtis1
! It's their first live show in Chicago in 20 months.
#waitwait
#npr
#panel
#Chicago
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Thanks
@calebsaysthings
for teaching us a new phrase on the pod - “crowdsourcing your anxiety” - which means firing off every anxious thought you have into a group chat. I will be incorporating this into my everyday speech.
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From what I understand about this news, Anthony Weiner sexted Benghazi.
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Oh hey, I'm on the front page of the
@nytimes
with a little history lesson of Muslim in the United States... or rather, an animated version of me & the smarty pants
@islamoyankee
. You'll be surprised by how far back we go in this country!
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Elizabeth Warren is even good at defending candidates opposing her. I mean... MAKE THIS WOMAN PRESIDENT.
#DemDebate
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Breaking News: Joe Biden is giving thoughtful answers at his town hall on wealth accumulation, income inequality and strengthening the entrepreneurial pipeline for black founders. I mean... I'm biased but this is GREAT.
#JoeBidenTownHall
#TownHalls
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Gary Cohn faked a bad connection with Donny to get out of talking to him - can we replicate this on a national level, public-to-president?
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A Muslim ban, a transgender ban... I’m seeing a really fun new coalition. Let’s meet! We’ll bring the hummus.
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HOW TO MAKE WHITE PEOPLE LAUGH drops May 24. Its a book.I wrote it! I'm coming to your town:
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Dear Rest of World, these early results are always CRAZY. Ignore! Now excuse me, I have to change my pants because I've been shitting them.
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A filmmaker from Iran, not even present, makes the most poignant speech of the night. Ban or no, we a dope people.
#Oscars
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I would have voted for Jon Ossoff simply based on his billboard that said "Vote your Ossoff". I can't resist a good pun
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I'm phone banking for Elizabeth Warren and I'm feeling really good about it.
@ewarren
#DemocraticPrimary
#vote
#SuperTuesday
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The kids that left classrooms in protest for better gun laws: You're ballers. Thank you for taking the lead. I hope you also get to make out beneath the bleachers during 5th period.
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I infiltrate the
@waitwait
offices to fill in for
@petersagal
this week and the writers really helped me nail his vibe. Thank you
@lilliankking
and everyone at Wait Wait! And tune in to your local
@npr
for (spoiler!) a really fun show!
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All right, it is my birthday. A text book Aries with a weakness for mini pastries. 🧁🫖
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So gosh darn fun to record in person with
@waitwait
! I’m on this weekend’s episode, which we recorded at their new home, Chicago’s Studebaker Theatre. The old theatre was more “lecture hall” and this one is more “jazz hands” so get ready for increased theatrics!
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I'm on
@waitwait
this weekend with the amazing
@MoRocca
& the inimitable
@_RoxanneRoberts
. We talk Covid-riddled WH, the debate, bears, sexy mail in ballots & more! As always,
@petersagal
&
@BillKurtis1
bring the magic. We're all in "recording studios"
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Pence left a Colts game as players were quietly protesting police brutality.He will NOT put up w/ people who do not support police brutality
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One of the things that's good about
#Ramadan
is that it's a time to forgive. Fasting gets all the hype but forgiveness is the gooey center of it all. Get rid of your grudges and petty conflicts, your mean tweets and your annoyance, and forgive. It sounds cheesy but it's NICE.
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The only people who "LIKE" their private health insurance have NEVER HAD TO USE IT. I have a supposedly "great" health insurance and its still ridiculous and time consuming and has me screaming into pillows because I dared to give birth.
#DemDebate
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WAIT A SEC,
@MazJobrani
just complained that
@waitwait
only now followed him after 12 yrs of devoted comedy service. I felt bad because I thought they were ALREADY following me BUT turns out, they only followed me today too. Its follow-your-Iranian-panelists-day, I GUESS.
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He's talking about standing for the national anthem because I guess its customary for presidents to talk about NFL customs started in the 90's during a state of the Uniom address.
#SOTU
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Shout-out to everyone who has celebrated two birthdays in the pandemic!!!! (me)
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Mitch McConnell shuts up Elizabeth Warren as she is quoting Coretta Scott King - a bigotry misogyny sandwich made by a turtle.
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As Chris Christie is reminding us, you can only be president if you directly experienced 9/11. Otherwise, you're a terrorist.
#GOPDebate
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I generally don't post photos of my kid, but she's Snow White, though her dad insisted we call her Snow Brown. Speaking of problematic fairy tales, we hit the Japanese royalty gossip hard this week on
#FakeTheNation
w/
@Gracelynch
&
@johnfugelsang
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I got to tape
@waitwait
on
@BillKurtis1
’s Bday! With the wonderful
@shaneisland
&
@karencheee
. Life rules:1) always celebrate Bill Kurtis 2) listen to WaitWait for sideways news 3) retire sagging socks & 4) spoon out Cheeto dust at the end of a bag (only when no one is looking)
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And just like that, the Muslim ban is gone. Biden acted real quick on that one and the muzzles thank you 🙏
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The idea of a moderate/centrist approach to climate change implies that we can negotiate with climate forces. As if Mr. Climate is like "you know, the humans are *trying* to reduce emissions so, I'll just warm by 1 degree instead of 3."
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My villain origin story is that I was once up for a job against a few other candidates and the person who ended up with the job was none other than Meghan McCain.
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My Syrian-American cab driver just told me about his voting plan for Tuesday. He also took out is pocket Constitution to show me the 14th Amendment. Best cab ride ever.
#NYC
#BirthrightCitizens
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HOW TO MAKE WHITE PEOPLE LAUGH Its a book! I wrote it! Its available now for your reading pleasure:
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Elizabeth Warren is clearly the right choice.
(I'll gleefully vote for any of them but Warren is like a beacon)
#DemDebate
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So what I'm understanding is that if you're an immigrant you're a default member of MS13 and you've probably killed a bunch of people already. Is that about right?
#SOTU
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If Marjorie Taylor Green was heckling like that at a comedy club, she would have been removed by now.
#StateOfTheUnionAddress
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"I once wrote to
#Facebook
to complain about their lack of
#privacy
and they wrote back telling me they already knew how I felt about it."
@JohnFugelsang
on this week's
#FakeTheNation
#podcast
:
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OhYes! The
@NotOkayFilm
is out! We premiered so hard last night, so that we could stream extra hard today on
@hulu
. Make it a movie night because director Quinn Shepard & star
@zoeydeutch
really nailed this one.I got to bask in their glory. Check it out!
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"No one needs 100 rounds in a weapon.. what do you think the deer are wearing kevlar vests?" - Biden got in a solid joke in the middle of the really depressing gun section of the address. Well done, sire. Well done.
#PresidentialAddress
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Been listening to Canadian leaders speak angrily about the new tariffs and realized that I have never heard a Canadian be angry. Donny done fucked up.
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Daily reminder that the federal minimum wage is still $7.25
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I think it’s possible to be scared about the violence, firebombing, and looting AND be mad as hell about the murder of George Floyd. Both of those things can be true.
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This week’s
@waitwait
was a banger with guest Andre De Shields! And panelists
@MoRocca
,
@atpburke
and ME! Together we envision a glamorous brunch life for dinosaurs and the future of post-pandemic dating AND we tell a bunch of fun lies.
.
@NPR
@WaitWait
..Don't Tell Me! Not My Job: We Quiz Broadway Star
@Andre_DeShields
On Canals Panelists
@atpburke
@NeginFarsad
@MoRocca
@petersagal
@BillKurtis1
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Biden making the distinction that we universally cover people's health during a national emergency but NOT during a regular personal medical emergency is... labored. We don't say "the fire department puts out a fire when enough people are at risk."
#DemDebate
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Tim Kaine is speaking so much Spanish on that podium that Trump is about to build a wall around him.
#DemsInPhilly
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The EPA's Scott Pruit says we're can't talk about climate change after a hurricane. Can we talk about gun violence after a hurricane?
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I literally laugh out loud - and lovably rip apart - the vaunted
@jonlovett
monologue on this week's
#lovettorleaveit
. His live shows are the height of fun but, I gotta be honest, they fun-ed up this episode real hard. LISTEN!
New
#LovettorLeaveIt
:
@RepAdamSchiff
discusses Roger Stone, congressional subpoenas, & veganism.
@NeginFarsad
joins for the monologue &
@michaelaWat
takes on the role of a lifetime. Plus,
@zeynep
on what happens when science meets social media.
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Hey xenophobes, remember when you thought burqas were bad? Built in face mask. BAM!
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So sad to hear that
@livefromhereapm
is being cancelled. I’m on today’s broadcast so tune in, this evening at 6pm wherever you get
@NPR
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It’s SO COOL how health insurance is tied to jobs! So like, if you lose your job you lose your health insurance too! Two for one! Isn’t that neat!? ISN'T IT???
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A grave wrong has been remedied: THE
@KatrinaNation
has finally joined
#FakeTheNation
alongside THE
@JohnFugelsang
for a most amazing episode about SCOTUS, democratic socialism, and non-breeding womens
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"This country faces a huge risk if we replace one arrogant billionaire with another one" - fuck yeah Elizabeth Warren!
#DemDebate
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Tonight its gonna be all about the Korean peninsula, Cosby, a chaotic cabinet and some healthy ranting on
#LovettOrLeaveIt
w/ the hilarious
@larrywilmore
, the amazing
@GraceParra360
and me. Brought to you by the stupendous
@jonlovett
... podcast drops the next day.
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I've always wondered what it would look like for a toddler to debate a presidential candidate, and now I know.
#Debate
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"Will he just shush for a minute" - Biden, speaking on behalf of a nation
#Debates2020
#2020NoJoke
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This was one of the highlights of my...life? Yes, life! Here's the trailer for
#Gutsy
brought to you by
@HillaryClinton
&
@ChelseaClinton
and it will - CRAZILY - feature me. I really can't believe I got to hang out with these incredible women. Show comes to AppleTV+ on Sept 9!
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I just put my keys in the refrigerator. That's when you know you're really pregnant.
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Oh god, they both keep misstating Ebola for Corona or H1N1... can I just vote for Elizabeth Warren?
#DemDebate
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This week on
#FakeTheNation
,
@OphiraE
&
@RandyRainbow
join me to discuss what to do with your own dead body & a question for the ages: should friends be honest or offer unconditional support? Listen now wherever you get your podcasts or at:
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Remember when Barack Obama was our president? Or did I dream it?
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I’m guest hosting Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me this week! And in the meantime, listen to this week’s
#FakeTheNation
where
@ChristFinnegan
,
@JasonKander
and I talk about why everyone’s quitting their jobs! Listen here:
#podcast
#podcastersoftwitter
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As a comedian, I'm scheduled to say something hilarious on shows today. As a Muslim, I'm catatonic.
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I just wish everyone at the White House would just STOP TALKING. Just shut the fuck up. For like a day, can we have A DAY????
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Hey primary voters! Don't forget to primary vote. I'm looking at you, Alabama, California, Iowa, Mississippi, Montana, New Jersey, New Mexico and South Dakota.
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HAHA the leader of a known hate group refers to me and
@Deanofcomedy
as a "Muslim hate group" on Breitbart. It's just funny.
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Yes!
@SenDuckworth
is calling Donny "Cadet Bone Spurs" - she's the only member of Congress that can say something like that with any authority, get away with it, and be pregnant, all at the same time. Its new heights in badassery!
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So fitting that MLK day this year is sandwiched between so many marches & peaceful resistance. If he taught us anything it was to show up.
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I'm waiting for the emotional part where he talks about the tax deductions for those who own private jets. I can't even talk about it without tearing up.
#SOTU
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You know, Ben Shapiro has a point about the sound being off when Donny RT’d that video. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve retweeted a white supremacist video because I accidentally had the sound off. So embarrassing.
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As my mother always says, when the news is about your Russia love and about your lawyer recording conversations, distract everyone by attacking Iran. Its an old adage.
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In response to the "Obama a Muslim" trending topic, I'm starting a new rumor: Obama is a Quaker! Yeah, a shifty, butter-churning Quaker!
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The
@ACLU
conference is reminding us that Washington DC has the same population as 7 states in the union and yet, not a state! Statehood for DC, because it’s REASONABLE.
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I just donated to this fantastic organization
@smileandolive
- they help displaced Syrian families in Lebanon by raising funds to get technology for all of their wonderful students. On Oct 15, watch
@JimGaffigan
&
@maevehiggins
be funny for the cause!
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Donald Trump was told to use his eulogy voice. As in, he's delivering his own eulogy.
#debate
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