As seen on: The Tonight Show, Nickelodeon
Writing in: Esquire, The Onion, CollegeHumor, VICE
Host: The Parlor at
@caveatnyc
, Summer Vacation at
@UnionHallNY
Jeff Bezos would owe $5,700,000,000 in taxes for 2020 under the Ultra-Millionaire Tax Act proposed by Sen. Sanders and a group of Senate and House Democrats. -
@CNBC
Quick punctuation lesson:
Hyphen (-): connects two words
En-dash (–): indicates a range, e.g. 2–8
Em-dash (—): Ahhh, you seek to understand its ways, weary traveler. Nay, behold! This dash provides to you whichever function you most require. You need only listen as it whispers…
There's a security delay at JFK and sales people for CLEAR are approaching the line, offering to let people skip for $150. This whole country is a such a scam.
A reminder: Civics doesn't work the way it does on Schoolhouse Rock. Yelling at politicians is the main way that anything gets done. By all means, vote in November, but yell at them every day.
Today I signed an Executive Order to protect the reproductive rights of women in the aftermath of the Supreme Court's extreme decision to overturn Roe v. Wade.
It formalizes the actions I announced right after the decision and will add new measures to protect women's health.
@aedison
Not liking the movie is fine but that's a pretty cynical interpretation of the message, which was more about having empathy for people in varied circumstances than about absolving their behavior.
@AkilahObviously
Thank you. That's what I keep coming back to. We just don't know. And I don't want to live without my sense of taste or smell, for example. I'm trying not to freak anyone out or stigmatize having it, but I think my fears are still legitimate.
She's incredible but white people's rush to lionize Stacey Abrams betrays our desperate need to believe in heroes/saviors instead of understanding that we need to do the work ourselves.
And because Elon’s ambition (and maybe ego) is definitely not miniature, we dropped a life-sized statue on 14th St. and The High Line stairs in NYC.
Go say hi. 👋
I'm glad that Democrats are finally moved on from "when they go low, we go high". But the reason it works so well when Walz calls people weird is because he uses it as a counterpoint to what government should be doing: passing substantive policies that improve people's lives.
@krowe_william
@bobbyleelive
You're not a counselor, you're a stranger tweeting at a comedian. I'm sorry that condescension is so essential to your ego, but don't pretend like you're helping someone when you could have said nothing at all. Your response is for you, not him.
Comedy is wild because you'll see someone perform at a dive bar and think "they're pretty funny, just need some practice", then the next week you see them on Fallon and google them to discover their mom is the NBC peacock and their dad is Henry Kissinger.
but if a fast food worker starts to make as much as tech support, then the tech support worker might realize that THEY are underpaid, and that is why we can never increase the minimum wage, thank you
my take on the bodega tweet is that we are all experiencing a prolonged mass trauma and won't really be able to put our emotions into context until it's over
NYPD squad car number 5170 just tried to hit me!
I had to jump out of the way. He took aim at a bunch more protesters, going about 30 mph. Then this car did the same thing.
#BarclaysCenter
#blacklivesmatter
@dingus_rob
It's also an admission that the TSA is purely theater. It's ESSENTIAL to our safety that you remove your shoes...unless of course you have $150 to spare.
@carljonard
@botnikstudios
It's not automated! We have a team of writers who all use the Botnik predictive text keyboard. We trained keyboards on all 7 books and had a big writing jam. Then I took the best pieces of copy, arranged them into a narrative, and wrote some copy to fill in the gaps.
@anylaurie16
There are two options:
1. Chop up a bunch of vegetables (and some meat?) and put them in a covered pan in the oven at 350. Check on them at 45 minutes and see if they are food.
2. Chop up a bunch of vegetables and put them in a big frying pan with a little oil, stir until food.
@THEDOGPOUND1
@KatiePavlich
yeah, no matter what the people who's job it is to find information in the interests of our country say, we all have pixelated jpgs we can trust
@neumaverick
@LizzyHedgehog
@elaadeliahu
Not just cameras, they hired a bunch more cops, who of course have violent and racist tendencies. People are "bring rebellious" because it's one of the only ways we have to seek justice when injustice is legalized.
@ForeverInvolved
@Jezebel
The wealthy gradually consolidated power while elected officials mimicked the aesthetic of progressivism instead of materiality improving the lives of their constituents. The power disparity became so exacerbated that citizens need to take more extreme measures to survive.
If you are frustrated by the pathetic federal pandemic response, please consider getting involved in direct action. Join an activist org for a cause you care about, attend protests, write letters. It's painfully clear that "vote blue no matter who" does not protect us.
Oh, never mind, I'm watching Fox News and a commentator just said "they haven't spilled the blood of their bravest patriots like we have". I didn't know that.
So sick of the idea that Bill Gates is a "good billionaire" because he focuses on global vaccination efforts. His money should be taken away from him and better distributed.
It's a grand fucking irony of our age that people think Bill Gates is trying to implant us all with microchips when the actual conspiracy he is behind and which is completely open and on record is preventing open source vaccines, preserving copyright and slowing vaccinations
Almost missed my flight because, right before I could show the TSA my passport, they kept letting people who paid for CLEAR cut directly in front of me.
@_natastrophe_
How is this a gotcha? You can be bisexual, "appear gay", and be married to someone of the opposite sex. Lots of people like that still experience discrimination.
@CryptoParadyme
@Twitch
damn I can't believe she is ruining the sanctity of a platform where teenagers over-modulate their mics while playing video games, smh
Every time I express a political opinion on this website some liberal shows up to say "well then why don't you VOTE". I'm a poll worker, you West Wing cosplay dorks!
Have people forgotten that Power Rangers was…not a good TV show? This isn't a Batman: The Animated Series situation. Each episode cost forty dollars and we liked it because we were literally stupid.
@joshgondelman
Sandwich names are on a photo printed sign that looks like nothing else in the store, above the sandwich guy's head at an angle that he can't see. The sign appears to have been printed by an unrelated business, possibly in another reality.
@CityOfLasVegas
@seaweedanxiety
Lol "what if there's a fatal accident, which this could easily cause?"
"That is the fault of a private corporation, which we are promoting for free"
Now that the federal government is invading cities and disappearing citizens, it's pretty clear that the militia types aren't going to do shit about it. But what did they think the rise of autocracy would look like? Were they expecting the secret police to be black?
Thor: Ragnarok is NOT about colonialism. It's just a fun flick about a society with a ruling class that tried to hide their imperialist past instead of making reparations for it, which ended up being impossible and destroying their society from within. Jeez!