K-Mart Noah Kahan
@NK_tweets_
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286
I poop n don’t wash my hands what are you gonna do about it?
Joined October 2020
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Can you guys stop making fun of my nose for a minute, I just released a collab with Hozier
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It’s still called Twitter, always has been always will be Xoxo
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As much as we love the attention, this account is NOT ran by or associated with Noah or his team.
We are however, happy to play along with it 👀
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Released something really sticky and sweaty a year ago today - happy one year to my favourite release ever “pine trees n armpits” cologne by Noah Kahan
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I don’t claim this side of me, that wasn’t me that was Nathan
Ate a colored pencil for 10 dollars when I was in HS and my brother it did not taste like Cyan at all
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The fame isn’t hitting like I had hoped so I’ve decided to revert back to playing Hurt Somebody and having you guys boo me off the stage
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Sometimes I don’t wear deodorant so that people won’t hang around me for too long and I can get some alone time
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I can’t believe some of you guys are dumb enough to buy shirts with my face on them?? Y’all really want to be showing off this nose like that??
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Sometimes I search my name on Twitter and TikTok for an ego boost
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Do u guys seriously think I’m funny or is it just a ploy to make me like u so I release more music for ur little ear holes?
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Grammy nominated Noah Kahan x Grammy nominated Gracie Abrams ??? Eh?? 😏
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You all doubted me (you all had so much faith in me) and I showed you all up (I would not be here without your support)
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I lied I don’t have friends
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Suffering the post grammy nom Thanksgiving nom nom bloat, gonna need some extra compliments and words of encouragement today
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I’m going to be brutally honest I have no idea what time I’m supposed to be making the announcement I’m just teasing and hoping for the best
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My favourite nickname of mine is pee pee hands, I take pride in not washing those bad jacksons
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Time to destress from weekday anxiety and start to stress about weekend anxiety
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Watching you all being friends in my live is cool but I prefer when all of your attention is focused on how attractive and talented I am
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@NoahKahan
Noah is clearly hanging out with his family outdoors drinking alcohol but captioned it “no context” because he’s trying to be cool
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Feeling hurt and betrayed, don’t text me…. Real ones know 😞
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Do you guys think it’s okay for me to eat mac n cheese even though I’m lactose intolerant. I think it’s worth it
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If you’re French in the kitchen, German in the bedroom, what are you in the bathroom?
European (tour has been a blast so far!!)
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@NoahKahan
Noah is asking his European fans if they have listened to the new single yet. Bold for someone who’s making them wake up at 3/4 am for a livestream 👀
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His name is literally Andrew Hozier Byrne I should not be calling myself his bestie 4 the restie
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My new music that I’m currently listening to (that none of you can listen to yet) is so fucking dope.
Did I mention you guys can’t listen to it yet?
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I completely forgot that I’m a music artist and need to release all of that stuff I’ve been teasing you guys with oops lmao
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A couple more hours until you can all get sticky and sweaty and then maybe listen to my new song too
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Going on stage in 20 minutes which means I must go for my nervous poo poo in 18
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Fame won’t stop me oversharing about my sweaty palms and not washing my hands
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My new album Hurt Somebody ii is coming out really soon.
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@NoahKahan
Noah is going live tomorrow night to celebrate Part Of Me being released and has asked his fans what he should drink because he can’t make the decision for himself
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Blue check is gone so I’m going to revert to using this backup account as my main
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As if time zones didn’t confuse me enough already the Europeans decided to change theirs again what’s that all about
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Let’s all boycott Ticketmaster into giving every one of you tickets for free
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Turns out Gary’s actually a real sweet sweetie he brought me a White Claw now we’re watching Love Island together so hopefully he doesn’t haunt me during the night
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Good morning sweet sweeties what’s going on I just blew my nose so hard I think it got smaller
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I don’t know what releasing music is but I will make more tiktoks then delete them straight away if that’s what you guys want
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I’ve been waiting my whole life to announce this, and I can finally say that I poured the perfect amount of pasta for one person
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If I bring my dog on tour will you guys clean up the poop and pee?
Penny is house trained I meant mine
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@NoahKahan
Noah is using reverse psychology in his tweet to find out what annoys his followers so he can use their answers against them to tease them about new music
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Looked in a mirror for the first time today damn how was I blessed with such good looks
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IG live tonight Sober October is over let’s get drunk together
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It’s almost time for me to come back on social media and post so much content like I never left
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Do you guys still like me I feel like the vibes have been off
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Just woke up from a 2 hour nap am I forgetting to do something
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M&M colours make no difference they all taste the same change my mind
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@NoahKahan
Noah’s album is like depression with a party hat on. I’m taking that as it is lyrically sad and you will cry but you will do it while dancing around your house
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@NoahKahan
Noah is yet again teasing his followers with another unreleased song lyric. Does he get joy from doing this? Probably. - Homesick
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I have Perfect Pitch!! My mom bought it in Best Buy a couple of years ago
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Good morning time to drink coffee until I poop, then poop until it’s time to drink more coffee
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Can you guys stream my song pls I need that shit to get 73 billion streams before tomorrow. I will buy everyone that streams it a Subaru Outback I mean Ferrari if we can reach it
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If you guys buy me a PS5 I’ll stream me playing it badly for you sweet sweeties
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Everyone presave I was/ I am rn or I’ll come to your house and probably just do it for you but I smell bad so you don’t want me in your house
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NK2 will save 2020
ⓘ 𝗢𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗲
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Leaving LA in a couple of days and I’m still locked out of the Hype House
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I will be unavailable from 7:59am until 8:16am due to waking up with an urge to poop. Sorry for this inconvenience, I wish I had known earlier so I could have planned my schedule better for you guys
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I need everyone to turn up to my IG live tonight or I will cry on camera and it won’t be just a couple of tears
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Completely unrelated to my previous tweet but does anyone know the best Instagram filter to hide tears
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@NoahKahan
Noah is claiming that his album is going to win him a Golden Globe because it is so good.
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I’m really enjoying being in the UK but I just cannot grasp the way they write the date. Not because it’s complicated,
but because I as an American am always right
Also it’s Tuesday not Chewsday
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I can’t use Instagram on a normal day now they’ve updated it to make it even more confusing does anyone want to run my account for free
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@NoahKahan
Noah is already teasing his fans about what he is going to be releasing next despite Part Of Me being out for 2 hours
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I was / I am comes out in 2 weeks and unrelated my career ends in 2 weeks!
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Thankful for when the toilet paper doesn’t break and I don’t have to wash my hands!!
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Just found out Bryce lives in the Sway House no wonder I can’t get into the Hype House
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Who is this Noah Kahan guy who’s stealing my name to sign off his emails
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In fourth grade I got hit in the head with a soccer ball you can blame that for my annoying personality
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If I picked my nose on a live there’d be a fanpage for my boogers within minutes
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Just drank some water someone reward me with a beer quick
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“Pride” on Friday stream the shit out of that you sweet sweet sweeties
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I just peed and didn’t wash my hands I’m a beast and nobody can tell me otherwise
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Night night you beautiful people don’t forget to brush your teeth and wash your hands I definitely do both of those things all the time
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