Juliet Mushens
@mushenska
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Literary agent at @MushensEnt , sartorialist and cat wrangler. Wartime consigliere. Pollyanna-ish. Generally heard before I'm seen. Bend and SNAP.
Essex
Joined June 2009
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Every time I do a lateral flow Neville thinks that the sound of the foil opening is the sound of Dreamies opening. Every time he is disappointed.
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Love being at the vet and hearing pet names. Helmet the dog just arrived.
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I yelled ‘hold the lift please!’ earlier whilst on the phone, running in heels and carrying a take-out coffee. Cannot believe I am a busy exec in a Hallmark movie whose life is about to be turned upside down by inheriting a B&B in the countryside!!!
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Name the TV show plot line that you're still angry about. Mine? Rachel/Joey.
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I am heartbroken to say that my dear friend Dawn Foster (
@DawnHFoster
) died suddenly at home, related to her long term illness. We loved her very much. Raymond is safe and well with me - and will be adopted by my sister, who loved Dawn too.
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It felt very strange missing London Book Fair but I did have a rather good excuse - this special delivery. He’s enormous; I’m besotted; Neville and Luna will never speak to me again.
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I’m just a girl
Standing in front of the publishing industry
Asking them to state salaries explicitly in entry-level job adverts
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I think sometimes authors worry they get ONE SHOT at publishing success which is not the case. I have taken on writers whose previous books I rejected - and I have sold books by authors when I couldn’t place their first (or even second) books. It is a marathon, not a sprint!
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Me letting all the GDPR emails wash over me and not responding to any of them
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Me when an author emails me a manuscript saved as ‘FINAL draft’
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I had a very hard day but SOMEONE thinks they deserve my dinner
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I am motivated almost entirely by three things:
1) praise
2) snacks
3) revenge
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Absolutely iconic behaviour from my mum: discovered she has a giant Tupperware of home made crumble topping which she keeps in the fridge so she can make herself an individual crumble portion whenever she wants?!
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Game of Thrones is actually about climate change and how humanity ignores it because of petty concerns about wealth and power when really we need to unite to save the planet, in this essay I will
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Really happy that Neville has decided he hates his cat food after I bought 80 sachets of it on offer. 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
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If you ever want to feel like less of a dumbass please know that today I had accidentally arranged lunch with two separate publishers, in the same restaurant, and they all turned up at once 🥴🥴🥴
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It makes me really happy across my list to see authors who really worked at it - books we couldn’t sell, books which sold but flopped - achieve big book deals & chart positions later in their careers. Sometimes I think we act like you have one shot: but it’s not true.
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The thread below this is absolutely hysterical.
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Someone just tweeted about a film they love. I hate the film they referenced. So you know what I did? I did nothing and let them tweet their enjoyment with impunity.
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In a beer garden and a Labrador kept sweetly hassling me.
Owner: leave her alone! She’s not got crisps in her handbag!
Me: .... actually I do
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I have placed Luna in cat prison for the crime of wailing incessantly during a video meeting and parading back and forward in front of the screen
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I’m not going to lie, I MAY have shed a tear:
#TheThursdayMurderClub
is the fastest selling adult crime debut since records began, hurtling into number 1 in the charts with 45,000 hardbacks sold. AND he’s just signed a deal to write two more in the series!
@richardosman
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Look at them actually using a thing I paid money for them to use!!!
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The replies to this have filled me with glee
Love being at the vet and hearing pet names. Helmet the dog just arrived.
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When you have an offer of rep from an agent I think the most important questions are:
What are your editorial thoughts for my book? How would you position and sell my book? What would you do with translation/film rights? What is your track record in this area?
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SO EXCITED to announce my new venture with
@rcaskie1
- we've founded Caskie Mushens agency!
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5 jobs I’ve had
1. Commander of the armies of the north
2. General of the Felix legions
3. Loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius
4. Father to a murdered son
5. Husband to a murdered wife
... and I will have my vengeance in this life or the next
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Not allowed into the office but allowed into a nightclub so will be holding my pre-Christmas meetings at Ministry of Sound.
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As an agent you’re always judged by your flashiest deals/biggest bestsellers but most of my best agenting work is the stuff no one knows about if I do it successfully: the all-night-editing, Kofi-Annan-peace-brokering, Dr-Phil-style-counselling work that we do in the shadows.
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Not saying I go to the local sushi restaurant too often but the guy asked me to watch the shop whilst he went to get coffee 😭😭😭
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I got such an obnoxious response to asking for romance novel recs and it made me think how frustrating it is that there is still so much snobbery about a genre that takes just as much skill to write as any other! You will pry Ice Planet Barbarians from my cold dead hands fyi.
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All I want is for every single book I sell to become a commercial AND critical success and be turned into an Oscar-nominated film and make millions in royalties, cannot believe that might seem too much to ask
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I just started watching You and I have LOST IT at the fact Joe is wearing an apron in a bookshop??? WHY IS HE WEARING AN APRON?? WHAT MIGHT HE SPILL ON HIMSELF??
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Wearing an ankle length dress and enjoying hoiking it up as I walk downstairs and immediately becoming a heroine in a BBC period drama sweeping into the hallway to wonder if the man I love will overcome my lack of a dowry and connections.
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I am always asked what the best part of my job is and I reserve the right to have many different Best Parts BUT there is a particular magic in telling a debut author they have a book deal 🔥🔥🔥
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Absolute schoolboy error leaving the folded clean laundry on a chair rather than taking it upstairs immediately
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My previous best ever editorial note was ‘I think it’s more realistic that he would be topless whilst building a gazebo?’ but I topped it today with ‘I don’t think anyone would partake in an orgy on a full stomach.’
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It’s 6:03pm and I haven’t stopped working to feed them yet. Do you think Neville is annoyed.
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I sometimes feel most of twitter needs to be told that it’s okay to NOT have an opinion on things. Maybe you don’t know much! Maybe no one asked you! It’s okay, my dude, save your hashtag hot take and keep on scrolling.
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I once used the word palaver in an email to an LA entertainment lawyer. She had to look it up and then responded ‘thank you for bringing this word into my life - it sums up probably 90% of my work activities.’ So funny.
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Please don't RT pictures of the Westminster victims - imagine your family finding out that way. Doesn't help anyone.
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In honour of all the ridiculous diets I'm seeing advertised at the mo, here's Hunter S Thompson's Day on a Plate:
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Publishing trend-setter that I am, I am now on day 6 of what 111 (and my symptoms) tells me was That Virus. Main symptoms for me were v high fever, dry cough and headache. I still have NO sense of smell or taste which is mad but today is the first day where I feel more human 💪🏻
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I am absolutely DECEASED to be a barometer (Julietometer) of LBF deal success in
@thebookseller
today 😭😭
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lol some teenage boys just yelled at me 'I really like your shoes!' which is not what I was expecting. They are great shoes.
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My wedding photos just arrived and whilst there are many highlights I am vvv fond of this remake of Reservoir Dogs
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It might be a lockdown birthday but I’m still gonna be extra 😎
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Three years today our wedding photos came back feat one of the best photos of all time. Is it a heist movie? Is it Reservoir Dogs meets Bridesmaids? Who can say.
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Saw an old man walking two adorable dogs and I went ‘omg so cute!’ And he winked at me and said ‘the dogs aren’t bad either’ 💀💀💀💀
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The way they look at him is the way I would warily look at an unexploded bomb.
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Confidently approaching the doormen when you know you're underage and you don't have ID
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I’ve just set up a monthly direct debit to my local food bank to help feed a family. Find yours here and donate:
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After the sudden (and extremely unexpected) death of a friend this week my new resolution is to spend more time doing things I love, with people I love ❤️ so I am off to the Bloomsbury Hotel for afternoon tea with one of my BFFs. 🙌🏻🙌🏻
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I’m just sitting on the sofa minding my own business why are they so disappointed in me!
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It’s my 2nd wedding anniversary today so I am legally obliged to post wedding pictures!! I feel very lucky to have spent lockdown with my favourite person in the world.
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Lordy I get so SICK of the idea that women dedicate themselves to tearing other women down. I have so many excellent women in my life and their love and support has helped me through so much, and driven me on to achieve things I thought I wasn’t capable of.
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Me usually: ah Britain, aka rainy fascism island
Me when American twitter mocks GBBO and says our food is worse than theirs: I would DIE for the roast potato and unpasteurised cheese, bring me your finest Union Jack and bury me in a giant sticky toffee pudding.
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And that’s a wrap! 52 books out, 14 bestsellers (4 at number one) and my best new release: my son.
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Back in the office - waving goodbye to my tracky bs and welcome back to my old wardrobe.
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Huge congratulations to
@richardosman
who has the Christmas number one slot in fiction hardback and fiction paperback, topping off an extraordinary year!
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There’s an unexploded WW2 bomb by my office and I just left my office block to discover everyone had been evacuated except me 😭😭😭
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Congratulations
@richardosman
-
#TheThursdayMurderClub
is number 1 again this week and has now sold over 1M copies. Might need a small lie down.
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One of my favourite parts of primary school was absolutely belting out songs in assembly. This time of year will ALWAYS be harvest festival to me which means autumn days when the grass is JEWELLED and the silk inside a chestnut shell + cauliflowers FLUFFY and cabbages GREEN.
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My laptop is in my lap so he can’t climb in and NEVER have I seen such a cross little face
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When Agatha Christie learned of her husband’s affair and deliberately disappeared, thus causing feverish speculation that he had been responsible for her demise, she was the original ‘Gone Girl’. In this essay I will
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Whilst I keep crying, can I just say that Dawn would have been absolutely BESIDE herself at the idea that Raymond (tough SE London BSH who kills rats) is currently living with Neville and Luna (sentient teddy bear BSH who cry if they see a spider). She would be cackling.
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I wrapped Luna in her blanket like a baby burrito and I hope this picture blesses your timelines
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We were talking about full Englishes earlier and I told Den nothing makes me more furious than beans in a ramekin. WHERE DID THE LITTLE TROLL EVEN FIND A RAMEKIN
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I honestly think if films with dogs in were prefaced with a screen that said ‘the dog survived’ I could relax a lot more when watching them.
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I cannot say just how hard the past few days have been & I know it won’t sink in for a while. But the tributes I have read tonight have filled my heart. She was so righteous and angry and loving and uncompromising - so funny and kind. She never stopped fighting for the underdog.
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Thought my engagement ring was looking really cloudy and then realised it was coated with a fine layer of hummus.
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If you are struggling with maintaining a work/life balance I recommend an enormous cat who lies on your laptop at home and looks plaintively up at you
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Seven hours of moving later and the
@MushensEnt
office is taking shape! (This is literally the only presentable corner of the entire office haha)
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Calling unagented authors: I've reopened to novel submissions today! You can read my guidelines here:
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THREAD about editing. In my role I normally do at least one structural edit & then a line edit with an author - sometimes excising plot strands or characters but also catching all the small stuff too like continuity (this is important to the story) and grammar. (1/6)
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Turns out that a long sleeved jumpsuit is not an ideal item to wear to a booster jab. Juliet Mushens: making the incredibly stupid life choices so YOU don’t have to.
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Me at the beginning of London Book Fair vs me at the end of London Book Fair
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Just wrote ‘if not I’m afraid we’ll have to kiss each other’ instead of miss each other in a work email and my adrenaline levels having just caught it are SKY HIGH.
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Things we absolutely KNOW will happen in
#LineOfDuty
series 5:
- Kate will loiter suspiciously in doorways & have her cover blown
- Steve will get beaten up by some bad guys
- ‘you have the right to be questioned by an officer of at least one rank superior’
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We’ve sold over 100,000 hardbacks of
#TheThursdayMurderClub
, a whopping 170k across all formats, and we’ve just sold our 30th territory! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳
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Today I left the office to privately listen to a voice note from a friend. Thought my audio was broken only to realise that my Bluetooth was on and I had just played it over the speakers in our office.
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