Griffin Muenchow
@MuenchowGriffin
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even the glass on the back of an iPhone has better quality than a Samsung’s camera
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Happy Birthday to our son. Twitter, we have done a great job in raising such an amazing child.
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My debit card is more like a gift card... not sure how much is on this, but we’ll give it a try
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So you’re telling me neither one of these people are Justin Bieber
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the fact that we have witches flying around and no one is freaking out says a lot about the current situation of the USA
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i’m not sure if you’re talking about spongebob or squidward but somehow i’m both
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damn technology has come a long way
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if you call these anything but a “roll” you’re a psychopath
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Me: [from under the bed] hello yes, one pepperoni please
Murderer in the same room: get the stuffed crust
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Movie Theatre Employee: “enjoy your movie”
Me: “you too”
*me thinking to myself*
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DOES THIS MEAN WHAT I THINK IT MEANS
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I'm
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Tired
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bitch i know you did not just say u wanted to live at courage the cowardly dogs house
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this is the type of stuff i want to see on my timeline
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Today i decided to pay for the older lady’s meal behind me at chick-fil-a, i was confused bc the order was only $2, i checked the receipt and the order was for one milkshake. when i pulled out and got to the light she pulled up next to me and rolled down her window and was crying
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Idc if you play rockstar by Nickelback, Hannah Montana, or Post Malone, I’ll get lit regardless
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Not one time in any of the Fast and Furious movies did they stop for gas
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do you ever wonder who broke post malone’s heart
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My mom said, “If you love them, pray for them regardless of how things are going.”
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bitch i know you did not just say you wanted to live at courage the cowardly dogs house
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i wonder if colorblind people read Colorado as just “ado”
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absolutely. i’m ugly not stupid.
if someone gave you $1,000 because “you’re ugly” would you take the money?
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if i share my location w you it’s bc i trust you’ll find me if i’m kidnapped
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when someone compliments you but you don’t believe them because you own a mirror
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date a girl who gets distracted by dogs not dudes
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if you think i’m about to book a flight to costa rica just to pet some dogs you’re absolutely correct
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there’s a reason they don’t fit in there
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twitter is all fun and games until you get that text asking what that tweet was about
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open for a tiny surprise
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i was supposed to be a snack this summer but instead i can’t stop eating them
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i’m dating my favorite person in the entire world
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when you’re taking notes in class and the professor switches the slide
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adding extra toppings raises the price, but removing them doesn’t lower the price
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when your crush calls you cute
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we pay for trash bags just to throw them away again
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5. Broke
What style are you?
1. Modern
2. Mediterranean
3. Traditional
4. High Rise
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if you eat a popsicle like the example on the right you’re clinically insane
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If Russ, Post Malone, and Khalid made a song together i wouldn’t know what do to
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look at your girl.
you see how good she looks? now imagine another guy enjoying her and you not meaning shit anymore. exactly, treat your girl right or someone else will.
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you mind touchin my gpa real quick?
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someone check on paul...
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that baby in the womb like:
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| |
| \
| \
| | 👀 | \
| \ / \
| ___| |____ /
| / ✊__/ /
| \_✊ /
| |
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*girlfriend doesn’t eat all day*
Me: hey baby
Her: shut the fuck up
*buys her food*
Me:
Her: 🥰💕😘💞🤪💗
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id take you to the movies but they dont let snacks inside
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not to be dramatic but this is the cutest shit i’ve ever seen
This is Daisy and Luna. Daisy doesn’t like car rides so Luna comforts her until they both fall asleep. H*ckin heartwarming. 13/10 for each
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bitch i know u did not just say u wanted to live at courage the cowardly dogs house
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shit me too
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my brain during class
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*looks inside my wallet*
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it must’ve been high tide
Huge marijuana bundles are washing up on Florida beaches after hurricane Florence, and swimmers are fighting over them
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the ball is college and i’m the little girl
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your girlfriend should never feel like she's competing with another girl
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some days i really, really, love the internet.
in every painting i’ve ever seen of him, Ben Franklin looks like somebody just stole his parking space
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don’t do anything you wouldn’t want your significant other to do
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4 hours could feel like 10 minutes with the right person
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when i call my dogs name and they don’t come
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why not pull out a ouija board and summon a demon, it’ll have the same effect
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idk about you but for me cheating isn’t just physical. hiding things, entertaining someone else, or deleting messages you wouldn’t want your significant other to see is just as bad.
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(pt.2) Today was my first day without him and what you did for me reminded me so much of him and made me feel his presence for the first time since he passed. God bless you”
God works in the most amazing ways.
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McDonald’s called our order 369 and i yelled out “Damn she’s fine” and nobody laughed or danced, i hate where we’re at in America right now.
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so y’all tryna tell me this isn’t Steve Urkel...
Rare photo of CJ McCollum attacking the basket in high school,
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when stacy thinks her split is going to get all the attention and you gotta steal the show
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fuckin tired
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i finally figured out the reason why i look so bad in photos, i’m ugly.
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My mom told me.. “a person who values you, would never put themselves in a position to lose you.” and that really hit deep.
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a bunch of trees chilling in the forest, 5 feet apart cause they’re not gay
the phenomenon of “crown shyness,” where trees avoid touching
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Cowards. Make it minimum 5 hours.
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gas prices way too high i’ll hit you with my bike tho
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“thank you so much young man, i lost my husband this weekend and we had a tradition of going to chickfila for a milkshake every tuesday at lunch time and he would always pay for the persons meal behind us.” (pt.1)
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when your professor’s give you homework on the first day of class
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lost all my contacts so just venmo me your number
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When your mom follows you on social media
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Y'all remember falling asleep with the tv on and then waking up at 4 in the morning to the George Lopez theme blaring, those were the days.
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[first date]
Me: *dont let them know how awkward i am*
Them: “nice weather”
Me: “thanks”
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i’m fuckin ugly
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having a big heart will always make you feel like you either did too much or didn’t do enough
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