Ryan Sampson
@MrRyanSampson
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37,749
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957
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actor, writer, lover-not-a-fighter. Brassic/Plebs/The Crown/Doctor Who…
Joined August 2009
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南海トラフ
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HERA OPENING WITH FOURTH
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Literally all I can see is Jeremy Corbyn’s antlers
I was so proud to announce that Labour will reverse the Conservatives' cuts to 3,000 bus routes.
We use buses far more than any other form of public transport - 4.5 billion journeys every year.
These are vital services which we won't just restore, we'll invest in more.
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Hi y’all. So. I was on Instagram and I looked at my direct messages and it turned out someone was trying to rope me in to some (pretty creaky) homophobic banter. Huh! So, for clarity, here’s a pic of me and the boyf. Just to, y’know... straighten that one out. As it were. ✌🏼
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Hi, just a small reminder that Branson has avoided paying uk tax & once sued the NHS, thanks bye!
Coronavirus: Branson warns airlines will collapse without government cash
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@KTHopkins
Edgware Road - friendly and with some excellent restaurants. A largely middle eastern corner of London for longer than I’ve been alive, you disgusting racist bellend.
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Dear Kate. Finding a royal nanny is a difficult task, but I feel my excellence in the field proves me more than able. I await your call.
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Little 5yr old girl on the tube just jumped up, started sashaying up the aisle & everybody smiled. Then she grabbed onto the pole and started booty grinding it and everyone’s just gone silent and pretended to look at their phones and this is the most British thing ever.
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someone please contact the “reader’s brainwaves” editor at Take A Break, they’re not ok
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One of my all time favourite episodes of Plebs in 2 hours. Here is a video of myself being propelled downhill by one
@rosentweets
while singing a popular ditty, in celebration.
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Plebs 4 starts tonight at 10 on
@itv2
In celebration, here’s a photo of our Tom, drunk out of his mind outside his hotel room after the wrap party. Poor little bugger.
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Tonight, kids. There’s no place like Rome ✌🏼
Brand new Plebs. Brand new friends. Same ancient problems.
Spanking new
#Plebs
. Starts Tonight 10pm
@ITV2
@PlebsComedy
@MrRyanSampson
@rosentweets
@JonPointing
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literally what every teenage boy looked like before social media made us all insane.
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I suppose things have been hard since the Happy Monday’s split up, but if he forgets my prawn crackers I’m kicking off.
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No I wasn’t looking at you strange, I was just remembering that time I was on a date and I ate a load of bar-snack almonds and as they were in my mouth I realised they weren’t almonds they were olive pits someone had spat out and put back in the bowl.
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My Mum was the best single person I’ve ever known. In lieu of me being able to give her flowers today, give a little extra love to yours.
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Dear diary, yesterday I discovered that our neighbouring village has installed undead child traffic sentinels
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Passed some school children in the street and they all stared at me and shouted ‘look it’s the guy from newsround!’. This is the guy from newsround:
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Sometimes you go to a Eurovision party, get wasted, put on all your fashion designer mate’s clothes, make everyone call you Delia for the night & wake up with 200 photos like this on your phone.
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Not to be outdone by me having a boyfriend, Tom has designed his entire Edinburgh show around his gay pride look.
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Pretty sure this bird was the moderator on my GCSE chemistry exam.
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Favourite gif of all time
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Learning Italian on
@duolingo
. Really glad we’ve started off with the simple stuff: existential questions & thinly veiled threats.
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So are we going to clap, or are we all just gonna shout “pay them more”?
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Weird how it feels... exactly the right time
'Now is not the time to discuss pay rise for nurses', says health secretary
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I give it three days before the L and I has been joined up with tippex on every single one of these posters
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That feeling when the Sun newspaper compares you to the German Chancellor
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@angel28kc
Just out of interest, have you ever been an alcoholic? Or a homosexual, or had mental illness? Just wondering.
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Embarrassingly, I am a person who has googled ‘Brexit news’ pretty much every day for the past 18 months and even I don’t understandwhat the fuck is going on any more.
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Just threw my glasses into a bin instead of my apple core, fuck everything.
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‘can’t you be in something nice like Poldark?’ - my Nan
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Today is the day I heard ‘Gavin & Stacey’ accidentally referred to as ‘Kevin & Spacey’. An excellent day.
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I’m 32yrs old and I still mentally congratulate myself every time I cross the road without getting run over.
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Big shout out to my neighbours who are probably really happy for me that I finally managed the high bit in ‘Shallow’ ✌🏼💕
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Just visiting my grandparents. My Nan calls a footstool a ‘pouffee’, and toiletries ‘toilerettes’ and my grandad calls me ‘Phil’.
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Ah go on then. 😘
Here we go...PLEBS SERIES 5 begins with a double-bill at 10pm on MONDAY 30TH SEPTEMBER on
@itv2
. See you there.
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Me: how could a buzzfeed quiz possibly tell my personality type from my dim sum order? Pointless and idiotic.
Me later: shit I’m a prawn ball I knew it.
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Look whoever is using my Spotify account I genuinely don’t mind but can you plz stop putting UB40 on my ‘recently played’ because it’s doing nothing for my credibility.
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Beautiful day, decided to learn lines outdoors. Printed off scripts. Charged speaker for some music. Walked half hour to the nice park. Bought some snacks on the way. Found perfect spot. Sat down in fox shit.
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At what point can you call 999 with ‘I think my naighbours have been eaten by their houseplants’?
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The year is 2028. The earth is scorched, desolate. Only two factions of humanity remain, locked in eternal conflict; the Yannies and the Laurels.
In hushed awe, their elders speak of ‘a time before the blue dress’.
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Theresa May is everyone’s Nan after two sherries*
*if your Nan were trying to slowly dismantle the NHS.
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I am indelibly etched onto a man's leg skin. Life is complete.
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One time my friend said ‘you know you can go into the history on Wikipedia and see all the stuff that people have written about you before it got corrected? So we had a look and in 2012, just after my name, someone had written “is a knob”. I’ve never agreed with anything more.
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Required to get first ever spray tan for new job, naked & afraid in a dinnerlady hat
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Understandably, Italians seem to think Ruby is either my sister or lover. We like to try and convince them we’re both.
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level of a bad day I'm having: just told a moth to fuck off.
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Nursing bee back to health update: 3minutes in.
Bernard has poked out his massive tongue and he’s lapping it up. Good on him. Thoughts and prayers. ##
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Just had a lovely chat with an old lady waiting for the tube, which slightly digressed when she told me ‘all these flies in the air are all the souls of the dead people, you must know’.
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Ok so apparently it’s:
“mama, (I) just killed a man”.
Not:
“Mama just killed a man.”
Pretty pissed off about all this to be honest.
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If I die let me come back as a Tsitsikama rain frog plz thx
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In the deep seated belief that I have a ‘gift’, I always try to get a fly trapped in my room to exit by opening the door and shouting ‘LEAVE’; for the first time ever it just worked. Cower before me, mortal.
Or hire me for your next picnic.
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Marcus - Leave
Grumio - Whatever
Jason - Remain
Aurelius - Hard Brexit
Stylax (RIP) - Remain
Flavia - Leave
Gloria - Remain
Landlord - No Deal
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Upside down smiley emoji is my best friend. Being sarcastic? Maybe. Fully supportive? Perhaps. Beaming away while I plot your demise? Could be, literally nobody knows. 🙃
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I don’t know what a tiktok is and I want to keep it that way for as long as possible.
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Three and a half drinks and I have the unshakeable conviction that I can probably definitely jump into scissor splits.
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Doing a new job playing a douchebag with tattoos. Looks like I’m spending the next *four* *months* with a dragon on my tit and a Chinese symbol that says ‘power’ (I hope).
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Turns out nobody likes him. Who knew?
Thousands join
#TrumpProtest
in London's Regent Street as
#TrumpVisitUK
continues
Follow our coverage:
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I knew a girl at school who liked Tupperware so much she just used to refer to it as ‘tupper’ and I think about this quite a bit.
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What's more exciting?
RT for: "tweet announcing series 4 of Plebs"
Like for: "getting a glimpse of inside Tom's nostril"
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Not bad for a bunch of divs in tracky bottoms 👌🏼
🎉It's official,
#Brassic
is our biggest original comedy series launch for over 7 years, with 1.7m viewers watching the first episode of the
#SkyOriginal
comedy drama🙌
Congrats to co-creators
#JoeGilgun
&
@dannybrocklehur
👏
The series is available now on
@skyone
and
@nowtv
📺
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Because ‘blatant drug dealer’ doesn’t fit on a license plate
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Didn’t sleep last night so someone on set gave me a modafinil to perk me up and now I’m pretty sure I can hear colours and see through walls & almost told the director I love him pls send help
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-look, Gino, we really need to decide
- but I can’t
- well we’ve run out of time
- Shit... fine just call it -
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Paha!
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Things I am most scared of:
1 - nuclear war
2 - pressing the release button on a tape measure and watching the spiky end fly towards my face at a thousand miles an hour.
3 - angry geese.
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So glad that wide leg trousers are fully back in fashion because I for one had enough of pushing these big old ham pipes into a pair of denim tights every morning
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Dear man on the tube with the seed on your hat
Where did you get your seed?
Were you rolling in a field with your beloved or pushed down a ditch as an act of revenge?
Will it go on to propogate 1,000 plants across the land?
These are my questions for you, man with the seeded hat.
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The "personalised Christmas baubles" on display at Fortnum & Mason's. A masterclass in knowing your target audience.
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Turns out the one way to get people to go outside & exercise it to tel them they’re not allowed to do it. Who knew? 🤦🏻♂️
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Woman on the tube opposite me is eating a crisp sandwich. This is not a drill.
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Finally resigning myself to the fact that learning all the words to “Um Bongo Um Bongo they drink it in the Congo” was a huge waste of my time in 2002
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One of the weirdest moments of my life. An elderly Portuguese man slipped me some money and said ‘do girl from Ipanema’.
So one night in Sofia, few of the cast went for dinner. After many drinks, discovered that Joe Coen is a great pianist and
@MrRyanSampson
is an amazing singer. Which is how I ended up in a hotel bar in Bulgaria watching Grumio sing for a Portuguese coach party at 2am
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Guys can you stop tweeting all in capitals unless it’s a genuine emergency it’s doing nothing for my nerves.
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☺️✌🏼
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I’m so single that it’s taken four “no, obviously I’m not free on Wednesday” messages from friends to realise just what’s going on here.
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Does anyone actually enjoy Aperol or are we all just continuously pretending it’s a great idea.
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It's difficult because on the one hand, I fully respect and admire her, but on the other hand I am sitting on a pretty damn sweet Greta Thunberg impression over here.
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Thanks for all the Plebs love kids, it makes me v happy - had a ball filming this utter nonsense
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Literally what does she think she’s doing.
Ken-ya keep up with Theresa May? Prime Minister busts out more moves on her Africa trip
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So just to reiterate, 1 bottle of fairy liquid equals 2 large condoms. Got that? Good.
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MATE. this is genuinely a running joke between me and my friend. I am identical to Rembrandt’s son*!
*but he dead now, bitch I win.
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Life hack: table water just means tap water for when you’re in a fancy place and don’t want to say tap water.
Just helping you stay classy, one tweet at a time.
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I’d call him a massive racist egotistical Dorito except I actually quite like Doritos. Send him packing.
#TrumpUKVisit
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Made some sketches for you, didn’t I? Because I’m like, obsessed with you or something.
Waiting. Out Monday...
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