Jim Corbridge
@MrBonMot
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Not to be taken seriously. Apart from the serious stuff.
Newcastle Upon Tyne, England
Joined September 2013
Dear voice on the end of the phone. You can't *always* be experiencing a higher volume of calls than average.That's not how averages work.
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55 years ago today Neil Armstrong landed on the moon.Its as if my fried egg this morning is paying tribute!
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I've just encountered the worst stair carpet in the history of mankind.
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You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.
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Carrie Johnson will be 35 on her next Birthday. It doesn't seem five minutes ago since was crawling around the Foreign Office on her hands and knees. #Carriegate.
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This cardboard packing looks like it should be stood outside a temple in South America.
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I know a lot of important things are going on in the world! .But I can't help wondering how fast this Ostrich was running when it hit the fence!?
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If only vehicles were fitted with some sort of device to prevent this happening.
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At school we were asked to choose the greatest ruler from history. I opted for The Helix 30cm Shatterproof.
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York museum gardens where you can't cycle but You may injure a young child or elderly person.
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I planted some Fox yesterday. I hope it grows as well as last year's.
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There must be some type of emergency over at the Jenning's. Thunderbird 2 is parked outside!
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"Bob Mortimer" Is Trending. Bob Retweeted me once, Still one of my proudest Twitter moments.
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I'm From Shirtless Men. What part of the country do you hail from?
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I Farted on the Bus & four people turned around, i felt like i was on the Voice . .
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Find your 50s band name by taking your Granddad's name followed by the last thing you did. Mine Is, Walter And The Coffee Stirrers!.
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Bob Mortimer Is trending. Bob once retweeted me. It's still one of my treasured twitter memories.
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Once again I've had to tell the grandkids off after they filled the dog with helium.
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Why is there always a rush to get off a plane? Do people think the last on off will have to clean it or Something?.
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So on this High Street, they have a Specsavers in-between a Lloyds’ Pharmacy and a Greggs. In Other words , Specs & Drugs & Sausage Rolls!
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As A British person We voted for Brexit. So we can hardly complain when other countries choose the Bat Shit Crazy way too.
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Holy Mary mother of God what was this lady wearing to Mass last weekend!?. I bet someone gave it to her for a Christmas present and told her it was candles. 😲😄
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I wanted to marry my English teacher when she came out of jail. However you can't end a sentence with a proposition.
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I've been standing here for over an hour now and it hasn't as much as moved!
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I Think I've finally kicked my habit of quoting Sinéad O'Connor lyrics. It's been 7 hours and 15 days.
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Good morning it's 54 years ago today since man landed in the moon. And my friend egg is celebrating!
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I'm watching the birth of a telecommunications engineer. You can still see signs of the eggshell attached to his head.
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So on this High Street, they have a Specsavers in-between a Lloyds’ Pharmacy and a Greggs. In Other words , Specs & Drugs & Sausage Rolls!
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Good morning. May I introduce you to my new Grandson Ronnie Jack. ❤️❤️❤️
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I'm not sure If I should eat this banana or take it to the pond!?
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I'm sitting on the bus wondering If I should give this guy a heads up? 🫤🤣
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I've not been able to get Wi-Fi where I was this morning so I followed this lady around hoping for a signal.
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As Its the Summer solstice I thought I'd be artistic at breakfast. 😉
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On this day in 1971,social media was ablaze with opinions about Mrs Henderson's at number 57 new net curtains and where the money had come from? or were they out of the catalogue?
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Four Hours I've spent trying to overtake these ladies! Four Hours!
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My first time using the air fryer turned out better than I hoped!
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Don't you hate it when someone is wearing the same outfit as you?
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I just spent £16.01 in Tesco. Cashier: 'Have you got the one?' . Me: 'Yes, I think I have. We've been together a while now.' . Cashier: 'Eh?'.
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As a broadcaster I have the utmost respect for Paul Gambaccini. But please Paul live and let live. It's not only our wonderful planet.
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At school we were asked to choose the greatest ruler from history. I opted for The Helix 30cm Shatterproof.
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This little fella has helped me get through the last three months. Everyday my son and his partner sent pictures of him. And last week on my birthday when I got to hold him again all 6ft 5 and 18 stone of me cried. Xxx ❤️❤️❤️
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A bloke in the pub asked me last night if I wanted to buy a chain saw!? I think I've been conned haven't I? 😩
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Under the magna carts It is illegal to pass anyone in England working in their garden without shouting out "You can do mine next!" Then laughing in a manner that suggests you're the first person ever to think of this witty remark! 🙄.
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Just reading about a six-year-old begging his mum for an I-phone! for Christmas. When I was six I was begging my mum for one of those pen's that had four different colours! times change!.
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I come from Shirtless Men , bit sexist? . Anyway where is your abode?
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@BBCBreakfast In a country where people can be awarded an OBE etc for cutting a politician's hair, I hope This Gentleman is rewarded for his voluntary work all these years.
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I'm going to have to stop the cat watching magicians on TV.
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Just arrived at the guest house where I'm staying tonight. I'm not impressed.
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Wife "Where have you been?". Me: "The road was closed. "
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Dilemma? Should I have told this bloke about the plate stuck to his Arse? Or Take a photo and share it on Twitter? 😉
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[GOD CREATING DUCKS]. Waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.
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It was beginning to dawn on Simon that maybe his Mother wasn't coming back for him!
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Good Morning. My wife says she needs a new Mop Bucket. Never let it be said I don't recognise a Christmas present hint when I hear one.
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Are you going anywhere Moocastle or Uddersfield driver? What about Jersey? Anyway just let me on I'm freisan.
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I can't believe that at nearly the end of 2023 people are still wearing fir.
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I might not have found any Easter eggs this morning but I have found fairies in the bottom of the garden so who is the real winner? 😜
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And I was never asked to bake anything else for the kids primary school Christmas bake sale.
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I just got barred from B&Q. This arrogant p***k in a red apron in the Garden aisle asked me if I wanted decking. Lucky I got the first punch in!.
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I wanted to marry my English teacher when she came out of jail. However, you can't end a sentence with a proposition.
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We had a sudden death in the family on Friday. Roy was only 48. It reinforces my opinion that life is too short to take it seriously. If you do nothing else today crack a smile and be happy you can still draw breath. R.I.P Roy.
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Prince Andrew Has said he's had some Ups and Downs in the past year wouldn't that have Something to do with being the Duke Of York?.
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This is the Jacka bakery in Plymouth that supplied the Mayflower with bread, biscuits etc for its journey across the Atlantic from England to the New World in 1620. It's still going strong today.
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My rabbit stew is now cold because my neighbour came to the door with some sob story about his kid's missing pet.
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I wonder which day next week I'll be able to buy Easter Eggs?.
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