Academic Mom, PhD
@Momademia
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Why choose between mom guilt and writing guilt when you can have both? Encouraging and connecting parents in academia. (she/her)
Joined November 2017
Sometimes being a parent in academia feels like riding a bike with a flat tire - you're working as hard as you can, you're exhausted and sweaty, but people are passing you with ease.
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Departmental meeting. Me: what are we doing to support and prepare the, something like, 80% of grad students that won't go onto the tenure track?. Them: *blink blink*. Someone: *whispers* did you say 80?.
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Shout out to all my first-gen academics who work tirelessly all year to navigate and succeed in the academy, then visit family at the holidays and feel even more out of place.
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Me, teaching: I'm so glad you're here! You're all wonderful! How can I support you today? I'd love to hear your thoughts! Let me draw you a diagram! Am I explaining this well? Never be sorry for having a question! . Me, not teaching: Everyone please leave me alone forever.
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What? No, I am not "ready for the weekend." The weekend means laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning, taxi-ing, and trying to squeeze in some time-sensitive work, all while being told I should relax more. So, no. I am not ready for all that. I'm ready for a nap.
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I think it's about time we all got some more badass academic parents on our timelines. Reply below with who you are and what you do, and I'll retweet! Undergrad, grad, post-doc, prof, etc. - let's hear from you! . #AcademicChatter.
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Dear students,. Crying in my office doesnt necessitate an apology.
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Having a child under 12 right now feels like a race against time: what will happen first - catching covid or receiving the vaccine? Every day feels like we're rolling the dice. Is today the day?.
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No matter how many times I explain that parents have to work, and no matter what task (work, chores, etc) I am engaged in, my daughter asks probably 10-20 times an hour for me to watch, or do, or see, or hear, or play, or help with something. It is heart breaking and exhausting.
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So, I got a job. A 9-5 with benefits and PTO and all that good stuff, still doing social science, but for the state. Is this what relief feels like?.
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Trying to explain conferences to non-academics: . "It's kind of like a science fair for adults but with booze?".
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We did not leave the house today, and had no visitors. We cooked and cleaned and baked and organized and snacked. We ate too much. No work was done. Jammies were worn and hair was wild. As she lay down for bed, my daughter reported, "today was a very good day.".
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Me, all day: "Oh, gosh, I really need to work on X. Ugh, and Y really needs to get done this week. Oh, no, I forgot I have to do Z!!". Me, finally finding time to sit at my computer: *stares blankly in complete overwhelm until I get interrupted*.
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I'd really like to resign from this Planning and Making Dinner Every Night Forever Committee, but I seem to the only member.
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Dear student whose husband and teenage daughter kept dancing into the frame during our Zoom meeting to embarrass you: I love you and your family. I haven't laughted that hard in months. Thank you.
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Y'all. Admin tells me that, due to my advocacy, my uni will be implementing a "stop-the-clock"-style policy for time to degree for grad student parents. I'm giddy. I hope it actually happens!.
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Now that I'm working from home, I'm learning so much about my working style. First, I've learned that I absolutely cannot work from home.
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This covid-symptom monitoring survey wants me to report "excessive fatigue." Who is going to tell them?.
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Me: This is the week I'm going to get my shit together!. Narrator: It won't be. *repeat forever*.
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I want to find the professor who gave her a lower grade for holding her newborn and fight them.
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Anyone else feeling extra anxious reading everyone's "decade in review" and "2020 plans" tweets? . For the folks like me just working on doing the best they can and making it through each year/month/week/day: we can do this.
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So my husband recently decided to leave us (long, blergh story but tl;dr: we'll be fine, he sucks, yada yada). Definitely looking forward to xmas eve dinner with his parents. This will be fun. Not weird at all.
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". I asked that question on my final exam!" Then, he answered her question, translating as best he could into language he thought she would understand. Folks. Please. Tell children, all children, from every background, that they belong in science. Be like this guy.
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but. you can just not do the elf.
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Earlier in my academic career, I saw a syllabus that provided a description of how to staple papers. I scoffed. A few years of grading papers later, I have realised what a visionary that prof was.
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My daughter asked if I kept any of her face masks from when she was a baby so she could use them for her stuffed animals.
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Preschooler had a very painful procedure today. At bedtime - . Me: You are so strong and brave. Kid: Almost. Me: What do you mean, almost?. Kid: I kept crying. Me: I cried today, too. Crying doesn't mean you aren't strong or brave. Strong, brave people absolutely do cry.
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Husband using the bathroom: 45 minutes, completely alone, with his phone. Me using the bathroom: ~ 24 seconds, in the presence of child and/or dog, likely with at least one in physical contact with me at any given second; otherwise, one or both are pawing at the door and crying.
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Bedtime took 3 hours tonight. 3. Hours. This is one of the major reasons I try to not bring work home with me. I have no idea whether I'll actually be able to do anything beside momming on any given evening/weekend/holiday, unless I'm willing to not sleep myself. .
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If I can't convince a preschooler to get dressed on the morning, how do I expect to convince anyone to fund my research,?.
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So glad to have this day off from paid labor so I can engage in all the unpaid domestic labor I've had to put off.
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I took my preschooler to a planetarium recently. After the presentation, she raised her hand to ask a question. The presenter, an astrophysics professor, began his reply with, "That is a great question! You should be in my intro class. " 1/2.
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My work bag is so heavy that my car thinks it's a person and yells at me for not putting a seat belt on it.
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Sorry my email reply was brief. I wrote it while sitting in the car in the preschool parking lot, waiting my my child to buckle herself in.
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Good morning all, especially those of us attempting to complete a week's worth of work in the two days the kids have school this week.
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The number of parents on my feed experiencing significant work-related issues due to a lack of safe and/or available childcare at this moment is overwhelming and enraging. If this is you, please let us know if/how the Twitter academic parent community can help.
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I bought a Very Fancy Brand™ diaper bag on clearance to use as a work bag. You know what? It's amazing. 10/10.
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I may be at my most Academic Mom when I reply to an email from the director of my daughter's preschool with suggestions for empirically supported interventions, complete with citations, and an offer to provide handouts for staff.
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If I take work home, I feel better about work, but worse about life. If I don't take work home, I feel worse about work but better about life. Ugh.
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What I really need is a fairy godmother who specializes in housecleaning and manuscript revision. Is that so much to ask?.
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Grocery stores in university towns should accept manuscript rejection letters as a form of payment, good for one pint of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Therapy.
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Meeting with the principal: 12:00 PM. Principal emails whole school, announces resignation: 4:00 PM. Correlation is still not causation, right? 🤣.
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My daughter is having a pb&j, grapes, and strawberries for dinner, on the floor in front of a fire (all by her request; I don't have the stamina to disagree at the moment). This may feel like a low point for me, but I bet she'll remember it fondly.
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Who else is struggling not to cry while explaining to their small (now confused, due to the crying) child, about the election?. My daughter is now decorating the house with washi tape for when the Vice President Lady comes to visit 🤣🤣🤣.
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Me: *is so tired*. Also me: *stays up too late because if I go to bed, then I'll have to deal with tomorrow*.
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My daughter is insisting on all five food groups* every day during shelter-in-place. So proud. *The food groups according to my preschooler: hard cheese, soft cheese, semisoft cheese, grilled cheese, mac 'n' cheese.
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I'm working with someone who, instead of using Word's track changes and comments, uses strike-through, underlining, and highlighting of several colors, and writes comments directly into the text. Send chocolate.
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I would like to see all the babies in Zoom meetings please and thank you.
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My schedule this week was entirely discombobulated. I had many meetings, taught, etc., but still felt like I did "nothing" because I made basically zero progress on research/writing. This is not fair to me. I did a lot! Productivity isn't always measured in words written.
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Dear students,.Please, please tell us if you're struggling. We are, too. We assume everyone is struggling. We understand. We want to help. Let us know what your specific challenges are so we can target advice/referrals. No, it isn't our job, but we can figure things out together.
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Have you asked your university how they plan to support student parents (undergrad or grad) if daycares, preschools, and/or schools close? It is doubtful that they can afford backup care and many are far from family/support networks. How will they work/study/etc?.
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It's been over 24 hours since I released grades. I haven't recieved a single email. Something's broken, isn't it.
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Tell me the title of your dissertation, thesis, or latest paper, but replace one word with "pizza.".
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Sorry I'm late for this meeting but I just came from a meeting and I'll need to leave early to get to a meeting.
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I did not get an interview for a thing that was an amazing fit for me, that I thought I had a very strong application for, and about which I was very excited. I know this is academia and one shouldn't get their hopes up, and usually I don't, but this one is really stinging.
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I'm just a mom. Standing in a grocery store. Trying to figure out if my child will eat basically anything.
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I'm just a mom, standing in front of the TV, asking for someone to explain to me how the creators of kids' shows decide which animals are animals and which animals are people.
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Every weekday morning. Apparently one can only have 2:. ✅ you and your child(ren) are dressed.✅ you are on time.❌ you've remembered to bring everything you all need. Someday I'll get the trifecta. But today was not that day.
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New plan: write while waiting for the child to get dressed.
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Honestly? Probably Sandra Boynton. 🤣.
What’s the single author you own the most books by?.
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Difficulty falling asleep?. Try PARENTING!. PARENTING helps you learn to fall asleep in moments, even when you don't mean to!. You'll fall asleep:. At your desk.On the couch.Waiting for the doctor or dentist.On hold for a phone call .And more!. donotattemptPARENTINGwhiledriving.
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"Accepted with minor revisions" was definitely something I needed to hear today. Thanks, universe!.
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When my daughter doesn't know a word, she will make one up. A couple of my favorites:. Baby porcupines: "chicky pinecones". Manatee: "piggie mermaid". She also calls me Mommy Salami.
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This whole "you need to be available for teaching, meetings, etc. from 8 AM to 8 PM (at a minimum) every day or you're not doing your job" thing really gets on my nerves.
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5:05 pm email, which I happen to see on my phone while walking into preschool pickup: "Please review this proposal before I submit it within the hour. ". Me: "Nope.".
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Me, at the beginning of a week of heavy grading: If I spend a few hours a day grading a dozen papers/assignments, I can spread it throughout the week and it will be fine!. Me, end of the week: I can grade 40 papers in two hours, right?.
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Roses are red,.Violets are blue.We can be great academics,*.And great parents, too. *when appropriately supported!. #AcademicValentine.
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My university has actually rebranded anything having to do with "work-life balance" into "work-life integration," which is essentially the opposite. Great work, @ass_deans!.
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Times my daughter can play independently: when it's time to eat, take a bath, get dressed, brush her teeth, when dad is watching her. Times my daughter can not play independently: when I'm in the bathroom, when I'm in the shower, when I need to work. .
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Friends, can we please collectively decide to skip the damn elf this year? We're tired enough and spread thin already. Let's just not. Kay?.
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Eating a bowl of salad. On a zoom meeting . Taking meeting notes. In my car. In the school parking lot. Waiting for the meeting to end . So I can pick up my kid from aftercare.
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Social isolation week 1: *puts on nice top and makeup for Zoom meetings*. Social isolation week 4: *wears same enormous fuzzy sweater for every meeting, forgets to brush hair*.
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Our student evaluations include a question regarding whether we deserve a teaching award, which is great, because who doesn't want to read responses like, "No. She's good but not like great.".
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What I should be doing: grading 40 papers. What I am doing: searching online for a lip balm that is similar enough to the one my daughter has been seeing in her dreams and repeatedly requesting.
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Today, I took a long lunch with a colleague. At first, I felt guilty spending so much time in an "unproductive" manner. Then, I realized that if I don't do things like this from time to time, I'm going to quit. So, I think this was a long, productive lunch.
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Board chair: "Let's do happy hour on Monday at 6 to welcome our new members!". Me, the only parent on the board: "Great, I'll be not there.".
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Over the past year or so, I've been becoming more myself at work. Dressing how I like (spoiler: lots of black). Being goofy (offsets the black?). Ignoring advice not to care too much about students (because it takes time/energy). Y'know? The students are loving it.
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I basically have no relationship with my mother, a very unhealthy person who has done me a lot of damage. My marriage has been trash for years, so I am not celebrated on mothers' day. So, I took my daughter to lunch and on a playdate. I hope she understands some day.
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My husband wants to give our daughter $40 for her first tooth.
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Shout out to all the mamas who won't recieve any Mothers' Day gifts since daycares/preschools/schools are closed. You deserve all the macaroni necklaces and handprint flowers.
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I successfully made small talk with another mom for the entire duration of a kids' activity this weekend.
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Our first appointment isn't until tomorrow but I am absolutely LIVING for all the joyful photos of 5-11s getting their shots. I've missed joy. I also can't wait for the under-5s to get their turn. Y'all deserve some joy, too.
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ONLY 15??.
It takes at least 15 job applications in academia to land a single offer, finds a survey. The results shed light on a hiring process that is often opaque, frustrating and hard to predict.
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Dear colleague,. If you email me at 6ish pm and ask me to call you, don't sound miffed when I call and tell you I can talk, but I'm also wrangling a preschooler into the bathtub.
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Many things are terrible. Can you share some good news so that we can be happy for you and slightly distracted for a moment? . Mine: it isn't much, but my kiddo went to bed without the usual battle tonight.
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Me: OMG I'm drowning in work. Also me: I should book an appointment for that tattoo I've been wanting that will have me out of the office for hours on a weekday afternoon. Self-care is important, y'all, whatever it means to you.
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Me: *reading silently*. Me, to me: "hold up, read that paragraph again, I got distracted and didn't hear a word you thought". *repeat forever because Pandemia*.
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Sorry if I'm quieter than usual, not commenting on tags, etc. My extremely social husband and daughter have melted into oppositional grumpmuppets and that, plus trying to wfh, has me barely keeping my head above water. Still trying to amplify with ❤s and RTs!.
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My preschooler refuses to attend preschool Zoom activities. I am nor even going to push it.
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Dear students:. Please don't cite journals you clearly made up.
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Husband's take on why his family doesn't interact with me? "Your intelligence is intimidating." . Who here hasn't heard that about 24,758 times?.
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I set three alarms every morning, but I still struggle to get up if my daughter is still sleeping. It's like my body says, "no way, lady, you need ALL the rest you can get to deal with academia + parenting, so no.".
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Feeling very called out by my daughter's new book .(Grumpycorn by Sarah McIntyre)
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When they said our kids were going to be "digital natives," I didn't think that meant they'd be attending preschool via Zoom. Yet here we are.
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So students will Google "how long can leftover sushi sit out before I can't eat it" but not "how to identify peer-reviewed articles?".
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