Missy Martinez
@MissyXMartinez
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Following
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Media
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Statuses
121,139
Internet Manatee. I write articles with my flippers.
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Joined December 2010
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Pinned Tweet
Girls forget real quick that Luigi has a mansion
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Getting fired from the coroners office for yelling “IS IT CAKE?!” before every autopsy
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Imagine going on a date with someone holding a fish in their dating profile picture and when you get to the restaurant it’s just a salmon sitting there waiting
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Whenever this guy is in a movie, someone is about to get fucked ALL the way up
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Every scene I do is technically a DP because Jesus lives in my heart
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A rainbow shirt in target won't turn your kids gay but Tia Carrere as Cassandra in Wayne’s World will
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“Tires balder than my pussy” is apparently NOT the thing to say to the employee at Auto Zone
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Name a celebrity you think would help you move a couch, if you asked them nicely. I’d ask
@Sethrogen
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Woke up from a dead sleep at 5am with this thought: Kim Doordashian
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To every man who feels the need to ask adult actresses how “Their parents feel having their daughter be a porn star” needs to stop and ask themselves how HIS parents feel about him working at Best Buy
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These guys sucked and fucked like absolute monsters
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People always feel the need to ask porn stars with the concern if they “actually like their job” Dude, you work at Verizon. Are YOU okay is the real question.
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Every bank can be a sperm bank if you’re brave enough
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Whenever someone tells me they have an 18 year old stepson
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Now referring to my vagina as HDMI 1 and my asshole as HDMI 2
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What celebrity name sounds like it could also be a sex act or position?
I’ll start:
The Michael Fassbender
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When I told my mom I did porn, she cried. After a few minutes she dried her eyes and said “It makes sense. I couldn’t keep clothes on you when you were little. You’ll always be my daughter and I love you” 🥺
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Watch porn, pay your taxes, eat ass, drink water and be good person
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It’s disheartening to see even progressive celebrities like Chelsea Handler have such negative views on the adult industry and its workers. Archaic views on sex, sexuality and sex workers is highly prevalent, along with misinformation. It’s 2018, people. Fuck with the lights on.
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Any time my stomach hurts, I assume it’s because the Magic School Bus is lost in my gaping colon
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If Twitter ends let’s all just talk to each other in the Pornhub comments
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People forget that the 3 Little Pigs were at least homeowners
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I’m banned from Home Depot because I pressed my bare tits against the shower door displays
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Him: I’m a porn star
Them: Dude, that’s so fucking cool!
Her: I’m a porn star
Them: Eww, you’re a fucking whore!
🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
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Performers: Remember there is room and a niche for ALL of us. Porn is not a “competition.” We are a team and need to support/uplift one another. We have enough judgment and prejudice from outside the industry. Let’s spread some love around and make some wonderful content!
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You guys know you’re supposed to put your balls in the condom too, right?
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Women who dress like sluts on Halloween are appropriating my culture
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If you’re embarrassed to follow a porn star, you’re not mature enough to watch porn. Plain and simple.
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Shout out to all everyone not afraid to retweet a pornstar
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The ability to have sex in exchange for money in front of the camera is only “dirty” and “offensive” to those repressed enough to confuse the act of sex with love/intimacy. What one does with his/her genitals is no ones business other than he/shes. 2018, time to grow up, world.
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Them: Fuck you and the horse you rode in on
Horse: umm wow okay
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Athletes and Porn stars are oddly similar: both use their bodies for entertainment of millions and both have bad knees.
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Adult performers: just because you take or slang cock for a living doesn’t make your voice / opinion on politics and the world around us any less valuable. You deserve to be heard. SHAME on any “fan” who discourages you and calls for silence. THEY are the problem, NOT you.
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Working from home doesn’t mean you can’t be a slut. FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
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I’m actually not a “slut”
My vagina is just REALLY good at networking
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Show me your no makeup faces, you beautiful creatures! !
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Describe your sex life using the name of a video game
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