Michelle Alleva
@MichelleAlleva
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36F🇨🇦 - detransitioned woman advocating for evidence-based health care - politically homeless free-thinker - protegimus invicem
Canada
Joined May 2021
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宮崎空港
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原神コラボ
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青木選手
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Pinned Tweet
Transition -> Detransition Timeline (2010 to 2022)
I'm pursuing legal action with regards to this medical negligence. I appreciate all the help I can get.
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I've been holding this card close to my chest for a while, and I'm ready to show it. In November 2022, I commenced legal action against the Canadian health care providers that facilitated my medical transition in Ontario.
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"You didn't have real dysphoria"
Maybe not? I don't know what "real dysphoria" means. But I was in such emotional distress that I had my breasts and uterus removed, and if doctors can't tell the difference, we're all in fucking trouble lol
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Transition should, in fact, be prevented if at all possible. It should be a big deal to be messing with your endocrine system. It should be a big deal to surgically alter your body. It should be a big deal to compromise your fertility. This should not be controversial.
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Testosterone has an antidepressant effect.
Estrogen has a "calming" effect.
You aren't gender euphoric; you're on drugs.
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People in my family still won't admit it's a medical scandal, even when I'm standing in front of them as living proof.
It still amazes me that wanting safety and fairness for girls and women is your idea of hate. It still amazes me that people are cheering on a medical scandal, despite mounting evidence of harm. It still amazes me how cowardly and complicit so many, including you, have been.
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When I was making the decision to transition, I came up with a list of evidence that I felt explained why I was not a woman (and was somehow a man instead). I now have better explanations for everything on that list.
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Gender-affirming care ruined my life.
Gender-affirming care saves lives.
Gender-affirming care saves lives.
Gender-affirming care saves lives.
Gender-affirming care saves lives.
Gender-affirming care saves lives.
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#DetransAwarenessDay
I transitioned in 2010 (when I was 22 years old) and detransitioned in 2020.
left, 2015 // right, 2021
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I went to a PWHL game last night. Before the game, the audience was asked to read the following pledge out loud together. Part of the intention is to train the audience (which was full of young girls) to accept boys in their sports and to vilify people who don't.
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If detransition stories force a reconsideration of health care policies, that is not our fault.
If health professionals are doing nothing wrong, they have nothing to worry about. That's it.
If you are worried, at some level, you must know something harmful is happening.
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It's been two years since I detransitioned.
Nov 2020 / Nov 2022
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"You didn't have real dysphoria"
And yet I was convinced I was trans for ten years. Imagine how many others who don't have "real dysphoria" are gonna figure it out in the next ten.
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This is in a journal entry two months before I went on testosterone:
"The permanent changes from testosterone (voice dropping, hairline changing, etc.) are all 'reversible' to some extent as well."
(Reader, they were not reversible in the slightest.)
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Honestly when I first detransitioned I was ready to make compromise but the longer I'm in this the more I'm ready to burn the whole thing to fucking ground.
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Something no one told me before I had a hysterectomy was that the uterus has functions outside of reproducing. It contributes to brain health. It also holds the other organs surrounding it in place, and women are at risk of prolapse when it is removed.
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My name change certificate and updated birth certificate came in the mail today. Back to my birth name and sex designation. 🙌🙌
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Of every transition-related step I've taken, I regret the hysterectomy the most. That could be because it was the most recent and therefore the freshest in my mind. (In January 2022, it will have been a decade since the mastectomy happened.)
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@PhilipPullman
Speaking as a detransitioner, I think I would've greatly benefited from exploratory therapy (what extremists are calling "conversion therapy") before being granted access to hormones. Evil? Hardly.
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On
#DetransAwarenessDay
, I call for safeguarding measures to be put in place for those considering medical transition. An invasive treatment causing permanent changes should be the last resort for a psychiatric condition. That shouldn't be a controversial statement.
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When transitioners talk about negative side effects of HRT or complain about predatory surgeons, they are taken seriously.
When detransitioners talk about negative side effects of HRT or complain about predatory surgeons, we are publicly mocked, shamed, and called liars.
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When I was a child (and into my teens), bathrooms were my safe spaces at school. I was bullied, so I spent *hours* of my life crying in bathroom stalls.
It was hard enough that girls were able to follow me in. I can't imagine having nowhere to hide from the boys who bullied me.
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As detransitioners gain more traction, it has never been more obvious that we need somewhere to recover off of social media and away from everyone else's opinions.
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"Detransition grift"
Yes I absolutely took hormones for years and removed my breasts and uterus just to own the transes. 🙄
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When the regret rates for routine surgeries are frequently 10-40%, and the regret rates for specialized surgeries with no standardized outcome that involve literally reconstructing your genitals is miniscule, you should be questioning why that is.
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"You don't deserve compensation because choices have consequences"
As if my deep voice, flat chest, the fact that I'm never be able to bear children, and my distrust of medical professionals aren't already consequences that I have to deal with.
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How many of those people who regret hip replacements had nothing wrong with their hip in the first place?
The truth about about detranstioning is more people regret hip replacments than transitioning but conservatives are only targeting one. Fuck Prager U. Worthless garbage.
#DETRANS
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I take full responsibility for my part in my mistake, but I will never concede that the authorities who advised me were innocent.
This is medical negligence, not buyer's remorse.
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Imagine living in bass-ackwards land where hoping that less people become lifelong medical patients is eugenics but sterilizing gay, autistic, and GNC youth isn't.
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In the summer of last year, when I was still making the decision to move forward,
@TullipR
told me that it wasn't about winning or losing, but making the leviathan that is the gender affirmation industry realize it can bleed. That has stuck with me.
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On the topic of justice for detransitioners... I don't particularly want to see my own doctors, surgeons, and therapists imprisoned.
I do want an apology. I want an admission that they violated their oath to do no harm. And I certainly wouldn't say no to compensation.
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#DetransAwarenessDay
Instead of rushing to devalue detransition experiences, spend one single day reading our stories.
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I've seen people who've transitioned act like they're almost offended by the idea that transitioning should be considered undesirable. It should. It's experimental, it comes with a host of potentially nasty side effects, and we still lack long-term studies on cross-sex hormones.
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If a cult is when a person radically changes their appearance after adopting particular beliefs, I have some bad news for you.
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I'll say this over and over until y'all get it: mourning the loss of the body you used to have is not the same as experiencing emotional distress over not having a body you never had in the first place.
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It took me more guts to tell everyone I've ever known that transition had been wrong for me, more guts to tell the world that transition is a massive maladaptive cope, than it EVER did to walk through this world pretending I was a man.
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The amount of vicious backlash a detransitioner gets directly correlates to how scared TRAs are of them. Don't none of y'all forget it.
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My tweets serve the purpose of publicly criticizing health care professionals for enacting medical violence against vulnerable people.
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If it's going to be an option, it should *never* be the first one. It should *always* be a last resort.
The current approach is insane.
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The world will know what they did to us.
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I've wanted to do this for a while. Here's a thread examining loss to follow-up in 27 studies that were used for the 2021 meta-analysis on post-surgical regret in transition-related medicine.
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"I'm sorry about what happened to you but it's very rare" is a sentence designed to make YOU feel better, not the detransitioner you supposedly have sympathy for.
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I believe we've been wronged. If I go down, it'll be fighting, not rolling over and dying.
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TRAs before you transition: "if you think you're trans you are" "cis people don't think about gender this much" "transition is lifesaving and without it you might kill yourself"
TRAs when you detransition: "lol you fucking moron"
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I am actively seeking a lawyer in Canada who will take on a medical malpractice/clinical negligence lawsuit. I live in Ontario.
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A doctor refusing to recommend a specific treatment because you don't meet the diagnostic criteria is not a violation of your bodily autonomy.
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@HelenWebberley
Sounds like you're starting to realize the "detransition rates" are bigger than you assumed they were, and you're trying to explain us away ahead of time.
It wasn't difficult to live "as a man" for me. No harassment. No discrimination.
I just realized it was all bullshit.
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Against all traditional knowledge, my health care professionals were convinced that affirmation was the only ethical route to take. In doing so, they confirmed a delusional belief and prescribed an unnecessary treatment, the effects of which I will live with forever.
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We can talk about what evidence exists for different treatments all day, but everything comes down to the fact that we have no empirical evidence that "gender identity" exists and, if it does, whether it can be mismatched with one's body.
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Of interest, I'm at a symposium on detransition research, and they have mentioned a not-yet published study in which they surveyed 774 young trans people in the US and Canada. 16% reported stopping/reversing transition.
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I still can't get over that I came from social justice world where the root of all suffering can be traced to oppression/capitalism/patriarchy, but when I started talking about my detransition those exact same people all started screaming "PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY!!" at me. lmao.
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The people whose whole attitude is "we don't care what adults do, just leave the kids alone" ... we may have some overlapping goals, but if you're willing to abandon vulnerable adults, you clearly aren't here for the same reason as me.
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Pursuing justice is personally taxing. The defense exposes every part of your life, and the public feels entitled to draw their own conclusions. I deeply admire those harmed by transition who are doing it:
@TullipR
@ChoooCole
@GetBetterTweets
@AbbirRika
@KLBfax
Jay Langadinos
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Something I've learned in the past few years: I would rather be friends with people I may not share some core values with, but whom consistently show fairness in disagreement, than people I share all opinions with, but whom are vicious in their arguments.
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The therapist who wrote my letter recommending testosterone is an award-winning trans activist who transitioned in 1971. Nearly 40 years of trans knowledge and he couldn't tell the difference.
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It's still utterly wild to me that things I saw on Tumblr ten years ago are now being taught to elementary school students.
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Isn't the risk of detransition worth knowing about? The possibility should be presented as part of the informed consent process. Anyone who transitions needs to know every possible outcome in order to make a fully informed decision.
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Male pattern balding is permanent.
Deepened voice is permanent.
Enlarged clitoris is permanent.
Facial and body hair is permanent.
Stop lying.
@againstgrmrs
Lmao testosterone and estrogen. Thats the gender affirming drugs
They’re largely reversible. Even after decades of use
If they weren’t, no one could transition in the first place 😆
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#DetransAwarenessDay
On May 1, 2018, my uterus, Fallopian tubes, and cervix were surgically removed as part of my "transition." This was covered by provincial insurance (OHIP).
It was an unnecessary procedure. The reason I gave was distress around menstruation and pap smears.
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Looking forward to igniting the conversation about the recklessness of "gender-affirming health care" in Canada.
Primum non nocere.
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I have launched a crowdfunder for some out-of-pocket expenses (e.g., hiring expert witnesses and obtaining medical records). If you are financially able and feel compelled to donate, I am eternally grateful.
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@AdamsJoenice
I didn't prescribe myself hormones. I wasn't holding the scalpel. Sorry to hear you are unable to recognize a predatory system.
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"Trans awareness" will be the downfall of gender ideology. The more people learn, the more horrified they are. Happy Trans Awareness Week!
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Medmal cases are extremely difficult to win in Canada. Doctors have access to a billion-dollar pot (funded by taxpayers) that pays for their defense against injured patients. In effect, they have unlimited resources. Here's a short documentary about it.
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@ImWatson91
I did do that, and I am a freak.
The same girl who didn't deserve to be harmed in that way doesn't deserve to be harmed in this way either.
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Surgery on demand based on a self-declared identity is health care, I guess.
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I'm not here specifically for women or for children or to defend safeguarding.
I'm here for the fucking truth.
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Planned Parenthood refused to give my detransitioning male friend testosterone (which he needs because he can't make his own anymore).
They'll give him estrogen if he wants to transition, but they won't give him testosterone.
Detransition isn't gender-affirming care. Try again.
@Fhogg2
@RavenLunaTikke
@heterodorx
Yes, I know people who have had complications and seek having revisions - do think these proposed bans are *helpful* to them?!
What kind of care to you think someone who has had a orchi and then decides to live as a man needs?
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Suicide is a social contagion, and you're increasing suicide risk by predicting suicide deaths. At this point, though, it's almost like y'all *want* people to kill themselves.
One of the last things the Tories did before being booted out of power was to put young trans people’s lives at risk.
We’re in court today for a hearing to stop the ban on puberty blockers.
CW: suicide
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We will not be your acceptable collateral damage anymore.
I gave a decade of my life to this. I gave body parts. I gave away my ability to ever become a mother.
I will live with that forever. What else do you want from me?
It's your turn to be held accountable for this mess.
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Mourning the loss of your body parts is not "the exact same feeling" as your irrational distress about body parts you never had.
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"If you think you're trans, you are" remains the most harmful thing ever said to me.
🧵My eldest loves maths and just came home furious because today maths was replaced by
#GenderWooWoo
. He told me the principal came into his class and delivered a speech about how wonderful it is that some people are transgender,and if you feel you are trans then you are trans./1
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Gender dysphoria is a horrible mental illness that nearly cost me my life, but I am no longer willing to lie or be “polite” about it. I’ve seen and felt too much pain to care anymore. The “gender” industry is evil. It has ruined more lives than I can count, and I’m done with it.
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Anyone writing Community Notes claiming the Cass Review has been "widely discredited" shouldn't be writing Community Notes. Just saying.
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TRAs when you're looking for HRT: LIE!!! Say whatever you need to!!!
TRAs when you detransition: It's not our fault that you LIED to your doctors!!!
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My best friend had an orchiectomy around the same time. He was also mentally ill -- more than I was. He detransitioned about a year and a half later. Now he's sterile and has to be on synthetic testosterone for the rest of his life.
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"Hasn't sought reversal surgery" is a RIDICULOUS measure of transition "regret."
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Homosexuality was depathologized because of the consensus that it doesn't require medical intervention. The opposite of conversion therapy isn't intervening in a different way. The opposite of conversion therapy is doing absolutely nothing because absolutely nothing is wrong.
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Fuck you and fuck your whole industry.
@ErinInTheMorn
Here's a better story about Prisha Mosley. She blames everyone who was a medical professional plus her therapist and the therapist who gave her a clearance letter for gender affirming surgeries. She comes off as sympathetic but a very angry young lady. I do wish her well, but if
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@FemmeLoves
As a Canadian, I'm looking forward to being held criminally responsible for criticizing the ideology that left me infertile. Can't wait to hear what the public thinks!
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This may not shock anyone who's seen my username, but I'll never agree with the concept that we can't afford nuance because it "gives ammunition" to "the other side."
I'm not interested in sides. I'm interested in truth. Truth requires nuance.
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That is the state of activist-controlled health care. There is one narrative that is acceptable, and every person who does not fit that narrative -- who regrets transitioning, who returns to living as their sex, who talks about the potential for issues -- is told to shut up.
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If people started suddenly saying they had an extra soul stuck in their body and needed invasive treatment to have it removed, and we measured the existence of the soul by whether or not they improved after the soul removal surgery, everyone would be calling it quack medicine.
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I can only say that I was mentally ill. The period of about 2015 to 2020 were among the worst in my life, and I had the surgery right in the middle. I barely remember it or the circumstances leading up to it.
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Wanting to eradicate every bit of femaleness from your body is a female-exclusive experience.
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Weird how we didn't have scores of gender non-conforming children killing themselves before transition was available.
(Also weird how there's no evidence that we have that now either.)
Watching parents of “trans kids” testify at the Florida medical board hearing, they all to some degree tried to force their kids to conform to gender norms before the child “came out” as the opposite sex. The parents were told their child would commit suicide if not transitioned.
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I don't understand it. The best answer I can come up with is that I didn't want to do pap tests or have periods anymore. "Inconvenience" is the worst excuse I've ever heard to have a whole fucking organ removed and make yourself infertile.
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@eva_kurilova
It's actually fascinating how often this happens.
"12 year olds are getting mastectomies"
> "no they're not!!" vs. "what's wrong with that?"
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Can all of you saying "no one cares what adults do with their bodies" just speak for yourselves instead of the rest of us? I care about medical negligence for everyone. Fuck you for throwing vulnerable adults under the bus.
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The following is a selection of comments from February 21-23 when my lawsuit went public (specifically from The National Post and Twitter).
You ask yourself how many people with transition regret would put their names and faces to their stories when this is how we're treated.
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#DetransAwarenessDay
I am pursuing legal action in Canada.
Help me hold the medical industry accountable, warn insurance companies what they're signing up for, and protect children and vulnerable adults from pseudoscientific treatments.
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Most of my distress around what I look and sound like now is feeling like I no longer signal safety to other women. Because, for the most part, I look and sound like a man.
I don't really care about looking "attractive" so much as I care about that missing solidarity.
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Something a former friend sent me after I detransitioned:
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Start thinking about the psychological implications of regret. Start thinking about the sunk cost fallacy. Start thinking about the humiliation involved in admitting something like this was a mistake.
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I told my therapist of ten years (who supported me throughout transitioning) that I was detransitioning earlier this year. She was shocked and told me she wanted to have a phone call to talk about it, but never followed up. And I can't help but wonder if she's avoiding me now.
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In TRA land, "TERFs" are regularly held responsible for the deaths of people whom they have never met, but the doctors and therapists who directly advised people who later detransitioned bear absolutely no responsibility whatsoever.
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My journal entries right before I transitioned were so hateful to myself -- to my inner child. And for what? She didn't do a damn thing wrong.
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Detransitioners aren't martyrs to be offered up for slaughter. We are people, and our stories deserve respect - including at least a heads up when they're going to publish us.
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Seven years after I started hormones, I had a psychoeducational assessment in which I was diagnosed with autism, ADHD, major depressive disorder, anxiety, and symptoms of BPD and post-traumatic stress. Suddenly why I never "fit in" started to make sense.
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