Shane
@McClellandShane
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Gourmand🍽️🍷 Gardener🌱 Hunter 🦌 🦆 🦃 Weirdo Witch👻🌙 Podcaster🎙️@TheQFilesPod🎧 Attorney⚖️ Author📚 Sometimes on TV 📺
Columbus, Ohio
Joined January 2011
If you’ve missed my 500 tweets - my new podcast The Q Files is out. It's like Queer Eye meets The X-Files. Be a doll - listen & subscribe ✅ . Wherever you listen 👇. 🎧 Apple: 🎧 Spotify: 🎧 Everywhere:
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Boss: You failed your drug test. Me: I had a poppyseed bagel. Boss: Explain the weed & cocaine. Me:. Boss:. Me: It was an everything bagel.
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Gays: He lives like 40mins away. It’ll never work. Lesbians:
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If illegals are such freeloaders, why does ICE keep raiding workplaces?.
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biblical angels but their true form looks like the patterns in 90s arcade carpets
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I feel like if cicadas are allowed to just sit in a tree and scream I should also be allowed to do that.
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Squid Game, but it’s members of Congress playing the honeycomb game with their gerrymandered districts
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*demon stands amid your destroyed kitchen*. Demon: *booming* HOW? How were you able to summon me?!. You: (standing in the corner flipping through your grandma's handwritten cookbook as fast as you can) *screaming& crying* I don't know! You were supposed to be chicken and noodles.
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SHUT EVERYTHING DOWN TOM HANKS HAS CORONAVIRUS. Someone gather our national treasures - Betty White, Dolly Parton, RBG - and put them in individual sterile containment rooms.
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Gay clubs are wild because you can run into both of these guys and then find out they’re both 23 years old
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Today marks the 25th anniversary of October 6th, 1998, when Matthew Shepard was beaten & tortured near Laramie, Wyoming. Tied to a fence post & left for dead. The only part of his face not covered in blood, was where the tears had run down his cheeks. He died 6 days later.
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Katy: tell me I’m a gay icon. girl: you're hurting me. Katy: tell me and I’ll let go
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Virtual meetings are basically modern seances. “Elizabeth are you here?”. “Make a sound if you can hear us.”. “Is anyone else with you?”. “We can’t see you, can you hear us?”.
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Say what you want about the royal family, Buckingham Palace will always be a beautiful home
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What if God came down one day and just said "It's pronounced 'Jod'" and then left.
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October: Spooky Bitch . November: Thankful Bitch. December: Santa’s Bitch . January: New Bitch. February: Cupid’s Bitch. March: Lucky Bitch. April: Bunny Bitch . May: Cinco de Bitch. June: Gay Bitch. July: Patriotic Bitch. August: Back to School Bitch. September: Workin Bitch.
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*takes long drag off cigarette*.*points at your boyfriend*. "Is he a rescue?".
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Millennial Lady Gaga fans sitting next to Gen Z Lady Gaga fans at her next album's tour:
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Gypsy Rose and she’s 30 are trending. And if you haven’t checked them, please do:
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A versatile queen. From Star Wars to Hunger Games. We stan our Lady Gaga
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*brings therapist to family gathering*. Me: See?. Therapist: ᵒʰ ᵐʸ ᵍᵒᵈ.
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For the $1.72T this F-35 failure cost us, we could have:. - ended homelessness in the US. - wiped out student debt. - given folks $2,000. - colonized the moon/built a permanent base (this is actually only $50B).
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When Cordelia said Michael brought all her girls back to fight
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I just think it’s possible that if Dolly Parton and Stevie Nicks did a duet together it'd close whatever portal 2020 opened.
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Therapist: "And what do we say when we feel like this?". Me: "My illness is chronic but my tits are iconic". Therapist: "No".
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When someone tells you who they are, believe them. The first time.
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Masc4Masc gays think that fem gays ruin the gay community, but the gag is. seeking masculinity in a man is a feminine quality.
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Do y’all remember when we had a terrifying clown problem?. Like what in the actual fuck was that?.
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So many of you are concerned about the tax status of undocumented folks BUT don’t question corporations and the ultra wealthy not paying taxes. Why is that???. 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔.
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This is how loud my fellow white people need to be on racial justice:
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Dingo eating a shark while two snakes have sex. Welcome to Scorpio season
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eBussy is why companies need marketing gays at the helm.
ElectricBrands has unveiled its eBussy concept; a modular electric vehicle that can be transformed into 10 different body types. Find out more: .Photo: ElectricBrands
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Me and the girls walking into Area 51 after seeing how well they defended the capital building
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Are you wondering where is Ohio?. Well you shouldn’t be. It’s all Ohio.
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Once all the boomers are dead, y’all wanna switch to metric or nah.
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If you’re a top, but you’re short, does that make you a. crop top???.
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3D “visualisation” of the fires in Australia, compiled from NASA satellite data.
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@SneKhumaloSA You’re not wrong - and I appreciate the comment - but the image is the San Francisco Armory (a former porn studio). I’m making fun of them.
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Look Joanne, we’re all busy right now supporting black lives matter. The least you could do is not attack queer people during Pride Month. I’m unsure how you get considerably worse every time you log on to the twitter dot com, but please stop.
If sex isn’t real, there’s no same-sex attraction. If sex isn’t real, the lived reality of women globally is erased. I know and love trans people, but erasing the concept of sex removes the ability of many to meaningfully discuss their lives. It isn’t hate to speak the truth.
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LIVE through the ditches and. LAUGH through the witches and. LOVE in the back of my dragula.
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If you were born in the 80s, and raised in the 90s, and you make it to 2020, it means you’ve lived in:. 👉 4 different decades. 👉 2 different centuries. 👉 2 different millennia. 👉 a constant state of depression.
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Nick Jonas isn’t fat. Jason Mamoa isn’t fat. Neither have “dad bods.” . Neither are “thicc.” . Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
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This is who we need to call to solve the murder of Carole Baskin’s husband. A Netflix crossover:. Tiger King + Don’t F**ck with Cats
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June 26 is a big day for equal rights and fair recognition. It’s the day on which:. 🏳️🌈 Lawrence v. Texas was decided (Privacy Rights). 🏳️🌈 United States v. Windsor was decided (State's Rights). 🏳️🌈 Obergefell v. Hodges was decided (Marriage Equality).
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Aren’t time zones fascinating? Australia is already in 2018, Europe is in the last bit of 2017, and the US is in 1950.
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Trump tried to tweet from the POTUS account and Twitter said NOPE *delete* 👋 😂
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Dear family, I have a new set of instructions for after I die
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