Chaplain!🕴🏽
@Maundu_1
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Welcome to my world of Delusions ||Low profile astute🤓 ||LA Clippers fan🏀|| @ChelseaFC 💙
Doesn’t matter📍
Joined October 2023
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Mkinipeleka hivi majamaa nikama 5M impressions nikama nitangoja mpaka yess arudi!😭
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Nairobi shawties took the “mficha uchi hazai” msemo very seriously,skuizi kila dem huku tao ni crop top na kamini!
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Na nyinyi watu hushika madem wenu wakicheat alafu mnaanza kuwauliza “wewe unajua venye nimekutoa mbali?” kwani mnakuanga mmepatania nchi gani?
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Ndio kumaliza kusoma bibilia na nimeona kumbe Judas alikuwa shoga buana.Mbona ukiss mwanaume mwenzako juu umepewa 30 bob?
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Pale highschool ulikuwa ukimiss kuenda funkie ni either wewe ni sura mbaya ama hujuani na watu ya deepstate😂
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Ni Mimi tu hukuwa na shida ya kutofautisha vitu Kama tshirt na shirt,moyo na roho,asubuhi na mchana ama pia nyinyi mko katika hio Hali tatanishi?😂
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Unaona mahagga kwa streets,unaharakisha unaovertake mdem ndio uone sura lakini ukishampita uturn kuangalia,pure dissapointment😂💔
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Wenzako wakivuruta ma foreign wewe unavuruta dunhill Ndio tuone wewe ni rich kid,gatheee utakufaaa!!!
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Na Leo mkipanda miti msisahau kubeba kacounty angalau mnyunyuzie juu😂
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Huku kwa ploti mzazi anaku approach anakuambia uache kuvuta bangi hatharani juu utaharibu kijana wake.Laiti angelijua kijana yake ndio peddi!!🤧
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After Chelsea FC💙,fear those niggas from Mombasa,wote watakugongea buana!
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Hakuna kitu mbaya Kama kukuwa na rangi ya thao lakini mfuko imejaa coins🤧
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Btw ladies asking a dude “ulitoa wapi number yangu” and blocking them after amekupea some uncomfy answer feels right but is not🥲chieth!!
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Unashangaa mbona unateseka sana hapa nje,kumbe ukizaliwa haukukam na sahani yako!!
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Manzi yako akianza kuongelelea mambo ya kupanga fantasy league we jua kuna mtu anakugongea!!🥲
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Wazazi husema ati hizo vitu unafanya pia sisi tulifanya wakidhani you will stop.Mzae anataka kusema pia yeye alikuwa anasimp😭
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Wewe post tu ukiwa club lakini ukishikwa jua Mimi sina za kukutoa ndani bana!
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Na muache kutuambia GM asubuhi,wengine wetu tunadhani mnamaanisha General Meakins🥹
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Pale Highschool mkikaribia time ya exam,C.U ilikuwa na mafans sana.Unaenda D.H adi selector hayuko🤣
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Lakini kusema ukweli Mimi sijaielewa umuhimu wa kupiga nguo passi bana!
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Seating on the passenger seat while a lady is driving lowkey makes one feel less of a man ngl!🥲
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Ukishika manzi yako kwa noma aanze kukuambia ati “babe I can explain” just know she’s guilty of what you’ve found her doin
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Hio jam ya apo Muthaiga hufunza mbogi ya 9-5 patience.Pale Kama umechelewa inabidi umeshuka ukimbie ama utapatana na barua kwa meza!
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Madem wamechanganywa sana na hizi tweets za football buana!!relaxini ladies,wacha ikifika mambo ya cosmetics na kuweka baby hair tutawaita mchangie😭
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Kuna mtu atasema napenda wamama lakini bro,umeona vnye hawa SDA mums hukuwa na some big nyuash bana?
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Apart from when you post yourself on your birthday,when is the other time you receive fake love?
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Mlisema mtu akipendwa vizuri ata sura Huwa inanyooka ama juu kuna pimples mbili tatu zinanisumbua na nataka ziishe!😂
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Wazee hamkunichanua huku kwa ndoa Unaweza kuwa umekosewa lakini bado ni wewe utaomba msamaha!😭
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Niko hapa kwa jirani nimeinama najifanya natafuta coin yangu imeanguka chini ya sofa juu wameniletea food kwa meza😂💔
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Mtu huweka sura inakaa aje ukitaka usikutwe na hawa wasee hupigana picha apa tao kila siku?
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Hio msemo ya tenda wema nenda zako mlikuwa serious iliisha ladha,juu niko hapa local nimenunulia shawtty jug sahi napewa tako🤭
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Hawa watu hupop out of nowhere with your tbt picture wanakupost nayo siku ya birthday hujiona wakona some high level of getting info!🤣
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Kwani y’all mko adole buana,the rate at which your shoulders are broad kwa matatu I think I’ll have to buy me a vitz kama starter pack
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The only badge Naona nikiweka ni ile ya primary yenye tulikuwa tunaipin kwa shati imeandikwa “Best in English”
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Na kwa supermarket kwani hizo goods za the first row hukuwa na shida gani,coz kila mtu huchukua izo zenye ziko ndani instead😂
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Mimi wacha nizidi kunyorosha skin na maji for now,ile siku ntapata pesa ndio ntanyorosha maisha😂
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There’s nothing bitter like life putting you in your place just because you wasn’t able to make the right decisions and plan yourself better!!
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Huku Campo ukiona mtu ametoka kwa gate ya chuo bila dem we jua huyo msee ni either ako njaa ama amegongewa 🤣
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Wenye walikuwa na Ndevu pale highschool walikuwa wanajiskia madon sana!Ona sahi uliambiwa unyoe juu ya attachment😂
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Na umewai panda ndege kweli ama ni hizo zako tu zenye unaitanga “maziwa” Ndio umepanda pekee
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You never get to know the true nature of your partner until you start living together.
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Yaani samovyu kukaa mbele kwa matatu pia mnaita connection?🤌🏾
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Me narelax,narelax ooo🎶🎶 ~ hii ngoma ya ule baddie anaitwa Christina Shusho iko on repeat kwa medulla
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Pale highschool masaa ya entertainment kama haukuwa unajuana na any form four,hio movie ungeionea nje ya DH roho safi😂
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Hizi Ndio zile weekends Kama haufanyi trading ama shughuli za kuattract DCI hautatesa…anyway sisi wakristo atleast budget ni soda tu😂
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One thing you don’t know about us Chelsea is that we usually spare the small teams n nut on the big teams.Tunamalisa hako kateam. You can take this to the bank byzeway😉
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Na hizo pesa mnarushianga your brides kwa wedding,Huwa mnaokota ama mnaachianga sisi watu wa kukula mchele tuchukue?
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Unashangaa mbona maswara zinakuandama kwa life kumbe ni wazazi wako walikulana kwa msitu🥲
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Back in the prime days ulikuwa unawatch drunken master unatoka pale with an illusion that you can beat everyone including your father.
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Sahi watu wa 9-5 ukiwatafuta wanakupiga zile za “sahi mwezi iko kwa kona” and other short stories😂
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Prime time tukipatana long holiday tulikuwa tunatoka tao every Sunday photo shoot alafu kama hio siku uliamka na mguu mbaya unachaiwa tenje😂
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Na ukishika simu yangu wewe ingia adi kwa emails Haina noma,but kitu isikudanganye uende kwa browser history,tutakosana sana!😤
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Mtu hufika miaka ngapi hivi ndio anakuwa na loyaa wake nianze kujipanga mapema??
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Why is it that most rich people just dress very casually alafu sisi wa kupenda attention Ndio tunapiga mabling na designer imbo za guchii🥲
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Manze usikubali kulala njaa na huko Google wana offer cookies for free. It’s just you to accept them.
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Yaani unakula bibi ya mtu alafu kinakuramba una stick apo ndani.I thought hii mchezo ilikuwa inahappen kwa madogi tu after zime mate!
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Lakini wazee muelewe adi manguo hazishindangi Gikomba forever,kuna siku zitanunuliwa na zitatulia kwa mwili moja tu until zibeat.
This post is not about clothes🥲
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“Wewe lala tu kijana na wenzako wanasoma”hii statement ukiambiwa na mwalimu ilikuwa inafanya unajifikiria sana before urudi kulala tena😂
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Nobody isolates more than the oldest son who knows damn well nobody is coming to save him!!
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Yoo!
Hata ukuwe depressed to what level,don’t dare stay in the house kwanza alone!!Manze pale kujinyuria ni one time bana🥲
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Real love was there zile enzi za “xaxa xweety”mkiwa na katululu,Skuizi tangu kila mtu apate iPhone ni kaswende tu mnasambaziana🥲
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Yaani tl yangu mzima no one speaks about basketball jameni tuchapiane kiasi na Ndio season imeanza?
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Yaaani sahi kuna mtu dem yake anachochwa na single girls venye anafaa akudanganye hatakuwa kutoka kesho adi Sunday buana in the name of “anaenda mazishi”😭
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Hao walimu wenye walikuwa wanakuja kufunza masaa ya PE walikuwa wanajiongoza ungedhani wanapewa extra pennies😒
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Ile quote flani husema “Go hard or go home” should be normalized by ladies masaa ya mechi pekee.Hio si advise ya kuambia mtu ati agrind bana😂🤌🏾
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Skuizi ni ngumu kutofautisha mama na mtoto wake msichana, kwanza wakitembea pamoja.
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Watu mlifanya agriculture najua mnakapitia sana hii mambo ya Senate impeachment,terms zinatumiwa huko hamuzipati
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Dem akikupea business number instead of her personal number,hio humaanisha nini ama it’s still a win?
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Lakini kama umelelewa Eastlando na hujui kushuka a moving matatu hio hukuwa msiba wa kujitakia🤌🏾
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Relationships at times hukuwa noma sana,what do you mean you can tell my tone via a text I’ve sent you?
Ladies jameni🥲
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Atleast vipofu wanaambiwa tazama juu sisi wenye macho manze hatuambiwi na mtu!!
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Nimekuwa talking stage na peng flani wa Muthaiga akaniuliza “demure” ni nini.Mimi na confidens yangu nikaambia yeye ni ule jamaa flani wa Ochungulo family na sahi sioni dp.I think mzae wake amemyanganya simu juu ya kutext usiku
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In everything you do manze usikubali kudate msichana anainua t-shirt yake huku nyuma ati ndio watu waone amebeba,that’s some low shit🤌🏾😂
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Lakini ladies what’s the need of putting those long nails and yk very well utaenda kusugua vyombo bana😂
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There’s nothing that humbles you like kupigia dem yako alafu akuambie “Tebu kata simu kiasi kuna msee ananicall”🥲
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Righathi amesema “whatever happens,whether he is in or out of the office after the session,the war MUST continue” mans ameamua if bad badder!!
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Ni Mimi pekee huskia guilty nikiskip a bible verse ama Christian content ama nyinyi ni atheists niachane na nyinyi?🥲
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Lakini there’s no good plantations zenye humea vizuri like those beside a cemetery,zinakuanga very productive!
What could be the reason?
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Funny how the only place ladies hushikilia simu kwa mkono ni up town tu,huku muthurwa huwa hawajaribu hio mchezo buana😂
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Hao matajiri wakinunia akina Martel na Singelton wanadhaningi they will get drunk expensively ama.Hawajui Kama wao ni light weight lazima zishike😂
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Aki Mwenyezi Mungu Kama ni blueband inachelewesha mkate yangu,ilete tu hivyo ntapaka Avocado🥺
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Na nyinyi watu huinama alafu mnaexpose your butcracks mnakuanga mkifanya hii kitu intentionally ama n nguo haifiki kwa kiuno?
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The moment you start building your house,get a baby or get fired from your job that’s when you will know no one has your back!!
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Lakini hamnanga aibu bana,event ni ya Johnny walker alafu mtu anapull up na mzinga ya County😂
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Tuko hapa COVO kahawa sukari,chali yako ame nunua quarter anaserereka mbaya sana Ndio avoid kuni is mzinga!😂
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Pale kwa mchuano unaskia fiti pekee yako lakini ukitaka za diaper ndio unatukumbuka tukuchangie gathee?
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Unashangaa mbona wewe hukula samaki oftenly ukidhani ujinga itaisha kwa kichwa,kumbe uli inherit bana😭
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Na kwani huko majuu wanafunzanga watu nini hio juu kila mtu naona hutaka ku pursue further education mayolo!
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Sasa venye tulisoma history pale highschool,ile mambo ya joka jok,joka omollo na joka owing inatusaidia aje sisi kama wajaluo?
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Na hawa wasee husimama town with banners saying things like “Grace ntaacha kukuwa one minute man” do y’all do that intentionally ama shida hukuwa gani?
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You can’t have dark lips and call yourself a baddie!!That shii is so unattractive ☹️
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Unaomba dem number kwa mat alafu anakuambia haiwezi kabisa.Kumbe shida si wewe,ni simu yake Ndio ya m-kopa na imezimwa😂💔
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Kuna hawa majamaa unapatanga kwa njia na ka kikombe ati ni walemavu wanataka wachangiwe.Nani huleta hao wasee hapo coz hutawaiona akiletwa ama akichukuliwa na mtu.
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Pale Primary “Pull up your socks” and “see me” was overused sana na hao watu walikuwa wanajiita walimu!
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Leave alone women after periods,ile kutu hutwanga mtu akiwa highschool hukuwa noma sana!
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Ati mlisema nikijiuma ulimi saa yenye naongea na mtu hio inamaanisha ati kuna mtu mahali ananiongelelea??Mnakuanga na ufala😂🚮
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