♱⋆Maudelle⋆♱
@MaudelleMoon
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Following
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Media
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Statuses
4,084
Maudelle 𖤐 20 𖤐 any pronouns 𖤐 Edtwt/vent
bmi 20.6, ednos
Joined May 2023
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Me after competing with a non disordered person (they are winning)
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Edtwt why is having an ed at a healthy weight so embarrassing and invalidating. I'm not skinny enough for people to think anything is wrong with me but I'm not big enough for people to understand my desire to lose weight. I just look stupid and wannarexic 😭
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@hrorvtz
I'm convinced these people are lying about being in recovery just to flaunt how thin they are tbh
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@c0smicupid
No literally. I may be trying to change the way my body looks now that I have an ed but my ed wasn't caused by that at all. When people hear you have an ed all they think about is diet culture when that's only a small part of the equation 😭
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@hrorvtz
I can't focus on what she's saying bc the way she's eating and looking at the camera is stressing me out
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@virgincals
This is why I'm embarrassed to buy low cal shit bc the way they market it means it would be more subtle if I stood their and yelled "I HAVE AN EATING DISORDER!!" than if I even so much as looked at this
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@j3nrexic
No fr why are people worrying about me when I'm constantly fluctuating between underweight and normal weight. Like stop it ur not allowed to worry yet I need to get worse first or I'll be embarrassed
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I can't believe my ED has made me such a bitter and spiteful person. Someone I know is sick with a stomach bug and I'm JEALOUS. They have no appetite and can't keep down anything they eat and I'm JEALOUS.
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@th3medtee
No fr. If I don't eat I can kinda get through the day not eating. As soon as I eat one thing I can't stop
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@i_like_sush1_
No fr I find it so hard to look at chocolate and say no. Every time I watch this scene I'm like girl how are you resisting
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@xscats
No fr. Like do I already know what the cals probably are/can I just look it up? Yes. But I just want to feel like somebody cares about me this much </3
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Just saw a video that was like "eating all this isn't scary but you know what is? Infertility" oh my god can you talk about EDs without mentioning fertility for just 1 second. There's more to women than just fertility and reproduction
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@ocrasc10
So I'm not the only one who was thinking about this.... Obviously this isn't a gothic style but more annoyingly the only way to bring out your inner goth is to actually listen to the music and identify with the values 💀
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@satanicbmi
This is such a unique idea for a thread I love it. It also made me realise how easily I cave when I'm offered food 😭
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@c0smicupid
When will recovery be about us as human beings and not as future wives or mothers 🫠
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@nocalbbz
No fr how long do people think we can last without eating ANYTHING. Like I'm alive rn ofc I eat. I just eat less than I should 😭
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The fact that I'm not the skinniest girl in my class kills me inside. Like this one girl in my class is literally so thin it's almost impossible to look at her and not assume she has ana. It makes me so fucking jealous bc nobody will ever see me the way they probably see her
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Cripplingly invalidated by ednos bc what even is wrong with me. I can go for weeks eating like an an0rexic and then a switch flips and it's like I have BED. Why can't I just have one thing and stick to it. I can't succeed at anything
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I need to be built like one of these bitches so bad why are they so SLIM
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Thinking about the day I reach my gw vs realising I have to live the days inbetween first
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The ed leaving my body whenever I smell the chips at college
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NOBODY KNOWS HOW MUCH I'M SUFFERING BECAUSE I'M A NORMAL WEIGHT. AND I'M A NORMAL WEIGHT BECAUSE FOOD IS THE ONLY WAY TO FILL THE VOID WHEN I'M SUFFERING. AND I'M SUFFERING BC NOBODY KNOWS I'M SUFFERING. AND NOBODY KNOWS I'M SUFFERING BECAUSE I'M A NORMAL WEIGHT. AND I'M A N
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Listen nobody should want ana but having ednos makes me want to be ana so bad
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The amount of people ragging on me for that one post saying "yeah but tall people need more calories to function!" this is edtwt why do you guys suddenly care about having a healthy and functional body. All you're telling me is that it's easier for tall people to be malnourished-
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Being 19 and expecting to weigh the same as I did when I was 12 hurts so bad. Like it doesn't make sense to be 19 and naturally weigh what I did at that age but I don't want to acknowledge that I'm a different person now. I had so much of my childhood taken away from me and now i
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Edtwt and edblr are so different in some ways like on here I see "don't start purging it's not worth it it's so bad for you" and on edblr you look at a list of weight loss tips and it's like "purging! ^_^"
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@cherryscals
There's a bag of chewed up food hidden in my room and I'm starting to realise its probably growing undiscovered lifeforms on it but I'm still trying to figure out how to dispose of it. It's been so long that im scared to open it 💀
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"I'm being discreet about my ed nobody will know" I say with like 5 different fasting/tracker apps on my homescreen for anybody to see if they unlock my phone
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Thinking about that middle aged woman that came up to me the other day and was like "oh my gosh, I'm just looking at your amazing attire!" idk what it is about me being goth that draws in older woman to give me compliments but it's literally so cute idk
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How to go from ednos to ana tutorial. Please please please
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I feel invalid bc I don't wanna be bonespo or look like eugenia cooney
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@bellesdiet
I'm obsessed with them. I watch supersize vs superskinny religiously whilst walking around my room to burn cals 💀💀💀 it's so triggering I love it
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Would you guys still love me if i was completely failing this ed rn
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I thought I was crazy for feeling like this ngl
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I think the most painful thing about my ed is that I've never lost more than 10lbs even though I've been like this for years. I've just been fluctuating within the same weight range and I feel so fucking invalid but I know that in my mind I'm so unwell
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Especially when you're short and 10k steps only burns 200 cals 🫠
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@mibsy100
Fr I'm the same height. I swear I only have to eat more than one meal and I'm already putting weight on somehow :/
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I'm so mad with my friend for making me buy food, eating like 5 bites of hers and then throwing it away. Like cool you really made me break my fast because I thought you were actually going to eat something too and then you didn't. I had to throw away mine too. Waste of money
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I'm a horrible person cuz istg the moment one of my friends vents about something bad that happened to them I feel invisible and want to relapse. This isn't about me why do I just find any opportunity to turn things on me and make myself suffer so I can feel important
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@pinkaamina
Literally food is the only thing I can turn to to make me happy but it's also causing me all this distress do u get me 💔
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Having an ed at a healthy weight/bmi and having a higher intake than most other disordered people is so isolating because I'm too disordered for normal people to understand me but not disordered enough to fit in with all the people who are considered the best ana and the inspo
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@perfgrrl
I know for a fact that it'll be easier to restrict when school starts again bc it was all going fine until summer break started 🫠
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"eat what you want" what if I wanted to eat nothing. What then
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I never realised how far I've fallen into the clutches of the "I've already gone over my limit so I might as well keep eating" mindset
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I'm so salty about gymbros being normalised disordered people cuz like. my friend dated a gymbro and said shit to me like "oh he's gone to the gym because he went over his calories for the day" like it was nothing but when I did anything disordered infront of her she was like 😑
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I don't get people who are like "you're an adult and still sh/have an ed??" like I hate to break it to you but life actually gets WORSE as you age. So YES adults have plenty of reasons
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Walking 10k steps and burning just under 300 cals is a joke
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Does it make me a bad person if part of my ed is based around wanting attention and for people to worry about me a little -
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I literally JUST made it into the underweight range again let's gooooo
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@bmitgirl
The fact that there are people who need to be reminded to eat while I'm spending every second of every day fighting against myself to not eat.... I am full of spite
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@myluvoratory
I'm just here bc I don't want to be alone with this illness I don't want to be perceived as a fatphobic monster 😭
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@enchndangelmilk
Maybe this is a dumb question but how is it even possible for something like this to have 0 cals 😭
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People really hate disordered people holy shit
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@Sevncigs
IT'S AWFUL ISTG I have to omad it bc it's the one meal my parents always make sure we sit and have together so there's no way to get out of it
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Eating actually makes me feel gross like my stomach feels so disgusting inside rn it's so uncomfortable it's like I can feel every bit of food inside me I feel nauseous
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There's nothing more humiliating than planning to c/s something and ending up eating the entire thing
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I genuinely would have been at my gw by now if I'd stayed on track over summer
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I wanna eat so bad. Maybe I could have an apple???? Idkkk
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Ana brain is real apparently cuz why do you guys think AI is ok
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