Dr. matthew pierce, PhD, MDiv, RN, LPC, CPA, Jedi
@MatthewEPierce
Followers
20,708
Following
109
Media
2,083
Statuses
16,199
sullen and aloof irl. 1/2 of @FSBibleTime . book "Evangelical Thought Leader" available now in kindle and paperback. weekly substack is mostly free
alabama
Joined February 2011
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
BLEACH
• 167020 Tweets
Saka
• 126035 Tweets
#SixTONESANN
• 73559 Tweets
#らんまアニメ
• 58259 Tweets
DARLING DARLING ITS HANNI DAY
• 50863 Tweets
Southampton
• 46461 Tweets
Havertz
• 34137 Tweets
Fulham
• 29811 Tweets
Sterling
• 23303 Tweets
ジェシー
• 22001 Tweets
Brentford
• 19345 Tweets
Martinelli
• 16502 Tweets
レインボーブリッジ封鎖
• 12805 Tweets
#オールスター後夜祭
• 11625 Tweets
Ahtisa
• 11147 Tweets
Kovacic
• 10575 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
possibly the best think piece i've written in a while
3
2
66
[real voice post]
need to shout out my middle daughter (and fellow introvert in the family) Hannah, who just finished sewing her first dress off a pattern. we are very proud of her. just wanted to share something nice on the timeline 😊
2K
826
24K
ladies, spring is here. as u think about what to wear, please do not forget your duty to your brothers in christ.
a thread
213
1K
10K
please do not wear green tops with orange pants. when a lady wears this, it makes her look like a carrot, and i get excited, because oh boy that's a big carrot. i want to go pick up the carrot before a giant rabbit tries to eat it, but it's a lady and her name is mary or whatever
22
191
6K
broke: animals can't go to heaven because they don't wait til marriage to have sex
woke: u can teach a parrot to say the sinner's prayer, parrots will be in heaven, parrots everywhere
20
511
4K
sisters, please do not wear invisibility cloaks. i know u think it's "cool" or "hip," but sometimes when i'm undressing i think there is an invisible lady in my room and i crash into the wall trying to escape and my wife is like why are u naked and stuck in the drywall again
8
70
4K
my sisters, please do not wear those roller blade sneakers that have the wheels hidden in the soles. whenever i see someone start to slide across the sidewalk, i think "oh no, there goes michael jackson," but it's usually not him
14
174
4K
ladies, please do not smear queso all over your body instead of wearing regular clothes. this will make me want to take a tortilla chip and mmm, yes, you won't miss just a little bit, but now my wife is yelling at me, she says to scrape off a little bit for her, she loves queso
25
60
3K
please do not wear baseball jerseys, this is deceitful. u are not actually on the braves; that is a boy's team. if u want to be on the braves, u should practice baseball, stop trying to trick them, that kind of thing rarely works
6
52
3K
ladies if u take your mask off for any man it won’t be as special when u take it off for your husband
29
265
3K
ladies, as warm weather approaches, please consider your brothers in christ as u decide what to wear.
a thread
97
554
3K
me: my biggest sin
Jesus: yes
me: is caring too much
Jesus: no
9
361
3K
ladies, please do not wear shirts that say hooters. hooters are owls, and do u know what owls like to eat? yep, that's right: watermelons. and did u know that "melons" are what some people call bosoms? is this what u want boys to be thinking about?
6
51
3K
folks we got us a good old fashioned guard-off
26
89
2K
my youth pastor says if u get covid then u are also getting all the people covid has already been with
no thanks
25
118
2K
.
@LifeWay
i remain trapped inside one of your closed stores, they locked the doors while i was clearance shopping and i have survived for 27 days on grape juice and testamints, steven curtis chapman and i have constructed a village out of vbs supplies, we hope to find wives soon
24
148
2K
well i for one don't think megachurch pastors should abuse people
43
46
1K
please do not wear tank tops made entirely from barbecue. i am a big hungry boy and i love to eat slow cooked turkey and pork until it fills up my entire tummy; may i have a bite of your tank top?
9
20
1K
folks if u look at the scripture his name was barnabas, not churchabas
makes u think
If you're a Christian, then I plead, I beg, I exhort you--don't get married in a refurbished, shiplapp-ed barn that you will never set foot in again. Get married IN A CHURCH!!! Your church!!!
324
28
625
18
78
1K
please think twice before u dress in a wizard costume. whenever i see one of my christian lady friends dressed like a wizard it is very confusing because i don't know if it's a real wizard or not. i mean it sounds like rachel but maybe that's what the wizard wants me to think
5
56
1K
baby shark
doo doo doo doo
did u know
doo doo doo doo
that this baby boy
doo doo doo doo
will one day walk on water
doo doo doo doo
don't try to eat him baby shark
doo doo doo doo
the angels will chop u into a thousand pieces
doo doo doo doo
baby shark did u know
16
256
1K
when the chick fil a hits
3
208
1K
.
@JohnPiper
brother do u think if batman went on the ark he would count as a man or as a bat
32
91
1K
me and my wife kicked out of the church harvest festival for wearing tastefully slutty veggie tales costumes, legalism is alive and well
16
94
1K
me and my homeschool crew entering into a bad boy phase, listening to secular music
*owl city
19
69
1K
when is it toby mac's turn
15
100
1K
are the new dead sea scrolls in esv or niv
31
76
1K
what if the christians on twitter who disagree with you
your brothers and sisters in christ
your fellow sojourners across this fallen world
as flawed, unfinished, and as terminally human as you are
are actually just idiots
24
84
1K
if u are a boy cow it is basically impossible to have pure thoughts, every time a girl cow walks by u can see her udders, very few girl cows practice modesty and this is why God put the curse of the hamburger on them. no one talks about this in seminary
13
65
1K
christianity today: What Michael Myers Can Teach Us About Faith: We All Wear a Mask
tgc: Is it Biblical to Fear Michael Myers? 14 Gospel-Centered Takeaways
desiring God: We Are All Michael Myers
21
91
1K
my sisters, do u know those big foam fingers that people wear at ball games that say
#1
or whatever? please do not wear those around me. i do not want every christian lady to have giant foam fingers, this is a nightmare i had once, also in my dream the ladies were werewolves
12
24
1K
first they came for family christian stores and i said nothing
then they came for lifeway and i said nothing
when they come for chick fil a i will fight them in the parking lot, i will barricade myself in the playplace, u can have my nuggets when u pry them from my greasy hands
13
129
1K
please do not wear big dog t-shirts, the ones that say if u can't run with the big dogs u have to stay on the porch. also there is a pic of a dog on it. i have just always felt like this shirt should be for boys only. please let us have this one
6
23
1K
sisters, please do not wear tiny cowboy hats, the kind they give u at parties to be silly. when i see a lady wearing one, i always think it is a giant cowboy woman wearing a regular size hat, and it makes me sad, because i believe giant cowgirls deserve to have a hat that fits
7
62
1K
me and my homeschool crew looking for a wife who is jars of clay in the streets and relient k in the sheets
21
93
1K
i have been removed from my position of purity coordinator for the teenfire soulsplosion conference because someone found out that my wife was the 2002 church of christ stumbling block of the year, this is a coup d'état and i will have my revenge on this earth or in heaven
15
43
1K
while u and your pastor were on here yesterday shouting about whether beth moore should be allowed to be a jedi or whatever me and my awanas were foiling a plot by elon musk and aoc to destroy one hundred nativity scenes using crypto. ask mary if she knew THAT
33
75
1K
lot of christians on here discussing what it means to be woke but did u know if u mix up the letters in "woke" it spells "ewok," folks that's called enneagram
21
77
1K
what if christianity today wants to remove trump just so they can replace him with michael w smith
37
89
1K
types of christian books:
i was on duck dynasty, i like to pray and whatever
dead guys
girl u such a mess
what if theology but in real life
15
152
999
pleased to announce that i will be going on joe rogan and playing “God’s not dead” on my clarinet to heal this broken country while u waste time arguing with your youth pastor’s wife on facebook about which of the magi took the booster
14
62
974
ok but my youth pastor says twitter can't go down until the wedding night
14
69
946
.
@ChickfilA
i climbed into one of your play areas to retrieve my small daughter, i have become lost in the tube tunnels, i do not know how long i've been crawling, at night the members of dc talk visit me to bring encouragement and stray nuggets, they call me lord of the tunnels
12
65
936
folks this is why u never give up engaging the culture
19
26
933
christian twitter as saved by the bell gifs
a thread
64
182
884
kid in my day all of the youth pastors looked like this
6
58
861
please do not dress like my wife, with the blue top and the black pants. sometimes when we are shopping i become hangry and grab my wife's purse to look for cookies except i accidentally grab some other lady's purse because she is wearing the same thing, ugh no cookies either
3
11
845
as an evangelical thought leader, i will always practice the billy graham rule: i will never be alone with a woman unless billy graham is there
17
56
817
thank u to everyone who sent this in
looks like we have another 2022 christian tweet of the year contender
My mother was born in China, grew up in China, and I think
@PandaExpress
is some of the best Chinese food in America. I had fried rice and teriyaki chicken tonight and it was great!
378
164
3K
27
18
789
lot of people criticizing carl lentz for returning to ministry but what was he supposed to do, get a regular job and humbly attend a local church?
26
35
785
me looking at twitter: who are these liberal clowns
me around my family for the holidays: hello father i am karl marx
5
54
780
me trying to explain to Jesus how he doesn't understand my pain
4
233
762
my youth pastor says that’s what got onan in trouble
23
39
759
best christian pickup lines, final list
1) u can call me balaam because that ass is speaking to me
2) u are turning my minor prophet into a major
3) i know alan noble
18
22
753
what if macarthur told beth moore to go home because he had planned a surprise birthday party for her
24
45
754
christians if ur pastor is always ripping his suit because of his large furry body and he often wanders down into the pews and eats one of the slower old people, it is time to find another church, ur pastor is a bear
17
79
745
come to citylifeconnectbridge church, we have 100 worship leaders on stage and they each have a microphone, every person in the pews has a microphone, pastor is microphone
12
40
742
probably the reason christians are so divided on impeachment is because if trump is impeached he has to join the newsboys
13
49
725
i am an evangelical thought leader, i rarely have affairs because i have never seen my wife naked, when other women take off their clothes at stoplights and restaurants to seduce me, i simply say "i'm sorry, i don't know what any of that is"
14
26
707
“men are visual” this is because we have eyes
“women are emotional” because they do not have eyes
17
39
715
when u look at it, mark driscoll’s church claimed to be on mars and on a hill, and in reality neither of these things were true. huge red flag that no one is talking about 🤔
13
26
707
sad to see christians fighting on here. whenever i find myself disagreeing with another believer, i try to imagine what it must be like to be a complete dumbass. it's a little thing called empathy, u should try it sometime
14
51
716
had a baptist pastor tell me "i love your book but i can't say that publicly"
and honestly i could not have asked for a better compliment
11
5
710
billy graham was not allowed to dab, he once dabbed a single time on a sunday and every chick fil a in the county opened for 20 minutes, it was too powerful
the sbc will ban me for revealing this
6
63
692
ladies please do not wear outfits that have big holes cut out that show your naked privates. do u know what a christian man will think of when he sees this? swiss cheese. u make swiss cheese with MILK, and milk comes from the BOOB part of the cow; this is going to make him lust
5
29
690
let's check in on some of the 2021 christian tweet of the year contenders
39
29
697
what if kanye became a christian to get dc talk back together
18
77
679
did matt chandler dm that lady who tried to seduce james dobson at a stoplight
26
31
678
my youth pastor says if u like ur own tweets it won't be as special when ur future wife likes them
10
113
649
dave ramsey paying one hundred liberty university freshmen in chipotle gift cards to discover the enneagram of the coronavirus, he is keeping the number in a budget envelope until the credit card companies agree to pay dc talk to reunite
17
52
658
the worst job on the ark was making sure the animals who were not married did not have sex with each other
the second worst job was watching for pirates
the third worst job was executive pastor
4
35
648
shout out to all the kids at christian college just sorta sitting around
8
68
643
is there a vast evangelical conspiracy to rig baseball games? i interviewed no one and spent literally minutes on this investigation. MY THINK PIECE:
30
36
630
2036. president jimmy kimmel has made ccm illegal
dawn. a kentucky ranch. a grizzled michael w smith walks through the mist to the stables. a white-haired steven curtis chapman greets him. "saddle up your horses," smith whispers. one last trail to blaze. one last great adventure
18
65
617
my youngest daughter’s dedication to putting forth exactly zero effort during early morning upward games is an inspiration to us all
29
9
621
well i for one am shocked that john macarthur said something mean
12
40
606
after the president, the vp assumes power
after the vp, the speaker assumes power
after the speaker, the sbc president assumes power
after the sbc president, casting crowns assumes power and i will refresh the tree of liberty with my blood before i submit to their craven whims
5
36
608
if ravi zacharias is allowed to keep his dove awards but i am asked to give mine up because i asked the bassist from mercyme if psalty was circumcised, u can tell bill gaither to kiss my ass and put it on the prayer chain
30
16
607
well i for one am against the coronavirus
19
71
600
if u think olaf from frozen could survive for one day in the veggie tales universe u are a fool, those vegetables would break him in an hour
11
40
603
what if the rapture happened and kate middleton was the only one who made it
10
51
599
sorry i do not have time to watch your shows about dragons and rings, i am busy securing the rights to produce a fast & furious/God’s not dead crossover movie where vin diesel drives into heaven and Jesus races him in a chariot
17
34
592
MY FRIENDS THERE EXISTS NO BIBLICAL EVIDENCE THAT DAYLIGHT CAN BE "SAVED," THIS ANIMISM HERESY IS NOTHING SHORT OF A WORLDWIDE ATTACK UPON THE FOUNDATION OF THE CHURCH
13
48
601
free homeschool pickup line:
girl u must be essential because that denim skirt is w o r k i n g
10
53
597
that's what she prayed
Come again
Let the glory in
I'm open, I'm open
39
118
784
31
25
598
christianity today: 10 ways the church can minister to celebs who lost their blue check mark
tgc: here’s how the blue check mark is like sex
babylon bee: uh, aoc, like, stole all the blue checks
progressive christian twitter: check marks count as trauma
8
46
592
*hip megachurch pastor voice* narrow is the old town road
6
81
579
DID U KNOW:
-king david was 30 years old when he became king
-john the baptist was 30 years old when he baptized Jesus
-Jesus was 33 years old when he saved mankind from sin and death
it is too late for u, u are way too old, there is nothing left but to turn into your parents
6
53
575
me and my homeschool crew getting choked up at the co op graduation ceremony, can't believe malachi is graduating tonight, so many memories, feels like just yesterday we were kids and now he's 15 and enrolling in community college
8
53
585
me and my homeschool crew barricaded in the basement listening to relient k, refusing to go out in public or interact with anyone, anyway what's all this about a virus
5
41
585
haven't seen an academic scandal like this since my mom told me i was homeschooler of the year, guys i don't even think that was a real thing
3
54
569
q: will u reunite dc talk if i vote for u
trump: i already did, many people are saying this
bernie: definitely maybe
pete: i’m in dc talk
warren: haven’t we had enough talk out of dc FOLKS
biden: summer of ‘76, smoking peyote with larry norman, i turn to billy gaither and i
7
43
571
maybe the fbi was looking for who killed mars hill
7
23
569
probably the best part of heaven will be when our loving Father welcomes the saints into eternal communion, opening our eyes to the wondrous complexities of his divine nature, and i can watch all the dumbasses realize their theology was wrong and mine was right
12
47
559