Matthew Levy
@MattLevy51
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Stand up comic. Sketch maker. Newsletter writer. Married to @annaphilomena . Crouton appreciator. Writes profiles. Check Medium link below and DM if interested.
NYC
Joined June 2011
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My wife is in a Facebook group called Buy Nothing where people list stuff they’re giving away.
The other day, a lady came to our house to pick up two granola bars that we didn’t like
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Always love this part of the pandemic where it slows down for like two months before it ramps back up
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If you were to tell me in 1993 that in 2021 the most famous Olsen would be Elizabeth and the most famous Culkin would be Kieran, I’d be like, “I’m five, why are you telling me this”
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Kinda messed up that when babies are born they don’t get properly onboarded with a welcome email or lunch with the team
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When I took improv 101 in 2013, there was a guy who would make every single scene about a high school reunion. Made me feel like he took the class just to prepare for any possible scenario that could happen at an upcoming high school reunion
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@blackoutpete
I just love that in a little under two decades, Facebook has evolved from a space where college kids connected to a friendly garage sale
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None of this is embellished or made up. An older lady really came by to secure the bag from
@AnnaPhilomena
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Kinda funny that SNL fired Shane Gillis for doing offensive accents on his podcast and in his very first sketch he does an offensive accent
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Today’s the Super Bowl of throwing on a beloved ‘90s comedy about weed and remembering it stars…two guys that got weirdly conservative on us the past decade
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The "bad guy" role in "Billy Madison" was originally written for Bob Odenkirk. Studio turned it down.
Phillip Seymour Hoffman auditioned. Sandler loved his performance. He called him and PSH said, "I don't want to do it. I just don't want to."
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Having fun imagining Martin Short working at any job other than acting
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After awhile, we caught onto this and the rest of the class made every scene about high school reunions too. We learned a lot
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Tonight, Steve Martin becomes the first person to host SNL in the ‘70s, ‘80s, ‘90s, ‘00s and ‘20s (he didn’t host in the ‘10s but was a special guest nine times from 2010-19)
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Valentine’s Day falling on Ash Wednesday is the original Barbenheimer
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@Courtne91565753
No, it was a Whole Sum bar from Wegman's and they were truly awful. Hope the lady liked them better than we did
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Bill Burr after a bit not working in his monologue and saying, “Plowing ahead” is the most open mic move I’ve ever seen on TV
#SNL
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To all white comedy allies of Black Lives Matter.
It is now SNL packet season. I know a lot of you are writing.
I have a proposal and you will be angry at it.
I think no white writer should apply for SNL this year.
Let’s make it so they only have to hire POC this season
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I wonder how those “I don’t watch TV” people are holding up
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Damn, just got nostalgic for the “Tiger King” era of quarantine
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Thinking about the time I tried to make small talk with a comedian after an open mic at a subway station and he said, "I have to go," walked 30 feet away and just stood there
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Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s live show has a lot of moving parts but most impressive is that they do stand up - because Poehler said they should try something new on tour - and Fey is jaw on the floor, next level funny.
There really is nothing she can’t do comedically
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A lot of people don’t know this but “Clueless” (1995) is the sequel to “Clue” (1985)
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Tom Cruise is going to star in a movie filmed in outer space and I can’t stop laughing at the idea of a boom operator in a space suit floating away mid-shot
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Saw MILFs were trending on Twitter and I had to read more to make sure all the MILFs were OK
UPDATE: They're fine
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Today’s the Super Bowl of trying to figure out who the 12 people are that Mulaney thanked for saving his life
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I'm a firm believer that Bobby Moynihan is the most underrated cast member in SNL history. From 2008-17, he made every sketch he was in better.
So, I decided it was time he get a Best Of.
This is "The Best Of Bobby Moynihan" (1/15)
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@MattGoldich
Great minds!
(Well, maybe average minds since it took us so long to figure this lil pun out)
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Stand up comedy is all about being as present as you can be while also remembering every word you wrote in a precise order
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You have to admit, it's kinda funny that stadiums with 40,000 maskless fans reopened before my office with 19 people
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The coolest thing SNL could do during the writer’s strike is pay homage to the show’s great writers by airing their “Best Of’s.”
I’m thinking Best of Conan, Best of Smigel (which does exist!), Best of Paula Pell, Best of Julio Torres, Best of Jack Handey, Best of Tina Fey, etc
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@CartyBoston
“Fresh from interning in the womb and excited to jump right in! On the weekends, I mostly sleep and cry lol”
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RIP Betty White. She’s the only 99-year-old to ever die and people say “she was too young”
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Going to become the first Matthew that doesn't go by "Matt." From now on, call me "Thew"
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Nerding out a bit but would be great if SNL did a “Golden Bachelor” parody with Steve Martin as the bachelor and Laraine Newman, Jane Curtin, Candice Bergen, Nora Dunn and Julia Louis-Dreyfus as the ladies
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Just had a PTSD flashback to the time I went to an open mic where everyone got 15 minutes
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My wife just bravely gave birth to our first daughter.
She labored for 29 hours.
Meanwhile, the hospital gave me three meals because men often pass out lol
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Umm, since this is doing kinda well, here’s me trying hard to be funny on TikTok (I’m a 34-year-old with a daughter and here I am promoting my TikTok)
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@AmericasComic
Early Edition with Kyle Chandler. Feels like barely existed but my family watched it every week for probably two years in the late 90s
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If you’re a comedian, put your handle in the comments.
I’m genuinely curious how many there are out there
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Fun fact: The Debbie Downer character premiered on SNL in 2004.
Kenan was in his first season on the show then
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Aidy Bryant was the seventh-grade president at my middle school when I was fifth-grade president in Phoenix, AZ. She was a fearless leader
#SNL
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What’s your best celebrity encounter story?
Here’s mine: Went to a Second City show. Turned out to be an SNL audition. Lorne was there. Went over to say, “Hi.” Tried to make conversation and said, “How are the chicken fingers?” He said, “They’re fine.”
Will Venmo best story $1
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America’s healthcare system is the most expensive in the world yet every doctor’s office I’ve ever been in has a Dell computer from 2004
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The Joker explaining his DVD collection:
Do you wanna know how I got these “Madagascars?”
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Must be weird to be Paul McCartney and every random person you’ve met for the last 60 years knows like a billion trivia facts about you
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Nothing makes me laugh more than when a show tries to make a 50-year-old actor look like they're 22
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If you're looking for quarantine entertainment in two months when the pandemic ramps back up, check out the first episode of my podcast where I have actors read a screenplay of mine:
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A wedding speech is the perfect time to promote your podcast
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I helped a friend move and he said, “Hey man, if you ever need a retweet, I got you”
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SNL is coming back this Saturday (no joke). Here are my predictions:
Bernie cameo
Mikey Day as guy who doesn’t get social distancing
Kenan makes face
Pete Davidson in one sketch
Cecily Strong is MVP of show
Lorne asks Cuomo if we can be funny and he says, “Why start now?”
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If I ever designed a bookstore, I’d make it really hard to find the mystery section
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Rather than answer a call, I prefer to wait until it stops ringing and text, “Yo, did you just call me?”
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Just broke the news to a Trader Joe’s cashier that Mitch Hedberg died 18 years ago
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True story: In 2015, I was diagnosed with testicular cancer. My girlfriend at the time cheated on me while I recovered. We broke up. She kept my Kindle that my job gave me as a “Get better soon” present.
Is now the time to get it back?
Only you can decide in the comments
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45 minutes into an Uber ride, my driver casually mentioned he was married to his first cousin.
What a twist!
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This is so messed up. Just learned the starting pay at Cinnabon is cinnaminimum wage
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What’s the worst thing a teacher ever said to you?
In college, a professor I had for multiple semesters said to me, “Wow, you gained a lot of weight this summer”
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I'm 33 but I've been told I read at a 37-year-old reading level
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Only true film buffs know the difference between Sigourney Weaver and Susan Sarandon
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There has never been a greater irony than “The Last Blockbuster” streaming on Netflix
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Rapper names keep getting younger. We've gone from Lil Bow Wow to Young Thug to Lil Baby to DaBaby. Keep an eye out for Tiny IVF to drop a mixtape in 2022
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I’ve never known a rodent’s name. To me, they’re all anonymouse
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Gonna start an app called “Notifications.” Every ten minutes, you’ll get a notification. That’s all it does
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My favorite film genre is the first 20 minutes of horror movies before things get scary. I turn them off right then and think “gee, that was a nice little flick”
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Growing up, you don’t know you’re going to become the least successful sibling, it just happens
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Can’t believe it’s 2020 and the only way to open a bag of baby carrots is by ripping the plastic bag open in the middle and hoping for the best
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I was fired from Twitter this morning. Over the past 13 years, I was responsible for making sure you never went viral even on your funny tweets
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Reading a novel is just wondering "What do these made-up people look like" for 500 pages
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It’s no fun to say I weigh 210 pounds. It’s way more fun to say I weigh “30 babies”
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Just finished watching “9 to 5” and now I have post-Parton depression
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Hoping someday that my brother marries Mariska Hargitay just so I can call her my “sister in law and order”
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The most unpredictable thing about our future is what The Rock will look like when he’s 80
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New York realtors be like, “The first four years of rent are free and after that it’s $78,000/month”
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Just got nostalgic for when the pandemic was over in May and June
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Bummed about your follower count? Do this:
1.) Go to a more popular Twitter account similar to yours
2.) Find a recent popular Tweet of theirs
3.) Check everyone that liked the Tweet & follow them. Not everyone will follow back but a bunch will
4.) I really am this annoying
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Prediction: Pete Davidson and Adele start dating for three weeks after tonight’s episode.
Five years from now, Adele and Ariana Grande sing a duet about it, win the Grammy.
Pete Davidson will be coming out with a line of weed donuts
#SNL
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There's an SNL cinematic universe where this extra shows up all the time.
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Full story can be heard at 91-minute mark of the
@AdamSandler
episode of
@DavidSpade
and
@danacarvey
's "Fly On The Wall" podcast here:
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SNL’s tribute to Norm including one of his OJ jokes that eventually got him fired rules so hard
#SNL
#NormMacdonald
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Just applied at The Onion for the ninth time using a combination of my sixth, first and eighth packets
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If you’re a screenwriter or playwright struggling to get people to read your work, here’s a tip.
Tell actors you wrote a role for them in it. They will read immediately and give you extensive notes for free
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I was the Assistant to the Booker at Carolines (we've all been laid off as has everyone that works in comedy) and am still receiving avails from comics for June.
The thirst is real
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My Mom just sent me a care package that included a thank you note and stamps to send back to her
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Don’t think hot people are dumb. Being hot is one of the smartest things a person can do
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