Matt Banwart
@MattBanwart
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Iowa 🌪️ ➡️ Austin, TX🌃 Stand Up Comedian, stand up on IG and YT. just sports here.
Austin, TX
Joined January 2012
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Pinned Tweet
First full set I've released in 6 years.
If you like stand up comedy or paintings, you will like this!
Just search my name on YouTube, it should pop up
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Wake up babe, Kadyn Proctor Just followed Matt Campbell, Iowa State football, and has been liking Iowa State football posts.
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Iowa State will have to play 3 of it's next 4 against ranked opponents.
Meanwhile, I don't think the Hawkeyes have never played 3 ranked opponents in a season, ever.
It's got to be nice playing in a conference of JV teams.
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If only there was an easier conference that the Longhorns could move to.
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Iowa State Alumni of Austin, reminding locals what direction horns go.
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I use to announce highschool basketball games. One time Frans son name was misspelled on the roster, the whole game I said "Mcarfrey" eventually right before half Fran came down slapped me on the back of the head and said, "It's McCaffrey, dumbass".
I think about this often.
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@imPatrickT
@Canoopsy
@ByteReview
@LukeMiani
YouTube announced in a newsletter that starting in January the Creator Fund for shorts is going to go away, and it's going to be a 50/50 split with ad revenue generated and creators.
That should significantly increase CPM.
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According to 2021-2022 metrics, Iowa (13) and Iowa State (3) both rank in the top 15 for women's basketball attendance.
And I'm sure when more recent metrics come out they will both be top 10.
Please put a WNBA team in Des Moines, the city would adapt it so quickly.
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I think
@CycloneFB
should officially shoutout/acknowledge
@ISUCoach
for his contributions as a fan, icon, and community figure of the program, now that senior night is over.
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I know this is a bit late, but here is how i pictured Macon's graduation....
#FreeMacon2014
#PhotoShopChallenge
http://t.co/aNNjHFNtgd
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*followed by
Just wanted to give Hawkeye fans a heart attack.
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Iowa Vs Iowa State Rose Bowl 😮🥰
Not enough people talking about how the Rose Bowl will now be played between Big12 & B1G..
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This is a joke for all 10 people from my high school that still follow me.
Everyone else, you should still watch this.
#StandUpComedy
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THEY JUST HANDED MACON HIS DIPLOMA AND TOLD HIM TO NEVER COME BACK!! WE DID IT!!! MACON WON HIGHSCHOOL!!!
#FreeMacon2014
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If you're having a rough day, just remember I showed up to my Senior homecoming with this haircut.
My date cropped me out of every photo she posted, and I absolutely don't blame her.
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@MontgomerDavid
I will never forget my junior year.
I was standing on the front of the student section and I yeld something incredibly mean to Will Greir.
He looked over, pointed at me.
I was like "Oh shit, he heard that"
He then proceeded to get sacked, and have his Heisman run destroyed.
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#BadCelebrityPuns
#MVuglysweaters
@TheMustangMoon
With David SWEATERman and Kim CARDIGAN
http://t.co/U1i2oyC7MM
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The sun blacks out at 1 PM and it's a "Must see experience".
I black out at 1 PM and I "Have a problem".
#doublestandards
😤😤😤
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Step 1) Go to class.
Step 2) Engage in field of study.
Step 3) Screw playing around in Greek life and join real value orgs.
Step 4) Don't flex your shit work ethic like you making a point, some of us out here taking advantage of what college has to offer. Sorry you coasted 🤷🏼♂️
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I said some quip today and got the whole lecture laughing.
My professor laughed along and retorted, "Oh great, looks like we have a comedian in this class"
I shed a tear,
validation at last.
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I kid you not, the pastor today started Easter service with the line,
"It's a shame Bill Cosby ended up being a criminal...."
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Did not expect to wake up to this blowing up.
100% did happen. The lady helping run the stats turned to me and just started laughing when it happened, I didn't even realize he was there. Everyone at the game was there to see some kid named Wally Park(?) dunk.
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Ames, Iowa
I'm doing a pop-up stand-up comedy show:
April 20th - 9:30pm
(I had to leave for tour before I could finish the poster, so this is all I got)
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PSA:
If you ever have a serious medical problem and your friends try to follow up, make sure you use it as a chance to flex on them.
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Weird? I'm pretty sure my most listened to song of 2019 is,
"Want a break form the ads? Tap here to listen to 30 minutes of ad free music"
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Everybody, I'm canceled 😩
The NFT community is after me on TikTok.
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You're officially an adult when you join an office fantasy football league.
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Darn, it's the Seventeenth year in a row I've forgotten to get a girlfriend for Valentine's Day
#Forgetful
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My phone broke as a boarded my plane.
My laptop was lost in baggage.
my apartment doesn't have wi-fi yet.
I have 5 meetings tomorrow at places I've never been to.
I'm writing this from my phone from 2015 standing outside a closed Starbucks for WiFi.
#KillingIt
🙃
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I just finished my first full stand up video!
The video is not public. if u like this tweet I'll send you the link!
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Cedar Rapids.
April 7th & 8th.
I spent 3 hours making this.
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You can't raise a generation on Bruno Mars' music and expect them NOT to be simps.
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I recently did an zoom fundraiser for a client, they hired me and then THREE Victoria's Secret models to give speeches.
What was their thought process?
"Hey you know we'll make a people appreciate these models more?"
An average looking dude struggling to tell jokes.
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A guy after my show in Pittsburgh asked for my autograph and told me that the last time he got a comedians autograph it was Chevy Chase in the late 60s after a show at Second City.
I got very emotional.
I'm about to let this guy may WAY down.
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A kid at a clinic today asked for my autograph and jersy number and told me he was a huge Golden State fan.
I didn't have the heart to tell him I didn't play for Golden State....
I signed his shirt with my highschool jersey number.
I am a fraud.
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If you're still bragging about the same things did when you were 15, you're not bragging.
You're embarrassing.
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I spent an hour with a guy who claimed he was a college athlete.
Only to learn he played D3.
Can we all agree that doesn't count?
I quit my high school soccer after only playing junior varsity, and had a D3 offer.
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I was held up & robbed at a Bank of America in Chi because they have no security.
I filed a claim, and now the bank won't pay it because "You were at the ATM"
No shit I just was at the ATM, & if you look behind me yo'll see an armed man yelling at me, while I'm in YOUR bank!
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Its official!
December 10th in Iowa City, I'll be doing my first televised comedy showcase!!!
#LetsGo
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Whenever I do anything even remotely athletic, I say, "Still got it!", to give off the illusion that at one point I did infact "have it"
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I run meme pages for a living, with a combined following just under a million followers.
Meanwhile, on my personal Twitter I'm very happy for all 400 of you.
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It honestly blows my mind, but somehow every ex of mine is doing significantly worse.
Like, how?!
I feel like the whole point of dating me is to realize you can/should do better.
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Can we stop pretending like being an actor is a hard field to break into?
People do insurance commercials for a living.
You know how hard it is to become a farmer.
You literally have to stumble across thousands of acres of fertile land and an armada of tractors just to start.
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What do a long snapper, Daurice Fountain, two punters, a guy with one hand, and a guy who has never played football have in common?
They've been drafted before Allen Lazard.
#Insane
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Update:
2 months after the incident, Bank Of America is now claiming that I stage d a a fake robbery of myself and that I "knew the person robbing me"
What!?
I was held up & robbed at a Bank of America in Chi because they have no security.
I filed a claim, and now the bank won't pay it because "You were at the ATM"
No shit I just was at the ATM, & if you look behind me yo'll see an armed man yelling at me, while I'm in YOUR bank!
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I would like to announce that I am going back to school this Spring as a collegiate wrestler.
I have also decided that I don't want a full ride scholarship, school stipend, free housing, free food, school assistance, and a large D1 fan base.
So, I will be going D3.
🙌💪🤼🔥
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#FreshmanAdvice
Make sure you show up to Homecoming super early (around 8:30) to get in on the crazy pre-party
#ThankMeLater
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1) Iowa Caucuses
2) Ashton Kutcher, Shawn Johnson, Maddie Poppe
3) Feeding your impoverished state.
Apart from Black Lung Disease and dragging down the US's GDP & IQ when has West Virginia been relevant 😂😂
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It's weird how people in their 30's hate people in their 20's.
I'm 20....
I don't have beef with 10 year olds.
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I think Chicago PD accidentally found an amazing way of weeding out "bad cops" by mandating vaccines.
If you refuse to take a needle for the safety of your community, then you're not really interested in the whole, "protect and serve" thing.
#ChicagoPD
#ChicagoScanner
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I was robbed at a Bank of America ATM, and now Bank of America is claiming that I FAKED the robbery!
I was like yo I was robbed, and their response was, NO you robbed us!
What?!
How!?
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I hate when people in Chicago ask me, "What do people even do for fun in small town?"
As If getting drunk and listening to whatever music was popular when you were in 8th grade was something you could only do in the city.
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My phone auto corrected V-Day to D-Day.
Which is nice, I'd rather have PTSD than a STD.
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My dad has been on Facebook for one day, and people have already cyber bullied him into changing his profile picture.
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3 stand up sets,
1 improv show,
and a short film all in 1 week.
Can I put Content Creator™ on my resume yet?
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5 Jobs I've had.
- Detassler/Rouger
- Lifeguard
- Back stock/bagger at local store
- Camp commissioner
- Movie Theatre cashier
This is the most Iowan thing I can confess to.
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So glad every pro-athlete and coach can get tested at a whim, but 6 days ago when I had trouble breathing I had to call into the hospital 5 time before they'd test me.
Yes, I'm still on this.
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This was my fathers freshman year dorm floor shirt in college.
"The floor your mother warned you about, where men are men and woman are nervous"
This was purchased with hall funds, and approved by the school.
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"We're looking for entrepreneurs in this position, what makes you an entrepreneur?"
Nothing. If I was an entrepreneur I wouldn't be looking someplace else for employment....
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This is what it looks like when county music artists aren't actually from the country.
"Oh look, this very common rural thing?! That's so crazy!"
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Almost exactly 8 years ago today I was cast as Kanye West in a High School production (for obvious reasons).
While I would consider myself a method actor, I would like to take some time to say, my views do not align with Kanye's.
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I really want to direct a documentary about the evolution derogatory slang directed towards woman, any thots?
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Also, that TA legit stopped me (mid exam) to try to talk to me about how much he loves Mustangs and muscle cars.
Someone fire this man.
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I just remembered I made a marriage pact for when I turn 25 when I was in middle school.
What do I do?
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Please pray for my brother as he is going through troubling times.
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I need to buy furniture, but I really don't trust my own taste.
I'm seriously considering reinstalling Tinder just to find someone who can help me interior decorate.
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Bars are cool and all, but have you heard about the Dean's List?!
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I once in a childish act of pettyness told a girl my freshman year of college to, "Hit me up when you're 30 and divorced".
She went on to marry a man she met the night I said that.
I learned today they're getting divorced.
I'm not 30 yet, but I'm waiting on a certain text.
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Apparently lady Ben Shapiro dueted me.
That should really bump my ticket sales in Appleton, Wisconsin.
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They need to stop letting anyone pay for verification.
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Watched a couple break up mid show tonight.
Damn, Denver's wild.
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Yeah,
It's midnight.
And,
Maybe I could be productive.
And,
I could go to sleep.
But,
I could stay up watching video essays on how Avatar The Last Airbender was actually a television masterpiece and WAY more than just a silly kids show!
Also,
Epstein didn't kill himself.
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