Marty Fields
@Martyfields
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Comic, MC, musician, actor, radio guy, dad and animal activist. Comes with 12 month warranty.
Melbourne, Australia
Joined March 2009
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I adore Australia. I’m dead set true blue. But I think we should change the date of Australia Day. Let’s change it to a date that encompasses everything about our great country. Our inclusiveness, our history, our friendliness and a fair go. I vote for May 8. Mate Day.
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27 years ago on this day at this hour at this moment I lost my beautiful dad. He was my guide, my hero, my teacher and has been my inspiration.
Still miss ya and will forever. Vale.
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Back in 2004 my wife and I were the victims of a terrifying home invasion that left us mentally scarred and unable to sleep. But our daughter’s 16 now and we’ve actually grown quite fond of her.
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The greatest improv comic Australia has ever produced has passed away tonight. A God of comedy. What a massive loss. Vale Barry Humphries.
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25 years ago today, (coincidentally on my birthday), I lost my beautiful father. I’m proud to live in his shadow. I miss him every day. He was kind, generous and above all, authentic.
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My dear old mate Father Bob Maguire has gone to meet his maker today. He fought a good fight. We had so many laughs together over the tears and he did so much good for so many. A genuine hero. Vale, my friend.
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I’m delighted to say that the City Of Port Phillip are going to replace Mum and Dad‘s plaque and try to make it a bit more resistant to vandalism. Shame they have to but there you are.
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On this day 28 years ago I lost my beautiful dad. This picture was taken 7 hours before he died. Still miss him every day.
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This was today. A perfect example why “lockdown-light” has NSW numbers spiralling. Get real or give up.
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Mark Knight tying Bob to the eclipse. So clever. And a great tribute.
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Very sad to hear about Pete Evans. Nothing’s happened, he’s fine, I’m just sad to hear about him.
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It’s happened again to mum and dad’s memorial. So disappointing.
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This is the plaque at Mum and Dad‘s memorial. Somebody has decided to deface the “king and queen” on it. Perhaps they’re an antimonarchist. It’s just an expression. Relax. I’m no prince, and they were my parents. Please let them rest. I’m actually quite upset.
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So sad at the passing of my old mate John Blackman. He was a master voice over announcer, live act and incredible radio pioneer. His work at 3AW breakfast and of course as the wonderful booth announcer on Hey Hey. Love to Cecile and his family. A massive loss. Vale buddy.
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At this exact moment 24 years ago my beautiful father’s heart stopped. He collapsed in my mother’s arms and left us. What a loss. So missed.
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(As I drink a Diet Coke on the bus)
PASSENGER: Diet coke causes cancer.
ME: My grandfather died at 102.
PASSENGER: He used to drink diet coke?
Me: No, he minded his own business.
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Between takes on the set of the Flying Doctors. One of my favourite pics of dad.
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Six years ago today, my mum went to join dad. This photo was taken a couple of months before pneumonia quickly took her. I was blessed to have her in my life for 55 years. Many don’t have that luxury. Bless her, she was a ripper. And I loved her.
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I was watching the AFL on Foxtel at home today and I called the umpire a flog. Suddenly the phone rang. It was security. I had to go outside and stand in the front garden until after the match.
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Extraordinary. First a magpie (his team are the magpies) then he hits the pole. All caught rehearsing a channel 7 news interview.
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The vet is coming to our house at 2pm today to help Stella find her way to heaven. It’s time. So tough.
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Who remembers the legend that said the blue part could erase ink?
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A reminder of the greatest sketch ever written. Glorious comedy. Perfect timing. So slick. Enjoy.
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My mum, Val, passed away today of pneumonia. She lived an amazing life. She's back with her beloved Maurie now.
I will miss her very much.
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Finland’s version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. “What is the capital of Thailand?”
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My wife and I are sitting on the couch watching tv and I hear a text. Realising I left my phone in the kitchen, I get up, and go to the kitchen to check it. It’s a text from my wife:
Please bring the biscuits on your way back.
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The plaque for my mum and dad's memorial garden has been installed at St. Vincent's gardens. I'm very proud of them.
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People who know me know that I’m actually quite a humble person but it’s time for a little boast. Our daughter, Hayley, after a brutal three years of disrupted schooling thanks to Covid, has just been accepted into Honours Psycology. Busting with pride.
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Carlton are 13-1 for the premiership. Which means if you put $50 on, you will lose $50. 
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If you think you’re smarter than the previous generation, 50 years ago, a car owners manual told you how to adjust the engine valves. Today it tells you not to drink the contents of the battery.
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I’m doing a new tv show about the NBN rollout in remote areas called “The Farmer Wants A Wifi”.
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Hi everyone.
My mate has a great ticket for Saturday’s AFL Grand Final.
Unfortunately he didn't realise that it’s on the same day as his wedding, so he can't go.
If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it’s at 2pm at St Andrew’s Church in Brighton and her name’s Lisa.
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This is a really special pic of my dear old Dad and I, at my birthday lunch. He died of a heart attack nine hours later.
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There was a guy in the coffee shop today, not on his phone, not on a laptop, just sitting there drinking coffee like a psychopath.
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There’s a Japanese punk band playing in George St Sydney and the singer has a basket on his head.
You gotta have a gimmick.
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My heart goes out to all animal lovers who lose their friend. While Stella was one of the best dogs to ever look through a collar, she wasn’t unique. They are all special and deserving of love and respect.
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A Mexican intersection. All is well but guess who screws it up?
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My parent’s plaque is finally repaired and back in place at their memorial.
That was easy. (Not)
Anyhoo, all good now.
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Big Powerball jackpot tonight. Your chances of winning are one in 135 million. The chances of you dying today a more one in 27,000.
So you are 5000 times more likely to die tonight than win Powerball. Good luck either way.
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My lovely kelpie, Stella, has been panting for four weeks. We thought it was her heart. After exhaustive tests, it turns out it’s her lungs. It’s either cancer which is untreatable or an auto immune disease which is. Huge invasive tests tomorrow. Wish us luck x
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A wonderful memory of my wonderful dad. We loved doing that show.
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It’s with great sadness I learned of the passing of the wonderful Ernie Carrol, creator of the iconic Ozzie Ostrich. What a magnificent performer and pioneer. Thankyou for the memories.
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Here’s a tip. When you open the pack to get your new mouse, take a moment…
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Three years ago today I lost my Mum. An awesome source of knowledge, talent and love.
I miss her every day.
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Walking round the lake I passed two woman going the opposite way. One said to me, “Not too appropriate”.
I said, “Pardon?”
The second said, “Nice job with the racist shirt”.
I chose not to engage further.
I’m an animal lover and have lots of animal T-shirts. Where’d I go wrong?
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Around once a week I like to do this for someone doing their family shop. I’ve had a fortunate life. Pay it forward I reckon.
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A lesson in Australian language. Nah-yeah means yes, yeah-nah means no and nah-nah means banana.
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We have lost an Aussie icon and a dear friend. Such a nice guy. My thoughts to Patty, Lauren, Matthew and the whole family. Vale Bert.
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Went to Father Bob’s state funeral today. A beautiful service for a great man.
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Greedy Smith, from Mental As Anything, has died of a heart attack. Such a nice man. Huge loss to the business.
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Four years ago today I lost my beautiful mother. Still missed and loved hugely.
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A magnificent but mysterious lady at Coles just found my wallet and handed it in. They called me and I cane down to get it. She wouldn’t take a reward or anything. She simply said she follows me on Facebook. Finally this shit pays off.
I thank her very much.
People are still good
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My beautiful wife and daughter brought me some Easter cheer on Good Friday. Can you believe my missus kept her playboy bunny outfit all these years? Simply awesome family.
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A picture of the vaccine passport accepted by nightclub bouncers.
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7 years ago today I lost my beautiful mum. Taught me so much about show business. Still miss her everyday.
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If you hate wearing a mask, you’re really not going to like the ventilator.
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My vet has a ‘comfort dog’ that helps sick patients know that everything will be alright and this is all you really need to see today.
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@MeltdownKing
Thankyou mate but I think the City of Port Phillip will do it. Let’s see how they go
Please message me so I have your details though.
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Telstra have made 90% of their staff work from home but they’re having internet problems at their houses. So they call themselves to complain but they’re engaged.
Business as usual.
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Police confirmed a Richmond and a St. Kilda footballer both had their houses burgled last night.
The Richmond player lost 3 premiership medallions and a jumper signed by The Killers.
The St. Kilda player lost a toaster and kettle
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This is the photo of my dear old dad I keep beside me in the office when I’m working to keep me grounded.
How fucking good is it.
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This is a Tobacco Smoke Enema Kit from the 1750. It was used to put tobacco smoke into a patient's rectum to resuscitate drowning victims. Doubts about the credibility of this treatment led to the popular phrase "blowing smoke up your arse." This tool’s still used by governments.
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Released from hospital, on the way to recovery and enjoying lunch with my beautiful daughter. It’s a great day.
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Happy birthday Mum. This was one of the last pics of her out and about. We always had fun as I’m sure she is having now with Dad. She’d be proud of what she left behind, especially her amazing granddaughter.
Miss you every day. Raise a glass.
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When Essendon’s coach said at the start of the season he thought they could finish second I didn't realise he meant in every game.
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At this exact moment 23 years ago I lost my magnificent daddy. Still miss him every day
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Greetings from Maurie and Val. I can’t help feeling they’re looking down on all this thinking, “Jeez, we got out just in time!”
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I’ve been copping a bit of hate online lately. It’s okay, I’m a big boy. To be able to upset me, I need to give you that power and I usually don’t.
But just to be clear, the only reason I’m here is to put a smile on your face. And that’s it.
Marty out.
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I used to walk 30,000 steps a day. Lat two weeks I’m down to 30 steps a day. So I’ve got a bit of work to do to catch up when I get out which will hopefully be next Tuesday or Wednesday. Can’t wait.
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Father Bob getting his 2nd jab and wearing one of my Marty’s Masks. Good on him.
@FatherBob
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My mate was supposed to get married in Melbourne tomorrow. He just called me and said, “Shit that was close!”
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$25 a kilo for low grade mince at the South Melbourne market!! Holy shit!! Thanks for the non-profiteering. Tony’s Meats. You won’t see me again when this is all over.
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Once again, Mark Knight captures the moment perfectly. The sad kookaburra is genius.
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They don’t hire anyone at IKEA. The staff you see putting things on the shelves are just people who get lost there for a few years and eventually know where everything is.
It’s Restockholm syndrome.
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Lying in bed, waiting for some pretty serious test results from my specialist. Pretty worried and I look up out the window and I see a rainbow. Maybe someone’s watching all this.
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I picked up a hitch hiker last night. He seemed surprised that
I’d pick up a total stranger. He said to me, “Why would you do that? I could be a serial killer.”
I said, “Listen, the chances of two serial killers being in the one car is astronomical.”
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It’s a brutally cold night in Melbourne. When you see a homeless person tomorrow, make eye contact, give them something, have a conversation with them and, most of all, show them some respect. They’re survivors.
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The thing about Tayla from Tassie on MAFS is she’s spent her entire life relying on her looks. She’s a self righteous, soulless sociopath who doesn’t realise she’s a boring dominatrix. I pity Hugo. Yes I’m judging. (And if you don’t watch MAFS, just stay out of this. Noone cares)
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My daughter was reading the “The Exorcist”. It scared the crap out of her. She couldn’t even finish it so last weekend she threw the book in the lake and said a prayer. So I went to the shop, bought another copy, ran it under the tap and put it in her desk draw. Parenting’s fun.
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