Danny
@Mardigroan
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11,749
Following
1,622
Media
3,214
Statuses
687,084
My writing's been found on food shopping lists & mini golf scores (Avi by @Trixtopherduke )
Joined October 2015
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Pinned Tweet
You don't need flavored coffee. It already has a flavor. Coffee.
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Whoever came up with "penny for your thoughts," "don't nickel and dime me," and "another day another dollar" sure knew how to coin a phrase.
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Somehow on Tuesday I am supposed to wake up early like a regular work day? Not in favor of that.
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Luke, I am your uncle.
Luke, I am your third cousin.
Luke, I am your grandmother.
- Skywalker family reunion
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Why do they sell clementines in an orange fish net package? They're already sexy.
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I asked my doctor if this heavily advertised, extremely ineffective medicine with many frightening side effects might be right for me.
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Nothing raises my blood pressure like getting my blood pressure taken.
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Buy her a new cauldron. Keep her broom in good repair. Maintain a robust collection of eye of newt.
Witches love that.
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According to a source close to me, this time I've been on Twitter, could have been better spent emptying the dishwasher.
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The I'ds of March
I'd better set the alarm clock earlier.
I'd better go to the gym more.
I'd better get taxes done.
I'd like some pizza.
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The first Tweet of the day doesn't count.
Neither do any of the others.
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You have your way of doing Twitter (funny with broad appeal).
I have mine (odd ramblings).
There's no one right way (except probably yours).
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1989: Make sure to see the Rolling Stones. This is probably their last tour.
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Kris Kross even used to brush their teeth backwards
to remove the plickety plickety plickety plaque.
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I'm "used to wrap text books in supermarket brown bag book covers and doodle on them during class" years old.
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Don't filter your freckles out of your photos.
It's like taking the chocolate chips out of the cookie.
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Plenty of tweets about normalize this and normalize that. Not enough about carmelizing this and that.
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Who needs a horror movie when you can just go to the supermarket?
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Raise your hand if you were pretty sure in 2016 he'd be this bad.
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Are women attracted to men with salt and pepper hair based on the premise that they push it real good?
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Sir Isaac Newton: Are you saying I'm wrong?
Albert Einstein: I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation.
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Sorry if the TV series you have been watching for so long didn't finish the way you wanted. That happened to me with the 2016 election.
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You remember every word of those School House Rock songs but can't recall what you needed to pick up at the supermarket.
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I'd vote for her and not him, even if she were in her death bed, at Benghazi General Hospital deleting emails in a pantsuit.
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"How is tofu made?"
Well, when an edamame loves an edadade very much....
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If a cup of coffee on the back deck doesn't solve it then I am out of ideas.
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While removing a cat hair from my phone screen I accidentally closed three windows, downloaded two apps, made an unwanted Amazon purchase, and texted my boss a Chuck Norris meme.
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My father was a good man and lived a good life. Sadly my Dad passed away today leaving many great memories.
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We looked at a calendar and noticed the days were named and numbered as if each one differed from the next.
And we laughed and we laughed.
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When life gives you existential dilemmas make existential dilemonade.
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This is not what the slow descent into oblivion looked like in the brochure.
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Someone did something so nice for me yesterday that I still have leftover happy inside.
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Half of answering the landline as a kid was yelling "Mom! It's for you!"
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The electric toothbrush battery died but luckily my skill set allows me to use it like a manual.
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Unfortunately in life there are times when it's too late in the day to nap and too early to go to sleep for the night.
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People have struggled with typos and misspellings since the days of you're.
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Milkshakes attract boys to yards. Apples keep doctors away. Are there other foods and beverages that cause movement of people?
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I'm a tweeter.
Impulsively I write.
Put my phone down?
Some day I might.
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*writes in climate's year book "Best of luck. Don't ever change!"*
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I know some of you don't like political tweets. But it's my belief that kittens should not be on the dining room table.
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Tweet it. Just tweet it. From your mind to where they can read it. Give them a chuckle or write words profound. Marshall your words and put something down. Just tweet it.
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You don't have to follow the crowd. If you want you can give things your own names like long sleeve socks or deep dish bed sheets.
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If only we had some notion before the election this guy was an unbelievable, unhinged, unethical, uncouth, uninformed, underworld dweller.
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Someone sent me a subscription to Men's Journal. Apparently I haven't been doing enough camping on glaciers, spending thousands on wrist watches or making home made beef jerky.
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Too bad that Bill and Melinda Gates are throwing their marriage out the Windows™.
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The to do list today is substantially longer than the can do list.
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Looks like they're getting a lot more snow than us over on Facebook.
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She asked if I had lost my mind. It's nice to know that there's some doubt.
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This is my first Father's Day without my dad. I know it may be a tough day for others too. Wishing a good day to all.
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Duran Duran was better than Spandau Ballet. You know this much is true.
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If you throw your hands in the air like you just don't care make sure you put your coffee cup down first.
I know that now.
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Scientists discover that they can create a clone just from the DNA in a subject's saliva. The copy turns out as the original's spitting image.
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If you can't handle me at my "wasting time on Twitter,"
you don't deserve me at my "running late for where I have to be."
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A time traveler's children's picture book called "When's Waldo?"
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