Major D Malpas
@MajorDMalpas
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“preposterous account” according to David Leask.
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Joined January 2012
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Pinned Tweet
Fuck it, I need to get a life. Never forget:
1. I was ambivalent but now glad we are leaving the EU.
2. I will never vote SNP to break up the UK.
3. There are only two genders.
4. There is no govt money, only taxpayers money.
5. Always be kind to cats.
Work hard & be lucky.
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As we end week 2 of the lockdown, I’ve been thinking about Osama Bin Laden. He was stuck in his house with three wives for five years. I’m beginning to wonder if he called in those Navy Seals himself.
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Clearly a defensive position in case you lose the ground floor (temporarily) to the French. Ideal position for archers.
Seriously, what is this square used for? For the life of me, I can't figure it out 🤔
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“Never mind what your father did, I said two hot dogs, one Stella and a Fanta for the lad, now get down there and get it organised, capeesh?”
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Dear UK citizens in England,
Please be assured that a majority of us here in Scotland despise Nicola Sturgeon and her cabal of halfwit, trailer trash followers. Come to Scotland often - it’s your country as much as theirs.
Yours,
A. Scotsman
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Scots, are we really comfortable to be painted as this mean-spirited, snide, petty & uncooperative group of people? Do we want the world to see us as Anglophobes that can't even get along with the people on our own island?
Because that is the picture of us the SNP are painting.
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Anyone tell me the difference between Sturgeon, Yousaf and co inciting a mob to prevent the law being administered today and Trump being accused of inciting the Capitol Hill mob break in?
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Anyone else picking up a sense of growing anger about SNP dishonesty and incompetence?
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I think one thing we can conclude, and all agree on, is that Harry is not a clever man.
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I wonder if Nicola Sturgeon has a grasp now on how half the country utterly despise her?
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What a disgrace our society and educational system is. Some 50 years on and barely anyone in their twenties knows who Neil Armstrong was, let alone what kind of trumpet he played.
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I’m not being funny or anything but has anyone checked that this Elsie is not, in fact, a bus driver?
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Has anyone seen my mate Dave? Said he was going on a blind date last Saturday and I haven’t seen or heard from him since.
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This morning I wrote to President Macron requesting he remove the threat of power cuts to Jersey by 11:30pm tonight. I regret to inform that as of 11:31pm I have received no such undertaking and consequently, Mrs Malpas and I are at war with France.
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Why do we allow so many people to come to Britain when we know they hate it and us?
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I have a staff member wishing to list their pronouns on their email footer. This is a new thing for me and a matter I’ve not had to address. Clearly I need to think carefully and seek advice. To that effect, can anyone advise where I should fire them today or Monday?
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You fucking started it!
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The state of play this evening in this Scotsman’s house:
1. I’ve lost faith in Theresa May.
2. I still wouldn’t let Jeremy Corbyn near ANY position of responsibility.
3. I despise Nicola Sturgeon and the SNP more with each passing day.
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“We’re in the iron and steel business. I do the ironing and he does the…….”
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Important meeting to attend?
Held up by extinction rebellion types?
Please now view my newly developed failsafe technique to solving this problem.
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I simply do not understand why Fred and Rose West didn’t simply sit with police for 8 hours saying they didn’t do it, or if they did, they didn’t remember doing it. They’d clearly have got away with that in Scotland.
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I had a happy childhood in 1970’s Scotland. A good state education then university in the late ‘80s. Straight into a rewarding career, married and two great kids. A good life. But I’m at a stage now where I see a very different, unhappy Scotland, far distant from the one I knew.
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Does anyone know of one positive outcome of Ian Blackford’s time as an MP?
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You know, being a cheeky git as a child, I had my arse skelped on several times by my parents. As a consequence, I developed a psychological condition called “respect for others”.
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I'm a Scot. I'm voting for my Scottish Conservative & Unionist candidate in the General Election. I'm sick of Nicola Sturgeon & her nationalist goons treating me and the millions like me who want to remain in the UK that we are second class citizens.
#WeAreScots
#VoteConservative
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On behalf of you all, I shall be compiling a definitive list of people who should fuck off and never be heard from again after Brexit. I cordially invite your suggestions for evaluation.
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So it seems to be proven beyond any reasonable doubt that Sturgeon, Lloyd, Yousaf etc and Salmond before them were a shower of small minded, venal shits.
Who knew?
I’ll tell you who knew; 55% of the population in Scotland.
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Important things to bear in mind at the moment.
1. Alex Salmond is a horrible bastard.
2. So is Nicola Sturgeon.
3. Life would be better for us all if we didn’t hear or see anything of either, ever again.
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The respect shown for our Queen and the new King tells us many things in Scotland. It’s is a reminder of the traditions, culture and sense of belonging in our United Kingdom that the SNP would have each and every one of us give up. A reminder of what we are, before it’s too late.
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Dear Scots voters,
Something to remember when you can’t see a doctor, can’t get an NHS dentist, have to wait 2 years for an operation and can’t get new cancer drugs because they are too expensive for your health board to afford.
Humza Yousaf doesn’t give a fuck about you.
🔺 EXCLUSIVE: Humza Yousaf’s officials offered to send NHS medical supplies to Gaza to ease the humanitarian crisis, it can be revealed
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Can’t help but feel Tom Tugendhat might have done better if he’d made more of the fact he’d served in the army.
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Not had this confirmed yet but I understand there’s to be a march in Gaza this Sunday in support of Humza Yousaf.
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If you could choose one country in the whole world to sacrifice, and save everyone else from Covid, which country would you choose and why France?
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Peter Murrell, Chief Executive of the SNP & husband of Nicola Sturgeon had a massively high profile on and offline till around a year ago. He’s absolutely vanished. Literally vanished.
We’ve asked where he is, to no avail.
Where are Scotland’s journalists? Why the silence?
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Hi everyone. Just to let you know that my new job at the call centre is going well. I’m making lots of new mates and everyone is really nice.
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I really, really don’t want people from Gaza coming here. There are many wealthy Islamic countries around the Middle East that would be culturally much more appropriate than here.
If you agree, make your voice heard.
I’m concerned that Scotland could sleep walk into an Islamic country. We have an Islamic FM. He he is intent on encouraging Islamic immigrants to come to here.
These immigrants are very likely to want to break up the UK & support Scottish independence.
How do we stop this?
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Does anyone have contact details for Ian Blackford MP? I overheard an English accent whilst (socially distancing) in Sainsbury’s this evening. I thought he’d want to know so he and his Brownshirt settler-watch mates in the SNP could take action.
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If not investigated by the police and splashed across the newspapers tomorrow, I don’t want to hear another peep about Partygate.
Facemasks are still legally required in Scotland.
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That moment when you are struggling for a legacy to a total failure of a political career, that you boast about passing your driving test.
When next? A certificate for the 100m breaststroke?
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“I must tell you that bad English people are not wearing masks and have been enjoying themselves. Let me be frank, and it gives me no pleasure in saying this, but now is not the time for enjoying ourselves. When that time will be, I cannot say, but meantime let’s stay miserable”.
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Tell you what, I’d hate if the SNP went bust before I got my free bike and laptop. That would be just my luck.
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There’s a wider issue re-Margaret Ferrier. She doesn’t possess the intelligence to have been anywhere near political office in the first place. Yet the SNP put her there. Slow-witted, drunk on Irish Nationalism, barely able to string two words together - to the SNP? MP material.
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The owner of The Raven Pub says that both Keir Starmer AND Boris Johnson are barred. If he is willing to also bar Nicola Sturgeon then I’ll have no hesitation in declaring The Raven my new local.
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That sickening, horrible, squelching sound you hear will be the wheels of the bus Kate Forbes is driving over the top of Nicola Sturgeon’s lifeless, pointless and disastrous political career.
Kate Forbes throws Sturgeon under the bus over the unminuted “Gold Command” meetings.
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Holyrood was an establishment designed to empower Scots to improve education, health, justice, transport and public services at a local level. It is instead an enfeebled sham occupied by MSP’s with little apparent interest in these policy areas and questionable abilities.
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I have taken the plunge and joined the SNP today. I have known Nicola Sturgeon since we were at school. Nicola was a great wee guy. A very handy centre half btw and could have probably got his choice of rides from any of the 5th year girls.
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To those criticising the Queensferry Crossing, I say this:
How on earth were the designers supposed to know that there might be snow, ice and strong, freezing wind conditions, at great height, in the middle of the Forth Estuary, in Scotland, in winter?
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I’m a Scot. I’ve lived in Scotland longer than these three. I don’t want uncontrolled migration. I particularly don’t want Scotland opened up to Islamic migrants without any intention of assimilating into British life & culture .
I say no to the SNP.
I say no to Jihadis.
First look at tomorrow's front page 📰
'After indy we can be polar opposite of hostile UK'
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Had the pleasure of walking through Glasgow’s George Square today and witnessed the Palestine protestors. What a collection of misfits, wasters and unfortunates. Complete with Socialist Worker banners and LGBTQ flags. Just smelly, rent-a-cause weirdos.
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With the escalation of Russian military assets on the Ukrainian border, it must surely only be a matter of a few days till France surrender?
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Bloke at a bus stop in Oban today wearing a tee shirt emblazoned with “never trust a Tory”.
Hold the view by all means but imagine going about your daily life like that?
Think I’ll wear my “all Nats are wanks” string vest to dinner this evening.
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Earlier today, I was released from the Twitter version of Robben Island. As I made my long walk to freedom, I resolved to be a better man. I have changed. I shall never again suggest that Ian Blackford is a big, fat, lady’s front bottom.
Mistakes were made. Lessons learned.
Etc
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Sanctimonious little prick.
What of the generation of workless youths across Europe, trapped by German centred economic policy that simply doesn’t work for Greece, Spain or Italy? Does he feel sadness for what he and his self aggrandising, elitist EU pals have done to them?
''If I was a British citizen I would be deeply sad when imagining the life of my grandchildren''
.
@JunckerEU
was frank about his thoughts on
#Brexit
, despite saying that ''we have reached the best possible deal''
Follow live EU summit updates here:
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Interesting that Sturgeon is now trying to normalise the idea of an international border across the UK. It's a quite horrendous notion and needs shot down as such at every mention.
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The French Govt announced that it is banning the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located 30 miles outside Paris, caused soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.
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But as a white person, I was offended and felt threatened by
@HumzaYousaf
’s speech. It was aggressive and I perceived it as hate speech towards indigenous, white Scottish/ British people. Because I perceived it as such, it is a recordable hate crime incident.
@PoliceScotland
?
People criticised FM
@HumzaYousaf
for this statement that he described the sectors that predominately led by white people.
This is not hate.
He is absolutely right to highlight the importance of having sectors reflect the whole country, and the whole country is not just white
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Apparently this statue is to be removed because it signifies a period in our country’s history when it was acceptable to have a fucking laugh.
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£100 says Nicola Sturgeon cries in an interview on telly this week.
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The woke have taken Scotland. The virtue signallers, the sanctimonious and the anti-intellectuals now rule. Add into the mix the West of Scotland, Irish Republican filth that passes now as our ‘politics’ and I begin to wonder if my homeland is even worth saving from itself now?
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What a quandary for Nicola Sturgeon, now in her 50’s. If we of this age need to isolate in our homes, which will she chose? The one with the French wifie or the one with the pretend husband?
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The SNP went to court to try and stop this video being circulated. The truth hurts them. Be a shame if it was to be, well, circulated…..
Sturgeon's Secretive Failed State via
@YouTube
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28 year old politician to stand down in 12 - 18 months time because she’s a bit tired.
Tells you all you need to know.
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The SNP believe decisions that effect Scotland should be taken in Scotland by the Scottish people.
Except fishing, agriculture, trade, and regulations. The SNP believe that decisions about these things should be taken by representatives of 27 other countries, over in Belgium.
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I own and run an SME in Edinburgh. In the last 13 years We’ve had to ride the financial crash, an independence ref, an EU ref, a Covid pandemic, 4 General Elections and 3 Scottish Elections.
Why don’t you shitehawks in the media just fuck off and give us a chance for a bit eh?
Analysis | An alternative strategy for the pro-UK side would be to call the SNP’s bluff and back an early referendum.
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Wankers. So vital treatments were postponed and patients died for political reasons; no doubt about that now. These doctors we are meant to revere are militant shits. You banged pots and pans for this lot?
Junior doctors in England have said they have no plans to hold any more strikes after “positive” introductory talks with Health Secretary Wes Streeting
⬇️
@PMGallagher1
,
@singharj
report
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Once more for the hard of hearing.
1. Salmond was a pest & a sleaze for years.
2. Sturgeon knew & did nothing for years.
3.
#Metoo
arrived & it was obvious all would come out.
4. Sturgeon rounded on Salmond for her own optics.
5. She has covered, deceived & lied all the way.
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I imagine Jo Swinson and Boris Johnson are currently looking forward to their interviews with
@afneil
as much as I might look forward to having my testicles run through a steaming hot mangle.
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Regular reminder.
Alex Salmond is not a good man. Not found criminal, but not a good man.
Nicola Sturgeon is an evil person. Conspired to have Alex Salmond sent to prison, for her own political expediency, and has lied about it ever since.
Neither are fit for leadership.
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Earlier this week I made a cheap joke at the expense of the French. I apologise for that and clarify as follows. Whilst British people may currently be banned from entering France, the French Govt have confirmed that the ban would be lifted in the event of invasion by Germany.
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Have just listened to a radio piece on how some people say "The tiger who came to tea" should be cancelled because it reinforces traditional stereotypes (the Dad comes home from work and saves the day).
What the fuck is wrong with you people?
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What we have learned; Scotland has
A govt that isn’t competent.
A Parliament unable to hold govt to account.
A First Minister who is dishonest.
Govt back benchers without independent thought or wit.
A Green Party that’s really yellow.
A Crown Office controlled by govt.
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Controversial opinion alert.
I want kids at school to be educated to the highest global standards in Maths, English and Science (etc).
I don't want them having their young, developing minds polluted with deviants telling them being a drag queen is a normal lifestyle choice.
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A face that looks broken by the futility of a life wasted on an unnecessary cause which a majority simply aren’t interested in.
No one’s listening anymore.
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I'd like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I extend these best wishes to 'friend and foe' alike and hope our differences can be set aside and forgotten at this special time of year.
Not you, France.
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Dear UK citizens,
It is necessary for me to remind you that the SNP are NOT Scotland. Please do not assume they are representative of, or speak for all Scots; they are not and they do not.
Regards,
A. Scotsman
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Today’s ugly scenes could have been avoided if hard left anarchists hadn’t been given free reign to vandalise and terrorise our streets last weekend.
This is on you Cressida Dick and Sadiq Khan.
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So for everyone with a mortgage in Sterling (all of us!), overnight, you’d be effectively increasing your monthly payments by 20% because you’d be getting paid in a currency worth less than the pound. ANYONE with a mortgage should be terrified of the SNP, absolutely terrified.
New Scottish currency 'worth a fifth less' than pound sterling
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Meanwhile Scotland’s actual national team played South Africa in the World Cup on Sunday and both sets of fans showed total respect whilst respective anthems were sung.
What we see at Hampden is instead a set of pig ignorant, plastic Irish “fans” embarrassing themselves.
WATCH: Scottish fans drown out God Save the King with boos at Hampden Park ahead of the 150th anniversary match ⚽️
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@olafdoesstuff
Listen mate, why don’t you just fuck off. It’s not our fault you couldn’t manage to get onto the gravy bus with Fife Council. Britain is where we live. Britain has its own distinct traditions. You don’t get to choose which traditions are acceptable and which aren’t; they’re ours.
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Has there been another British politician given so much credit, only to found out so rapidly as absolutely hopeless, venal and crooked?
Many of us knew, but in the eyes of everyone else, her reputation was rightly flushed down the lavvy overnight.
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I don't like Nicola Sturgeon.
I don't trust Nicola Sturgeon.
I don't believe anything Nicola Sturgeon says.
My guess is at least 50% of the population at least partially agree with me. This is why it is fundamentally wrong for her to make her "public health" broadcasts.
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How that appalling skank hasn’t had the decency to stand down is really beyond belief. She is a nationalist, I suppose, milking the coin for all its worth, as they do.
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Why? I have no issue with or interest in the bloke’s sexuality but why do we need to celebrate his? Why do we need to celebrate anyone’s sexuality?
Seriously, you’re all fucking mad.
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Dreadful, dreadful human being. British people are welcome everywhere across these lands, whether this poisonous little viper likes it or not.
Nicola Sturgeon warns English visitors to avoid Scots bars and cafes during trips
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Men, during this period of self isolation, you may find yourselves asked by your wives to undertake chores round the house. It is vital that you make a bad job of these & be seen to make a bad job. The risk of this being normalised beyond this time of crisis cannot be overstated.
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It’s a god job Nicola Sturgeon completely eradicated Covid19 in the summer. Just imagine how bad things would be now if she hadn’t?
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No one can be in any doubt now that Anglophobia is a central tenet of Scottish nationalism. The last few days have enlightened many. I hope decent folks who have voted SNP might reflect & consider a return to parties who care about the economy & education instead of Anglophobia.
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For followers in England, this is something I’d like you all to see. We Scots would like to open your eyes to the reality of the SNP and Nicola Sturgeon. Share widely please.
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You guys are much better than I am with all this stuff. Is this pc?
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Today Nicola Sturgeon went on tv to tell Scots who they could hug and when they could do it.
Read that over again and think about it.
Never again should we give up our civil liberties to the whims of wierdos who don’t know the first thing about normal family life. NEVER AGAIN.
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Fuck off.
"Gardening culture in the UK... has layers and layers of cultural baggage that are attached to it."
Ethnobotanist James Wong explains why he thinks the misuse of the words 'heritage' and 'native' in gardening can have racist undertones.
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Right, can I suggest that tonight we all light our wood burning stoves to celebrate?
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