Marc Morris
@Longshanks1307
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Medieval historian. 'If it works for Marc Morris @Longshanks1307 , it works for me.' (Scarlett Johansson)
Joined May 2012
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Pinned Tweet
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords seems increasingly appealing as a basis for a system of government.
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Why? Is there some rule against it?
My daughter, Ivanka, just arrived in South Korea. We cannot have a better, or smarter, person representing our country.
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So I just re-watched the classic Simpsons episode ‘Bart Gets An Elephant’. It is 25 years old, but a parable for our times. [thread]
Bart wins a radio station phone-in and is given a binary choice: $10,000 in cash or a full grown African elephant.
Bart chooses the elephant.
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"Let's hear both sides of the argument" once led to me be interviewed about the location of the Battle of Hastings on national radio alongside a man who knew the answer because it had come to him in a vision.
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A good friend of mine is a senior embroiderer at St Augustine's in Canterbury. This Tapestry image is 100% faked. Harold actually shoving an arrow in his own eye to make William the Conqueror look bad.
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Absolutely true. Before 2008 historians would refer to the Tower of Whatsitsname and the Great Fire near Essex.
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Fed up with all the shit Darth Vader has been getting on account of this video. For all we know this guy could have had a blaster. I mean, he looks like a rebel to me. And if this is a consular ship, where is the ambassador? Calm down, move on, and be thankful this wasn’t worse.
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Lord Chancellor explains importance of the Rule of Law.
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The 'Lamb of God' penny, issued in 1009 by Æthelred the Unready, in the hope that the Vikings would go away if everyone just believed a bit harder.
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English leader's ill-advised trip to Normandy has disastrous political consequences.
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I now realise why medieval chroniclers wrote things like 'There was a great and terrible pestilence in this year, and folk wondered when it would all end. Also, the king lost Normandy'.
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So far in 1066:
• Edward the Confessor has died.
• Harold Godwineson has been named king instead of Edgar Ætheling.
• Edward has been buried.
• Harold has been crowned.
It's still only 6 January.
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King Henry II died
#OnThisDay
1189. Deserted by dozens of his supporters in his final days, despite reminding them that he "got Becket done".
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Those who march with extremists ought to be more careful of the company they keep.
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So far in 1066:
• Edward the Confessor has died.
• Harold Godwineson has been named king instead of Edgar Ætheling.
• Edward has been buried.
• Harold has been crowned.
It's still only 6 January.
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#OnThisDay
1215 King John was forced to issue Magna Carta, which stated that government is subject to the law.
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Today's the 957th anniversary of the Battle of Hastings, so obviously I'm reposting the scenes from the Bayeux Tapestry I made with Playmobil.
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Today's the 955th anniversary of the Battle of Hastings, so obviously I'm reposting the scenes from the Bayeux Tapestry I made with Playmobil.
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Lessons in government from Liz Truss. See also 'How to Beat the Vikings' by Æthelred the Unready, 'Befriending your Barons' by King John, and 'Looking After your Nephews' by Richard III.
My book Ten Years to Save the West is out on April 16th in 🇬🇧 and 🇺🇸.
We must change the system and be prepared to fight for conservative values.
#tenyearstosavethewest
📕PRE-ORDER a copy through my website:
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Lessons in government from Liz Truss. See also 'How to Beat the Vikings' by Æthelred the Unready, 'Befriending your Barons' by King John, and 'Looking After your Nephews' by Richard III.
Cover announcement📢
Ten Years to Save the West by
@trussliz
“A call to action for fellow conservatives who share my belief in our nation and our way of life.”
💥16 April 2024
Pre-order:
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Eleanor of Aquitaine died
#OnThisDay
1204. Mother of three kings, wife of two, and in her own right one of the greatest women of the Middle Ages.
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Today's the 951st anniversary of the Battle of Hastings, so here's some scenes from the Bayeux Tapestry recreated in Playmobil.
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So far in 1066:
• Edward the Confessor has died.
• Harold Godwineson has been named king instead of Edgar Ætheling.
• Edward has been buried.
• Harold has been crowned.
It's still only 6 January.
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This is the biggest swing in Tamworth since Lady Æthelflæd took it from the Danes in 913.
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Harold Godwineson and his advisers having a business meeting before sailing to Normandy.
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Today's the 954th anniversary of the Battle of Hastings, so obviously I'm reposting the scenes from the Bayeux Tapestry I made with Playmobil.
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The present government: let's go against the bishops and the North at the same time.
Medieval kings:
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Congratulations to Edgar Ætheling, who ruled England between mid-October and mid-December 1066, on outlasting Liz Truss.
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Well, the security forces haven't burned Westminster to the ground, so it's already going better than the coronation of William the Conqueror.
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Dominic Raab's devastating insight about the importance of Dover has huge implications for our understanding of this mysterious building, previously thought to have been a cowshed.
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Today's the 956th anniversary of the Battle of Hastings, so obviously I'm reposting the scenes from the Bayeux Tapestry I made with Playmobil.
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"I went to Hastings because I was concerned about my eyesight."
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Fantastic news in Boris Johnson's
@Telegraph
column. The rest of us will be on the beach at Pevensey, where the Normans actually landed.
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Harold Godwineson being brought down by the left-wing economic establishment.
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Eventually, Homer agrees to do the morally right thing and gives Stampy to an animal refuge.
So the Simpsons end up with no elephant, just bills for hundreds of thousands of dollars, having alienated their neighbours and trashed the entire neighbourhood.
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@mrjamesob
I'm genuinely starting to think Sunak's whole campaign is a Brewster's Millions-style hedge fund bet, and he has to lose by some unbelievable margin in order to collect.
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So far in 1066:
• Edward the Confessor has died.
• Harold Godwineson has been named king instead of Edgar Ætheling.
• Edward has been buried.
• Harold has been crowned.
It's still only 6 January.
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Today's the 952nd anniversary of the Battle of Hastings, so obviously I'm reposting my scenes from the Bayeux Tapestry in Playmobil.
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"If it works for Marc Morris
@Longshanks1307
, it works for me" says Scarlett Johansson, unintentionally providing a cover quote for all my books.
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Newly released tapestry shows Normans partying while others were fighting the Battle of Hastings.
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Since Windsor Castle is trending, let's revisit these magnificent reconstruction drawings by Bob Marshall of its development from the reign of William the Conqueror to the reign of Henry III.
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Terrible portents came about over the land of Northumbria and miserably frightened the people. These were immense flashes of lightning, and fiery dragons were seen flying in the air.
Anglo-Saxon Chronicle, AD 793.
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King John, who thought he was above the law, described by a contemporary chronicler.
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I am supposed to be leading a school group around Pevensey Castle and Battle Abbey tomorrow, but I've just been informed - and I swear I'm not making this up - that their ship has been delayed by contrary winds in the Channel.
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"Just so everyone's clear, this is a work event, and technically part of the battle."
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Today in 1066 Harold Godwineson was crowned king of England. He remained in office for only 281 days until his death at the Battle of Hastings. In modern terms, that's 5.73 Trusses or 7.39 Kwartengs.
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So far in 1066:
• Edward the Confessor has died.
• Harold Godwineson has been named king instead of Edgar Ætheling.
• Edward has been buried.
• Harold has been crowned.
It's still only 6 January.
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My partner just had a call from NHS Blood Donation, cancelling her April appointment, because they're shutting down in Kent port towns between mid-March and May, anticipating that Operation Stack on the M20 will prevent them from moving staff in or blood out.
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The radio people are shocked. No one was supposed to pick the elephant. There is no elephant.
So they try to negotiate (‘We think we know how your mind works, Bart’) and offer other alternatives which are equally stupid, but less costly and destructive.
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I feel they are missing a trick and this should be 33p cheaper.
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He costs $1,000 dollars a week to feed and maintain, and efforts to make him pay for himself raise only tiny sums.
“$58 and all of it profit!” declares a delighted Homer, “I’m the smartest businessman in the world!”
“Stampy’s food bill today was $300” replies Marge.
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I now realise why medieval chroniclers wrote things like 'There was a great and terrible pestilence in this year, and folk wondered where it would all end. Also, the king lost Normandy'.
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Despite Bart’s continued enthusiasm, it is a disaster. It immediately smashes into the side of the Simpsons’ house, causing massive structural damage. It smells ‘worse than anything’. But the biggest problem is the elephant – now named Stampy – is economically unviable.
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Had a few media invitations this morning to respond to Boris Johnson's '1066' comment, but apparently I'm not allowed to use the phrase 'worthless, ignorant, race-baiting, morally vacuous cockwomble'.
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How do we know the Normans ate small amounts of Spanish food?
Because of the Bayeux Tapas Tray.
#ChristmasHistoryJokes
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Eleanor of Aquitaine died
#OnThisDay
1204. Mother of three kings, wife of two, and in her own right one of the greatest women of the Middle Ages.
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Bart’s chant soon gets taken up by the media. “Isn’t that what we’re all asking in our own lives?” says TV anchorman Kent Brockman. “Where’s my elephant?”
Eventually, to keep their jobs, the radio people crumple and get Bart a fully grown African elephant.
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The people listening to the radio in the old folks’ home are delighted with misplaced nostalgia: ‘Hey, they’re playing the elephant song!’ says one. ‘I love that one – reminds me of elephants’ says another.
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But Bart refuses all compromise, and just keeps shouting ‘Where’s my elephant?’ His voice is so loud it can be heard over the top of the record played by the station to drown him out.
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King Henry II died
#OnThisDay
1189. In his final days he was deserted by his supporters, despite reminding them that he "got Becket done".
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a) it's very hard to swim between England and Scandinavia, especially carrying lots of gold, and b) they were full of bastard Vikings.
Why did the Vikings rely so heavily on their ships, and what made the longboat so terrifyingly effective?
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The Bayeux Tapestry (redacted) clearly proves that Bishop Odo didn't attend any parties.
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So, Anglo-Saxon Chronicle, if you could preserve only three facts about 776 for posterity, what would they be?
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Today's the 953rd anniversary of the Battle of Hastings, so obviously I'm reposting my scenes from the Bayeux Tapestry in Playmobil.
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It's been out less than a week, but is already being reprinted due to phenomenal demand. Thank you all for your support.
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A contemporary description of King John, who thought his authority was total.
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The most politically disastrous retreat from Normandy by an English leader since 1203.
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These include paying the $10,000 dollars to Bart’s school principal, who agrees to pull his trousers down for a whole term, or using the money to surgically transform the principal into ‘some kind of lobster-like creature’.
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And so the Simpsons are forced to give up the elephant. Homer wants to sell him to an ivory dealer, Mr Blackheart. A former President of the Fox Network, he is the only character in the story who stands to make money. Bart runs away with Stampy, leaving a trail of destruction.
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Eleanor of Aquitaine died
#OnThisDay
1204. Mother of 3 kings, wife of 2, and in her own right one of the greatest women of the Middle Ages.
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So far in 1066:
• Edward the Confessor has died.
• Harold Godwineson has been named king instead of Edgar Ætheling.
• Edward has been buried.
• Harold has been crowned.
It's still only 6 January.
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#OnThisDay
1035 King Cnut died. Here he is at Dover, famously ordering the sea to turn back, before admitting 'I hadn't quite understood the full extent of this.'
#StupidCnut
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A c14th scribe, having copied 614 pages of Thomas Aquinas, wrote
"Here ends the second part of the Summa of Brother Thomas Aquinas of the Dominican Order; very long, very verbose, and very tedious for the scribe. Thank God, thank God, and once again thank God."
#MondayMotivation
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Today in 1066 Harold Godwineson was crowned king of England. He remained in office for only 281 days until his death at the Battle of Hastings. In modern terms, that's 5.73 Trusses or 7.39 Kwartengs.
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@mrjamesob
Mine was being interviewed about the location of the Battle of Hastings alongside a man who knew the answer because it had come to him in a vision.
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King Harold nearly winning the Battle of Hastings.
“The fact he has either won or nearly won is an extraordinary result.”
“It does take quite some chutzpah to describe a defeat as a ‘nearly win’.”
Deputy foreign secretary Andrew Mitchell and
@cathynewman
discuss Andy Street’s chances of retaining the West Midlands mayoralty.
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