That Pesky Prostitüt™
@LittleMissAngr1
Followers
37,943
Following
2,337
Media
1,873
Statuses
118,537
whore by trade, whore by nature. just a smart slut in a capitalist patriarchy. keeping playboys blessed. Black Lives Matter
Canada
Joined October 2018
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Pinned Tweet
Applebees is short for apple bottom bees, boots with the fur
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Sometimes when I pass by a stranger I like to whisper "I was just thinking the exact same thing".
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My tit was itchy all day and I had a fucking piece of cracker in my bra.
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I need someone who is good at math to explain to me how there are 365 days in a year but somehow there have already been 500 days in 2020.
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No more hetero sex without female orgasms!!! Sex isn't over when he cums. Intercourse may be, but he still has hands and a mouth. Men, show some pride in your work. Women, don't let them off the hook. No repeats with selfish lovers. You deserve more. Your vagina deserves more.
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Some chicks are like "This is my hubby, Chad. He leaves his dirty socks everywhere and calls it babysitting when he stays home with the kids. He grunts on top of me twice a week and I sneak orgasms with my vibrator in the shower. Anyway, I feel so sorry for you as a hooker".
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I once saw two raccoons fall out of a tree while fucking.
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Don't you find sex work degrading, you ask me as you climb into your car for your shitty commute to spend 9 hours in a cubicle eating a sad sandwich and making someone else rich off your labour.
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@ldm1828
@IanKarmel
It's satire, to mock the people who feel statues of confederates and slave traders are important for historical purposes
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If you drink enough coffee with your morning joint, you can wake and shake and bake.
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I've been sucking dick for two decades so I probably don't need your hand guiding my head, thanks.
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Here I am, overcaffeinated and unqualified. Let's do this.
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You may think it's inappropriate for me to let my daughter play Grand Theft Auto. But don't worry, I've instructed her to beat up the cops and be nice to the hookers.
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I've never felt inner peace while wearing a bra.
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I sucked a dick for 45 minutes straight today. I have no joke to make about it. But it feels noteworthy.
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Ever jerked off to porn? Congrats, you've consumed the product of sex work. Stop shaming sex workers.
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Anyone who degrades sex work or sex workers online should lose all access to internet porn. Lifetime ban.
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i like to think the marijuana is under my influence
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The beauty at the end of the bar puts a cherry in her mouth and pulls out the knotted stem. I put an entire banana in my mouth and pull out the knotted peel. I regurgitate the banana on the bar, maintaining eye contact. You're going home with her but you will never forget me.
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A boyfriend of mine once told me he didn't like the mole on my thigh, so I had it removed. The boyfriend, not the mole.
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Cashier: *scanning a dozen cucumbers* What are you going to make with these?
Me: Porn
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I remember asking my teachers when I would ever need the math they were teaching me. Not one, not a single one of them, said I would need it to teach to my son during a plague.
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Hookers lead such wild lives. For example, I just got up from a wild 8-hour sleep and I'm drinking a wild cup of peppermint tea and then I'm going to the wild farmer's market where I intend to buy some wild blueberries.
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Imagine joining a cult and being expected to cheer when the leader drinks water.
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Hey dudes, I just wanna say that nearly every guy I see thinks he has a comparatively small dick and it's so rarely the actual case. I've seen so many dicks and all you've compared yourself to is porn dick. Trust me, your dick is fine. Let's talk about your emotional IQ.
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When a woman tweets about rape and then all the men show up in the comments to say they don't rape and then she ends up having to hand out a bunch of thanks-for-not-raping cookies.
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The three P's of Sunday: Pancakes, Pussy, Pmarijuana.
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This is garbage, you're garbage. The cause of rape is rapists.
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Just chuck a chocolate cake into her firebox
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If you're concerned that my job exploits me, but haven't expressed that same concern to construction workers, fast-food employees, anyone who works for a corporation, etc, then you aren't worried about worker exploitation. You just have weird morality about female sexuality.
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I fired a client before he even had his first appointment. He passed screening and was booked for tomorrow, but his communication was giving me that tug in my gut. I'd rather be a bitch than ignore my instincts, every time. I want every woman, sex worker or not, to do the same 💛
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Banning sex work won't make men faithful. You gotta ban men.
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Who called us 'escorts', and not 'secret service agents'?
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I fucked 5 men today. I'm such a good little whore.
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You are cordially invited to the grand re-opening of my legs
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As a whore, I get asked a lot where I see myself in 40 years, and it is something like this:
*removing dentures* puth the money on the dwesser
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Sometimes I masturbate when I'm not even horny because I know I won't get a chance later. Like peeing before a long car ride.
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if i were a cat, i'd waste my first 8 lives and then be stressed for the entirety of the 9th
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People in glass houses shouldn't throw orgies.
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Me: Thanks for agreeing to do this session via Skype
Therapist: Right, are you in a safe place?
Me: *from inside my blanket fort* Yes, very
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Kudos to the cashier who astutely noted that "someone has a cat" while scanning the cat food I was purchasing.
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This grumpy man yelled at me for accidentally turning my cart down the aisle the wrong way and I told him that he could be nicer about correcting me. Guess who paid the $17 he was short at the register?
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One time I ran into an old friend and she said "omg you haven't met my baby" and i said "omg I had no idea" and the next day I went to her house with a baby gift and her baby was a goddamn cat.
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Had a cancellation but another client was able to fill my opening
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After a couple of glasses of wine, I realise that I am so charming I should be charming even louder
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You think you're paying for just an hour of her time and attention. You're paying for that, and also the time, energy, and money she spends to look good for you. The stigma she faces in society in order to service you, and the danger she risks in order to service you.
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Watching Americans argue against universal healthcare for themselves is like watching a battered woman tell you why she deserved to be hit
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Life as a woman is just adding new body parts to your shaving regimen every year until you die.
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Me: Shit, my finger is bleeding
Them: Stick it in your mouth
Me: Ewwwww
Them: You swallow cum all the time
Me: Yeah I'm a slut, not a vampire
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When I tell people I'm a hooker, the inevitable question I get is how do you fuck unattractive people. Guess what? I may be weird for it, but I think everyone with a good soul can be physically attractive.
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Incorrect: she is a sex worker but she is really smart and nice
Correct: she is a sex worker and she is really smart and nice
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"I'm not stoned enough for this"
-Me, 50% of the time
"I'm way too stoned for this"
-Me, 50% of the time
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I just placed a weed order mere seconds ago and was just notified it will be arriving in 25 minutes. I wish 15 year old me could see this.
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Them: what happened to you that made you get into the sex industry?
Me: i found out i really like sex and money
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All of us who had shitty childhoods were so much better equipped for this dystopian future
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Your vagina is a sacred temple. Any time a man is granted access, he must leave a sacrificial offering of cash on the dresser to appease the goddesses.
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I used the entire box of tissues to blow my nose at my therapist's office to make a point about her switching to a subpar generic brand and instead of apologizing about the tissues all she could talk about is some idea that I'm passive aggressive.
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I only do amateur porn so I stay eligible for the porn olympics.
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Fuck Santa, marry Christmas, kill the elf on the shelf.
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Having a cold in the before-times was fucken lit
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I've never had sex in a graveyard with a living person.
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I want to be a man in my next life so I can know everything
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Getting a lot of questions about sex work in my dm's so ask them here instead. I will answer most, but my privacy and safety is important. So here's your chance to ask a hooker. Obviously I do not speak for any other sex workers. We are all unique and have individual experiences.
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them: what do you do for a living?
me: people
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The best part of handwashing dishes is jerking off the silverware.
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It makes me laugh when randoms on the internet think their opinion of me matters. My own parents never liked me, Chad, your opinion is negligible.
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I wear a face mask when I go shopping out of respect for the people forced to serve me. I also use manners. Despite no laws requiring them. It's funny how easy it is to be decent, and how hard some people make it look.
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Hair Stylist: *massaging my scalp* how does that feel?
Me: I would crawl through broken glass for you
Hair Stylist: what?
Me: what?
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Imagine if we got residual payments every time an ex jerked off to us?
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Setting aside how incredibly ridiculous "make America great again" always was, it's deliciously funny to me that they keep wearing their silly hats as he nears the end of his term, indicating that they are still waiting for it to happen.
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my kid: mom can you come kill a spider for me?
me: you know the answer to that
kid: *heavy sigh* fine. can you come make friends with this spider and then put it outside?
me: you betcha
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My childhood was filled with scare-mongering about the hole in the ozone layer. Is it just all gone now, or did we spackle that bitch up?
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Guys out here complaining about the "friendzone" as if making friends as an adult is not a million times harder than getting laid.
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pretty messed up that science doesn't want my body until i'm dead
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[Cat dropping a dead mouse at my feet]
Me: Awwww. a gift? for me?
Cat: It's a THREAT. A THREAT!!!
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I can get naked and sexually intimate with strangers all day long but have to psych myself up to go to the grocery store.
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Them: do what you love and you'll never work a day
Me: *does sex work*
Them: not like that, u slut
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I treat unsolicited dick pics like trading cards. Every time I get one I send another I've gotten in return.
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I choose to be an "out" sex worker for a lot of reasons. I wish I could say the reasons didn't include the absolute stress of the constant threat of being doxxed or blackmailed or threatened. But it very much does. I took a trade-off. I chose to take on all the stigma instead.
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Stepping onto the escalator directly behind a stranger, I lean in close and whisper "I'm really excited to embark on this adventure with you".
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I molested an electrical outlet for 10 minutes trying to plug in my phone charger, so I want to apologise to all the men I laughed at in bed.
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My client, upon seeing my tiny trimmed triangle where I used to be completely bare, exclaimed "oh my, how fancy!" What a delightful man.
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I used 'there' instead of 'their' in a reply 3 days ago and it still haunts me
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I'm here for my emotional-support Canadian shift, and I brought coffee and Timbits. Come collapse into my warm bosom.
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cashier: *scanning a dozen cucumbers* what are you going to make with all these?
me: porn
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Wouldn't it be funny if I tweeted about sex work to give you a glimpse into my life as a sex worker, and not to crowdsource suggestions on how to do my work? Man, that would be wild.
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Me: You didn't ask me how I want my eggs
Waiter: You didn't order any eggs
Me: Ask me how I want them
Waiter: How would you like your eggs?
Me: *staring pointedly at my date* Unfertilized
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Hang on, I'm trying to spend $7 more to avoid a $3 delivery fee.
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[5 yr old niece watching me exercise]
Niece: why are you doing that?
Me: so I can stay strong and healthy
Niece: *observing me shake, sweat, gasp for air* that does not look healthy
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