James Lileks
@Lileks
Followers
23,817
Following
1,145
Media
532
Statuses
18,535
Writer, columnist for @StarTribune , mid-century pop-culture enthusiast, hater of "quirky" last lines in online bios
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Joined January 2007
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
England
• 733352 Tweets
#BizimCocuklar
• 368328 Tweets
Colombia
• 282716 Tweets
#TURvHOL
• 193075 Tweets
#MITB
• 174287 Tweets
Montella
• 168150 Tweets
Panamá
• 113987 Tweets
Kenan
• 105839 Tweets
Barış Alper
• 89214 Tweets
Drew
• 88478 Tweets
織姫と彦星
• 77763 Tweets
James Rodríguez
• 67713 Tweets
Semih
• 65050 Tweets
#precure
• 53652 Tweets
Punk
• 45760 Tweets
John Cena
• 45634 Tweets
Feds
• 34227 Tweets
Sami
• 34038 Tweets
Lucho
• 27626 Tweets
Richard Ríos
• 26042 Tweets
ふくらP
• 23646 Tweets
احمد دياب
• 20856 Tweets
Cuiabá
• 16573 Tweets
Andrade
• 15415 Tweets
نادر شوقي
• 15378 Tweets
緑の魔女編
• 14534 Tweets
Borja
• 12667 Tweets
AJ Lee
• 11398 Tweets
打ち切り
• 10531 Tweets
#ThankYouCena
• 10522 Tweets
Daughter’s college shut down; all online now. But what about students who went on break and left expensive textbooks behind? Oh here’s the pdf.
Literally takes a fargin' pandemic to make them admit the truth about college textbook prices.
45
460
2K
A moment, if you will, for an amazing American. It says something that he was 94, and his passing was unexpected.
When he died, his Harley in the garage was still warm from his last ride.
Ralph James Lileks - father, husband, businessman, veteran, aviator, and North Dakotan.
408
227
2K
The Netflix Dahmer series has a content warning for “smoking” but it doesn’t say when it happens, so you don’t know when the shield the child’s eyes
47
242
2K
I cannot water the lawn because the sprinkler cannot connect to the Wi-Fi network.
33
172
1K
The important thing when operating a leaf blower is to turn it off periodically, so that people may have hope
23
154
952
Godspeed to my father-in-law, Dr. Lawrence DeSanto. A remarkable man - father, healer, philanthropist. It was an honor to know him.
33
17
421
A few of Dad’s trucks on a North Dakota highway, leading the way for the hearse.
13
35
380
Not to read too much into the zeitgeist, but maybe Adam West’s passing is so lamented is b/c we’re all sick to death of dark and gritty.
20
114
344
You can tell “The Alienist” takes place in the late 19th century, b/c cyan is set at 165% and saturation for other colors at -35%
16
32
342
Disney right now: "George Lucas doesn't like the new Star Wars movie. Do we have room for that in the promotional material?"
14
216
327
Thanks to the quick thinking of the dog, the pillow will never threaten the house again
22
77
339
In the last hour, in two venues, I have heard 2 different covers of “Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time,” which raises the number of recordings that need to be shot into the sun to 3
20
41
327
Editor, June 2017: why did our web traffic crash?
Webmaster: everyone used their 10 free stories the first day of the month. By noon
7
103
324
Thanks to everyone who welcomed Birch to the internet. Setting off for a morning walk:
30
20
292
Leave the house for a couple of hours, and the dog turns into a post-modern artist
22
40
269
Thanks to everyone who cared, shared the pictures, gave us support. I can’t thank you all, as much as I’d like. Signing off. Hug your pup.
28
8
261
I was lucky to be young enough to take Adam West's Batman seriously.
19
46
253
Actual fact: I am still the only "journalist" in this election cycle to ask Carly Fiorina why printer ink is so expensive.
19
137
228
Thank you for all your kind words and thoughts. I am reading every one of them and will finish when I’m back in Fargo, sitting at his kitchen table.
28
5
244
Watching a submarine movie, b/c there are no bad sub movies. Periscope handles will be slammed. Men will look upward, tense. Pings. Dials indicating stresses beyond design parameters. Exultant surface-breaching.
26
22
242
If you’re of a certain age, *nothing* yanks you back to childhood like Charlie Brown Christmas music. Particularly “Skating.”
19
23
234
I have returned from a strange and exotic land, bearing spices
35
25
226
It turns out the controller cannot download the firmware update if you are using a post-2019 phone.
Wife: “why is the yard dead?
Me: “I’ve submitted a trouble ticket”
6
13
228
Pinterest has ruined image search on Google. Tiny pics, no reliable routes to original source, garbage sites. Gah.
19
32
210
This is Scout. Southwest / South Minneapolis, keep an eye out. Thanks.
30
167
194
That was the most hilariously depressing Times Square New Year’s ever. An under-populated assembly swaying to a dirge, brought to you by Kia!
15
26
197
If a little girl dressed up like a Bronte heroine comes by she gets a Heath bar and a Clif bar
8
127
205
Daughter’s new desk arrived; I’m a bit nervous about assembling it - or rather what happens after she tries to use it.
26
17
212
The ceremonial folding and presentation of the flag was an act of careful, sacred reverence.
12
6
194
The boards are coming off the windows downtown, so the businesses will soon be back to not being open.
1
41
194
It’s getting to the point where every podcast has uptalk? and nasal males and vocal fry, and it’s making them unlistenable.
35
39
184
18 years of filling the stocking in the dark wee hours, getting the secret stuff out of the closet, tiptoeing around, putting the cookies on the plate on the mantle. Out of a job now.
16
15
187
It is the 29th of November, 29° above zero, and my neighbor is mowing his lawn in the dark
46
5
192
I shook hands with somebody today and then we rode in an elevator together and I guess what I’m saying it’s been nice knowing you
22
7
185
Thanks again to everyone who has expressed condolences today. You've been so kind and decent we're overwhelmed.
26
3
182
“As I was getting my pandemic vaccination, they were shutting down the drugstore in anticipation of the verdict” is not something I ever anticipated saying
2
17
186
Upon checking a pair of pants for the third time – really, the third time – the billfold appeared from its trip to a parallel dimension.
26
14
173
The procession made its way past the station, where all the semis blew their horns. A few construction men working the overpass paused and saluted. We all laid hard on the horns in a big loud wonderful shout.
6
5
176
Got a drone for my birthday. They take about 4 days to master. I say that b/c on the 3rd day I flew it into a tall tree and now it’s stuck
18
15
181
Daughter wanted Grape-Nuts, which is so archaic; it’s like the 20-Mule-Team Borax of cereals
34
17
176
Leaving aside Linus' uncharacteristic devotion to an idiosyncratic pagan story, the strangest thing about "It's the great pumpkin Charlie Brown" is its second- act detour into World War I combat aviation
29
15
183
Dealership sent me a letter saying my warranty was about to expire, and I should call to see about extending it. So I did; line was busy. Called back, and was able to say “I’ve been trying to reach you about my car’s extended warranty.”
He didn’t get it.
6
18
180
Wrote an entire piece about pandemic movies without saying “Wuhan Flu Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” and I’m both relieved and disappointed with myself
7
25
176
Me, snowblowing my neighbor’s sidewalk: just doing my friendly helpful part for the community
Me, discovering my neighbor has snow blowed my walk: ARE YOU SAYING I CAN’T HONOR MY OBLIGATIONS
10
19
175
The number of people disappointed by nuts in cake greatly exceed the number of people who are disappointed when cake does not have nuts.
29
28
178
I used to mistake incompetence for malice, but eventually learned that something can be both.
2
58
170
No one who ever stood before it or within its walls thought he would outlive it.
6
51
169
Highway 10 is crawling with Smokies today, but I’m drifting behind a Chevy doing 70, using him as bear meat
#10
-4
#goodbuddy
22
5
173
Talked to my dad in Fargo tonight and learned that —35 is the point where he won’t go to West Acres Mall and do his morning walk. I was suprised - getting weak, Dad? No, he explained. When it’s -35 he will do the walk inside the mall. (1/x)
5
14
165
Chips will get you through times of no salsa better than salsa will get you through times of no chips
18
53
168
I’m already sick of murder hornets. As far as I’m concerned all hornets are "murder hornets," and I take the new term not as a description but *a general recommendation.*
8
22
166
A good rule to remember: everyone on Twitter will disappoint you, eventually. (Also works for actual life)
19
13
160
Late-night text convos with Daughter at college make me feel like the luckiest man on earth. And possibly the proudest.
7
2
168
Eating lunch after having your teeth cleaned feels like proceeding directly from the confessional to the brothel
3
16
170
The dog shelter is a heartbreaking place, because you can’t take them all.
10
18
152
The best possible day: 6 hr backroads trip with Daughter, stopping at roadside attractions, ending up Dad’s kitchen to listen to stories of farm life and war. The one thing we had to do before she goes.
8
6
162
I asked if he went to work after the mall in the morning, and he said yes; he had some oil to deliver. So he loaded some barrels in the back of the pickup and dropped them off on the other side of town.
He turns 93 this year.
6
8
159
The dog remembered Daughter! One sharp bark of shock, then happiness
5
2
162
When your friends say they’ll drop by to your party but they might be late because they got this other thing
8
33
152
I’d like to think the dog in this cell has escaped, and hopes the guards don’t notice he’s gone until morning.
7
53
160
The sound of the garbage disposal dealing with a small piece of metal is exactly the soundtrack for Twitter the last two months
4
55
158
Just swapped out my heavy sweater shelf for light shirts and shorts in the closet, so I hereby apologize in advance for the 2 feet of snow we will get in a fortnight
14
7
161
Graduation ceremony for daughter. There are 390 students, so we hope to be awake at midnight when she crosses the stage.
21
3
152
Imagine someone in 1942 offering to deliver, to your house, an unending stream of thoughts written by strangers on notecards
17
41
149
Whatever political contest played out tonight was a stately minuet compared to the battle between Birch the dog and the Enormous Raccoon. Off to the vet tomorrow, but I think he’s okay.
29
3
154
Passed a pack of 10 grade-school boys heading down to the creek; Daughter said “unattended children! what is this, the 80s?” Immediately thereafter a dog chased our car, proving it was actually the 50s.
7
13
153
Dog barking madly at delivery guy, warning him away, unaware he is delivering 15 lbs of kibble
We have all been that dog at one point
8
53
152
Dipping cinnamon-buttered lefse in alcohol-laced eggnog while Daughter makes Swedish meatballs, and the playlist is all Brazilian Xmas music. Can’t get better!
12
4
149
Update: electrician broke off a screw on the oven’s terminal block, rendering the appliance that had a five-month wait completely unusuable, cancelling Xmas dinner, then asked me to sign a form that said the work was done to my satisfaction
34
19
151
All you need to know about our modern age: people post nine second videos and feel compelled to add the phrase "wait for it"
7
73
144
A million monkeys typing forever will eventually come up with the complete works of Shakespeare, but let’s see them try to put on the fitted sheet correctly the first time.
13
30
145
I am at the point of cleaning out my father’s house where I’m finding loose teeth and bullets.
23
7
145
Wife thinks I bought way too many presents. Hah! It’s just one jigsaw puzzle with the pieces wrapped individually
8
15
146
Called 911 on a man having a violent rampage downtown; when dispatcher asked me to describe his coat I said “voluminous.” Thanks, sport, next time maybe lead with the color
17
12
146
This is the best Christmas, in many ways; no one in the family wants anything, we’re happy with what we have, and I’ll spend the $ on a charity that lets you buy 1/10th of a goat for someone on the other side of the planet. I just hope it comes preassembled
10
15
142
There is a skill to getting a fishtailing car up an inclined driveway and putting it in the garage without hitting the door frame, and I have it
15
14
143
So the hose on the propane fire pit started hissing. Is this bad or shoul
16
11
143
The wonderful joke in that shot: we’re stalled, waiting for a train to pass - one of the trains that will stop and be refueled by Dad’s company. He would have approved of the delay: that’s money in the bank rolling along there.
1
5
140
Stages of life:
1. I like this TV show
2. Oh look they’re rebooting the old show for a new generation
3. Actor in original show is doing commercials for burial insurance
5
27
140
The idea of virtue being its own reward is best recalled when you help push a car out of a drift in front of your house at 10 pm and no one offers a"thanks"
17
3
142
I actually got the off-brand Dollar Store version of Jolly Ranchers, “Even-Tempered Farmhands.” Flavors like “Surplus Apple”
9
30
140
We got a new fridge to replace the piece o’ junk Electrolux and it is so clean and bright and pristine I have decided no one should put anything in it ever. Maybe a single bottle of white wine, unopened.
20
3
141
Woke to a flood of pix from Brazil; daughter has arrived, and was met st the airport by a big banner. Hoover-Dam-breaking flood of relief
1
1
142
Number of times people slipped and fell on our icy walk today: zero
Number of times I slipped and fell while strewing grit on the ice to ensure that nobody slipped and fell: three
8
7
142
He’s still skittish about the world; a UPS truck drove by and, and NOPE NOPE HOME NOW PLEASE THANKS
19
9
130