Brianna Jacobson
@Lil_Conqueror
Followers
1,195
Following
613
Media
1,172
Statuses
4,748
I write for screens.
New York, NY
Joined November 2009
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Pinned Tweet
Behind every hot girl is a Harriet the Spy phase
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@danielleweisber
Can confirm—Conan was amazing to work for and his staff continued to support me long after I left and still do today
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@natasharothwell
Remember how we rushed the stage at the end?!?! Thank you for giving me the gift of my first time seeing
@JasonIsbell
live. You’re such an inspiration ❤️
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NOBODY:
ME:
@MrHoratioSanz
mopping up his tears of laughter with a Mickey pancake in Debbie Downer is one of my fave comedy moments of all time.
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@KayKayCannon
@HaltBot
@kathrynnewton
On behalf of the
@AMC_TV
digital team, I must share
@PFTompkins
brilliant alt theme song:
Finally got the go-ahead to post my rejected theme song for “Halt and Catch Fire.” IT’S THEIR LOSS.
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My fitness goal for 2017 is to look good putting on lotion.
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🎶They got! The podcast! Out!🎶
Once More, With Feeling is here!
17 original songs, art by
@lazmarquez
, guests
@lafergs
,
@gabydunn
,
@MackMacTlksBack
, Alba Daza &
@jowrotethis
Collabs w
@johnmarknelson
,
@bbbulldogmusic
&
@BenThornewill
Created by
@kristinnoeline
&
@jennyowenyoungs
♥️
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YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!
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¯\_(ツ)_/¯
James Bond fans can expect a relatively unknown male in his 30s to take over the 007 role.
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@imaginmatrix
Hard to explain, but in Hebrew there’s a collection of symbols called “trope” and each symbol represents how the word or syllable is supposed to be sung. A lot of Jews learn this in preparation for reading the Torah at their Bar & Bat Mitzvahs 🙂
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One of the highlights of being an NBC Page was when
@ConanOBrien
gave me cold hard cash on television. Now, thanks to
@TeamCoco
it's on the internet forever.
#Conan25
#conan
?
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Don’t open, dead inside. Congrats to all my amazing co-workers who did this!
#TeamAMC
#twd
#TWDxFearTWD
#FearTWD
#SurvivalSunday
@FearTWD
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Was supposed to be at Buffy Prom today.. Channeling all my slayer power to just keep fighting 🖤
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IDEA: Company that gives people fake writing assignments so they end up cleaning their apartments.
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@joshgondelman
The guy that pushed the elevator button when it was already pushed
#HasEndorsedDonaldTrump
.
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Alanis Morissette was singing about going down on Dave Coulier in a theatre
#LastTimeTrumpPaidTaxes
.
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Hiii if anyone quit
#equinox
today and is looking for a new gym, I’ve been working out
@CrunchGym
since 2014 and couldn’t be more in love with it❤️
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Things got sweaty with
@danauerbach
tonight... Thanks
@nprmusic
and
@HousingWorksBks
!
http://t.co/voSUTYhJMv
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Kindly preserve
#NetNeutrality
bc I just discovered this gif and would like to use it often.
@MrHoratioSanz
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This is scary to share, but if it will make things less scary for even one other person, it’s worth it.
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For my
#Paraoke
entry, I conquered my fear and played/sang in front of people for the first time. It's not perfect, but neither am I 😀✨❤️
FULL VIDEO:
@paramore
@yelyahwilliams
@zacfarro
@itstayloryall
@FueledByRamen
@AtlanticRecords
#paramore
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I'd trade a few IQ points for the ability to put a fitted sheet on a bed without having a panic attack.
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Me at a tough mudder
My dad sent me this video of his dogs and I cannot stop laughing
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My parents have been watching SNL since 1975 and tonight they got to see it for the first time in person. Feels so cool I could do this for them ☺️
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This is a list of podcasts I loved a lot in 2018:
-Why Won’t You Date Me w/
@nicolebyer
-Bitch Sesh w/
@caseyrosewilson
&
@Daniellestuff
-High & Mighty w/
@Gabrus
-Cool Playlist w/
@elizaskinner
-Origins w/
@JimMiller
-Buffering the Vampire Slayer w/
@jennyowenyoungs
&
@kristinnoeline
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The first time two cue card women were in the
#SNL
credits. So proud to share this with the amazing
@KlubKaitlyn
❤️
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When I first started at MTV, I stole this signed Daria print that was abandoned on an empty floor. It’s gone w me from being a PA w 5 roommates, to a segment producer in a studio, and now a writer who just hung it in her new one bedroom apt. Excited to see where we go from here.
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@questlove
Was legit telling myself, “enjoy every second of this because you know they can’t afford to put it online”😂
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I know most things are bad, but can we take a second to celebrate that I finally paid off my student loans?
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When work puts out free bagels, but you don't want to be the first one there.
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Watching
@jimmyfallon
and
@FallonTonight
is making me really happy right now. It’s so weird and wild. I can’t stop smiling.
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Gave my Israeli dad the cue cards from
@GalGadot
’s monologue on SNL for his birthday. Gal printed them herself, and it was the first episode ever to be simulcast in Israel. Here he is translating for my coworkers. It was really cool.
#HappyBirthdayDad
#Wonderwoman
#SNL
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Do you like my mask? Isn’t it pretty? ...A very talented and creative friend turned the Resting Buffy Face sleep mask that
@bufferingcast
gave out at Prom into my new favorite face mask and I had to share.
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For anyone who's ever asked "Why does SNL *still* use cue cards?" Aidy Bryant has a really nice answer.
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GOAL: To create a food awards show where people say, "The Nom-Nominees are..."
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We’ve seen your handwriting and know y’all need ppl to print your signs.
#wgastrike
#wgastrong
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Yesterday I saw a man shitting in the street.
Today I saw a man washing his butthole in the fountain at Columbus Circle.
There’s nothing like summer in New York.
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@rejectedjokes
👇👇👇
People don’t talk enough about how Forgetting Sarah Marshall is one of the best movies of all time.
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What’s the statute of limitations for admitting I stole this back in my Conan days and immediately hung it on my bathroom door?
#JonHammsJohnHam
#SNL
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175 and strong as hell
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Got to hear live music for the first time again, and it was from one of my all-time favorites, and it felt so so good, and I’m so so grateful❤️
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Putting my Carpool Karaoke w/ Dave Grohl a la the
@latelateshow
out there since they're doing Carpool Karaoke w/
@foofighters
this week.
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The main difference between children and adults is adults fall UP the stairs.
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Starting off my 16th season with my mom in the crowd was kinda the best ❤️
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@RamiJaffee
Screw what Dave said... This is def the only version of "Jump" I wanna hear.
#foofighters
#HireBrianna
http://t.co/gd6K8E1NS3
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Dad: Remember the “making copies guy?”
Me: Rob Schneider
Dad: The guy from Waterboy
Me: Yeah, Rob Schneider
Dad: The one who said “you can do it”
Me: Rob. Schneider.
Dad: I can’t remember who that was
Me: *curls into a ball and rolls down a hill*
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Thanks to
@rtraister
and
@TheCut
for the most honest and accurate description of what it’s like for those of us who haven’t found our person yet.
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It’s just so crazy to see my name on this show I’ve been watching my whole life...
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As an NBC page I got paid $10/hour and survived on the leftover food I found while cleaning the Conan green rooms.
Hi, one friend she's talking about. 🧵9 yrs ago I was offered a job on the 1st season of what became a very popular Disney/ABC series. A job I was so excited about & finally had a good shot to get a script/promoted on as showrunner really liked my writing & had sought me out. 1/7
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As someone who lives in a studio, I take offense to this
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-don’t be friends with someone who doesn’t ask you any questions
-glamorous jobs are cool, but jobs where you’re treated like a human are better
-always ask for more money
-it’s okay to skip the gym once in a while
-eat what makes you happy
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Tonight a man hit on me by saying I was cute “in a way” and that “I am the kind of pretty that was pretty 30 years ago but isn’t now.” Being single is wild.
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"Whenever it's about anyone whose skin is darker than your golf pants you make it worse."
-Michael Che Slaying on
#SNLPremiere
@SNLUpdate
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I'm Brianna and I like to write jokes. Some have appeared on
@nbcsnl
's Weekend Update & Late Night with
@JimmyFallon
. DM for my reel. My goal is to write for late night and I've written hundreds of hours of live tv for MTV, Fuse & more. I also have a dope pilot.
#WGAStaffingBoost
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How come when cute girls fall down in movies men immediately become infatuated with them, but when I do it I’m “blocking the entrance to the Arby’s”?
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