We saw this joke online… Why did the chicken cross the ocean? —> To get to the other tide. And then things got weird ;-)

@samuel_clements I knew I felt a shift in the force.

2&3. Stabbing & deflating some ball-pit balls (Thought taking away the first set would stop him. A minute later he *magically* found another pair) 4. Snipping his favorite nightshirt (I was in the other room making him pancakes and suddenly realized it was too quiet)

@0xdaeda1a Awesome, thank you!!

@raymondhendrix Not 'liking' but sending you a heart. That is bonkers

Pretty damn cool. (And will still be cool when it launches)

Just reached into my pajama pocket to discover the used tissue the kid insisted I take from him this morning. So, that is how my evening is going.

@Beaker

@HugOfThunder The saw is *obviously* to help you open the box and cut crusty crust. The wheel is the pizza cutter. And then you can lift all of it with the triangular spatula? I want one!

@WiFiJanitor You can just say, 'Why so blue?'

*Snicker* Feels like the Hot Wheels designers were punking parents everywhere with this steering column. You could have used ANY other plastic color.

@billyzoellers @Cisco Look, we were going through extreme frugality in 2004. Omitting that 's' saved $8K in ink per month. Eventually we just became 'Cisco' and saved over $970k in ink annually. [PS: This is totally made up. Wasn't going to have a disclaimer but we're in a quiet period I think]

Twitter putting @JoeOnisickBot in my "who to follow" is one of the smarter suggestions I've seen from Twitter. It is an intersection of (people I am fond of)(this should be amusing)

The *real* greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world’s recipe writers that the length of time it actually takes to caramelize onions doesn’t exist. Or to lie about it.

@ucs_dave I’ve tried explaining this comic to him (he is really into Calvin and Hobbes) but he loses interest pretty quickly.

@Warcop Yeah, he likes his Science Comics about space but doesn’t find my ‘cool facts’ all that cool.

@NOSaturn @cantechit @LEGO_Group @McLarenF1 @Webex THEM'S FIGHTING WORDS.