L Ron Mexico
@LRonMexico
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Pinned Tweet
Tried to capture humanity’s paralysis in the face of capitalism building hell right in front of our eyes
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this country will put kindergartners into debt for eating lunch and drill teens on how to fight off school shooters, but if a senator sees sidewalk chalk or a judge hears protestors, the full force of the state rushes to coddle and protect them
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This will go down as one of the funniest tweets of all time
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You could’ve told me this was from a scooby doo porn parody but no its just the government
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[Republican debate]
Trump: backstage, I saw Ron pick an M&M off the floor and eat it. One of the woke colors too.
*Booing*
Desantis: it’s not true (to moderator) he’s lying!
Trump: he ate it like a dog folks
*laughter*
Desantis: (voice trembling) the blue ones aren’t woke!
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this isn’t even the funniest thing to happen to Alex Jones in a courtroom. When going thru a divorce he told the judge he ate a bowl of chili so big it made him forget his kids names
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dance music in the 90’s was incredible, just a woman putting her entire soul into a beat that had every cell in your body vibrating… then here comes some jacked baldhead dude with a deep voice rapping the stupidest shit you’ve ever heard
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sometimes i think about how everybody who built my house lives in a trailer, and I’m gonna be killing myself for 30 years to pay 4x what it’s worth and it all goes to bankers who got the money for free from the federal government anyway
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Imagine how badass this sounds to Patrick Mahomes right now, the ambient echoes of Rhianna’s voice vibrating the walls of his soul just as the pharmacy they dumped into his veins takes hold
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Chinese planners: we need a train that moves 2000 people 500 miles away in less than 3 hours, and we need it to run every 30 minutes.
American planners: somebody draw me a picture of a bus stop that also punishes the homeless.
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Even after retiring this dude is finding ways to bomb weddings
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Hi, I’m the owner of The Oatmeal Shack, and I make the worst oatmeal you’ve ever tasted. And I’m closing due to crime and also wokeness
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suddenly finding Liz Warren super relatable because I too compromise my beliefs when I run out of money
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Pitbull insinuating he died of alcohol poisoning from his own vodka brand and came back as a beach dog is exactly what I needed to get through this day
Reincarnated through
@voli305vodka
with my own vodka and my own beach. Que rico! Reincarnate yourself, Dale!
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the way this man sees thru all the bullshit. he’s been trying to warn us
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The Libertarian conference is in town and the speakers are WILD
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love Obama admitting he read Virginia Woolf so bisexuals would find him feminine and bombed civilians so Sean Hannity would find him masculine, just god-tier lib brained shit
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Conservatives: shut up and dribble!
NBA: no
Obama: shut up and dribble a ball with “BLM” written on it
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this is essentially the river of slime from Ghostbusters 2
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Swifties watching week 4: who are the men in the stipe shirts? Are they the coaches?
Swifties week 13: (shouting at TV) MAN! MAN! Haha Sean McDermott is going man here, fucking idiot. We got Travis 1 on 1 against weak side linebacker and fuckboy gemini Dorian Williams! Let’s go!
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Being a fan of a billionaire must feel like walking around a casino you don’t own and hooting like a badass every time the house wins, licking the urinals, calling the trash can “sir”
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This is how wide receivers start dressing after their 4th concussion
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what if for halftime the sky goes black and this guy pops out a giant Pepsi can at midfield and starts going off
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we need a Vietnam memorial type wall with the names of everyone who paid off their student debt in full, and you could go and take pictures and cry and touch it
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This is what you call a dog song. It’s a song you change the words to sing to your dog
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Mom can you come pick me up from Target? Yeah there’s a 35 year old man in here shaped like a Paleolithic fertility goddess battle-rapping all the mannequins.
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and the Democrats wept, for there were no more promises to break
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Shaking to pretend the vaccine is killing you is just speaking in tongues for people who leave yelp reviews on fast food restaurants
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Twitter doesn’t have a main character of the day anymore. Instead, we just discover a new stupid thing all the checkmarks believe
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Ralph Nader actually is responsible for Iraq because a seatbelt saved Laura Bush’s life, and without her, W would’ve just spent his entire life in the Rangers’ luxury box doing coke
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POV: you’re high as fuck and somebody’s kid is reading you the rules of a board game you don’t want to play
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Ugh I’m bored and I know what happened here probably. They are using permanganate (either potassium or sodium) and overfed this shit. Thread, I guess
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(Post debate, Anderson Cooper in a diner in Florida)
Cooper: thoughts?
Man in battleship hat: blue is a democrat color. Desantis went woke
Man in cowboy hat: nonsense. blue M&M’s are police!
Lady in Q shirt: (hits Cooper with a salt shaker trying to prove he’s a hologram)
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The way milf now means pretty lady, twink is just gonna mean skinny little guy. There’s gonna be ads one day like, “fellas, it’s time to get into your twink era with Peleton”
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Starbucks manager: why do you want this job?
Me: I’m sick of being in the working class. I’m ready to become one of the elite
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(Obama voice) If you like your eviction lawyer, you can keep him
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Biggest L’s on twitter ranking:
3.) guy tases himself in the balls to death on J6 (this is real to me)
2.) Ben Shapiro discovers he has never made his wife horny
1.) Andrew Tate goes to prison in a bizarre Wile E Coyote prank of his own making while being humiliated by a child
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I love how the guys who declare our lives are worthless and we have no right to food, shelter, or healthcare are arguing about if they have to dress up in a suit to tell us that
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this video is like mushrooms but for resetting your brain to pre 9/11 mode
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Hi, I used to work for a real estate firm. My job was to donate poisoned bread to food banks in neighborhoods that had a high density of rent control units. But then I quit to become CEO of an app called SmokeShow, Here’s why if SVB is allowed to fail we are all in trouble 1/46)
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There’s a menu from a Chinese restaurant in the top drawer of a desk in this abandoned building at work, and when I need to reset my brain, I go in there and read all the dishes out loud in the voice of an old southern man, incredulously encountering this stuff for the first time
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BREAKING: just got off the phone with a DNC source. There was an error in the software code, and it looks like the ONLY vote that got counted in was the Boston Bomber’s
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When I see photos of people in countries with universal healthcare going to raves and soccer games, I get real sad because they might be having fun now, but their deficits are gonna be a problem one day, and I weep for their futures
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For ppl who follow me for my waterplant takes: the Super Bowl halftime “mega flush” never happened last night. In fact, it didn’t come until after the game was over.
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The answer was 2 days, and they even worked over the weekend to get these rich people their money. Entire government just customer service agents for capital. Joke country.
Just watch how fast our government bails out the capitalist class, and marvel at how rapid, agile, and creative they suddenly become. Then compare that to how they respond to working people in towns like Jackson, Flint, East Palestine, etc etc etc etc
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Lauren Boebert has the funniest career arc in history. She’s like, “I run a heavily armed diarrhea factory with my sex offender husband in a town named Rifle, but you probably know me from my previous work…carrying a gun into congress”
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This is actual medical footage of the first bong hit transplant, and Dr Oz should be ashamed to use it for political aims.
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You’d be in a trance at the skating ring having this out of body experience and then “(comically deep voice) it’s night time and my love is hot, I dance, you dance, we dance a lot”
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Interesting seeing Macron react to those goals. We never get to witness world leaders express genuine, raw excitement. Last time I saw something like that was when they let Trump play inside the fire truck
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Anytime you look at who our politicians overwhelmingly decide to protect or punish, you can see the United States for what it truly is: a gun to the head of every person on this planet, forcing them to produce and consume in an extremely narrow way that enriches the owning class
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If capitalism actually did reward technical mastery and determination, the next twitter CEO would be that teen who figured out how to tweet through her smart fridge after her parents took away her phone
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when you buy a house you sign your name like 30 different times and each form is basically so someone who never touched your house or even set foot in your town gets a cut.
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the national guard is substitute teaching. teens are driving big rigs. high schoolers are working in ambulances. these are the screams of america as she gives birth to the angel of our annihilation, as she brings forth the ฿Ø₴₴ ฿₳฿Ɏ
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getting word the senate has approved the “Essential Workers Are The Backbone Of Our Society Act” which is solely 750 billion dollars for Lockheed Martin to make more Blue Angels
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In 2003 they introduced the “carbon footprint” to give us the illusion each person could ethically consume their way out of climate change. Now in 2023 they are pitching the idea we can personal wellness our way out of its effects.
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Living the perfect day: 8 hours for margaritas, 8 hours for kickboxing, 8 hours for raising awareness about voting
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Saddest sentence in the English language
For sale: Baby Gronk, never drafted
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(After driving my truck through a sidewalk cafe) the Matrix will send its agents for me soon. I can feel it.
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from the perspective of millions of ppl, Bush gave them a $300 rebate check, Trump gave them a $1,200 stimulus check, and Obama’s fined them for being too poor to afford health insurance.
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I love how Big Jeffrey Lebowski talks exactly like an Aaron Sorkin hero character but since the movie takes place in the real world everyone just ignores and disrespects him
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Just got a text from the party that controls the house, senate, and presidency, said they need me to send them 20 bucks in order to save democracy
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Charles is a pretender and a fraud, unfit to wear the crown. As an American, I can only recognize the one true king of England
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there’s this sweet little girl sailing across the ocean to raise awareness for climate change, and conservative British guys named Nigel Beanmeat who look like dried birdshit are absolutely losing their minds
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*year 2023, President Kamala Harris takes the podium*
As a former prosecutor, we cannot just abolish Space Force. Were mistakes made? You bet. Will we miss the moon? Probably. Will its remaining fragments reign down upon us? There’s a chance. But with a few minor reforms...
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no coincidence every vote regarding wars, sanctions, bailouts, and corporate subsidies is magically bipartisan. That’s the government’s white blood cells identifying a threat and activating itself, quickly converting public money, public spaces, and human life into private $
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@RudyGiuliani
bro, sometimes I power up the Nintendo and just start jumping off cliffs, laughing as I watch the Mario Brothers die over and over, thinking about their sad Italian mother going oohooo! Me Marios!
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even Uber had cheap rides at first. You used to be able to get $30 club seats to NBA games on StubHub. ATT and Verizon gave out free iPhones forever. Hulu cost nothing and didn’t even make you log in for the first 3 years. Now these tech vampires can’t even build a real carrot
The metaverse is very funny because it’s basically everyone in corporate America being so horny for monetization they forgot to even make the thing they’re trying to monetize first and now they’re just hoping you won’t notice before you throw money at it
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This is just the It’s A Small World ride for people who think the wealthy earned their money
Footage of what it looks like when a
@Tesla
is traveling through the
@boringcompany
’s Convention Center Loop.
#vegas
#boringcompany
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Poisoning an entire town and destroying a huge tract of infrastructure was an overtly political act by a government beholden to capital over all else. And that same government would label you an eco-terrorist for throwing a rock at a bulldozer
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Friend: most Americans couldn’t find Ukraine on a map
Me: haha yeah, fuckin’ dumbasses (immediately tries to rotate a globe in my mind, all the continents look like cartoon slime, now it’s morphing into a hamburger, my eyes are closed super hard and I’m trying to eat it)
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I’m so jealous of him. Imagine being at a concert and an entire training staff just throwing every drug at you until you can’t feel your legs
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Aftet getting yelled at by enough liberals, I’ve finally come around to the idea of supporting the lesser of two evils. Therefore, I would like to announce I officially stand with Hamas.
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when the landlords see how many people can’t afford rent, I bet thier hearts will fill with compassion and they will just let everyone slide, I think to myself as I drive into the side of a mountain painted like a tunnel
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Hot take: To be patriotic is not only to be a rube but an embarrassment to the human race. My country says I have no right to healthcare, housing, food, college, etc. only the “freedom” to purchase these things in a rigged market that’s increasingly inaccessible to working people
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conservative women would rather snort lines of horse dewormer and go Tasmanian devil mode in a Target than deal with what the youth pastor is doing to their kids
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Getting reports from across the pond that Boris Johnson diarrhead his hospital bed and they just folded his fitted sheet around him like a tortilla and tossed him into a dumpster.
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the ppl in charge of our crumbling infrastructure want to privatize as much as possible, paying consultants and contractors to do as much as possible. The problem is, these outside ppl are usually just their moron friends doing junior high science fair projects to the water
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doing a bunch of cocaine out the evidence locker and making my rookie partner record me fighting an imaginary 5th grader in the parking lot and sending the video to my estranged family
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Most water systems are run by absolute monsters who know nothing about water. Picture someone as grotesque as like a state representative but without the charm, usually a “member of the business community” who has powerful friends
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next year’s super bowl commercials will be Sarah McLachlan begging you to invest just one dollar a day in crypto while they show you footage of sad nerds crying into computer screens
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The problem with Palestinians is that they simply didn’t cite their grievances well enough. The sound of them breaking their own chains scared all the good civilized people like Dan away from helping them, which they were totally just about to do
There are lots of grievances Palestinians could cite that deserve attention. Actions like those of this week close the ears of many who might be willing to listen/help. This plays into the hands of hardliners on both sides. Pity the civilians (on both sides) are victimized.
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Anyway sorry for getting off the point. The point was there should be NO WAY possible for this much of an overfeed of permanganate to get into the distribution system. And also DO NOT DRINK PURPLE WATER... unless everyone else in Guyana is too
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It’s so sad because the people with all the knowledge, ability, and experience usually don’t have any of the power. Under this system, rich idiots are appointed by other rich idiots because they look out for each other. Well, why do I do this job? I really love it.
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@JamesTCarterII
Exactly, I remember my dad lost his job and when I found out he had got a new job as a carpenter that built houses, I thought we were gonna be rich because a house is like the most expensive thing that is.
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please come quick he keeps trying to rhyme “summer crop top” with “hunter’s laptop”
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I’m no fan of Bloomberg. He used to make my mom sit on his lap while he shot me with an airsoft pistol, but if it’s between him and a bunch of poor people getting healthcare, I’ll unhappily pull the lever for Mike.
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your mentions where you’re a kid who wants to decarbonize the economy and save the world
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9/11 opened a portal to hell, and the the United States rushed in so fast that it sucked the rest of the world in too. The only way out is to open the portal again. That’s why I’m lear—
My flight instructor: hey pal I’m gonna take the controls back now ok
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