hope
@LAlNLAlN
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Pinned Tweet
kicked out of the proterozoic roleplay chat for trying to initiate non period appropriate dioecious sexual reproduction with other multicellular organisms again 🙄
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my boyfriend was licking my eyebrow and I moved away so that he would stop and he said “you’re not interested in being in love, that’s fine”
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boyfriend, nervously: “i didn’t do my jamaican accent last night did i?” held his head in his hands quietly when i informed him that he had
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guy i'm seeing said he doesn't like hamsters because "you don't see them around. like in nature. where do they come from"
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there's a drink at the gas station that can fix what's wrong inside my body
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@coldhealing
omg so true im gonna start embracing my Eastern European culture by dying in a famine 🥰
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impressing my date by subtly adopting a facial expression so pious and pure that the Canadian geese by the riverside are immediately calmed and do not attack me
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remember followers, you must whip me when my meagre offerings fail to entertain you!
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@marzipanlord
i like 'guuuuhhh?' you can do it while staring at the wall, very beginner-friendly!
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trying to take a picture of my humble breakfast for Thin Gruel chat but i keep accidentally getting my lavish golden floors inlaid with precious jewels in the background
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i sense there’s a breakfast out there so perfect it would fix all the yearning and ambition and searching in my heart permanently. but i don’t know how to reach it
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i somewhat ashamedly admitted to my friend i occasionally have violent thoughts about people who wrong me and she said “oh that’s nothing. ive started imagining hitting the singers of songs they play at my retail job with metal folding chairs and it really pleases me”
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saw a girl on the metro who was reading one of those softcore porn-y fairy fantasy books by sarah j maas with a pen in hand and it genuinely looked like this
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after a certain age blue eyes cease to be beautiful limpid pools and begin to look like they're causing great pain to their owner
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Rate this statement from 1 to 5, with 1 being “strongly disagree” and 5 being “strongly agree”.
> I treat horses with an uneasy respect, regardless of my personal feelings towards them.
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(showing my German roommate family guy highlights on youtube)
Werner: i see.. so das kind says “what the Deuce!” to indicate his weariness with his foolish family… he is vigorous yet sensitive
me: (nodding) that’s exactly right Werner. this is his expression of Weltschmerz
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who cares if a tweet does numbers? that's pedestrian stuff. the real question: did it strike a chord in the heart of my most trusted and beloved mutuals?
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breakfast is a dreamer's meal, victuals for the starry-eyed eternal optimists, so full of hope and possibility... dinner is of course a solemn and grand affair, timeless, enjoyed by the thoughtful noble. but lunch is the preferred meal only of the deranged
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talking to someone with the anxiety scale at 10 and pushing my patience and happiness scales down by 1 every time they open their mouth
embarrassing everyone in the room by accidentally sliding my pronouns slider to “ask” when I meant to slide my speaking slider to “nonspeaking”
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2 beers will fix your autism. 6 beers will ensure your autism is someone else’s problem
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@CmptntBurocrat
and if a shadowy three letter agency disappears the both of us, to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die etc etc
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cleaning out my work computer and found this mockup of a hat that i was wearing in a dream a year or two ago. still quite compelled by it
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my dad, haltingly, over breakfast: the cat videos on the internet… are they real? are they artificially generated? they seem too funny… the stuff they do… it’s really too absurd
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the cicadas are buzzing. gas pumps have all run dry. electrical poles have wilted. when i opened my slurpee it was red as blood
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sometimes it feels like saturday asks so much more from me than i ever could hope to deliver
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all the vintage dresses i collect have a specific purpose. appearing out of nowhere on the highway at night, sitting on a porch in appalachia drinking beer, being found drowned in a creek, stuff like that
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i'm retreating into my shell. NOT because i feel threatened by my natural predators. i just want to be in here
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Swedish horror films are all like: Åh, min gud, Nils - our son is not quietly appreciating the understated beauty of our minimalist interior design. He’s making eye contact with me from a doorway again
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having regular panic attacks is actually a great sign of health and vitality it means your body is keeping its defence systems in prime fighting shape and finely tuning your nervous system against threats from your enemies
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how do i serve cunt in a way that will bring my wife and children back
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you must heed the advice of the convenience store cashier, no matter how obscure
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sure, sure. have your hubristic little moment out in the first spring sun, feeling fresh kinship with all of nature and god's creatures. but know the blank and pitiless eye of the sun watches carefully, biding its time, nurturing its grievances. you'll burn this summer, white boy
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what if the weirdest guy in your village was the one who fell into a bog and got preserved for thousands of years and came to represent your entire people.. like the one who's always carrying strange artifacts on his person and eating bugs or whatever
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people who are like 5'1 and date people over 6 ft really have to tug on their partners sleeve for a kiss or to get their attention or whatever... dickensian orphan ass relationship dynamic
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i would love being worn down to a smooth nub by a merciless tide i think
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was just indulging my favourite hobby of clicking on random locations on google maps today and i found pictures of this ominous abandoned church just outside my city
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I asked my boyfriend to get me some figs to decorate a cake and he got me 1.5 pounds of figs
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Immortality, The Remnants of the Vietnam and American War, a series of chlorophyll prints by Binh Danh
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@coldhealing
i have to respect taylor swift for soft bean victimizing being extremely rich and like working with major banks + having private jets etc. few could do it
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ok you know how people you’re attracted to smell good because of pheromones or whatever have you ever smelled someone and just knew there was some sort of unsettled ancestral blood debt between you two
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just came up with a new insult: “seedfed” - as in, “bro is looking feeble and seedfed”, “seedfed mentality 🙄” etc.
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i can't fix him but i can tag and study him and present my preliminary findings on what went wrong
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i hold the world record for speed dating. you might not see me as i quickly pass you by, but if you've ever felt an inexplicable melancholy or yearning, that was me
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his ass is definitely the type to bring bugs and worms to a berry and nut feast 😂 unserious forager bro his spirit is not delightful 🤭
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ha i see the way you slam your coffee mug down on the table & sprawl all over chairs you don't have much respect for the common object..[gritting teeth, tears well in my eyes] it's very cool that you disrespect the objects that ennoble and elevate you from a beast. that's normal
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i don't presume to know what the crayfish thinks or feels. but i sense we are brothers
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[on my deathbed, my wife dabbing my brow] my love, my oats... do they hasten over the fire? will i have them soon? a big hearty bowl?
my wife, holding back tears: so many oats my darling. hot gruel like you've never seen in your whole life
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last week my father, out of nowhere, let me know that several decades ago he received a string of anonymous letters that were obviously encoded with some secret message or riddle which he was never able to solve. ???
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i fear not even the most delicious of treats could fix me at this point
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when i worked at my local book fair growing up without fail 99% of the other teen volunteers would have this exact vibe and when i was bored out of my skull working the cash or whatever i'd tell them i thought bbc sherlock was a poorly written show just to feel something
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getting White Noise-esque ads on here. clicking on this and getting sucked into a mysterious clinical trial that feeds me lozenges that dissolve all visual stimuli into formless goo
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it has been alleged that “ treats” may have certain elements of “tastiness” to them.. ¹⁵
¹⁵ Kammerwell, F.A., Osing, J. “Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz und seine Folgen” in LÄ XVI, pp. 1359-84
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i love being on the bus. outside i can watch the pain and horrors of daily life pass, mute as phantoms. but im safe from it all inside the bus
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my dad wears shirts with huge holes to the point of just being tattered rags outside the house. anyway one time we came across a neighbour who was like "haha maybe you should consider getting some new shirts 😂" my dad turned to him very seriously and said "Do you hate the Earth"
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do people in the US actually wear shoes inside their homes or is that misinformation
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everytime i’m on the bus they invent a guy with a new and more startling and unsettling scent profile to sit near me
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Interviewer: So what is it you eat in North Korea?
Yeonmi Park: Well, it depends. There are mushrooms sometimes- red & green are good, but the little brown ones with teeth are bad. Sometimes we'd need to jump over pipes with carnivorous plants in them- we called those 'Pi-ra-na'.
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if i was a farm animal i would wake up just a little before all the other animals and enjoy the pale light of morning twilight and the quiet breaths of my fellow beasts
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'hanging out' is one of the most beautiful activities in the universe, but it has to be perfectly orchestrated; all balances on the head of a pin, down to the current nasopharyngeal microbiome of your boys to the exact hour you all arrive at the skate park...
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just saw a squirrel with the skinniest little rat tail ive ever seen.. i just know his ass is not finding a suitable mate this spring 😫
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it makes me sick to my stomach when i see people making little jokes on here. that's not what the computer is for
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the conceit of an almond croissant is one of total abandonment, of complete trust. in the first few bites it will be driest, crustiest, most contemptible pastry you've ever encountered. but then some goo will change everything for you
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(enjoying a single cigarette for dinner) hmm.. for some reason i feel a great rage against life and humankind
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pointed out some horses to my boyfriend outside of the car window. “those aren’t horses, they’re too small” he says. had to explain they were just far away
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[just had my hubristic tower to reach Heaven smote] literally nothing people say around here makes any sense 😂 like girl wtf are you talking abouttt
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[weighing your heart] yeah you don’t have the soul of a poet dawg. we’re talking instagram inspirational quote writer at most
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hey you are kiind of strange and disgusting do you want to get married
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no i would not "like" to quickly jump on a call with you i would much prefer to run wild with a pack of wolves in the forest and forget my name and all affiliations but we all do what we must i suppose
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A24 has just greenlit production of my first film, “some neon bullshit set to an incongruous pounding synth score”. didn’t even ask for a plot synopsis or anything
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cool video you sent me man! unfortunately whilst trying to watch it all audiovisual stimuli dissolved formlessly into meaningless colours and shapes leaving me gasping and clawing desperately at threads of meaning. but i'm sure it was funny lol cheers!
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california residents will talk about how great it is living somewhere that is warm and sunny all the time like they've cracked the code of existence but they will never know the empty bliss of the dark and snowy doomer winter night walk...
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there's subtle romance happening over ham radio. men feeling each others' gentle dashes and fervent dots through sensitive fingertips. none of us will ever quite understand, but if you are quite still, you can feel it in the air
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there is something in the mien of the borzoi that indicates it knows it is the unfortunate result of hubristic human meddling in the canine genome. the pug is blissfully unaware, but the borzoi knows he is an abomination
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