Olakunle Ologunro
@KunleOlogunro
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Menace | MFA-ing @JHUWritingSems
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Joined April 2013
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Pinned Tweet
I have a new short story out in the latest issue of
@StoryLitMag
! 🥳
I’m excited about this story for a number of reasons: it is set in Lagos and Abeokuta, and features tumultuous parent-child relationships. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. ❤️
Find
@KunleOlogunro
's heartbreaking short story, "There Are Many Ways to Kill a Child," in Issue
#19
>>
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In a rather surprising turn of events, I just found out that my mother's dog named "Max" is actually not Maxwell.
The dog's name, according to my mother, is "Maximum Protection."
"Max" for short.
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"Why is your penis on a dead girl's phone?"
without naming it, what is a TV show that is instantly recognizable based on one quote?
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Me turning semo for my Bolt driver so he won’t vex and drop me in the middle of the road because an angry man is a hungry man.
Simply courtesy when you order a Uber/Bolt.
1. Greet the driver
2. Ask if he/she can locate you
3. Advise to follow the map
4. Notify him/her that you'd be waiting.
"Where are you" is not the first thing you should be telling your Uber driver (service provider).
Be polite.
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Bonnie from How To Get Away With Murder.
In your opinion, who’s a character that has suffered more than Jesus???
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He lives in meeee!
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Spender o. It’s God that is saving me.
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Gen Z Acronyms & Their Meanings:
•TYSM - Taymesan
•WAGMI - Watimagbo
•IDC - I Dey Crase
•FML - Fimisile
•IYKYK - Another word for Jim Iyke
•ILY - Ileya
•ILYSM - Ileya Small
•ATP - Ati paapa
•IKDR - Ikorodu Direct
•ISWIS - A sound you make when you eat hot yam
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And a God who is ready to take back souls 🙏🏾
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Don’t forget to burn it a little so it can have that smoky taste, like firewood-cooked kpekus. 🙏🏾
To prepare to be eaten out.
Use scented body wash.
Glycolic acid on your bikini line
Use lime water to clean your underarm for 10-15 mins before you bath so you won’t have to use antiperspirant or roll on.
You need everywhere smelling fresh like a baby who just had her bath
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List of foods I would never eat on a first date?
Burger.
Shawarma.
Chicken wings.
Draw soup.
I’m sorry, but these are foods I eat with my door locked. Me and the food, let us strip naked and disgrace each other privately. 🙏🏾
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Oya, give me your phone since you don't want to have sense.
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Nawa oh. I wanted to go drink water in the kitchen, but I mistakenly toasted and ate 8 slices of bread.
The architecture of this kitchen is really very problematic.
💔💔
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Came back to quote this tweet with a testimony.
Please tell me congratulations. 🥺
I applied to six schools for my master's degree.
Got rejected by 5, waitlisted by 1 and then finally rejected.
I cried so much, but we move. A Happening Babe must happen regardless 🙏🏾
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Hi, it's me Doja Cat! An elephant snatched my phone, so I'm tweeting with Kunle's phone for now.
Yes, I'll come. 🙈
Purrr. Meow. Let me be your woman, woman woman woman. 💋
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"Mistakenly impregnated", as per he kept his sperm on top of the fridge and the bottle fell and broke and the sperm poured inside her kpekus???
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Fehintola.
That way, it can be shortened to Fehinti which, in time, will become Fenty.
Okay can we all guess the name of Rihanna and ASAP Rocky’s child? I’ll close the thread when the name is shared.
My guess is Ayanfeoluwa
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As I moaned when the agbero grabbed my neck, I wondered to myself: "Am I a lost cause, or am I simply starved of physical touch?"
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Yes. You can buy the Chiamaka bundle in Ugu leaf green.
It's just N9,999.
Can I get a bouquet of real flowers for 10k? In Lagos ? Nothing too big but cute
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Judas Iscariot...
"Hi guys, welcome to my channel! Today, I'll be breaking my silence on what happened between me and Jesus Christ.
This is a 3-part vlog, so don't forget to hit the like button and subscribe so you don't miss anything."
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It's funny when people reply this way, tbh.
For someone to inform you that they are now in your area, I'd assume that you both must have reached a level in your friendship/communication that makes them think you'd be willing to meet them once they're in your area.
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Please don’t text me everyday if you have no intentions of dating me. I catch feelings quickly, don’t spoil my life.
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We Found Love In A Hopeless Place, Ijebu Ode remix
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I applied to six schools for my master's degree.
Got rejected by 5, waitlisted by 1 and then finally rejected.
I cried so much, but we move. A Happening Babe must happen regardless 🙏🏾
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As opposed to straddling the driver so they can really ride him during the ride???
dudes get an uber and immediately sit in the back seat like a woman
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I don't know if it's me, but these jokes about Maduka Okoye being "incompetent" because he's a "fine boy" are one-kind.
Someone referred to him as "ring light boy" and it's just... Idk. I could be overthinking stuff sha. Make I kip chut.
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Me disguising as South so I can be entered tomorrow 🙈
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If you open my office bag, here’s a list of things you’re likely to find:
1. Agege bread wrapped in black nylon.
2. Hairbrush.
3. Wet lips.
4. Ankara for my tailor.
5. Laptop and charger (so it won’t be like I’m my working)
6. Bottled water, to drink after eating my bread.
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Happy birthday to you, Olakunle. Keep being the happening babe that you are. I love you. ❤️
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I do be having foolish dreams sha. Tell me why I dreamt that I followed Rihanna to her family house for Christmas and her mother served us yam and stew?
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In my debut piece for Al Jazeera,
@OpeAdetayo1
& I wrote about the security challenges surrounding the NYSC scheme, the deplorable state of the camps and how the programme itself has now become a pipeline for cheap labour.
Please read and share. ❤️
When Nigeria’s National Youth Service Corps was created in 1973, it aimed to mend the wounds of the civil war and inculcate a spirit of nation-building.
But is it still worthwhile today? ⤵️
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The yassification of Bola Ahmed Tinubu.
Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu: An Open Letter to Delegates by Suleiman Babachir Lawal
#Tinubu2023
#TinubuIsComing
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IF you're protesting online , please it's time to resume work , this is past 1..
Reply me with
#SARSMUSTEND
or
#EndSWAT
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Please stop using basmati rice to cook Jollof. 🙏🏾😭
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I had so much fun making my first TikTok video 😂😂
Time to go wild on that app 😂😂
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If the ashewo shorts is not threatening to expose my private parts when I climb okada, don’t bring it near me. 🙏🏾
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I'm pleased to announce that I worked in the writer's room of the AfricaMagic TV series, "Venge."
Thank you to
@jessykarh
, head writer extraordinaire. ❤️
"Venge" airs every weekday at 8:30pm on AfricaMagic.
Please support Happening Babe by watching. 🙏🏾
Thanks! 🥳
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Happy birthday to you,
@KunleOlogunro
. Thank you for being the absolute love of my life ♥️🎉
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I have a new short story out! 🥳
It’s set in Ibadan which is a city I dearly, dearly love.
I had so much fun writing it, and I know you’ll have even more fun reading it. ❤️
Our fourth story is now up! ✨
Read ‘The Mathematics Of Hooking Up’ by Olakunle Ologunro (
@KunleOlogunro
)
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After 12 weeks of intensive classes in Screenwriting at EbonyLife Creative Academy, I am pleased to announce that I graduate today. 🎉
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Ahan, overraw best in meow meow.
@BeautifulxAngry
Shame on me for saying the truth, because of my Personal experiences? Do you know how many of Pussies I get a day?
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This is the photo that sent Naomi Campbell out of business. I posted it and she stopped getting jobs.
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God, I’ve never seen that much suffering for a TV character. It’s almost like the writers entered the writing room determined to show her pepper.
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I beat the urge to cook beans and plantain at midnight. 🙏
I ended up eating 4 slices of bread toasted with butter and sardine and a slice of pizza, but that's beside the point.
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“Jolene” by Dolly Parton is first recorded example of an ‘I come to you as a woman’ scenario.
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This tweet almost ruined my friends marriage when she posted it on her whatsapp status. Her fiance wanted to quit the relationship. No be everything we suppose use play
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For each like this tweet gets, I’ll tweet a random fact you’ve never heard before.
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"Ahan, take it easy. Why are you eating it like that?"
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His view. 😍 My view. 😍
(We are not dating each other, abeg. Na Christmas we dey do)
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Can I be honest? Pounded yam is overhyped.
Compared to other swallows, it's mid.
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Not my family member asking me if today is my birthday.
Do these people even know I'm a happening babe at all??
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Also, these films with young Nigerian protagonists are so full of lies. Everyone lives in a fancy apartment in Lekki and yet barely go to work.
How do they afford rent? Some of them even drive fancy cars.
Where una dey see am?
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After what I did in this video, I’m not sure I’ll make it in Nollywood as an actor. 😭
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If you're looking for something to read today, here's my short story "BoyGirl" about love and abuse in queer relationships.
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I got to work and realized I forgot my laptop charger at home.
But I did not forget to carry the peppersoup and plantain I’ll eat for lunch.
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Is
@Hauwa_L
now working with Google translate?
Because me I'm not understanding this one oh.
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TL asleep? Now I can tweet about this time I was put on a relationship waiting list in Lagos.
This person told me I was number three on the list, and let me not even lie, I was willing to wait.
Ah. Happening Babe in the mud.
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Please rinse that fish and throw it back inside the river.
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One egg is now N70.
N70 precious naira.
I guess it's time to start laying my own eggs.
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I've showered and worn my ashawo shorts. I will now proceed to parade the entire length and breadth of this area.
If my market does not sell, I will ring bell on my head.
"Gbanjo gbanjo! 2k per night!"
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On my way to visit Rihanna and my nephew Fehintola (aka Fenty) with hot Jollof rice and goat meat peppersoup.
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Why do some people cook white rice without salt?
I'm Yoruba, and salt in white rice matters to me.
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Agent to me: Ahan, you're Lepa. The room will fit you.
The bathroom:
I don't care if the apartment has a fancy POP, sir.
Them use POP swear for Lagos agents? 😭
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I'm here again oh. 🙃
Due to popular demand, I'm looking to talk to people who were initiated into witchcraft through food. Be it in primary school, secondary or university.
It's for my next
@zikokomag
article. Enter the DMs, please.
Kindly RT.
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Behold, my Bobrisky Dance Challenge video.
Song: Vivid Imagination by K1 De Ultimate (It's why I did the video 😂 love the song so much)
Edited by:
@oluwatosinraji_
T-shirt: Zikoko
Enjoy!
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@uxtobiaf
THE MORNING ASSEMBLY IS THE WORST PART OF IT!
You're in Dreamland and the next thing you hear, "Good morning Jesus, good morning Lord!"
Now y'all hold up. I'm still in this world of sin, where the hell are we greeting baby Jesus??
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I got published in Al Jazeera 🤩
The article is my pinned tweet.
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quote this with a picture of yourself that lives rent free in your head 😍 (don’t air 🥺🧏🏼♀️)
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Whom sayest it is not plenty? Behold, it doth exist plentifully, and unto abundance. (King James Version)
🙈
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@KejiAdewumi
Toh. There's also a thing of assuming because he's fine, he's "pretty" and therefore "soft/effeminate" and cannot handle things as "manly" as football.
I could be projecting, but too many things bubble beneath the surface of such seemingly harmless banter.
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Random, but I'm grateful to everyone who retweets my call for stories when I put them out, and to everyone who trusts me enough to share their stories with me.
I am grateful. Thank you for believing in me, and for engaging with my work.
♥️
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I need to change my TikTok algorithm abeg.
Because, really, what is this? 😭
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Rita Dominic's rent was due and her landlord had already cut her light, packed her load outside and was about to put a padlock on her door when she took this role.
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