Kevin Allman
@KevinAllman
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Former editor, @The_Gambit . Novelist ( @EdgarAwards nominee), journalist ( @latimes , @washingtonpost , others). Agent: @helenheller .
Joined January 2012
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The Superdome has elected a new Pope
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Quick Glass Onion review: we need an annual Benoit Blanc movie; Janelle Monáe is a major movie star; Daniel Craig has found his signature role; put Kathryn Hahn in everything
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Twenty some years ago I dropped off a microwave and some TV dinners to a good friend living in a meth house in the throes of addiction and mental collapse. Went home and sobbed because I knew I’d never see him alive again.
Just met him for coffee and saw his 16-year chip. ❤️
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And now New Orleans will have to mourn Ellis Marsalis without a jazz funeral, a second line or a repass — which would have been unimaginable a month ago.
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Why am I banging on about this? Because if any brass band drew a packed, unmasked crowd this large on Decatur St, it would be shut down immediately.
Our musicians are going broke, and this guy just waltzes into town. City owes us all answers.
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Predicted this one. After Katrina, remember the stories about emergency aid being spent on strippers and (a hot item in 2005) "hi-def flat-screen TVs"?
It's a way to stoke resentment & sort people into the "deserving" and "undeserving," and lets government response off the hook.
Stimulus checks are being spent on dildos, tigers, guns and stripper poles
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Welp, Trump finally got the crowd he wanted on Inauguration Day
Holy shit the crowd outside the White House right now!!
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This is David Lynch level horror. Makes the King Cake Baby seem as harmless as the Snuggle bear.
Happy Easter
@BrennansNOLA
: Watch Peter Cottontail saber and pop his way down the Champagne trail... 🐰🍾🥂
#brennansnola
#bubblesatbrennans
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Listen, cats and kittens: the giant tribute to Kobe Bryant was on freaking Lundi Gras and I don't see L.A. Mayor Eric Garcetti being upbraided for it every time he steps on TV.
New Orleans Mayor LaToya Cantrell defends not cancelling Mardi Gras celebrations in February because of coronavirus concerns, saying she “proceeded as others did” on a state and national level and “there were no red flags” at the time.
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@domtollivernews
@Loyola_Maroon
@wdsu
@CWatkinsWDSU
@WWLTV
@WGNOtv
@MargaretOrr
The Cajun Navy is in Laplace!.
#Laplace
Contact Cajun Navy
504-517-6289
985-850-4638
They have started making rescues. Leave this information on the voicemail if no one answers.
Name
Address
Contact number
What's needed
How many individuals
How many pets
Any special needs
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The Daily Mail explains Mardi Gras, which is celebrated with the traditional 2.5 hour parade down Bourbon Street.
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Someone on Facebook said “Proud Boy” sounds like a sticker you give a toddler when he uses the potty, and I can’t stop laughing.
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Not doomcasting, but spitting facts: talented people will leave the state, conventions will avoid, and — most important — the poor and marginalized will be more of both. A disaster for the state.
Horrible night in Louisiana for women with the election of Jeff Landry as governor. No chance this state will reverse course on bodily autonomy. Dark days ahead.
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These restaurants that give away food and drink deserve so much support when things get back to whatever we pretend is normal any more
“Just take whatever you want,” says Micheal Gulotta as he gives away the inventory at
@MOPHONOLA
the day after
#ida
in
#nola
.
With power out for the foreseeable future, he wanted people to use the food while they could. Even had takeout containers and bags so people could load up
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Wonder how many people who say “why didn’t they just evacuate” when a hurricane threatens are now telling Southwest “but I can’t afford three days in a hotel”
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Um ... not a single lie was told. Old-time Brooklyn, but not in a hurry
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As the year ends, I am grateful to Marco for sharing his extraordinary, beautiful photos every day
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For a BB gun. In the distance. During a virtual learning session. This is appalling.
BREAKING: Jefferson Parish School Board leaves weapons violation on 9yr old Ka’Mauri Harrison’s record. Pres. Mark Morgan said school and disciplinary officers followed process & procedures “but barely.”
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Huge loss of a distinguished professor and historian.
For out of town friends : the Louisiana governor-elect tried to get Bob fired two years ago because he didn’t like a critical tweet. That’s who was just elected.
I have this morning informed my dean that I will step down from my position at LSU at the end of the school year.
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Not Europe. New Orleans.
When is some local outlet going to do a story on
@marcorasi1960
?
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The violent overreaction one night by the Minneapolis PD, followed by another night with very little reaction, is reminiscent of LAPD Chief Daryl Gates pulling his men back during the Rodney King riots because he was piqued at criticism.
Not saying this is the same, but familiar
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I miss having presidents of the United States, not the Blue or Red States.
Trump: The blue states had tremendous death rates. If you take the blue states out we’re at a level that I don’t think anybody in the world would be at... by the way we recommend they open up their states
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Don’t cough for me, Argentina
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My mother, viewing her first
#RexComus
:
"It's New Orleans, how can there be no Black people in that room?"
I explain. When I get to "Comus stopped parading rather than desegregate," her mouth dropped open.
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New Orleans news push alerts are more interesting than your city’s push alerts
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Since they won’t toot their own horn, let it be known that
@Latitude29_NOLA
just gave away the contents of their fridges and freezers. Support them when things get back to what we laughably term as “normal.”
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The lady selling me homemade jambalaya for a fiver or an enterprising kid with a cooler providing Ice! Cold! Water! at a parade have stolen nothing from me. Nothing.
“Illegal street vendors are stealing from the citizens of New Orleans!”
New Orleans City Councilmember
@freddiekingiii
talks about his collaboration with the State's ATC to crackdown on illegal street vendors.
👂🏼LISTEN! ⤵️ (12 min)
@WWLAMFM
@Audacy
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Has anyone noted the
#YardiGras
house floats — which cost the city nothing — has likely done more for
#nola
future tourism than the financially bloated tourism apparatus has done? I’ve read dozens of delighted, delightful stories with wonderful pictures.
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This
@nytimes
piece on what Louisiana abortion laws might mean for Brooklyn transplant millennials is so gross, tone-deaf, blinkered and infuriating that I had to write about it. So I did.
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Anyway, I just cut my hair in the backyard using clippers (and no mirror!) and got a better result than the jackleg cut Ted Cruz got at that Texas salon
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Welp, I can guarantee that Krewe du Vieux will have at least one float titled IDA BLOWS NEW ORLEANS.
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True talk: The screw-the-South let-em-secede wing of the Dems once again have evidence that those they write off - notably black Democrats - save their bacon again.
Time to recognize the South as a red belt with big blue urban areas ... like much of the rest of the U.S.
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I wrote about those hateful comments directed at Jesse Hernandez, the first male Saintsation — he's more of an athlete than the Facebook keyboard jockeys who are calling him names:
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Dr. Bob, Dirty Coast and Fleurty Girl frantically trying to be the first to manufacture “BE VAXXED OR LEAVE” merch
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Fat Tuesday was Feb. 25.
Disneyland — Disneyfreakinland! — stayed open until March 14.
Cantrell shut down
#nola
St. Patrick's Day celebrations March 10, FOUR DAYS BEFORE DISNEYLAND CLOSED.
The only "controversy" is in your Beltway head.
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World: Louisiana! Great food, music, art, architecture, Mardi Gras, joie de vivre, laissez le bon temps rouler …
Louisiana: May we introduce you to Gov.-elect Jeff Landry and House Speaker Mike Johnson?
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Chef's kiss brilliant and hilarious report of Macron's visit to the French Quarter by
@kaylee_poche
. This is how it's done.
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My first for
@The_Gambit
in a while.
"That Decatur Street concert was a middle finger to New Orleanians who have followed the rules" and
@mayorcantrell
,
@NOPDNews
and
@NOLACityCouncil
owe residents answers:
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New Orleans' contributions to the world are many and great, including food, cocktails, jazz, architecture, hospitality, general je ne sais quoi and the Saints firing Mike Ditka
Mike Ditka Against Anthem Kneeling In New Football League, Leave the Country!
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Sorry their deaths cut into Tribune's profits
Tribune offering buyouts to further shrink its newsrooms. Blames losses on newsprint expenses and “costs following the June 28 fatal shooting of five members of the company’s The Capital newsroom in Annapolis.”
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I've been to small Mardi Gras parades that have had more security than I saw today at the US Capitol.
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Downtown New Orleans. On the freeway.
Whole crowd have fists up now, Several hundred people. Quiet, letting one person speak at a time. Police are in riot gear but standing back.
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Ron Howard voice:
“They had not, in fact, learned how to ‘live with water.’”
climate change. We have truly learned how to ‘live with water,’ and as a result, New Orleans has become a national leader in building smart green infrastructure.
The nation & world are watching New Orleans as we become a model for how to build back as a more resilient city💛⚜️
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Here's a few grafs for your consideration. You'll have to pony up for the rest (and not with "doubloons," the traditional currency of New Orleans)
Serious pitch: who wants an essay titled "Dear World, We're Sorry We Gave You Coronavirus — Love, New Orleans"? Hmu.
@Slate
@Salon
@voxdotcom
@BuzzFeed
@UPROXX
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I’ll repeat for national journalists and observers of the Supreme Court hearings:
@SenJohnKennedy
isn’t a Foghorn Leghorn yokel — he’s an incredibly smart lawyer who was a Democrat until 2007. The voice and folksy-isms are designed to fool you.
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"The French Quarter of Debauchery in New Orleans" with bonus unwanted twerking
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Can't have young people playing free music on the streets of their own damn city for people leaving ... a music festival where out-of-town musicians make thousands. Smh.
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So we now have the answer to the question: What would it have been like if
#NOLATwitter
was around after Katrina and the federal levee failures?
The answer: 99% spectacular, helpful, empathetic, informative, funny, supportive.
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Reminder that this man is a graduate of Vanderbilt University, the University of Virginia School of Law, and the University of Oxford, and his Mr. Haney Goes to Washington persona is a performance.
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America! Meet your new favorite politician! He’s like Ron DeSantis, but dumber, meaner, and more nakedly ambitious. You’ll be hearing a LOT from his big bazoo
.
@JeffLandry
wins the Louisiana governor's race outright, avoiding a runoff election with Democrat Shawn Wilson.
#lalege
#lagov
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Congrats, Louisiana: the new steward of your tax cashish is a man who thought an Onion article about an $8 billion “abortionplex” was the real thing.
Former Congressman and Trump administration member John Fleming takes Louisiana treasurer race,
@JSODonoghue
reports
#Election2023
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No more sad cat posts. I can’t say thank you individually to everyone who has sent support. The vet came this morning and Robert died on my bed. Your messages have made all the difference. I’ll be back to posting nonsense shortly.
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A literal dumpster fire in the French Quarter, for all your dumpster-fire meme needs.
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When Michelle Bachmann said that “dozens” of Nobel-winning scientists supported creationism, I asked her for two names and was accused of a “gotcha” question. “Gotcha” just means a liar was called out on a lie.
.
@SenJohnKennedy
“These gotcha books don’t really interest me that much.”
@PamelaBrownCNN
: “He’s on the record.”
Kennedy: “These gotcha books don’t really interest me that much.”
Brown: “He did 18 interviews.”
Kennedy: “These gotcha books don’t really interest me that much.”
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Doomscrolling
#ida
Twitter does nothing and is actually counterproductive for mental health.
(continues doomscrolling)
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Highest sales tax in the nation.
Car insurance more expensive than a car payment.
Some of the worst educational and health outcomes in the US.
#LaLege
priorities.
Louisiana legislators are convening a historic meeting this week motivated primarily by the governor’s veto of a bill that forbids transgender youth from participating in organized women’s sports.
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The first woman who spoke to me called me “my love,” the lights on Canal St are broken and flashing yellow, and I am imbibing a Navy Grog at
@Latitude29_NOLA
.
I. AM. HOME.
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Wanna be the first jamoke to rent a party bus that plays classic jazz at a pleasant level, with a white-coated bartender serving Old Fashioneds in crystal tumblers while we have civilized conversations about art, literature, politics and sport. 🥃
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Your kind messages and words are the only thing that has got me through the last 72 hours. It’s time; the mobile vet is coming tomorrow and Robert is sedated and comfortable in his favorite place. Thank you all.
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Call me a naïf, but I thought the first lady hilariously spewing “Fuck Christmas!” on tape like a John Waters character would have had a longer media shelf life
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So true. Someone left this big pile of crap on the corner of Rampart and Canal nearly four months ago. Tired of "our own people" trashing our city.
The time is now, we must change our culture of littering. It’s our own people trashing our city, our neighborhoods. That’s why we need everyone to do their part!
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I wrote this week's
@The_Gambit
commentary on the city's ongoing response to the
#hardrockcollapse
#KailasCollapse
.
(Let's call it what it is — not "remains," but a man's corpse hanging over a major city intersection.)
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The fact that the public can serve somewhat as a de facto public editor is actually the opposite of 1984's Ministry of Truth.
The day a twitter mob can change a headline on the New York Times this paper is truly finished and replaced by a new kind of 1984 Ministry of Truth. The news is now what people say it is.
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"The monster I built in my basement is after me."
There are people who have violently entered the U.S. Capitol and are attempting to disrupt today’s proceedings. This is supposed to be a peaceful transition of power. What they’re doing is absolutely wrong. It is un-American. This is about our country; it’s not about hooligans.
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I will never stop thinking the proportions of the houses, the widths of the streets (made for humans before cars), the emphasis on front porches rather than backyards all are just *correct* in some fashion.
Panorama at dusk with Garden District, Irish Channel and Lower Garden District, New Orleans
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State’s on fire, chemical plants exploding, no one can afford insurance, but sure
“God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve,” Mike Francis, candidate for
@Louisiana_sos
said, arguing that same-sex marriage is the next pro-life issue the party should take on.
#lagov
#lalege
by
@ByPiperHutch
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Jeff Goldblum Respect Level 💯 💯 💯
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Just ran into Penn. Lt. Gov. John Fetterman and his wife downtown. They’re in for the Louisiana seafood cook off.
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If we wanted to keep our residents safe, we’d allow go-cups and crack down on bars with COVID street parties outside. It ain’t locals flocking to Bourbon Street to listen to Kid Rock and drink Huge Ass Beers.
Go cups are a sacred institution in New Orleans, so you know this is serious. Let's all do our part to keep our residents safe. Find more information on COVID-19 restrictions at .
#NewOrleans
#NOLA
#covidnola
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Update: The camel that was bitten in the balls by
#FloridaWoman
should be OK, because she had no teeth.
Unfortunate wording: "they got the camel off"
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If the city of New Orleans put its parking enforcement officers in charge of coronavirus testing, everyone would have been swabbed by now.
PSA to New Orleans people: For whatever reason, the city is still out there enforcing very minor parking infractions. Neighbor just broke down when we told her the city towed her (over our protests) b/c she was parked too close to stopsign.
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Thank you to all the people at The Times-Picayune/
@NOLANews
, who did great work under intense stress for the last few years. I wish everyone from every department all the best.
You done good, in every sense of that phrase.
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New Orleans sets the trends, Brooklyn follows.
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more facts:
- a crucial witness with knowledge of the construction was quickly deported to Honduras
- that's the biggest legal consequence to date for anyone involved
No one should have to go through what the families of the
#hardrockcollapse
victims are experiencing, & we continue to pray with them. Out of respect to the victims & their families: we urge all not to share photos & misinformation. We compiled facts to many of your questions.
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I wrote about why I recommend voting NO on New Orleans' Prop 2. Online now, in the paper tomorrow.
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They shouldn't be coming, and they won't respect the rules.
Why is the city delivering this message?
Mayor says visitors welcome for Mardi Gras, but they need to respect the rules
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RIP Christy. The power of
#nolatwitter
means that many people will grieve knowing the sweet person who posted here, and I hope will give comfort to Thomas and her family and friends.
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I appreciate cool names, and it's been a minute since I heard one as cool as Zaila Avant-garde
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Brilliant idea: Move Endymion to Metairie this weekend and let Muses, Chaos and Babylon parade on the Canal Street route Saturday.
You’re welcome.
#MardiGras2020
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Local headline decisions:
@The_Gambit
: "shithole"
@theadvocateno
: "shithole"
@NOLAnews
: "s---hole"
@WWLTV
: "s---hole"
@WDSU
: "[expletive]"
@FOX8NOLA
: "Trump comment"
@WGNOtv
: doesn't seem to know story happened
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Looking at you, Cedric the Entertainer.
Hi,
@chancetherapper
. If you are very obviously a rapper why did you put it in your stage name? I cannot stop thinking about this.
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This is like being proud that Jeffrey Dahmer is joining the National Restaurant Association
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Made it to the airport with two cats and my cousin Justin.
See you later, New Orleans. Thanks.
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