JustElliot
@JustElliot2
Followers
2,815
Following
1,701
Media
9,617
Statuses
79,496
At least three of Taylor Swift’s songs are about me. Joke fact checker.
Joined October 2020
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Pinned Tweet
Women over 35 on Twitter would like you to know they really love sex and are really good at it
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I love the new trick Twitter does when you first come on and see a tweet you like, then it immediately jumps and that tweet is never to be seen again.
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People that say “don’t speak ill of the dead” can fuck right off. If someone was a complete piece of shit in life death does not absolve them.
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@dorothyofisrael
@stillgray
You’re deflecting. You were asked a direct question and deflected to him calling out Nazis which is irrelevant. You simply couldn’t answer the question because it negates your point.
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As a Gen X-er I cringe when I see other Gen X people say how tough they were because they did shit like drink water out of a garden hose.
3 generations before you people were quitting school at like age 8 to work in coal mines. But you rode a bike, cool. Sit down and shut up.
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@3YearLetterman
@TheNoahGoldberg
Coach I admire their enthusiasm but I’m saddened by the fact this fight took place in a stadium filled with men who have apparently never thrown a punch before. This is probably why these two teams have a combined ZERO SEC titles.
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@MattAgorist
Comparing a building fire to one where the buildings took a direct impact from a large plane that knocked the fire insulation off of the steel beams and caused them to weaken and bend is entirely disingenuous. Also this building is nowhere near the same design.
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Everyone needs to have all the money in their wallet facing the same way…right?
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@DWWilber1
If you break thicker glass you have to put something through it and then pull it out. I’m willing to bet you didn’t work too many burglaries at multimillion dollar mansions in St. Louis.
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You assholes are just dying to start your pumpkin spice bullshit again aren’t you?
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We walk amongst people who truly believe a phone alert is going to trigger a zombie apocalypse. Really think about that…
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If I learned one thing tonight it’s that middle aged white people really love Ludacris
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Antique stores are kind of like small, free museums where you can buy the exhibits if you want to.
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That e-girl isn’t going to fuck you in the lingerie you bought her off of her Amazon wishlist bro
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@lori_socal
Fast forward to the part where the raccoon goes crazy, gives the dog rabies, and they team up to go full Cujo on the entire family.
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I like overly sexual accounts that have selfies in messy living rooms with captions like “rearrange my guts”…how about you rearrange your fucking laundry into a drawer or something instead of your furniture and floor first.
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@Greigoir78
@feminemi1y
First of all no one should have to “explain the illness”. That’s none of your employers business. “I’m sick” is the end of it. Secondly if an employer is ok with a text WHY DO YOU CARE? Who made you the arbiter of what is appropriate? It’s 2022, catch up.
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One thing Twitter has taught me is that no one has more confidence in how intelligent they are than stupid people.
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Have you ever thought maybe it’s not this app that sucks, maybe it’s you and you’re just a dark cloud wherever you go?
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🎶 TWO TRAILER PARK GIRLS GO ROUND THE OUTSIDE, ROUND THE OUTSIDE, ROUND THE OUTSIDE🎶
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Never trust a guy over 30 who wears a baseball cap backwards. You’re welcome.
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What if that Chinese balloon is just a big piñata full of gifts and we’re supposed to break it open??
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Newsflash: Both of your political parties are complete trash
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Bill Clinton was elected president 32 years ago…he is younger than either of the men who will win the presidency in 2024. Let that sink in.
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@hannah_3_00am
@ClownWorld_
Here’s what we do know, he behaved like an animal and should be punished severely. Stop making excuses for this kind of behavior.
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Scrolling the TL I have come to one conclusion…none of you are okay
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I think I’m going to take up heavy drinking and maybe gambling
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When Dre started playing the piano I really thought that was when Tupac was coming back
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You really don’t have to tell people to respond to a tweet with “wrong answers only”. That will just happen naturally on this app.
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I’ve never been in a Costco or a Waffle House, ever. I take pride in this.
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Do you look your age…without 17 layers of filter and photoshop?
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Hey how about we all try something different today…like a degree of mental stability?
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@XLll_0U812
@sentdefender
That’s not what happened here. This showed what a paper tiger Putin is. He looks weak now. He had to BUY OFF mercenaries to stay in power.
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Just think, if British people could fight we’d all have work tomorrow.
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Men of Twitter, why…WHY do you CONTINUE to buy things for women on the internet who are banging other dudes…WHY????
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On Christmas morning my kids are going to ask for a gift and I’m just going to say “wait for it” and then smile when the heat kicks on and say “there you go”.
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You look like the kind of guy who tries to pay for a hooker with Kohl’s Cash
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Tomorrow is Jesus’ birthday, let’s try to keep the whoredom down to a minimum
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I come here to watch people use words incorrectly because they think those words make them sound smart but they don’t really know what they mean. But they’re convinced they do and that’s what matters.
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Spaghetti sauce is in no way, shape or form, a “gravy”. People in Italy don’t call it “gravy”. This needs to end.
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Not to brag but I slept two nights in a row without getting up to pee once…I’m definitely bragging!
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I think Jeannie was smart in blocking all of your dumb asses
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Some people get upset when the lose followers because of a tweet or expressing a particular point of view. I call it culling the weak.
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The population of the United States is about 335,000,000 and you people are going to narrow your choice of leader down to two fossils we all know don’t always make it to the bathroom on time.
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There’s really no point to “getting healthy” and trying to live to be 100 if your sense of humor died at 40.
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I’m skeptical as to whether some of you are the sex gods/goddesses you claim to be
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“Deez nuts” and “your mom” are legitimate responses to almost any negative comment.
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I am 6’3 230lbs and do heavy labor and if you think for a second I won’t sing Total Eclipse of the Heart at the top of my lungs with all the emotion of a freshly scorned woman while driving you are SORELY mistaken!
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Please send your thoughts and prayers to those suffering from an exaggerated sense of their own self importance on social media.
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I just popped in here to see how mad people are about stuff other people are doing that has nothing to do with them.
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I have an idea for today. Let’s all pretend we’re normal!
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I can tell you firsthand number 8 is a lie:
“Yo, yew wanna drink some warder”
Yeah, real panty dropper Philadelphia
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I’m just here to watch you people argue over the dumbest shit and get offended by everything.
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Regular people being verified is the equivalent of a little kid wearing a toy sheriff’s star and thinking they’re a cop
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I think we can all agree that without question that pears are the worst of all the more well known, traditional fruits. A pear is like an apple that went horribly wrong.
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No one gives a shit and everyone wishes you’d shut the fuck up. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.
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I just hit a personal milestone by eating my 1,000th consecutive meal without taking a picture of it.
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No one wants to admit it but Field of Dreams fucking sucked
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People who text you and then immediately call you after you answer their text are the worst people on earth. It’s like they trapped you into talking to them. Fucking psychos.
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Remember, just because you’re miserable that doesn’t mean everyone else has to be.
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Most of the people on here who I think make the best tweets have one thing in common..they never refer to themselves as “content creators”. They don’t follow a formula. They’re just people that fire out stupid, funny, or relatable shit.
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Most men on Twitter look like they smell like ham and onions
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No
Caption this.
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You know if someone is on this app and you don’t like their tweets it IS possible to just scroll past them..right?
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Does everyone have a coworker that is so annoying you look forward to their vacations as much as your own or just me?
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You keep saying people don’t like you for no reason. But, you see, I’ve been thinking it over and I believe they don’t like you because you’re an asshole.
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When you have an issue and 2 or more people tell you “you got this” there’s about a 90% chance you are completely fucked.
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